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My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help - Family (8) - Nairaland

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Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by gbemi514: 7:31pm On Aug 11, 2016
Twaci:
Simple.....

Invite your mom over cheesy
you must be the daughter of King Solomon....... #wisewoman

1 Like

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by sibdiibrahim(m): 7:46pm On Aug 11, 2016
If your mum is alive, whenever your mother-in law is coming, invite her also. If she isn't alive, then your aunt or 'elderly' sister (junior or senior). And ehen...... Do not forget to deliberately refuse to buy goodies that you are used to buying whenever she comes. Let the house be dry. When you go out, comeback late. Don't go and drink or chase ashawo ooooo. One more thing, try cuddling your wife in her presence......

2 Likes

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by pacretus(m): 7:46pm On Aug 11, 2016
Twaci:
Simple.....

Invite your mom over cheesy
hehehe..na dis kind gial dey good for marriage..abeg vacancy still dey.[s s s]
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Nathkem01(m): 7:50pm On Aug 11, 2016
dynamite11:


She will still visit telling you she has some things to discuss and they can't be discussed over the phone, we will all end up spending the weekend together, I can't even go to a beach with my wife alone, I have to go with the batalion God gave me( my MIL and maybe a guest she came with)
lol

That means u don marry her nd ur wife

1 Like

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Prettiepearlz(f): 7:50pm On Aug 11, 2016
luvablesam:


Dear Aunty, don't misquote me. Its funny how I get mentions based on my earlier comment. Marriage is a collective responsibility. When a woman complains about a MIL's frequent visits and how it disturbs their privacy, a Man should act immediately. Same way 'mama's' visit(constant) disturbs the OP and he has told his wife severally,What do you want him to do?

Guys aren't manipulative or selfish you know those that are manipulative(I don't wanna sound chauvinistic).
Make I no talk too much

Dear uncle I got your point, the only issue I have with you was your earlier comment about a man owning the house because he paid, bought or rented the house so his wife has no right to stop his mum from visiting everyday. But you have actually made a point that isn't biased with this now, so you're free grin

1 Like

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by maasoap(m): 7:56pm On Aug 11, 2016
dynamite11:


I knew she was a single mother before marrying her daughter and she didn't raise her daughter all by herself, I dated her daughter for 7 years before marrying her and I know she was raised by both parent, you are right my wife is a mummy's girl and there is nothing like having our own space with my MIL coz according to her the house is big enough, I can't even watch matches on weekend when I'm supposed to be resting and talking to my wife and son, I'm always in the room watching movies on YouTube because she always have the remote and it has to be on African magic while she discussed other family issues with my wife, I'm fed up
No, you are not. When you are really fed up, you will come back here to tell us how you have dealt with it.

4 Likes

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Nobody: 7:56pm On Aug 11, 2016
Op ure a joker, and u also sound like a mummy's boy.

How the hell.

Please be a man and take charge.

Everything remains constant until a force is applied.

1 Like

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by arestechnology: 8:12pm On Aug 11, 2016
my friend u are the man perhaps its ur house not hers u decied what be and should not take charge.and speak ur mind
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by NkayTiana(f): 8:16pm On Aug 11, 2016
Sit the mum down and talk to her... if possible a visiting time table cos that woman will ruin ur marriage as she ruined hers... if u love your home please don't talk to your wife, talk to the mum... you are a man,you can do it

1 Like

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Prechy08(m): 8:17pm On Aug 11, 2016
For you take the boldest step to spill here is encouraging next one is take that step at home forget the introvert thing, you are watching her destroy your home as she did her's, why will she be leaving alone. That aside.
If i were in your shoes wake your wife up in the middle of the night, take her to the sitting room and with all authority tell her this needs to stop, you have parents too. And that you are respecting her by giving her this chance/opportunity to tell her mum you guys needs space and if she doesnt do it in a weeks time, you will tell her mum ur self and it got to stop.

For this to work, u must be dead serious with the warning
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by neocortex: 8:35pm On Aug 11, 2016
NkayTiana:
Sit the mum down and talk to her... if possible a visiting time table cos that woman will ruin ur marriage as she ruined hers... if u love your home please don't talk to your wife, talk to the mum... you are a man,you can do it

How did you know that ?
Are you a member of their family ?

4 Likes

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Wizzyblack3(m): 8:40pm On Aug 11, 2016
eyinjuege:


You never jam some people.

If the mil is the wussup kinda person who likes parties, the more the merrier, na she go dey even cook pepper soup for the friends every weekend and serving them beer self.

She will be doing forever young mama for the dudes friends sef and relieving her youth. grin.
Na the guy go tire last last especially if that's not his kinda lifestyle.
The wife might be uncomfortable, but the mama fit like the arrangement die.
The thing is if the guy invites his friends over, he can be monitored and you're sure he's not being funny outside the home. Better you see him catching fun under your nose than elsewhere where you have no control.
Nawa o,,,, just when i thought this would help, this guy just come in to rub more aboniki for OP wound. But if that should be the case, his wife might be the first to dislike what her mom is doing and in d process send her away.
Btw, OP should try taking a break from coming home and inform his wife he won't come home until he start having some privacy in his house. Abi wuch kind end time MIL be dis.

1 Like

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by armadeo(m): 8:43pm On Aug 11, 2016
Firstly all that relocate or get a smaller pad is bullshit.

Dude create your own world for yourself in the house.

1. Move your decoder to your room.
2. Eat out always .
3. When you get back from work, greet them gist a bit and retire to your cocoon.

By the time she realises you haven't eaten her food for 2 days nobody would reset get faculty.

Believe you me if your wife doesn't sit up fast then be set to get out of the marriage.

1 Like

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by bitingcool: 8:55pm On Aug 11, 2016
dynamite11:

I can't say my mind because I'm frustrated I will end up saying things I will regret to my wife and mother inlaw

Walk around naked or semi nude every night and start making love to your wife in the sitting room and kitchen.

Or remove the bed in the extra rooms. Give it out. No mattress sef. And put a treadmill there so wrapper can't be put on the floor. That is a crystal clear message.

As long as your home is comfortable for her, she will never leave

1 Like

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Nobody: 8:56pm On Aug 11, 2016
omo dem don hijack baba family o. mehn stay away from girls that feed their mum about anything that happens in their life every second. this is usually the outcome.

1 Like

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by UmmKhalifah(f): 9:02pm On Aug 11, 2016
dynamite11:

According to my mother inlaw it's no longer my house it belongs to us both and she needs to see her daughter from time to time, I have told my wife over and over again during the week that I don't want to see her mother in my house this weekend only to see the gateman opening the gate for her mother, she calls that a surprise visit because my wife told her already that I don't want to see her, I'm becoming an evil husband to her already
dis can b so annoyin ehn?yu av to start spendin weekends wif ur family outside ur home
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by UmmKhalifah(f): 9:13pm On Aug 11, 2016
dynamite11:


I knew she was a single mother before marrying her daughter and she didn't raise her daughter all by herself, I dated her daughter for 7 years before marrying her and I know she was raised by both parent, you are right my wife is a mummy's girl and there is nothing like having our own space with my MIL coz according to her the house is big enough, I can't even watch matches on weekend when I'm supposed to be resting and talking to my wife and son, I'm always in the room watching movies on YouTube because she always have the remote and it has to be on African magic while she discussed other family issues with my wife, I'm fed up
nonsense... ma husband does dat too,probably cos s d only son , they wil b watchin TV in d sittn lvin all alone in d bedroom but wif tym he got tired of his mum... sha b patient wif her
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by ERCROSS(m): 9:13pm On Aug 11, 2016
dynamite11:


I have discussed with my wife, I have told her I'm not comfortable with her mom been around and to burst your bubble she is the one person my wife respects the most and anything she says is final, I have been having this problem for months I rented out my former place on the mainland and bought a house in Lekki it's pretty far from where she stays because she have to drive for about 3 hours before getting here, I have relocated twice this year. I can't buy anymore house this year I have to invest the little I have left

Bros, the only solution is what has been said by TWACI.
explain the issue to ur parents and beg them to help u set things right...
Invite your mum over and ask her to come with like 2 or 3 female cousins of urs...
I swear , she go change

1 Like

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Josmila(m): 9:38pm On Aug 11, 2016
My mother in-law hardly visits except my wife invites her, she understands we need our privacy such that even when she visits, she leaves after a few days. Your wife is the key to solving the problem at hand, have a word a her and make her see reasons to speak to her mum about the incessant visits and long stays. If you try to do it yourself, she'll develop some hatred for you, and you know the end product grin.

Agree with your wife and let her the job so you can have your home back and not lose your sanity. Peace!
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by luvablesam(m): 10:09pm On Aug 11, 2016
Prettiepearlz:

Dear uncle I got your point, the only issue I have with you was your earlier comment about a man owning the house because he paid, bought or rented the house so his wife has no right to stop his mum from visiting everyday. But you have actually made a point that isn't biased with this now, so you're free grin

Dear Aunty. You have not been released. You have not given the OP a conclusive opinion as to how he can tell mama to reduce her visits

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by tonio2wo: 10:24pm On Aug 11, 2016
dynamite11:
My problem started shortly after our wedding this year, and ever since its like I'm in a versus kind of relationship( I versus my wife and her family). She is so controlling, she knows all of our business my wife makes sure she keeps her up to date on every little details that goes on in our lives and she is never out of our lives not even for a week and I think my wife is ok with it because her mother can never be wrong.

She worships her either she is right or wrong, she is always visiting every weekend and sometimes stays with us for a week or two only to come back the following weekend saying she misses us, when I got married to my wife I didn't ask for a bonus, I don't know why we can't be left alone, and the worse part of it is that she comes with other family members and we always have a full house, I'm an introvert and I love my privacy but with my mother in-law I will never have that. I have become sad over the past few months and it's affecting my home because I can't even talk to my wife anymore because she is her mother's ear piece, I'm losing my sanity, she is coming over this weekend and I think I just need to go on a vacation alone this summer to clear my head. Have you ever had this kind of problem before? I need help please.

Did she and her family sponsor ur wedding? Or was the business u n ur wife run funded by her family?

1 Like

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Nobody: 10:24pm On Aug 11, 2016
soberdrunk:
My brother you have three options::::::

1) You can man up and tell your wife and her mother that you are not comfortable with the way things are and that you need your privacy.(this option is not easy because you will have to face the 'wrath' of your wife or her mother or 'both')

2) You can get a male elder in your wife's family that is 'understanding' to talk to your mother-in-law to respect you and your wife's privacy(this too is risky because it can backfire if ypur mother-in-law takes it the wrong way)

3) 'OPERATION FLUSH HER OUT"--- make your home very 'uncomfortable' for her! Old women are superstitious so you can take advantage of that, you can start by dropping strange objects in the room she sleeps whenever she visits, you can arrange for strange noises to be made close to her window in the middle of the night, if your wife travels you can even go hardcore Nollywood on her, like pretend you are carrying out strange rituals in the middle of the night or just wear all white and be dancing azonto at odd hours and make sure she sees you grin grin grin grin

GOODLUCK MAN! DONT FORGET TO COME BACK AND THANK ME WITH COLD BOTTLES OF GULDER grin grin grin
This guy your so crazy chai! grin
You must have watched too many cartoons and kiddies movies while growing up!
Or maybe you are a kid?
Kids have infiltrated Nairaland anyways! tongue
Still......that number 3 is epicly hilarious! grin
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Prettiepearlz(f): 10:27pm On Aug 11, 2016
luvablesam:


Dear Aunty. You have not been released. You have not given the OP a conclusive opinion as to how he can tell mama to reduce her visits
Dear Uncle, it's now obvious you didn't completely read my first post, you only read the first paragragh. I already gave him my piece of advice on how to be free. You can do well to go back to completely read my first comment on this thread.

1 Like

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by mikolo80: 11:02pm On Aug 11, 2016
dynamite11:
My problem started shortly after our wedding this year, and ever since its like I'm in a versus kind of relationship( I versus my wife and her family). She is so controlling, she knows all of our business my wife makes sure she keeps her up to date on every little details that goes on in our lives and she is never out of our lives not even for a week and I think my wife is ok with it because her mother can never be wrong.

She worships her either she is right or wrong, she is always visiting every weekend and sometimes stays with us for a week or two only to come back the following weekend saying she misses us, when I got married to my wife I didn't ask for a bonus, I don't know why we can't be left alone, and the worse part of it is that she comes with other family members and we always have a full house, I'm an introvert and I love my privacy but with my mother in-law I will never have that. I have become sad over the past few months and it's affecting my home because I can't even talk to my wife anymore because she is her mother's ear piece, I'm losing my sanity, she is coming over this weekend and I think I just need to go on a vacation alone this summer to clear my head. Have you ever had this kind of problem before? I need help please.
man up and ask your wife to choose you or her mother or leave the house whenever she's around, or play very very loud music or sports (take back your remote man) or mojo sef. anybody not comfortable should leave. beht rid will come in handy when chudrens start coming o. so decide

1 Like 1 Share

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by tony1305: 11:14pm On Aug 11, 2016
My dear brother,I understand where you're coming from. Been there and it wasn't easy. Its is even more difficult when the wife fails to understand the need for privacy. What I did in my own case,after my continuous calls for my wife to stop her mother visiting frequently failed. I had to allow it spill into a quarrel that caught the attention of my MI. Ot was obvious to everyone that we(my wife and I had issues)so when my MI asked her daughter what the issue was,she had no choice but to spill the beans. Her mother got the jerk and left. From that day she respected herself. Of course I settled with my wife. Though she wasn't down with it bit she didn't have a choice. Cos the quarrel we had was intense and she wasn't ready for another.
So my brother make up your mind to deal with this issue even if it means quarrel so be it. Let your wife know that you're no longer going to tolerate it. Let it be obvious to her mum. If she hates you for it no wahala its always better to be yourself in your house than to pretend all is well. Best of luck.

2 Likes

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by tony1305: 11:24pm On Aug 11, 2016
It's really unfortunate that some couples fail to realise that marriage works better when there are no third parties. Third parties includes parents who wont mind their own lives but rather choose to poke into their children's marriage. No matter how close you or your wife use to be with your parents. It ended the day you exchanged vows. Your wife must know that you both deserve to respect each other. That includes feelings and in this case relationship with your parents. If she wants to respect her mum that's fine but it should not be at the detriment of her own home. I wish you luck men. Its not easy. I pray you succeed.

1 Like

Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by mikolo80: 11:41pm On Aug 11, 2016
Tellemall:
Freeloaders!


But honestly, try to enjoy your extended family a bit. Some are downright unpleasant but try to like your mother in law since your spouse values get greatly.

Why are Nigerians always at war with the in laws? Why do in-laws try to be as difficult as possible?

And why do Nigerian men always complain about this? Your wife's mother and family are always intruders who invade your family, their mothers are always butting in, but yours are the saints that can come as they please. Is it only your mothers who sweated for you and deserve the best in life? undecided
can't have two captains
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by mikolo80: 11:43pm On Aug 11, 2016
Prettiepearlz:
At last all powerful master, at least this complain is coming from a man and not a woman. I am surprised at the comments coming from our men, they aren't insulting him but if it's from a woman, this thread would have been filled with insults, now you can see that what's good for the goose is also good for the gander. Nobody wants his or her privacy being invaded. I just hope you guys here will comment this way if it's from a lady, but NO! It's a selfish world! A woman has to bear the pain.

@dynamite11, you know to achieve your aim, you might end up turning into a bad guy but for someone like me, I don't care. Since your wife isn't doing anything tangible about it, you have to put your foot down, you have to face her. Let her know that her presence is bugging you, you need your privacy, you need time to bond with your family and she isn't giving you that with her everyday and unnecessary visits. But if you can't do it, then you have to live with it.

Ps: Ikupakuti, come and see a guy complaining, let's see what you have to say about this now.
make gander de look face. na in marriage e de play with. which kin mumu mother wan scatter him pikin marriage
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by mikolo80: 11:44pm On Aug 11, 2016
sibdiibrahim:
If your mum is alive, whenever your mother-in law is coming, invite her also. If she isn't alive, then your aunt or 'elderly' sister (junior or senior). And ehen...... Do not forget to deliberately refuse to buy goodies that you are used to buying whenever she comes. Let the house be dry. When you go out, comeback late. Don't go and drink or chase ashawo ooooo. One more thing, try cuddling your wife in her presence......
In fact if na me i go go all the way. she can watch if he's mine carry am
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by Teeboy22(m): 11:55pm On Aug 11, 2016
locosis007:
Swallow your introversion and speak your mind.But gently

Sulking won't help issues.

Your Mother in law is definitely at something. Not just only on regular but something fishy.

Your father in law won't just allow her come visit everytime.

U don too watch English film
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by baarak66(m): 12:02am On Aug 12, 2016
robosky02:

for me I think there are three option to choose from

1. Dialogue - invite your wife to seat down and discuss your feeling with her. on how to reduce the excesses


2. "Waiter-logue" - wait to see any positive change that will happen after discussing with your wife


3. three -logue - get another person your wife respects so much to seat down as a third party to listen to each others point. why her mothers frequent visit should be curtailed. if there is no change


4. relocate very far from where the mother in-law cant be coming too frequently

Just relocate far away from her. Or perhaps leave the town you are if possible.
Re: My Mother-In-law Visits Too Often, How Do I Deal With That? Please Help by 9icetoo(m): 12:02am On Aug 12, 2016
soberdrunk:
My brother you have three options::::::

1) You can man up and tell your wife and her mother that you are not comfortable with the way things are and that you need your privacy.(this option is not easy because you will have to face the 'wrath' of your wife or her mother or 'both')

2) You can get a male elder in your wife's family that is 'understanding' to talk to your mother-in-law to respect you and your wife's privacy(this too is risky because it can backfire if ypur mother-in-law takes it the wrong way)

3) 'OPERATION FLUSH HER OUT"--- make your home very 'uncomfortable' for her! Old women are superstitious so you can take advantage of that, you can start by dropping strange objects in the room she sleeps whenever she visits, you can arrange for strange noises to be made close to her window in the middle of the night, if your wife travels you can even go hardcore Nollywood on her, like pretend you are carrying out strange rituals in the middle of the night or just wear all white and be dancing azonto at odd hours and make sure she sees you grin grin grin grin

GOODLUCK MAN! DONT FORGET TO COME BACK AND THANK ME WITH COLD BOTTLES OF GULDER grin grin grin

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