Adex097:
August Rose, why not meet me personally and pour out your mind instead of tabling my matter before Nairaland . Anyways, ah wee start packing my things first thing tomorrow morning . I thank you and uncle for the hospitality.

This is becoming more interesting

Calebosko:
woman,i understand what ur goin tru,av been tru it before,mine was my workplace asking me to permit him to stay with me,he knws that if i send him away,they wil tag me a bad person,n i deal with him with a political mind,what u wil do is to make d house uncomfortable to him on a polite way,politicaly,or u ask ur husband to marry him,who knws ur huby might be gay,if he is not a gay,he wil realy felt ur absent and tink twice,remember d rule"be nice to those who are nice to u"fight ur fears,dnt mind what people think if ur not comfortable with somthing

Life go teach you lesson soon. See wicked advice. Op is just being noisy for no tangible reason. How many hours does the guy spend at home? He is a student for Christ sake!

doskie:
how old is the baboon?

How is hr related to you


Why is he in your house


How old is your first child


Who gives him pocket money and how much


Does he steal,? Drink beer? Smoke? Bring babes home? Bring friends home? By friends you know what i mean?

Or is he the type that reads his books? Is he the praying type?..

If his good qualities supersedes his bad features, then it means he is open to counsel, advice, and help out of youth delinquency... Thats in the case he's still young.

But if he has very negative qualities that show hr wasn't brought up properly by his parents before he came to your house, and he shows no response to counsel and punitive correction, then he has no business in your house especially where you have younger kids who may inadvertently take him as a model.

I feel like slapping you for calling the boy baboon. With all your good home training. Abeg shift!

CrazyQuinn:
wow, the guy has no right to stay for that long what happened to privacy? Is he leaving soon? If not, complain to your husband and tell him your mind, if he doesn't listen, keep complaining to your husband until he tell the guy to leave. It's not right

He has no right staying in his relation house to go to school or finish his studies?, he should rent a house where his relation is willing to accommodate him?.I wish God gave me your type as wife so that I will teach you how to accommodate my relation.

Rossy99:
Am even ready to accomodate him cos i knw his family is not financially buoyant to get accomodation for him while still in skul,i expect him not go beyond his limit but he refuse.he is not d 1st person dt wud stay wit us.He is now causing division btw i nd hubby cos dey see me as d bad person,wen he want to get money frm hubby he wait till am out or go to meet him at d gate,is not that i do ask him not to give him.even wen he see dt i av wash all d dirty dishes in d kitchen,is he not suppose to wash d one he jst used in eating,he drop it nd i still go to wash it without saying anytin.i dnt knw wat he expect me to do again.he see me as a subordinate dat can't authorise him to do anytin

Sowie to hear, I knw hw painful it is.. He nid to low, lay and bury his pride..

Do you have grown up children?

Rossy99:
He is not even an inlaw or relative,hubby nd his father attend dsame church back den

[quote author=Rossy99 post=48650979]An undergraduate of polytechnic staying with us is growing wings. He doesn't help in domestic chores when hubby is away, he does when hubby is around, he Waits for us to tell him what to do before he does it and he is really making me angry which i hate to be.

When i report him to hubby, he won't do anything or even chastise him instead he complaints whenever i give him food that his food is too small. I'm not a bad type to give him little food cos i have conscience and it disturbs me wen i do bad but he is a glutton that only eats and sleeps without doing anything even to wash plates he use to eat.

This is hatred speaking,you have several complaints about the guy already and clearly you have refused to accept the guy as your own.Build a relationship with him.U need to change and you will see changes too.

Rossy99:
i av neva leave my chores for him to do,d only chores i expect him to do is sweep d parlour whr he sleep,wash dishes or fetch water which he hardly does.u said if i sweep he wud feel guilty conscience,this one doesn't,he wud lift his leg for me to sweep nd adjust well,wen i was preg,he wud b watching me fetch water nd d next day he wud use d water to bath not until i warn him lik 3tym b4 he stop using water i fetch to bath

What will you be doing if this guy is not in your house?,leave those work you expect him to do undone or for your husband? Or pay people to do them?.will you be here complaining if this guy is your younger brother?. The unfortunate thing is that this guy is not here to state his own side of story. Woman face your chores and leave the boy alone. I blame the whole thing on poverty, do you think that it's the guy's wish to be staying in your house and be using your parlor as bedroom as an undergraduate?.

The guy in question is neither related to you nor your hubby but rather your hubby's former school mate's son.

Your hubby is actually enjoying the feud between you and the guy because it is safer for him.

If you want your hubby to send that guy packing within a week you start being overly friendly with the guy in a very innocent way. Always tell your hubby good things about the guy: how he's smart, nice and even handsome! While dishing food dish special meat to the guy. After a very short while your hubby will hire an agent to look for a house for him.

Thank me later.

CrazyQuinn:
how can you allow your in law to stay with you for a year? There will be no privacy and he will be involved into their private affairs. Would you like your in-law to be involved with you and your wife's private affairs. So what's the point of getting married then

In law as in the husband's younger brother have no right to stay in his elder's brother's house to go to school or learn a vocation?. The husband should chase them away because he is married and suppose to have privacy?.

fellis:
Is the boy an id!ot?

How can a jobless person be complaining about the food he is given while living under another persons roof and not even doing anything to assist in the house, my God people like that irritate me. What does he think he is? A king that came to your house to be pampered? At least he should help with something to show you and your husband gratitude for taking care of him instead of just sitting around from morning till evening asking for more food.

What a lousy human being.

OP next time you and he and your husband eat on the same table or in the same room make sure you pile his plate of food very high to like twice or three times the amount you give your husband, if your husband says its too much tell him politely the boy is always complaining that you don't give him enough food so you want to make sure you serve him enough henceforth.

Do it like four times in the presence of your husband and unless he is a millionaire that has money to throw away he will call the boy and caution him on his eating habits.

Typical Nigerian wife

Hello poster, I understand your plight it can be really annoying. First of, it's not everything you bring on here or o line you would get bad advise, you can always talk to your parent or a trusted matured person. The comments I'm seeing here is infuriating, regardless of wherever he is coming from or going to he shldnt behave in such manner, a well behaved or trained person would assist around the house imagine he dint even assist when she was pregnant, he ld rather use the water she fetched, that's nonsense, I dislike Ill behaved people.

Your hubby is in the Centre of this all and he is the only one that can help you and make things better. Make him understand how he makes you feel like a subordinate and how he causes division, speak to him with the right tone of voice and at the right time, give him instances of what he did and explain how you feel, communicate clearly to him. If he doesn't understand you he ld think you are nagging or term it as woman wahala. For the guy, you need to set up boundaries, make him understand you and your hubby speaks with one voice, your hubby could give you the money he asks for to give him, don't show any form of disagreement with your hubby in front of him. Try all of these... At least one should save you.

CrazyQuinn:
the guy is not even her in-law he's a total stranger, living in a rent free house with free food and all, and he's been staying in the house for a year would you allow a stranger to stay in your house for more than a year, eating your food and not paying rent?

Is it the OP that brought him in or the hubby?,is it the OP that pays the house rent and buys the food?,since the hubby isn't complaining who is the OP to complain?. I pity your husband or your husband to be if at all you will get one as it's not a must to have one.

greatgod2012:





ko le to yen!
This life is very simple!
And the world is a global village.

He needs your help now doesn't mean you can't need his help in the future.

It may even be your children that he will render help to in the nearest future.

We shouldn't use today to destroy our tomorrow.

Instead of making life miserable to him, speak out your mind to him, ask him if he too can accept what he's doing to you from another person. Not with screaming or cursing or throwing tantrums but maturely and patiently.


Remember, nobody is totally bad!

Her type doesn't think about tomorrow because they're myopic.

I will personally blame this guy. When you stay with people and they feed you most especially with sister in law you need to make them your best friend and confidant so that you can have a rest of mind. Throw away pride and bend down and be ready to do every I mean every little work at home. Then you will see this woman good side all throughout your staying. Women appreciate a hard workers and they can go a long way to help out.
@woman you need to be patient because what that guy is doing can give u bad image b4 family and friends. Also you will not have a bad record on his side, because u never can tell what the future holds, Just get the mind that the guy will not stay more than 10 years with you again. Please note that your husband is a wise man for not listening to your complaints, he is protecting your image, your children's future and the family. Please learn to overlook some things also.
It shall be well with you.

Obynolee:



What will you be doing if this guy is not in your house?,leave those work you expect him to do undone or for your husband? Or pay people to do them?.will you be here complaining if this guy is your younger brother?. The unfortunate thing is that this guy is not here to state his own side of story. Woman face your chores and leave the boy alone. I blame the whole thing on poverty, do you think that it's the guy's wish to be staying in your house and be using your parlor as bedroom as an undergraduate?.

I just hate when people use this silly line, 'what if he was your brother'. If it was her brother she will know how to deal with him, without any 'gbeborun'who doesn't know how she is coping comes put to call her bad wife. A brother of my mum's came to live with us when I was younger so as to study, he didn't use 2 months before she sent him back to his mum when she couldn't cope with his crazy attitude.

But if it were her husband's brother everyone will expect her to cope with it.

When my younger bro did not smoke weed, how will he eat and leave the plate for me to wash or use a water he watched me fetching while heavily pregnant to bath, etc. But if it's someone from the husband's side even if they are in no way related, the maid of the house (aka wife) is expected to suck it up and clean after everyone before they call her wicked for standing up for herself.

Like one stranger my dad brought home then, that would come back after going wherever and be asking us ' didn't you guys eat in this house this afternoon '. So we had to be cooking afternoon and night food for him. The silly sense of entitlement, some people grow when they see an environment to breed.

cindyrocks:
Are you sure you are not the subject matter?

naaah. I live alone

cindyrocks:
The guy in question is neither related to you nor your hubby but rather your hubby's former school mate's son.

Your hubby is actually enjoying the feud between you and the guy because it is safer for him.

If you want your hubby to send that guy packing within a week you start being overly friendly with the guy in a very innocent way. Always tell your hubby good things about the guy: how he's smart, nice and even handsome! While dishing food dish special meat to the guy. After a very short while your hubby will hire an agent to look for a house for him.

Thank me later.

Cindy truly rocks.
Thanks in advance.

CrazyQuinn:
the guy is not even her in-law he's a total stranger, living in a rent free house with free food and all, and he's been staying in the house for a year would you allow a stranger to stay in your house for more than a year, eating your food and not paying rent?

Your own complain is even more than the complainant. Do u know what the guy's parent might have done to help the husband that is unknown to the wife?
I wonder the kind of wife u urself will be. If at all u have married, don't just allow ur in-law see any of ur post here at all.
May God help u. @ the complainant, pls bear with the guy. U may need his assistance later and he won't deny u at all cos of ur accommodation.

PrincessAnna:
Madam stop complaining about all he does. From your write-up you are creating problems in your home cos of a stranger. Truth is you don't like the guy and there's nothing he can do to change that... Tolerate and correct him like you'll do to your siblings.

You said my mind sir. To start with, at the initial stage when the guy arrived to the house, you guys had no issues with eachother, in fact, you said there was happiness. Then, at some points, perhaps when you ,the op realised the guy would be staying till his program finishes, based on that premise you started hating him. However, you now relate with him with bias and subjective mind. It won't work, he won't listen to you, even if you ask him to do what he loves doing the most he won't do it. That's it. Op, let peace reign in your family, you are a good mother act like one, you don't know what the future holds for your own children. At every stage in life man will always require others' help. If you throw him out of your house all in the name of his not doing this, he is not doing that, which I know it's not your genuine reason, your reason of hating him is because his staying with you guys till he finishes his studies. I dont know why we humans dont get things straight, you confessed that the guy came from a very poor home, you shouldn't expect much from him and his parent. Poor people are called poor becuse they are weak in all areas of life, and thank God you're not poor, it's your responsibility to make him strong. You might expect his parents to be performing some responsibilities at least, but you not seen those coming from them shouldnt bother you. Do your best, forget about what his parents or anybody should have given you because you're helping him. This is the time to help, not the time to criticise. I pray that God will give you the wisdom to scale through this huddle. Remain blessed.

Rossy99:
He is not even an inlaw or relative,hubby nd his father attend dsame church back den

if this is the case, then it's your fault, what nonsense, a total stranger in your house? why will you allow your husband to make such a decision?, that boy is an ingrate,even if he makes it tomorrow, it is people like him that will say "wetin dem do for me?,nor be ordinary food?", I am talking from experience, my dad did worse by housing people's children, since he is behaving like this, I can assure you that his attitude is a manifestation of ingratitude, tell your husband to get rid of him,simple, to think he will sit down for you to go and fetch water, he will have the guts to use it to bath, nonsense and ingredients

The guy has no job? Is he out looking? Does he pay money? A year and a half? Dude needs to gp home to mommy.. Buy him a bus ticket

Rossy99:
An undergraduate of polytechnic staying with us is growing wings. He doesn't help in domestic chores when hubby is away, he does when hubby is around, he Waits for us to tell him what to do before he does it and he is really making me angry which i hate to be.

When i report him to hubby, he won't do anything or even chastise him instead he complaints whenever i give him food that his food is too small. I'm not a bad type to give him little food cos i have conscience and it disturbs me wen i do bad but he is a glutton that only eats and sleeps without doing anything even to wash plates he use to eat.

What do i do?

Give him a standing order. Tell him what he ought to do every morning, afternoon or night as the case may be. That is how to communicate. You don't just assume that he should know what to do. The mindset women have that people should be mind-readers is what creates discord.

A stranger?? Wow.. Can I come live with u?? I'd love to do absolutly nothing and b taken care of.. U buy him clothes too? Phone? ..internet?

You didn't tell us who the guy is...all the same go about your normal duties or chores. The house is yours and that is why you a home maker, wash the plates and do eveything that will help you build an envious home. Above all remain a virtuous woman

U husband is out of line.. Put the guy out.. He he I'm sure he mastorbate every time u guys have sex and sniff in u used underware too if he get a chance.. Or Maby u husband has an affare with the guy that's why he been there so long.. It happend to others I talked to

jhydebaba:
So after reporting to your hubby, he did nothing. You now reported to nairaland make we beat am abi You must be kidding me.

The time you are wasting here is enough for you to do your chores. Abeg! Enter kitchen go wash your plate.


You called him a glutton, make he no eat again Abeg, free the guy joor. Abi your husband dey complain say he no fit drop money again.


I know if the boy were to be from your family, you won't be here.

Lol..no chill

If this guy were to be your relative the story would have being different and not be in display here. Have to know that when you marry your husband, you also marry his people as well.
If you tell him to do certain things around the house as you stress out and he does them, then I do not see why you want to create a situation.

Is there no hostel in d school?..... if there is find a way to pay hostel fee for him..... so may be he can come around only weekend.... by d time hunger for hostel hammer him he will appreciate.. ..Students stay in d .. explain that to ur husband..... bad behaviour repels pple.... somr guys even cook food... i know of a guy who cooks more than his madam...

That is y is advisable not to allow thembin d first place...... is better help them find a place bt pls not ur home... once had d issur of some distant relative stranded n wanted to spend d night... we paid d hotel fee instead.... so when d time is up.she goes.

Now d question is....... Do u really what him to leave ur house ? or do u just want him to change his attitude...?
shaaa

Madam he is not your house help, not your slave.

Women can do like witch sha!

I nor fit dey under anybody for my life, NEVER!

banttieman:


Cindy truly rocks.
Thanks in advance.

ur plan might do d trick thou...... lobatan.... madam see d solution to d problem..


just be nice to d guy shaa ..