My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help - Family (6)

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My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help - Family (6) - Nairaland

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Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Sayelabola(m): 4:17pm On Aug 11, 2016

dynamite11:

I have talked to my wife over and over about not been comfortable with her mom showing up every time and she will always tell me the words I WILL TALK TO HER. I have talked to my father inlaw and he feels bad for me, he told me there is nothing he can do because hey are divorced and he has talked to his daughter so many times but I think this woman knows how to play her cards when it comes to her daughters heart and sense.

Guy, invite me, I can take the trouble for you.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Incrizz(f): 4:19pm On Aug 11, 2016

yetseyi:
Pheww thank God its a man that is complaining this time around not a woman.

When wives come around to complain of similar matters the replies the men give is always is the line of you don't like your mother In law, what do you mean by she should give you space, women are their own enemies etc.

The comments from the males here are quite interesting to read. Did I just see an operation flush her out from a male Looool oooo
Hope you can allow your wife to flush your mother out if she's like the Op's MIL.

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by jobsat34(m): 4:21pm On Aug 11, 2016

Twaci:
Simple.....

Invite your mom over

In tuface voice: you dont wanna go down there...

War between mother inlaws can be deadly ooo...
OP shud not try that ooo..

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by ameezy(m): 4:22pm On Aug 11, 2016

Twaci:
Simple.....

Invite your mom over

Lol

Twaci awfa na

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by luvablesam(m): 4:24pm On Aug 11, 2016

Prettiepearlz:
At last all powerful master, at least this complain is coming from a man and not a woman. I am surprised at the comments coming from our men, they aren't insulting him but if it's from a woman, this thread would have been filled with insults, now you can see that what's good for the goose is also good for the gander. Nobody wants his or her privacy being invaded. I just hope you guys here will comment this way if it's from a lady, but NO! It's a selfish world! A woman has to bear the pain.

@dynamite11, you know to achieve your aim, you might end up turning into a bad guy but for someone like me, I don't care. Since your wife isn't doing anything tangible about it, you have to put your foot down, you have to face her. Let her know that her presence is bugging you, you need your privacy, you need time to bond with your family and she isn't giving you that with her everyday and unnecessary visits. But if you can't do it, then you have to live with it.

Ps: Ikupakuti, come and see a guy complaining, let's see what you have to say about this now.

Aunty don't get me wrong o but the reason y most people aren't insulting the OP is simple. ITS HIS HOUSE(He earned every penny he used to build or rent his house) so he can choose to see anyone he wants.

If the situation was a turned one and the woman owns everything do you think she will even let the man talk in that house talkless her mum-inlaw? The reason y most people talk or comment negatively when a Woman complains about their mother in law visits is simple. In most events its her Sons house,(he had all the money before yu married him), she lived already with him or was a constant visitor before you met him. I hope yu catch d drift?. @OP you no dey try at all. Tell her simply that you would love it if she stops her constant visits. If she doesn't put your gateman on the spot.

Besides do you know y she ended up a single mum?

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by RotimiD: 4:26pm On Aug 11, 2016

PUT RAT POISON IN HER FOOD OK AND INVITE YOUR MOTHER FOR HER FUNERAL.

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by deavicky(m): 4:27pm On Aug 11, 2016

dynamite11:

I can't say my mind because I'm frustrated I will end up saying things I will regret to my wife and mother inlaw

write down before u present it.
Or simply bring ur mum to come stay till ur wife complains

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Sayelabola(m): 4:27pm On Aug 11, 2016

dynamite11:

I have discussed with my wife, I have told her I'm not comfortable with her mom been around and to burst your bubble she is the one person my wife respects the most and anything she says is final, I have been having this problem for months I rented out my former place on the mainland and bought a house in Lekki it's pretty far from where she stays because she have to drive for about 3 hours before getting here, I have relocated twice this year. I can't buy anymore house this year I have to invest the little I have left

Guy, invite me, I can take the trouble for you.

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by princessbecky(f): 4:27pm On Aug 11, 2016

Seconded

robosky02:

for me I think there are three option to choose from

1. Dialogue - invite your wife to seat down and discuss your feeling with her. on how to reduce the excesses

2. "Waiter-logue" - wait to see any positive change that will happen after discussing with your wife

3. three -logue - get another person your wife respects so much to seat down as a third party to listen to each others point. why her mothers frequent visit should be curtailed. if there is no change

4. relocate very far from where the mother in-law cant be coming too frequently

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Obason22(m): 4:38pm On Aug 11, 2016

I undstd ur feeling, its unfortunate that u're just growing up to meet with things of d world and this is one of them. I discovered that d role u played at initial stage is what gives room to what is happening to u now and rite now u're afraid to talk to their face. So If I should advice u, first u have to undstd that this is husband nd wife, take it or live it, ur wife will soon turn to become type of her mother which is woman lone. So here is Wat u do in other to save ur life. Talk to ur wife as a man, nd prove to her that u're not longer comfortable abt her mother's visit , don't care to no what she feels like, rather stand on d ground cos she knows how to talk to her mumm.

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by inemani: 4:39pm On Aug 11, 2016

Stories like this one dey vex me ahswear! Mr Man, just man up and stamp your feet for once! Take control of your ship and anchor it, BE A MAN!
I repeat, BE A MAN! Abi, u need help from my Oga?

1 Like

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by amacastel: 4:39pm On Aug 11, 2016

soberdrunk:
My brother you have three options::::::

1) You can man up and tell your wife and her mother that you are not comfortable with the way things are and that you need your privacy.(this option is not easy because you will have to face the 'wrath' of your wife or her mother or 'both')

2) You can get a male elder in your wife's family that is 'understanding' to talk to your mother-in-law to respect you and your wife's privacy(this too is risky because it can backfire if ypur mother-in-law takes it the wrong way)

3) 'OPERATION FLUSH HER OUT"--- make your home very 'uncomfortable' for her! Old women are superstitious so you can take advantage of that, you can start by dropping strange objects in the room she sleeps whenever she visits, you can arrange for strange noises to be made close to her window in the middle of the night, if your wife travels you can even go hardcore Nollywood on her, like pretend you are carrying out strange rituals in the middle of the night or just wear all white and be dancing azonto at odd hours and make sure she sees you

GOODLUCK MAN! DONT FORGET TO COME BACK AND THANK ME WITH COLD BOTTLES OF GULDER

U are so funny if u use dis ur 3rd option on my mum shld will pray the heck out of u dis 3rd option is not for my mother lia lia cos she is a prayer warrior and loves her kids.

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by kayfx2(m): 4:42pm On Aug 11, 2016

soberdrunk:
My brother you have three options::::::

1) You can man up and tell your wife and her mother that you are not comfortable with the way things are and that you need your privacy.(this option is not easy because you will have to face the 'wrath' of your wife or her mother or 'both')

2) You can get a male elder in your wife's family that is 'understanding' to talk to your mother-in-law to respect you and your wife's privacy(this too is risky because it can backfire if ypur mother-in-law takes it the wrong way)

3) 'OPERATION FLUSH HER OUT"--- make your home very 'uncomfortable' for her! Old women are superstitious so you can take advantage of that, you can start by dropping strange objects in the room she sleeps whenever she visits, you can arrange for strange noises to be made close to her window in the middle of the night, if your wife travels you can even go hardcore Nollywood on her, like pretend you are carrying out strange rituals in the middle of the night or just wear all white and be dancing azonto at odd hours and make sure she sees you

GOODLUCK MAN! DONT FORGET TO COME BACK AND THANK ME WITH COLD BOTTLES OF GULDER

I like option 3. Lol

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by crislyn(f): 4:46pm On Aug 11, 2016

Otunba4eva:
@dynamite11, I think you aren't a man enough to control what event happen in your home, with all ur reply and complain, guy stand up on your feet and make your decision firm! Confront her and let her know in a subtle manner that you aren't happy how your privacy is been invaded, u need a space to enjoy your family. Except there is something hidden between you and you mother-inlaw that u didn't disclose here. How can she be come visiting every week? Even if she lives in the next street? no, it's certainly not acceptable. Okay , coming to do what ? Abeg let your own parent or family know this before they kill you oh. I smell something hidden here.

*** Honestly, this is not an issue. We discuss issues here. How can u say u can't speak out in your own home? Whatever you don't want, You don't watch. Hian!

seriously! and he keeps countering every advice given to him here and bringing Petty reasons why he can't do anything! It's sad that a man is acting like this. Oga dynamite11 do whatever makes you happy since no advice here is what you seeking for.

2 Likes

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by rokposki: 4:59pm On Aug 11, 2016

Number 3 will work faster

soberdrunk:
My brother you have three options::::::

1) You can man up and tell your wife and her mother that you are not comfortable with the way things are and that you need your privacy.(this option is not easy because you will have to face the 'wrath' of your wife or her mother or 'both')

2) You can get a male elder in your wife's family that is 'understanding' to talk to your mother-in-law to respect you and your wife's privacy(this too is risky because it can backfire if ypur mother-in-law takes it the wrong way)

3) 'OPERATION FLUSH HER OUT"--- make your home very 'uncomfortable' for her! Old women are superstitious so you can take advantage of that, you can start by dropping strange objects in the room she sleeps whenever she visits, you can arrange for strange noises to be made close to her window in the middle of the night, if your wife travels you can even go hardcore Nollywood on her, like pretend you are carrying out strange rituals in the middle of the night or just wear all white and be dancing azonto at odd hours and make sure she sees you

GOODLUCK MAN! DONT FORGET TO COME BACK AND THANK ME WITH COLD BOTTLES OF GULDER

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by cococandy(f): 4:59pm On Aug 11, 2016

Thank you. I've been reading the comments. No one has accused him of trying to separate the wife's family. Or wanting the marriage to be only 'him and his wife'

I guess weird and obnoxious things are better when done by the man's family.

Prettiepearlz:
At last all powerful master, at least this complain is coming from a man and not a woman. I am surprised at the comments coming from our men, they aren't insulting him but if it's from a woman, this thread would have been filled with insults, now you can see that what's good for the goose is also good for the gander. Nobody wants his or her privacy being invaded. I just hope you guys here will comment this way if it's from a lady, but NO! It's a selfish world! A woman has to bear the pain.

@dynamite11, you know to achieve your aim, you might end up turning into a bad guy but for someone like me, I don't care. Since your wife isn't doing anything tangible about it, you have to put your foot down, you have to face her. Let her know that her presence is bugging you, you need your privacy, you need time to bond with your family and she isn't giving you that with her everyday and unnecessary visits. But if you can't do it, then you have to live with it.

Ps: Ikupakuti, come and see a guy complaining, let's see what you have to say about this now.

2 Likes

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by cococandy(f): 5:01pm On Aug 11, 2016

Lol

Kachisbarbie:
ehn, some of you guys mothers are like that na and when we complain you say my mother first, no one be like her, my mother da suffer for me...who sat and watch my infant head .
Make una see as e dey be smallll.

If this thread was by a female, we would have people advising us to treat her like our mother. OP treat her like you mother na

On a serious note, you have to take the bull by the horn. I am all for respect and diplomacy but when people can't respect boundaries_ I come out all blunt and straight to the point.
Since they love each others company so much, 'waybill' your wife back to her. When she's ready to be free from her moms' watch, she should come back

1 Like

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by delighteddell(m): 5:05pm On Aug 11, 2016

Uncle @dynamite11 "u didnt ask for a bonus" got me.....ure "dynamite" nw....You could blow your wife's mum up, out of your home.
!
!
!
!
!
!
But frankly, you can take your honey out on a vacation for like a week....Do that thing you did to get her loving you, then tell her what uve been going through.....and u could suggest ways on how she can stop the tourist(her mum) who has made your house a tourist attraction.

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by repogirl(f): 5:13pm On Aug 11, 2016

After reading all your replies, all I can say is get used to it. Since you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or be seen as a bad husband, then suck it up and manage.

Or if you have liver, then do as kar.chisbarbie said and send her back to her mother's house, to return when she has cut off the mothers apron strings.

1 Like

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by doskie(m): 5:13pm On Aug 11, 2016

dynamite11:

She will still visit telling you she has some things to discuss and they can't be discussed over the phone, we will all end up spending the weekend together, I can't even go to a beach with my wife alone, I have to go with the batalion God gave me( my MIL and maybe a guest she came with)

initially when i read your story, i felt a level of grief and anger because i tried to imagine being in your position. But after reading your responses to various intelligent suggestion, I'm tempted to say that my anger is directed to you. You are tolerating it and complaining at the same time. If you really need it to stop, show a stance. Like a man, let them know how serious you are. Go and rent another place and threaten to start a new family somewhere, tell them you have somewhere else and that every time she comes around, you will go there. Tell them you cant be there alone for too long and that you will install a woman there with whom you can spend quality time in peace without supervision or interference from her mom. Gradually your wife will learn to choose between her marriage and her mums compliance with your rules. This is not Time to act like a wall flower. Stand out like a man and make your voice determine the activities around you.

One last thing mr; you were wrong when you said all this started shortly after the marriage. No! For benin we say “na from clap dem take dey enter dance" you probably have been showing signs all along that you are always willing to compromise and accept standards provided by others. They are only working with the information you provided them with.

6 Likes

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Minemrys: 5:15pm On Aug 11, 2016

dynamite11:
My problem started shortly after our wedding this year, and ever since its like I'm in a versus kind of relationship( I versus my wife and her family). She is so controlling, she knows all of our business my wife makes sure she keeps her up to date on every little details that goes on in our lives and she is never out of our lives not even for a week and I think my wife is ok with it because her mother can never be wrong.

She worships her either she is right or wrong, she is always visiting every weekend and sometimes stays with us for a week or two only to come back the following weekend saying she misses us, when I got married to my wife I didn't ask for a bonus, I don't know why we can't be left alone, and the worse part of it is that she comes with other family members and we always have a full house, I'm an introvert and I love my privacy but with my mother in-law I will never have that. I have become sad over the past few months and it's affecting my home because I can't even talk to my wife anymore because she is her mother's ear piece, I'm losing my sanity, she is coming over this weekend and I think I just need to go on a vacation alone this summer to clear my head. Have you ever had this kind of problem before? I need help please.

don't deal with her. Reason with her, make her see you as a man and the man of the house n0t the boy she sees you as.

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Nweike1: 5:21pm On Aug 11, 2016

my guy, you must never allow this. You are the man and the head of your household. Don't for one minute accept such nonsense. You must put your foot down. Tell your wife to tell her mother to back away. If she says she is coming, tell her there is no space because your own people are coming to spend some time with you. If it's not agreeable to your wife, tell her she is free to leave

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by GoodMuyis(m): 5:24pm On Aug 11, 2016

dynamite11

what about relocating to another state, i mean very far,

If you can, since she knows that you're not comfortable with her c
frequent visit and she did not apologize, she dont give a dam about you,

Next she visit, just the house and come back home the following week, if she did not get the gesture, let your visiting her instead of her two weekend in month.

Sir, man up, you still have long years to live and enjoy your wife not MIL. But dont result to fight oo abeg

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by just2okworld(f): 5:26pm On Aug 11, 2016

enigma2007:

He moved twice already.. Make una pity am na

The wife Na the cause
See as I dey pity the guy sha,he's the quiet type as I can view from his points made here

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Prettiepearlz(f): 5:26pm On Aug 11, 2016

luvablesam:

Aunty don't get me wrong o but the reason y most people aren't insulting the OP is simple. ITS HIS HOUSE(He earned every penny he used to build or rent his house) so he can choose to see anyone he wants.

If the situation was a turned one and the woman owns everything do you think she will even let the man talk in that house talkless her mum-inlaw? The reason y most people talk or comment negatively when a Woman complains about their mother in law visits is simple. In most events its her Sons house,(he had all the money before yu married him), she lived already with him or was a constant visitor before you met him. I hope yu catch d drift?. @OP you no dey try at all. Tell her simply that you would love it if she stops her constant visits. If she doesn't put your gateman on the spot.

Besides do you know y she ended up a single mum?

Uncle, don't get me wrong too oooooooo, what gave you the impression that the wife didn't give financial support in the building, buying or renting of the house? You make me laugh cheesy

I swear. Let's even look at it from your angle, so because her son bought, built or rented the house as the case maybe is now a GOOD reason for a MIL to come and invade her children's privacy thereby inconveniencing the wife right? Please don't get me wrong, a wife shouldn't stop her MIL from visiting her son's house but all I am saying is she shouldn't make it an everyday thing and that's what these women who come here complain about and nairaland guys eat them raw by judging them but now the table is turned and you come up with this? undecided

Goodness me! You guys are selfish and manipulative! All you do is think about yourself. Just imagine! A man owns the house, so what happened to a man shall leave his father and mother and join to his wife and they shall become one? undecided

. Why una nor tell am to endure? After all, they are one and the house belongs to them both now.

You made a statement about a woman becoming the boss of the house if she was the bread winner, I ask you is it all women? Haven't we seen women who are breadwinners who didn't for one day disrespect her husband (if you haven't seen any, I have). Now I am not saying we don't have some bad eggs amongst us but you lots should stop generalizing things. And lastly, once married, the house no longer belongs to the man, it belongs to both the husband and the WIFE. So stop making it seem like you're doing women favours by marrying them. You're both doing yourselves favours.
Cococandy, please read this uncle's comment cheesy

7 Likes

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by 9jatatafo(m): 5:28pm On Aug 11, 2016

afroxyz:

Meaning what? Is that a bribe or what? Hour should open a business for her so that she would not visit him? You sef reason am na

I reason am and I have to tell you that is not a bribe. That is a way of keeping her afar. From what the OP said, he has to be careful and wise. The trade stuff is a kind of sacrifice.

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Prettiepearlz(f): 5:30pm On Aug 11, 2016

cococandy:
Thank you. I've been reading the comments. No one has accused him of trying to separate the wife's family. Or wanting the marriage to be only 'him and his wife'

I guess weird and obnoxious things are better when done by the man's family.

Exactly! It's a selfish world we have here. Especially on this Nairaland, a lot of them just misyarn. Now the table is turned and they are finding a way to manipulate it.

2 Likes

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by oxyG: 5:37pm On Aug 11, 2016

soberdrunk:
My brother you have three options::::::

1) You can man up and tell your wife and her mother that you are not comfortable with the way things are and that you need your privacy.(this option is not easy because you will have to face the 'wrath' of your wife or her mother or 'both')

2) You can get a male elder in your wife's family that is 'understanding' to talk to your mother-in-law to respect you and your wife's privacy(this too is risky because it can backfire if ypur mother-in-law takes it the wrong way)

3) 'OPERATION FLUSH HER OUT"--- make your home very 'uncomfortable' for her! Old women are superstitious so you can take advantage of that, you can start by dropping strange objects in the room she sleeps whenever she visits, you can arrange for strange noises to be made close to her window in the middle of the night, if your wife travels you can even go hardcore Nollywood on her, like pretend you are carrying out strange rituals in the middle of the night or just wear all white and be dancing azonto at odd hours and make sure she sees you

GOODLUCK MAN! DONT FORGET TO COME BACK AND THANK ME WITH COLD BOTTLES OF GULDER

You just nearly killed somebody with LAUGHTER.
You have a bottle of red oil man.

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by oxyG: 5:37pm On Aug 11, 2016

soberdrunk:
My brother you have three options::::::

1) You can man up and tell your wife and her mother that you are not comfortable with the way things are and that you need your privacy.(this option is not easy because you will have to face the 'wrath' of your wife or her mother or 'both')

2) You can get a male elder in your wife's family that is 'understanding' to talk to your mother-in-law to respect you and your wife's privacy(this too is risky because it can backfire if ypur mother-in-law takes it the wrong way)

3) 'OPERATION FLUSH HER OUT"--- make your home very 'uncomfortable' for her! Old women are superstitious so you can take advantage of that, you can start by dropping strange objects in the room she sleeps whenever she visits, you can arrange for strange noises to be made close to her window in the middle of the night, if your wife travels you can even go hardcore Nollywood on her, like pretend you are carrying out strange rituals in the middle of the night or just wear all white and be dancing azonto at odd hours and make sure she sees you

GOODLUCK MAN! DONT FORGET TO COME BACK AND THANK ME WITH COLD BOTTLES OF GULDER

You just nearly killed somebody with LAUGHTER.
You have a bottle of palm oil man.

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by walexsho(m): 5:37pm On Aug 11, 2016

I'll advice you not to say anything. You should demonstrate your feelings through action. For example, don't stay or sleep at home whenever she is around. she'll know you are not comfortable seeing her often.

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by cococandy(f): 5:43pm On Aug 11, 2016

This one is even advising him to cheat on his wife because her mom visits a lot.

Could you people be more shameless in your hypocrisy? SM

comos:

why not go on vacation with another Lady, where you will really have fun.

I am very sure by the time you return, you will be the begging your mother-ln-Law to stay such that you will have more time for that sweet vacation-Lady.

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by cococandy(f): 5:45pm On Aug 11, 2016

I'm not surprised at his comments. Wouldn't have expected anything different.

Prettiepearlz:

Uncle, don't get me wrong too oooooooo, what gave you the impression that the wife didn't give financial support in the building, buying or renting of the house? You make me laugh I swear. Let's even look at it from your angle, so because her son bought, built or rented the house as the case maybe is now a GOOD reason for a MIL to come and invade her children's privacy thereby inconveniencing the wife right? Please don't get me wrong, a wife shouldn't stop her MIL from visiting her son's house but all I am saying is she shouldn't make it an everyday thing and that's what these women who come here complain about and nairaland guys eat them raw by judging them but now the table is turned and you come up with this? Goodness me! You guys are selfish and manipulative! All you do is think about yourself. Just imagine! A man owns the house, so what happened to a man shall leave his father and mother and join to his wife and they shall become one? . Why una nor tell am to endure? After all, they are one and the house belongs to them both now.

You made a statement about a woman becoming the boss of the house if she was the bread winner, I ask you is it all women? Haven't we seen women who are breadwinners who didn't for one day disrespect her husband (if you haven't seen any, I have). Now I am not saying we don't have some bad eggs amongst us but you lots should stop generalizing things. And lastly, once married, the house no longer belongs to the man, it belongs to both the husband and the WIFE. So stop making it seem like you're doing women favours by marrying them. You're both doing yourselves favours.
Cococandy, please read this uncle's comment

1 Like

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