cococandy:
This one is even advising him to cheat on his wife because her mom visits a lot.

Could you people be more shameless in your hypocrisy? SM

cococandy:


I'm not surprised at his comments. Wouldn't have expected anything different.

. OMG funny sets of people.

Ask your wife


She knows how and why

For one they could both be earning and paying for the house together. Don't use your personal life to judge others. Not every wife is dependent. And even if she were the man's income is still the family income. It belongs to both of them. Since the wife most certainly is doing other things to keep the home running. And the man brings in the money. It's a division of labor hence their contributions are equal. You can't chew money. Someone has to manage it and make it into something edible, wearable or livable. The house belongs to both of them. Their relations should apply wisdom and caution when visiting. It shouldn't only apply to her relations.
Stop the one sided hypocrisy.

What's her mother's single motherhood got to do with it? Yea who knows the reason. What if it was the father's fault that they are divorced? But no you can't think of that. All avenues to judge the woman right?

From your comment I guess it's perfectly acceptable for the wife to threat his relations like poo if she's the one making the money? Did you even read your comment before posting it?

luvablesam:


Aunty don't get me wrong o but the reason y most people aren't insulting the OP is simple. ITS HIS HOUSE(He earned every penny he used to build or rent his house) so he can choose to see anyone he wants.

If the situation was a turned one and the woman owns everything do you think she will even let the man talk in that house talkless her mum-inlaw? The reason y most people talk or comment negatively when a Woman complains about their mother in law visits is simple. In most events its her Sons house,(he had all the money before yu married him), she lived already with him or was a constant visitor before you met him. I hope yu catch d drift?. @OP you no dey try at all. Tell her simply that you would love it if she stops her constant visits. If she doesn't put your gateman on the spot.

Besides do you know y she ended up a single mum?

@dynamite11, from what I ve deduced so far, your wife can't handle the situation Infact she loves it. So next time your MIL comes visiting, after spending the weekend and she's leaving, tell wifey to go with her mum and stay with her to her heart's content, when she's ready to stay married she should come back. Mean it when u say it.... you need @least a month or more of privacy with your family..... "4 is a crowd"

Can u imagine MIL wan go dubai too, hope you took her along for ur honeymoon??

dynamite11:

According to my mother inlaw it's no longer my house it belongs to us both and she needs to see her daughter from time to time, I have told my wife over and over again during the week that I don't want to see her mother in my house this weekend only to see the gateman opening the gate for her mother, she calls that a surprise visit because my wife told her already that I don't want to see her, I'm becoming an evil husband to her already

Oga, stand your ground o.

Some women are just emotional blackmailers. They do you wrong and still place the guilt on you. Warn her sternly that you need your privacy.

Give her a visit timetable. One week in a month or once in two months.

wizflower:
Its only a jobless MIL will leave her business/ work and stay in her daughters home or two week. She's not ashamed of her self. Since your wife is doing nufin abt it , send her home to be with the so called mum. Haba, I won't take that from my mum even though she came and stayed only 3weeks after my delivery saying she needs to go back to her business.

It's annoying dear wizflower,how will a mother be so comfortable visiting her daughter in her matrimonial home almost every week

I can't deal abeg

dynamite11:


I have discussed with my wife, I have told her I'm not comfortable with her mom been around and to burst your bubble she is the one person my wife respects the most and anything she says is final, I have been having this problem for months I rented out my former place on the mainland and bought a house in Lekki it's pretty far from where she stays because she have to drive for about 3 hours before getting here, I have relocated twice this year. I can't buy anymore house this year I have to invest the little I have left

am sure u ve nt seen ds American movie EVA, pls search 4 it on youtube.
I believe MIL's problem is loneliness, she has probably bn divorced 4 a while, wen all she had was d company of the daughter leading to an uinhealthy attachment. She is lonely and h.o.r.n.y find her a boyfriend and she wud leave ur wife alone. Pls go watch EVA.

bros, does she eat your food too much, leave the woman alone she is your wife mum for God sake, i thought it was only women that have problem with mother in-law issue did not realise men do as well.

One thing i always remind myself is that i am my number 1 priority. So., if you cannot bear (obviously) you've got to present your discomfort as difficult as it may seem. If you lose it because of your MIL or anyone, they'd come to your funeral and life goes on.
Usually a reasonable person should be happy you voiced your concern and take corrections or come to a compromise/agreement.
An unreasonable person (unfortunately a lot of people fall here) will pick offense and cause conflict.
Finally man, like i said, once your conscience is clear just forgerrabout the latter people. Everybody can't like you anyway, You are not jollof rice.

Since you're not man enough to speak to her then I suggest you do the following

i) Stop paying subscription for the cable TV

ii) Move into a smaller apartment preferably a mini flat

Op I feel your pain. We are somewhat alike, I'm really an introvert but I love my space, I don't like my home being crowded by people. 4me oo, tell ur wife that she has choose btwm her marriage to you or her relationship with her mother. I'm sure you live quite close to your inlaws, dts one of d problems of staying close to them. Or you leave d house 4dem, when konji hol am, her head will straight. What nonsense! Some MIL's sef don't respect themselves.

luvablesam:


Aunty don't get me wrong o but the reason y most people aren't insulting the OP is simple. ITS HIS HOUSE(He earned every penny he used to build or rent his house) so he can choose to see anyone he wants.

If the situation was a turned one and the woman owns everything do you think she will even let the man talk in that house talkless her mum-inlaw? The reason y most people talk or comment negatively when a Woman complains about their mother in law visits is simple. In most events its her Sons house,(he had all the money before yu married him), she lived already with him or was a constant visitor before you met him. I hope yu catch d drift?. @OP you no dey try at all. Tell her simply that you would love it if she stops her constant visits. If she doesn't put your gateman on the spot.

Besides do you know y she ended up a single mum?

Lool ooo

Nairalanders no go kill person.

Kikiki.


See advice from the male folks - be rude to her and her daughter, stand your ground, pack out of the house, ignore them etc

soberdrunk:
My brother you have three options::::::

1) You can man up and tell your wife and her mother that you are not comfortable with the way things are and that you need your privacy.(this option is not easy because you will have to face the 'wrath' of your wife or her mother or 'both')

2) You can get a male elder in your wife's family that is 'understanding' to talk to your mother-in-law to respect you and your wife's privacy(this too is risky because it can backfire if ypur mother-in-law takes it the wrong way)

3) 'OPERATION FLUSH HER OUT"--- make your home very 'uncomfortable' for her! Old women are superstitious so you can take advantage of that, you can start by dropping strange objects in the room she sleeps whenever she visits, you can arrange for strange noises to be made close to her window in the middle of the night, if your wife travels you can even go hardcore Nollywood on her, like pretend you are carrying out strange rituals in the middle of the night or just wear all white and be dancing azonto at odd hours and make sure she sees you

GOODLUCK MAN! DONT FORGET TO COME BACK AND THANK ME WITH COLD BOTTLES OF GULDER

This wan iz madt oo

I can see you are frustrated already.. but this is what you'll do

anytime she's coming to your house, Make sure the DStv is disconnected in a way, make sure the electricity is very bad, make sure the water isn't running well in her room. make sure u don't have enough food stored in d fridge or kitchen or wherever...when ur wife asks u why these things are happening., keep telling her it'll be sorted out soon.
maybe when ur Mil is frustrated and bored, she'all leave u guys alone..
BTW, why do some MILs have to be a thorn in d flesh?? I thought marriage was meant to be enjoyed and not endured

Funny sha

dynamite11:
She is a single mother and she lives in her own house while my father inlaw warned me not too get too close to her after I complained to him about her involvement in my home, he told me to go on a vacation with my wife and son but when my wife told her we are planning going on a vacation to Dubai, she called me to tell me how she has always wanted to visit Dubai and she must be included in the trip, I loved the suggestion of Twaci but I can't tell my mom what I'm going through, she is married and lives with her own husband she can't just leave her home, my dad will never support that.

A single mother
Guy bear that but if you can't kindly move away from the marriage....else these ppl is going to jax you nd make u obedient house boy if you confront them.....ur father inlaw knew why he told u that....my opinion though......

quote author=GoodMuyis post=48395306]dynamite11

what about relocating to another state, i mean very far,

If you can, since she knows that you're not comfortable with her c
frequent visit and she did not apologize, she dont give a dam about you,

Next she visit, just the house and come back home the following week, if she did not get the gesture, let your visiting her instead of her two weekend in month.

Sir, man up, you still have long years to live and enjoy your wife not MIL. But dont result to fight oo abeg[/quote]


What happens to his job in his current location?

This one pass my power. You don marry two wives na, do the needful sir.

Mehnnn! Bro afta reading all diz comments n ur repliez i see yu now in a tight corner. If you really want to enjoy yur marriage, diz is a drastic situation that needd drastic measures. Since ur wife can't do anything, it's better u fight for ursef b4 its too late. Tell her face to face my niqqa!! Yes, shit will apun @ 1st but if tinz kip going diz way ur life n marriage will b more bleeped up later.

abbeyty:
bros, does she eat your food too much, leave the woman alone she is your wife mum for God sake, i thought it was only women that have problem with mother in-law issue did not realise men do as well.

Dude just pray this does not apun to you. Yu will. Surely regret this comment then

Tell your wife to control the situation, if she refused to do anything or fails, then you must put your foot down and set the rules in your home!

If your wife puts her mother first before you, then you're in trouble. The marraige will only go downhill.

You're not married to your wife, you're indirectly married to her mother! Her mother is in control of your home!

You must put a stop to it now! Her mother must only visit with your permmision or come once a month, except on special occasions.

You still need to sit your wife down once more @op and talk to her about this sh!t, give her reasons why her mom must stop visiting for you guyz to plan ur life accordingly...if momma is missing her only daughter she can come visiting maybe once in a month/2months or you guyz visit her once in a while in her house...You can also start making a surprise visit to her any time u feel it's a day for her to come to ur houz @least she won't be able to come the next day or her daughter shld go visit her and spend d nite there anytime she visits,and dat will be once in a while....Good luck and don't make ur MIL to be looking it as if u're giving her timetable b4 she can come to ur place..try to be smart in evrything u do..

kzypher:


Dude just pray this does not apun to you. Yu will. Surely regret this comment then

who says, my mother inlaw lived with us for many years, i did not have problem with her

Wizzyblack3:
I want to believe you have tried so much to put an end to her frequent visits which has yet to yield any meaningful result. They say ''Desperates times needs desperate measures'', she keeps coming to your/her daughter's house cos she feels comfortable coming there. What of if you start making it UNCOMFORTABLE for her there, You can easily arrange and invite your friends to your house on weekends to watch league matches, play video games with you, if you have single ones among them, they can come over with their girlfriends and party with you for no reason. With this, your wife would be tempted to ask you If you realise you're married and should enjoy some privacy. Then you can make your mark from there.
NOTE: Make your friends understand the reasons for your actions so they won't turn it to habit when your problems must have been solved.

JUST WHAT I THINK,,,,,, SO GOOD LUCK bro!

You never jam some people.

If the mil is the wussup kinda person who likes parties, the more the merrier, na she go dey even cook pepper soup for the friends every weekend and serving them beer self.

She will be doing forever young mama for the dudes friends sef and relieving her youth. .
Na the guy go tire last last especially if that's not his kinda lifestyle.
The wife might be uncomfortable, but the mama fit like the arrangement die.
The thing is if the guy invites his friends over, he can be monitored and you're sure he's not being funny outside the home. Better you see him catching fun under your nose than elsewhere where you have no control.

hahahahah !Twaci you are too intelligent for this kind of advice for a newly married guys,haba na, you want their home to become a war zone?pls wake up my dr.

Twaci:
Simple.....

Invite your mom over

you might have to consider that advice bro, let your momma come over to your place for a while or rather let your mum do the talking to her , may be that would sink faster .your mil needs a second touch.bad influence she is, you also tend to marry from a bad home, you sef need slapping reset, with all your class,you fell for a sister just like that,next time look b4 U LEAP.

dynamite11:
She is a single mother and she lives in her own house while my father inlaw warned me not too get too close to her after I complained to him about her involvement in my home, he told me to go on a vacation with my wife and son but when my wife told her we are planning going on a vacation to Dubai, she called me to tell me how she has always wanted to visit Dubai and she must be included in the trip, I loved the suggestion of Twaci but I can't tell my mom what I'm going through, she is married and lives with her own husband she can't just leave her home, my dad will never support that.

Prettiepearlz:

Uncle, don't get me wrong too oooooooo, what gave you the impression that the wife didn't give financial support in the building, buying or renting of the house? You make me laugh I swear. Let's even look at it from your angle, so because her son bought, built or rented the house as the case maybe is now a GOOD reason for a MIL to come and invade her children's privacy thereby inconveniencing the wife right? Please don't get me wrong, a wife shouldn't stop her MIL from visiting her son's house but all I am saying is she shouldn't make it an everyday thing and that's what these women who come here complain about and nairaland guys eat them raw by judging them but now the table is turned and you come up with this? Goodness me! You guys are selfish and manipulative! All you do is think about yourself. Just imagine! A man owns the house, so what happened to a man shall leave his father and mother and join to his wife and they shall become one? . Why una nor tell am to endure? After all, they are one and the house belongs to them both now.



You made a statement about a woman becoming the boss of the house if she was the bread winner, I ask you is it all women? Haven't we seen women who are breadwinners who didn't for one day disrespect her husband (if you haven't seen any, I have). Now I am not saying we don't have some bad eggs amongst us but you lots should stop generalizing things. And lastly, once married, the house no longer belongs to the man, it belongs to both the husband and the WIFE. So stop making it seem like you're doing women favours by marrying them. You're both doing yourselves favours.
Cococandy, please read this uncle's comment

Dear Aunty, don't misquote me. Its funny how I get mentions based on my earlier comment. Marriage is a collective responsibility. When a woman complains about a MIL's frequent visits and how it disturbs their privacy, a Man should act immediately. Same way 'mama's' visit(constant) disturbs the OP and he has told his wife severally,What do you want him to do?

Guys aren't manipulative or selfish you know those that are manipulative(I don't wanna sound chauvinistic).
Make I no talk too much

hahahahahahahhaha!!!! BRO ME.U AFF ENTER ONE CHANCE!you should have known all this na!

dynamite11:


She is her mothers only child

soberdrunk:
My brother you have three options::::::

1) You can man up and tell your wife and her mother that you are not comfortable with the way things are and that you need your privacy.(this option is not easy because you will have to face the 'wrath' of your wife or her mother or 'both')

2) You can get a male elder in your wife's family that is 'understanding' to talk to your mother-in-law to respect you and your wife's privacy(this too is risky because it can backfire if ypur mother-in-law takes it the wrong way)

3) 'OPERATION FLUSH HER OUT"--- make your home very 'uncomfortable' for her! Old women are superstitious so you can take advantage of that, you can start by dropping strange objects in the room she sleeps whenever she visits, you can arrange for strange noises to be made close to her window in the middle of the night, if your wife travels you can even go hardcore Nollywood on her, like pretend you are carrying out strange rituals in the middle of the night or just wear all white and be dancing azonto at odd hours and make sure she sees you

GOODLUCK MAN! DONT FORGET TO COME BACK AND THANK ME WITH COLD BOTTLES OF GULDER

in as much as number 3 sounds great, he has be careful, because if his wife is superstitious too, it could cost him his marriage, anyway op be very care on how you confront this issue, if your mother inlaw is diabolical it might spell doom for you,should you confront your wife who will then tell her mother

cococandy:
For one they could both be earning and paying for the house together. Don't use your personal life to judge others. Not every wife is dependent. And even if she were the man's income is still the family income. It belongs to both of them. Since the wife most certainly is doing other things to keep the home running. And the man brings in the money. It's a division of labor hence their contributions are equal. You can't chew money. Someone has to manage it and make it into something edible, wearable or livable. The house belongs to both of them. Their relations should apply wisdom and caution when visiting. It shouldn't only apply to her relations.
Stop the one sided hypocrisy.

What's her mother's single motherhood got to do with it? Yea who knows the reason. What if it was the father's fault that they are divorced? But no you can't think of that. All avenues to judge the woman right?

From your comment I guess it's perfectly acceptable for the wife to threat his relations like poo if she's the one making the money? Did you even read your comment before posting it?

Wasn't using my personal life to judge the situation. A woman or Man should draw a line of privacy and make it obvious to his or her extended family. The reason I asked about the wife's mum being va single mum is simple. Some single mother tend to say things that aren't too true about men to their kids based on their experience with men.

I wasn't being a hypocrite when I wrote my piece. I was being objective