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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help (40806 Views)
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Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Nobody: 2:27pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
guy just pretend say money no dey as e dey b4...whenever shes about to leave give her quarter of the tinz u use2give her be it money or whatever...she go run. |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by duduyemi2003: 2:28pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
How close is your house to your MIL's? I guess you are within the same vicinity. Do you live in your own house or a rented apartment? if its a rented apartment i will suggest you relocate maybe to a far away place. Though this might not be convenient for you considering some other factors including your place of work (probably your house is close to your office now) and maybe this may solve your problem to an extent. If she lives far away and she still visits often, that is getting out of hand then and from my side case closed. Please never tell it to her face (your MIL) and never get anyone to talk to her except her daughter. The best you could do is for her daughter to take turn of visiting her every other day or every other weekend. |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Lexusgs430: 2:29pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
dynamite11: Relocate very very very very very very very very, FAR AWAY!!!! 1 Like |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by SundayP: 2:29pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
My dear brother, pray seriously about this and then call a meeting between the three of you and discuss it. Let the two of them know your mind that you are not enjoying your home and all you are going through. Discuss it in love but with a firm resolution on when she can visit and maintain your stand. This is your home and this is your life. If they refuse to accept your terms. Leave the house for them anytime she is around and careless about your wife, pretend to neglect her and she will see the handwriting on the wall. She must be pulled to your side in one way or the other for you to enjoy your home and your wife. Reduce your closeness with your wife and let them see that you are not always comfortable when she around. It is well, no condition is permanent. It will be over soon. 1 Like |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Kgdavid(m): 2:29pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
big bros, the solution is simple but i'm worried you might not be able to implement it. STOP NEGOTIATING WITH YOUR WIFE. Lay down the law and stop being so "nice". Next time mama visits, take her out with your wife and make sure they have a nice time, then tell them in no uncertain terms that you will not tolerate the intrusion any longer because you did not leave your Fathers house to come and be under someone else's parents. You are a man. You are the commander of your home. Act like it. 8 Likes |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by yinkhar(f): 2:29pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
The woman must leave u alone jor, make she go sit for her house and stop d fake missing 1 Like |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Nobody: 2:30pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
jackie35: Says who? Change ko, buhari ni. 1 Like |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Okundaye4(m): 2:31pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
dynamite11: Invite your mother too. Believe me, your mums presence will make her uncomfortable. 2 Likes |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by lanrejoe10: 2:33pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
Pray and hope she 'kicks -the-bucket' soon |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by jaymichael(m): 2:34pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
dynamite11:Mr Dynamite11 what is wrong with you, them JAZZ you? You better speak your mind now before you wake up one day, find out say you just dey pack your personal effects abandon your house and family to board a train bound for nowhere. 3 Likes |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Adesolomon2014(m): 2:34pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
soberdrunk: Mehn, cant stop laughin for the 3rd option....bros u ar jus xo xo badass.lol |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Emo101(m): 2:37pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
Bros Am Also Married And My Mother Inlaw Is D Opposite Of Urs...See U Just Have To Face Her And Tell Her Politely That U Need Ur Privacy...At Least She Can Be Visiting Once In Two Month...Or Instead Let Ur Wife Go And Visit Her Instead...U Are The Head Not The Tail Bros..Fight For Ur Right And Home 1 Like |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Nobody: 2:37pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
dynamite11:Try to change, be hostile if u can't change normally, first of all do u take alcohol? if yes drink three bottles of gulder, try to be high before throwing them out of or house, I know introverts are shy naturally, so I understand were u are coming from, people don't appreciate quiet people 2 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by emsco(m): 2:37pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
I pray i don't encounter this when i get married.i love my privacy and i would love to have some private moment with my future wife where we can delibrate on whole lot of stuff affecting our day to day life.. 1 Like |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Lightening: 2:38pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
dynamite11: Then man up and tell her. If she dares come uninvited again, do something very embarrassing including locking her out. The truth is that your MIL sees herself as the head of your home and the ealier you wrestle your family from her grip the better. As for your wife, do not bother about her. If you draw the battle line, she will choose you over her mum. She might not be comfortable with her mum's behaviour but having gotten used to her domineering lifestyle might be afraid to call her to order but silently wishing you will. Please define the boundaries of your home and defend it. 5 Likes |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by 9jatatafo(m): 2:40pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
OP I feel your pains. I would suggest that you arrange a business trade for your MIL and get her busy and I am sure she won't have the time visiting you always. Make sure it is the kind of trade she loves. Discuss with your wife first about it. |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Nobody: 2:40pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
Is your wife feeding u or paying all the bills Otherwise be a man. Put your foot down . Don't allow the woman on when she comes calling again. The worst case is that your wife will leave you 2 Likes |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by suduji: 2:40pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
dynamite11:i am surprised that a man will be complaining about his motherland...for a start you did not marry both and therefore she has no right over you.look the earlier you take control over your household the better for you. it is a shame that a woman you fully paid for is giving you nightmare...my friend do the needful by sending both your wife and motherinlaw packing...there are so many girls out there.in davido's voice no be by force to go dubai. |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by LaRoyalHighness(f): 2:40pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
Ehnnnn! No one is asking this op to pray and fast for 40 days ... #surprised @comment. 7 Likes |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by zigalo(m): 2:41pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
When it happened to me, after series of sit downs with my wife and no progress, I simply moved over to a friend's place.. I didn't even inform my wife. Immediately I closed from work on a Friday, I went to my friend's house (Bachelor). They were all looking for me, I didn't even pick their calls, until my mom called me and I explained to her. I think she told my wife and she came to my office to look for me on Monday. Without any form of quarrel I calmly told my wife that I have decided to move on since I cannot marry her and her mother and its obvious she cannot talk to her mom. Because sincerely I didn't have any reason to talk to the mother to avoid any issue of disrespect. I told her I was trying to put some money together to get an apartment of my own and start all over again. After long quarrel through the week she called me that my MIL in not coming over this weekend that I should please come back home. I waited till Monday after work and I went back home and I don't know what she eventually told her mom and I didn't ask till today except when we had our second child. my MIL no dey come anyhow. It was a drastic trick I used if it had backfired. It created a strain in our relationship but I think I am better for it. 30 Likes 10 Shares |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by IAIT: 2:42pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
Amazing answer and or solution. Invite your mum over and see the end to your worries. God bless my fellow nairalanders! |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by afroxyz: 2:43pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
I guess you are staying in close proximity to your MIL that's why she visits like a pregnant woman going for antenatal. I suggest you move to somewhere faraway from your present location. It may hurt you, but it would save your marriage. When grandkids start coming, e go worse 1 Like |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by comos: 2:43pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
dynamite11: why not go on vacation with another Lady, where you will really have fun. I am very sure by the time you return, you will be the begging your mother-ln-Law to stay such that you will have more time for that sweet vacation-Lady. |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by enigma2007(m): 2:43pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
dynamite11 I feel you bro! I am also an introvert and it can be a pain fighting for your privacy (my MIL comes in everyday to help with the kids because her house is not far from mine). People had really given you some advice and i will just add my lil cents. 1. Created a cocoon for yourself in your bedroom with another TV (subscribe for dual view). Infact, my PS4 is connected to the bedroom TV. Get your wife into your cocoon more often to discuss and bond while MIL can watch her TV and play with her grandson. Even my mother can't breach that space without me putting her in her space firmly. 2. Be firm with decision making within the house and do not be passive or abdicate such role. Consult with your wife where necessary but know that the final decision comes from you (No buck passing). Like the Dubai trip that you are planning, tell her that the trip is for your immediate family, don't be emotional about it and if she insists on coming then you will need to learn to travel alone or with your son so that mother and child can have all the time to themselves..(i love traveling alone though ) 3. Be rude at times... Been gentle or an introvert should not be mistaken as weakness (Shouldn't be giving this advice). I am known to ask people to their face not to come to my house uninvited or tell them that i am not expecting them and close my gate (right from my secondary sch days). Nobody crashes in anyhow despite the fact that my wife's family and mine are like 5 mins away. 4. Learn to speak your mind and not bottle it up so that you will be able to talk without saying things that you will regret. 1 Like |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Emioga: 2:44pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
Prettiepearlz:God bless you 1 Like |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by enigma2007(m): 2:45pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
afroxyz: I stay like 5 mins away from mine but i don't have time or the patience for people to butt into my affair! |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by afroxyz: 2:46pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
9jatatafo:Meaning what? Is that a bribe or what? Hour should open a business for her so that she would not visit him? You sef reason am na |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by advanceDNA: 2:46pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
Guy man....its clear you are a loaded fellow...no yeye mother will like to come and sit with a family that's managing themselves for this buhari period......there's nothing u will say dat will not be mis interpreted as being hostile towards your wife's family...n because d woman and her goons dey see all these Kardashian lifestyle parole for ur crib...just form broke..nd I mean confirm flat broke...u go see say ur mother in law go waka sharp sharp go her own house.. 1 Like |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by ojuolu(m): 2:47pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
Ops, dont mind me oh but i am going to be very frank. Your wife is not alone in this kind of attitude. a lot of wives and husband are like that. They simply refuse to grow and transit from the daughter/son to the wife/husband. They still have misplace loyalty and priorities.Drastic situations require drastic measures. I will advise you to, as a matter of urgency,start displaying the introvert in you to the fullest-even to your wife. Create a world within a world where even the wife will not be able to penetrate. Be elusive and unreadable. Communicate only when it is absolutely necessary, become very unaccomodating and if she ask you what the matter is , tell her 'nothing'. Go out alone, come home when you feel like...not necessarily keeping late nights but be so unpredictable and unreadable, so much that even your wife will notice so much changes in you. Also dry out the information mills by drying out the communication routes. Plan unexpected trips. Plan alone and create allowances for slight changes. You can call your wife in the night on Thursday that you have a trip to let say, calabar/paris the following morning but you dont know if she will be interested and do not sound as if you are hell bent on her going...If she says no, go ahead and act. when you are away, answer calls only when it is absolutely important...Create a wall. They will both adjust. If you dont do these things now, i pray you will not experience a fail marriage soonest. Men are not toys and no matter our level of maturity, we have limits... |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by vacanci: 2:48pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
Only your wife can help you and no one else. Talk to her and let her understand your plight. Do everything loving to get her on your side. The following will begin to happen 1. Anytime her mum is planning to come over, your wife will inform you 2. She will be the one to ask you "what do we do?" 3. You pretend to not have an answer by asking back "what do we do?" 4. If whatever she suggests does not go down well, tell her she should tell her mum that you guys are spending the weekend away from the house with a family friend. Every weekend, always make excuses of not being around or busy with one activity or the other in advance 5. She gets tired and begin to get use to it gradually You can stop it abruptly. it is a gradual process just like someone trying to stop smoking |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Tunami(m): 2:48pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
dynamite11:oga, with all this things you've written, i don't think you're ready to take the bull by the horn. For god sake, you're the man of the house and should be able to handle things the way you want them to be. 1 Like |
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Igwe85(m): 2:49pm On Aug 11, 2016 |
Introvert indeed! Ehn kúkú tell her to pack in idiot....... Tell ur wife, u are not comfortable with her mother visiting u.... Lobatan....... If she do orí kúnkùn, send her out with her shameless mother......... Jarae........ Shine Ur face......... 1 Like |
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