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Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent - Family (10) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent (19013 Views) (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by odogwu2007(m): 6:45pm On Sep 30, 2016
SamOgasco:


Abi oooooo. That is just the right word and to right step to take with such a lady. I mean the word "endure" as used by you up there.

A thumb up for you dear. You just spoke my mind.
thanks a lot
Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by bukatyne(f): 8:55pm On Sep 30, 2016
Timbuktou:


My thoughts on this thread are as close to my beliefs as possible. Should my beliefs change because my son appears to fall on the wrong side of them? Would it be alright to have my beliefs if my son wasn't in that demographic? Some of us try to be dispassionate, you know. Especially when the stakes are very high as in the case of marriage. grin

Anyway, you would have to show me where I asked for discrimination against these people. All I have advocated for is people be careful when marrying people in this demographic. wink

Your son is involved and is suddenly 'appearances'?

This is not been 'dispassionate', it is more of painting a false picture.

Your post would have made more impact if you stated the fact that you are a single dad and/or your son was with you/his mother; the pitfalls you noticed with children raised by single parents and the proactive steps you have taken for your son to turn out different.

Besides, this is the post I found strange especially the bold...

Timbuktou: Polygamous homes, single parents homes(especially single mother homes) have the distinct feature of a usually absentee father, hence, children are left worse off. Not to say all single parent or polygamous homes are guilty for suppplying society with deviants, but they do supply the most and disproportionately too. Prostitutes and criminals are more likely to come from such arrangements where there is no strong father figure. 70℅ of prison inmates in Nigeria are products of fatherlessness. Feel free to look it up.

Having said that, victims of these situations do not have any right to demand that others overlook what could be considered possible effects of their flawed upbringing. People have the right to consider if the person they want to "live the rest of their life with" will go the whole way or drop out like mummy or daddy did, or that the causes for the split of their parents will not rear their heads up in their own marriage.

I, for one, would strongly counsel my children to stay away from such people. If they are adamant, they must make sure there are no lingering after effects or carried over sleeper bombs (hopefully). You can't come and tell me a couple of years later that, you were wrong. Nobody wants their children to choose a damaged spouse or see their children go through a divorce.

You would strongly counsel your son (son of a single father 'at best'/ single mother) to stay away from children of other single parents especially mothers?

Very strange.
Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Marxxx: 11:04pm On Sep 30, 2016
This is quite huge...
Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Nobody: 5:34am On Oct 01, 2016
bukatyne:


Your son is involved and is suddenly 'appearances'?
Let's start with the meaning of appear(s), shall we?
Appear:To become evident or manifest <there appears to be evidence to the contrary>. You don't have to trust my definition, though, Google is willing to give you up to a hundred definitions of the word which price that my usage if it is, in fact, accurate.

This is not been 'dispassionate', it is more of painting a false picture.
The problem isn't me painting a false picture, it's you not have a broad enough vocabulary to accommodate my usage of the word 'appear', thus causing you to not appreciate the context of my comment.

Your post would have made more impact if you stated the fact that you are a single dad and/or your son was with you/his mother; the pitfalls you noticed with children raised by single parents and the proactive steps you have taken for your son to turn out different.
Lol, more impact to who and to what end exactly? And the explanation about my son's circumstances to what end exactly? If someone were to ask me if I was worried about his situation and if I were taking steps to remedy them, perhaps I might volunteer more information. However, I haven't seen the need to make such comments, and I certainly haven't been asked that. Instead, I was asked if I wanted my son discriminated against. undecided grin


You would strongly counsel your son (son of a single father 'at best'/ single mother) to stay away from children of other single parents especially mothers?

Very strange.
Hmm, yet I have made comments such as this on this thread.

The key is that they have the required appreciation for the marriage institution and actually learn what it takes to me a marriage work. So, if Grandma teaches her grandchild how to make and keep a home or this person gets to learn themselves, then there is more than hope
.

Or this:

If they are adamant, they must make sure there are no lingering after effects or carried over sleeper bombs (hopefully)

You know you can ask questions to reconcile my beliefs and my situation and see how I tend to navigate them from a genuine standpoint. Or you can ask 'gotcha' questions. Your call. kiss kiss. But the problem really isn't my son's situation, though, is it? The problem is actually my beliefs. You don't agree with them, do you? grin grin
Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by bukatyne(f): 1:16pm On Oct 01, 2016
Timbuktou:

Let's start with the meaning of appear(s), shall we?
Appear:To become evident or manifest <there appears to be evidence to the contrary>. You don't have to trust my definition, though, Google is willing to give you up to a hundred definitions of the word which price that my usage if it is, in fact, accurate.

Fine

Timbuktou:
The problem isn't me painting a false picture, it's you not have a broad enough vocabulary to accommodate my usage of the word 'appear', thus causing you to not appreciate the context of my comment.

The appear is not an issue... play with words as you deem fit. The false picture largely stems from the portion of your previous post I highlighted.


Timbuktou:
Lol, more impact to who and to what end exactly? And the explanation about my son's circumstances to what end exactly? If someone were to ask me if I was worried about his situation and if I were taking steps to remedy them, perhaps I might volunteer more information. However, I haven't seen the need to make such comments, and I certainly haven't been asked that. Instead, I was asked if I wanted my son discriminated against. undecided grin

Thus the false picture you are painting.

How would someone know you have a 'situation' if I didn't ask that question to be sure? Reading your posts sounded like you have a loving family with your kids having the best of a joint family life. You have the responsibility not to lead people on... (yeah, you might say people online shouldn't be stup.id to believe everything but that's for another day).

Interestingly, the information you felt the need to hoard would have brought balance and learning to this thread. You have always felt children of single parents are not god candidates for marriage.. 'unfortunately', you found your self in same shoes and have taken XYZ steps to ensure your son is an eligible bachelor. People would learn from your story and some single parents would correct their current mistakes.[/quote]

Timbuktou:
Hmm, yet I have made comments such as this on this thread.

Or this:

You know you can ask questions to reconcile my beliefs and my situation and see how I tend to navigate them from a genuine standpoint. Or you can ask 'gotcha' questions. Your call. kiss kiss.

'Gotcha' questions is your forte grin

You had no intention to be genuine with you telling us you don't want your son mingling with kids of single parents undecided

Timbuktou:
But the problem really isn't my son's situation, though, is it? The problem is actually my beliefs. You don't agree with them, do you? grin grin

Your beliefs or opinions on this matter (or any other) is not my 'problem'/concern;

Afterall, I stated clearly in the baby mama thread I couldn't marry a baby daddy as they have baggage (I honestly know this is a crass generalization)... however it would have been absurd if I was a baby mama myself.

P.S.:

You can tell us how you mitigate the pitfalls of single parenthood.
Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Nobody: 4:03pm On Oct 01, 2016
bukatyne:

Fine

The appear is not an issue... play with words as you deem fit. The false picture largely stems from the portion of your previous post I highlighted.
As the saying goes, "I'm not responsible for what you understand". If my usage of the word is correct, then how is your understanding of my comment my fault?

Thus the false picture you are painting.

How would someone know you have a 'situation' if I didn't ask that question to be sure? Reading your posts sounded like you have a loving family with your kids having the best of a joint family life. You have the responsibility not to lead people on... (yeah, you might say people online shouldn't be stup.id to believe everything but that's for another day).

Interestingly, the information you felt the need to hoard would have brought balance and learning to this thread. You have always felt children of single parents are not god candidates for marriage.. 'unfortunately', you found your self in same shoes and have taken XYZ steps to ensure your son is an eligible bachelor. People would learn from your story and some single parents would correct their current mistakes.
Again, your comprehension is not my responsibility.
And the more I speak of myself, the more you know about me. You want me to give you a live feed into my daily existence so you'll know everything about me in one day? grin

What you call hoarding, I call discretion. A matter of context and perspective. I'm under no obligation to say more than I want to or think I need to. undecided.

'Gotcha' questions is your forte grin
Ugh. Anyway, moving on.

You had no intention to be genuine with you telling us you don't want your son mingling with kids of single parents undecided
You do not know what my intentions are, you may think you do, but you clearly don't from where I'm standing.
Perhaps, I could have been more specific in saying that I don't want him marrying from that group. Of course, mingling on a general level isn't a problem.

Your beliefs or opinions on this matter (or any other) is not my 'problem'/concern;
I believe you. grin

Afterall, I stated clearly in the baby mama thread I couldn't marry a baby daddy as they have baggage (I honestly know this is a crass generalization)... however it would have been absurd if I was a baby mama myself.
Just because you think it would be absurd doesn't make it absurd. I mean, single parents marry people who have never had children all the time. Is that also absurd? grin

P.S.:

You can tell us how you mitigate the pitfalls of single parenthood.
I already have. Take your time to read my posts, deliberately this time
Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Dtymisnw: 6:50pm On Oct 01, 2016
Not only ladies frm single parents are bad, d guys too are wicked. Am married to one and it has been hell.
Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Nobody: 8:48pm On Oct 01, 2016
Dtymisnw:
Not only ladies frm single parents are bad, d guys too are wicked. Am married to one and it has been hell.
What does he do?

Please share
Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Nobody: 9:42pm On Oct 01, 2016
doctor5050:
hi,what were the questions like?
I don't get. What questions?
Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by RoyalBlak007: 1:23am On Oct 05, 2016
grin cheesy grin
Mskrisx:




So, is this her fault? Just talk say ur village people still hold you for blokos!
Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by liza207: 6:40pm On Jan 21, 2017
some people keep using the sentence the mother/father opted out of the marriage. First of all do you think all single mother did not try to make their marriage work. what about those women in abusive marriages? should they stay in the marriage cos of what the society will say. for example I am a product of a single mother my mother suffer abuse from my dad for 16 years of marriage he beats her on every single thing. he takes the money she makes from her business to spend on mistress and friends, he does not pay any money on our school fees or upkeep or anything. borrow money from people and don't return them. are you saying that she should have stayed so that some people can see her daughters good enough to marry I say no. I get some of your point though. been raised by a single parent leaves some mark on you emotionally and physiologically. and the way they can protect themselves is by been strong willed. just like a man raised in an abusive marriages thinks the only way to make a woman submit is by beating them.

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