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Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent - Family (7) - Nairaland

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Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by possibilita: 7:19pm On Sep 26, 2016
Creamish:


Its also possible he is the one with the issues.. grin
is that y he wants to campaign and make those single mothers also single grannies n hence single great grannies.
Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by abimic(m): 7:21pm On Sep 26, 2016
cindyrocks:
Tuface Idibia's wife Annie was raised by a single mum and she is still happily married to Tubaba despite his short comings.


Nairaland boys always looking for excuses to hate ladies.

Mind you I am not from a broken home.
Don't be too sure of Annie's, only the end justifies the means, though I'm not ready to enter into a circled discussion where conclusion isn't in sight but the op has a point, though can't be the yardstick for all raised by single mothers. Davido's mother is late, from my perception of him, he looks arrogant and rude. Well, I know of a lady in her late twenties where i stay here who still lives with her single hardworking, dedicated mother, her mother no doubt is a quintessential for many women out there but I feared she would end up her mother's way. Her mother is a divorcee though. So we can't totally rule out op's vantage point, though not a basis.
Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by apache77(m): 7:23pm On Sep 26, 2016
CuteMorriz:
I am not saying ladies raised by single parents are all bad, you may get lucky finding some exceptional ladies raised by single mums. Evidently you seldom find single men raising a child but it's quite prevalent with the opposite sex.

A relation of mine was dating this lady and when the time came for the union to be made official, his parents advised him to discontinue becos after they had made enquiries and investigation they discovered the lady's mother left her husband many years ago over some frivolous reasons. Then I asked my uncle why did he side with family and not allow his son take the bold step then he said:

1. Women raised by single parent (mother) are usually strong willed hence may end up like their mother.

2. A lady who has seen no need for a father will be swift to end a union because she will have the courage to train her children alone afterall she was raised by a mum.

3. How will she get marital advice from her mum when things are tough and you know ladies often run to their mum when they need advice (remember the mother took the easy way out)

4. Sooner or later my son may become a bachelor again...the odd is high and is glaring..

5. A lady who have spent 21 years of her life without a father cannot be psychologically stable even if she appears to be.

6. Ladies raised by single parents did not experience the beautiful and ugly part of the union called marriage from her parents hence they don't have their parents as their role model.

7. Amin (as he fondly calls me) when the baton gets to you, look at the mother of your fiancèe closely because with time she will display those traits you observed in the mother......

Then I asked him what if the lady's father is dead and the mum decided to train her alone?...my uncle said we may also enquire about the untimely death of the father but "Amin that is a topic for another day"......

spot on. i married my ex wife only 3yrs ago.last month we were divorced, in court! why? i still dont knw. i dated her for 7yrs married her for 2, seprated for one. she decided to end the marriage for very flimsy reasons..which to this day, i dnt knw.

shes 29,her dad died when she was 9,and her mother raised her alone for the next 17yrs before i married her. the mother disnt raise a finger to discourage her daughter from ending the marriage, seemed to even to support her.
e
when i was trying to resolve the matter sometime last year so it doewnt get to divorce..she famously told me: i shd loom at her very well, shes not one of those girls desperate to remain in a mans house.

i guessed she had grown up seeing her mother riase her alone
Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Nobody: 7:23pm On Sep 26, 2016
Demigods666:



Serious o.

grin
See the name sef? 666! Hmmm. Hope you aren't the devil himself? undecided

2 Likes

Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by mikool007(m): 7:23pm On Sep 26, 2016
Pls listen to yourselves, do u tink pple choose hw many parents raise dem and evn so you mean we should totally condemn all of dem? For writing this type of article, it means you hv sm serious issues ur self and other pple should stay clear frm you....be wise;you can advice nt condemn

4 Likes

Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Nobody: 7:31pm On Sep 26, 2016
Trina0936:

See the name sef? 666! Hmmm. Hope you aren't the devil himself? undecided


Lolzzzzz. I am cheesy
Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by enny4real23(m): 7:33pm On Sep 26, 2016
CuteMorriz:
that's true but as human when things are tough you need someone to encourage you but when your mentor took the easy way out...it may take more than ordinary for you to remain steadfast

dude whats all these nonsense about the mother 'taking the easy way out' that's a very narrow minded point of view, you are making assumptions that when a marriage fails, its usually because the wife refuse to make it work, you know a marriage is between two people right? the husband also need to put an effort into it. also, your point of view about never marrying a girl from a broken home is foolish at best, don't you think that that girl would have learned one or two things from her parents failed marriage? that's very immature. moreso, are you saying women should stay in their marriages no matter how miserable they are in the marriage? I'm very sure you are not a psychologist so don't make ridiculous speculations here. I also think you are psychologically unstable for having this kind of old world way of thinking ...... .no offense intended.

9 Likes

Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Nobody: 7:37pm On Sep 26, 2016
African perception*, undecided don't be quick to condemn a lady raised by a single mother just because you feel insecure. Even if a woman is raised by the most disciplined parents, if she what's to misbehave she will. Every individual stands alone in creation.

8 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Nobody: 7:44pm On Sep 26, 2016
Aderola15:

I'm quoting you because I see wisdom when you drop your comments smiley. Now my question is, what do you have to say about those raised by their grandmas

Thanks for the compliment. smiley

However, I'd still say it's a risky proposition. The truth is people raised in single parent homes tend to subconsciously model their lives in relation to their upbringing. Many of the problems they face in their own marriages are directly connected to their upbringing. Many are too independent of their spouses or too dependent on them, the former usually to protect themselves from being a victim of the "crime" their custodial parent suffered, the latter usually to feel the void left by the absentee parent.

The key is that they have the required appreciation for the marriage institution and actually learn what it takes to me a marriage work. Not everyone will marry someone they are compatible with, therefore, one would have to take the difficult path in understanding their partner and communicating with their partner that they are also understood by them. In such situations, someone who grew up without either or both parents might very well not be inclined to tough it out, choosing divorce, the easier, more familiar path.

So, if Grandma teaches her grandchild how to make and keep a home or this person gets to learn themselves, then there is more than hope, otherwise it could very well be more of the same.

Nobody is saying children from such situations are bad people, they just don't want their kids mixed up with someone who could be bad for them.

Sorry, it's too long. smiley

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Koolking(m): 7:46pm On Sep 26, 2016
SamOgasco:


Wrong to your face cause you never experienced one. And I pray you never experience such a lady as well. Even just being in a relationship with them na dia, let alone to enter into a marriage with such. Omo that one na hell, except God's intervene.... Omo like I said, I never pray you encounter one...

Not all of them are like that though, but majority of them are like that.

Which God intervene...? Must every issue be religionised? I weep for your warped mentality.

Your subjective judgement though...it's understandable. So, you still accept the flawed notion that women who are raised by both parents are angels and marriage-able, while single-parent brought up and of course orphans are the devils not to be associated with? In fact, I got no words for you. Believe on, it's your choice. Unfortunately for me, am not the type to be shaped by individual and group opinions. I make and choose my own believes.

4 Likes

Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Nobody: 7:47pm On Sep 26, 2016
prettyzee11:
I actually don't want to comment on D's but is so disheartening to hear one judge others even when u don't know what they might have gone through. What do u even understand by single mother??
A. The widows
B.divorced
C.out of wedkuck
D. Raped cases... Etc

A.The widows, is it their wish to lost a dear soulmate they have had kids for? And if death eventually come knocking should they kill there offsprings too?
B.The Divorced, I have read severally about abusive marriages and we all read how some end up killed by their husband.this is as a result that they don't want to be called names by the society or their kids been mocked in future by people like most of u here.
C.Out of wedlock, most of us also know D's category in as much as am not encouraging this set of people but rather than aborting or even trying things that might end one life I kind of envy such people to have taken a bold step carrying DT child. But funny enough this kind of comparison is d reason y some of such calibers end up throwing d child away.
Lastly The Raped Cases,please what should people of D's category do? Should they go hang themselves or kill the child?
WELL ALL IN ALL B IT SINGLE MUM OR SINGLE DAD BROUGHTUP WE ALL SHOULD ENDEAVOR TO KNOW OUR WEAKNESS N WORK TOWARDS MAKING IT PERFECT FOR OUR FUTURE PARTNER. WE CANT CHOOSE OUR PARENT BUT CAN CHOOSE HOW TO BRING OUR CHILDREN UP. SAY NO TO CRITICISM, SAY NO TO ABUSE!!!

1 Like

Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by eyinjuege: 7:51pm On Sep 26, 2016
Abeg, what of men raised by single mothers?

Are they also not marriageable?

1 Like

Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by eyinjuege: 7:58pm On Sep 26, 2016
CuteMorriz:
lol...don't get emotional...I was not trying to make comparisons...with abusive parents et al...I can see you are trying to empathise with single mums...just see the topic the way it is don't try to modify...

Nothing emotional about all she's written.

More like a more balanced stand..

Pls what are your submissions on the questions she asked?

5 Likes

Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Dfinex(f): 7:59pm On Sep 26, 2016
twinklestar:

This write-up is an absolute nonsense created from a shallow and parochial observation. To declare a bleak future outlook and rubbish the marital aspiration of any lady due to her challenging background reeks of a repugnant thought process. It is thesame reprehensible, uncanny reasoning that has held back the development and consolidation of our national potentials across different ethinic lines.
At best, your deductions and conclusion are very stereotyped

I dey tey u ee. ....see finishing, lolsss.
Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by NobleG1(m): 8:01pm On Sep 26, 2016
CuteMorriz:
I am not saying ladies raised by single parents are all bad, you may get lucky finding some exceptional ladies raised by single mums. Evidently you seldom find single men raising a child but it's quite prevalent with the opposite sex.

A relation of mine was dating this lady and when the time came for the union to be made official, his parents advised him to discontinue becos after they had made enquiries and investigation they discovered the lady's mother left her husband many years ago over some frivolous reasons. Then I asked my uncle why did he side with family and not allow his son take the bold step then he said:

1. Women raised by single parent (mother) are usually strong willed hence may end up like their mother.

2. A lady who has seen no need for a father will be swift to end a union because she will have the courage to train her children alone afterall she was raised by a mum.

3. How will she get marital advice from her mum when things are tough and you know ladies often run to their mum when they need advice (remember the mother took the easy way out)

4. Sooner or later my son may become a bachelor again...the odd is high and is glaring..

5. A lady who have spent 21 years of her life without a father cannot be psychologically stable even if she appears to be.

6. Ladies raised by single parents did not experience the beautiful and ugly part of the union called marriage from her parents hence they don't have their parents as their role model.

7. Amin (as he fondly calls me) when the baton gets to you, look at the mother of your fiancèe closely because with time she will display those traits you observed in the mother......

Then I asked him what if the lady's father is dead and the mum decided to train her alone?...my uncle said we may also enquire about the untimely death of the father but "Amin that is a topic for another day"......

It seems your uncle is an illiterate or completely nuts! His reasons are totally absurd and illogical! His mentality is horrible. What your dumb uncle is saying is that every woman behaves and does exactly what their mother did in life, which is totally false.

Haven't he seen a man or woman who came from a very good home, whose parents are still together but he or she turns out to be terrible?
There are people who come from bad families but they turn out to be great people! There are orphans who are great people today.

Being a single mother is not a crime. That a mother is single doesn't necessarily mean it was her fault her relationship didn't last. What would your uncle say about a woman who was raised by a single father? What would he say about a woman who was raised by her mother and step-father? Take him to see a psychiatric.

And please, send him the url of this thread to read.

7 Likes

Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Creamish(f): 8:11pm On Sep 26, 2016
CuteMorriz:
creamish, cococandy, paperlace, cute hector...you see people who are in support of my opinion have real life experience of what am talking about you guys are just trying to be termed "rational"....

I don't need to tell u about the real life experience I have of a single mother who raised her kids right. My ish wit u is ur need to write off the good ones just cos of the few bad ones.

3 Likes

Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Creamish(f): 8:13pm On Sep 26, 2016
NobleG1:


It seems your uncle is an illiterate or completely nuts! His reasons are totally absurd and illogical! His mentality is horrible. What your dumb uncle is saying is that every woman behaves and does exactly what their mother did in life, which is totally false.

Haven't he seen a man or woman who came from a very good home, whose parents are still together but he or she turns out to be terrible?
There are people who come from bad families but they turn out to be great people! There are orphans who are great people today.

Being a single mother is not a crime. That a mother is single doesn't necessarily mean it was her fault her relationship didn't last. What would your uncle say about a woman who was raised by a single father? What would he say about a woman who was raised by her mother and step-father? Take him to see a psychiatric.

And please, send him the url of thread to read.




I just tire o.. He has refused to see the other side of the coin..

3 Likes

Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by khristal87(m): 8:19pm On Sep 26, 2016
niggi4life:
90% of my Ex GFs and female friends who were raised by sinlge parent are not yet married and some are over 30yrs.
The 10% who are into relationships or married are usually rude and they are too quick to judge the guys easily.

I am not blaming anyone here, it's just what i have observed.
U said 90% like let m guess,,,,,,, na wao bros, u ve seen alot
Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Creamish(f): 8:22pm On Sep 26, 2016
CuteMorriz:
creamish paperlace cococandy ladymercedes et al...pls look at real life experiences

....Seems u have selective understanding. Of course there are those who the parents try to raise right but end up wayward..it exists in all families..whether single parents or both parents. There are also daughters who grow up respectful under the tutelage of her single mom or dad or both parents. Why are u hellbent on pinning it on single moms alone?

Nwayz... U can stay away from them. It does not guarantee u a long lasting marriage as it is not d sole determinant of a healthy marriage. Whatever rocks ur boat.

6 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Shym3xx: 8:32pm On Sep 26, 2016
Let me quickly add a disclaimer to my posts. grin

I only posted in support of children who were raised by single parents cos I've got loads of them as friends and acquaintances. And I don't see anything wrong with them.

However, I'm not in support of the lifestyle that got them there. A lot of chics out there these days are just making babies like dogs and they make terrible choices in partners. And you've got a lot of crazy women who chased their partners away. So, I do not support these psychos.

I can't really say anything about single dads cos I don't think I've ever met anyone raised by a single dad (I'm sure they're out there). And I believe that's only possible if the mum is either dead or unfit physically to raise kids. Ditto mums who became single parents by virtue of their partners' death, or absentee dead beat dads.

If you're a LovePeddler and by virtue of slanging ya pum everywhere, you became a single mum - or you're a psycho who keeps getting pregnant for all kinds of men, while chasing them away. Fix up. grin grin

1 Like

Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Nobody: 8:35pm On Sep 26, 2016
All of you asking "what about boys raised by single mothers?" Well, just take a look at the prison population or the literal horde of agberos in Lagos and the south west. grin 90℅ of these people were brought up without a father. Fact.

How come there aren't such corresponding number of petty, low life criminals in the south East? Because marriages in the SE last longer on the average. The break down of the family unit is a problem on society. I know the ladies are all emotional because of the one-sided nature of the title but, it is what it is.

Shalom.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Mafio: 8:47pm On Sep 26, 2016
That's why is always good to let ur childrens father be in contact with them. No matter what happen .
op I have seen a situation guys raise by single mum turn up worse.
They married, have kids that they will not even care about.
All they sing is "my mother raise me and my siblings alone so u can also raise ur children alone, my mum do it so can u.
They so on having kids all over..
Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by aylagos(m): 8:57pm On Sep 26, 2016
This is so so true you will understand the op only if you hav experienced such lady. My girl is just like that she is quick to judge me in every situations and has this mentality that all men are bad and she will not take nonsense from anyone that will be her husband am even worry
Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by SirVintageCock: 9:03pm On Sep 26, 2016
Timbuktou:
All of you asking "what about boys raised by single mothers?" Well, just take a look at the prison population or the literal horde of agberos in Lagos and the south west. grin 90℅ of these people were brought up without a father. Fact.

How come there aren't such corresponding number of petty, low life criminals in the south East? Because marriages in the SE last longer on the average. The break down of the family unit is a problem on society. I know the ladies are all emotional because of the one-sided nature of the title but, it is what it is.

Shalom.
I'd say the literal hordes of the agberos is due to the polygamous marriages being practiced in the southwest. Families are not that close knitted compared to what is obtainable in monogamous union as fathers tends to have divided attention in discharging their fatherly roles amidst the chaos and throes of polygamy especially if there is no love lost between the parents.
Single parenthood is the resultant effects of men and women's actions and inactions and it is quite disheartening that the op had to portray the main victims in this case the children in a bad taste on a situation they had no control over

1 Like

Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Nancy2016: 9:08pm On Sep 26, 2016
Shym3xx:
Let me quickly add a disclaimer to my posts. grin

I only posted in support of children who were raised by single parents cos I've got loads of them as friends and acquaintances. And I don't see anything wrong with them.

However, I'm not in support of the lifestyle that got them there. A lot of chics out there these days are just making babies like dogs and they make terrible choices in partners. And you've got a lot of crazy women who chased their partners away. So, I do not support these psychos.

I can't really say anything about single dads cos I don't think I've ever met anyone raised by a single dad (I'm sure they're out there). And I believe that's only possible if the mum is either dead or unfit physically to raise kids. Ditto mums who became single parents by virtue of their partners' death, or absentee dead beat dads.

If you're a LovePeddler and by virtue of slanging ya pum everywhere, you became a single mum - or you're a psycho who keeps getting pregnant for all kinds of men, while chasing them away. Fix up. grin grin

I hope you do realize that it takes two make a baby. Also a woman can get pregnant the first time, so your premise that some of the single mothers are "love peddlers" is totally wrong. If that is the case what would you call the men?

2 Likes

Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Nancy2016: 9:09pm On Sep 26, 2016
aylagos:
This is so so true you will understand the op only if you hav experienced such lady. My girl is just like that she is quick to judge me in every situations and has this mentality that all men are bad and she will not take nonsense from anyone that will be her husband am even worry

Since you are worried please call off the relationship and stop wasting her time. You are blocking her from meeting her rightful partner.

4 Likes

Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Nancy2016: 9:12pm On Sep 26, 2016
razortruth:
Unfortunately, this assertion is very true. Even my brother's wife who is a chosen mopol, I mean a member of the Lord's chosen church owned by Pastor Lazarus Nmoka deserted her husband because that's exactly how her mother behaved. Their mother ran away from the husband and trained them (five girls) alone and today, none of them is living with the husband. Even with all entreaties and begging from my brother, she remained adamant and incorrigible. What baffles me is that they made her "a worker" and ursher even with her immoral lifestyle perhaps because she pays "big tithe" it's so unfortunate. But this assertion cannot be generalized. There are the few whom God himself touched their hearts to be different from their mother. Note:My brother is young!!!

What did your brother do? When a woman has had enough, no amount of begging will make her change her mind.

1 Like

Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by aylagos(m): 9:20pm On Sep 26, 2016
Nancy2016:


Since you are worried please call off the relationship and stop wasting her time. You are blocking her from meeting her rightful partner.
u don't have clue
Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by 247Potential: 9:20pm On Sep 26, 2016
Okay Boss.. I keyed into your reasoning cool

1 Like

Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Nancy2016: 9:24pm On Sep 26, 2016
EmpresFIDEL:
I do not agree with you, majority of girls raised by both parents are even more wayward, while d ones raise by one parent are very strong, they love been independent, they support their husband becos dy are strong physically and mentally, they do well in life becos some of them want to prove to their father who might have abandoned them DAT dy can become somebody good in life, they are motivated positively becos dy av faced so many challenges, they will always miss their dad and they will not want their children to experience what dy av gone true.

majority of girls raised by both parents are even more wayward:

This is not true. While I don't agree with the OP, I think this statement is totally false. Families where there are both parents tend to have a higher income than single-parent families. Therefore, the children tend to have a greater allowance and thus lesser need to sell their bodies. Also there is a likelihood that discipline will be tighter due to both parents sharing responsibilities.

1 Like

Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Nobody: 9:37pm On Sep 26, 2016
SirVintageCock:
I'd say the literal hordes of the agberos is due to the polygamous marriages being practiced in the southwest. Families are not that close knitted compared to what is obtainable in monogamous union as fathers tends to have divided attention in discharging their fatherly roles amidst the chaos and throes of polygamy especially if there is no love lost between the parents.
Single parenthood is the resultant effects of men and women's actions and inactions and it is quite disheartening that the op had to portray the main victims in this case the children in a bad taste on a situation they had no control over

Polygamous homes, single parents homes(especially single mother homes) have the distinct feature of a usually absentee father, hence, children are left worse off. Not to say all single parent or polygamous homes are guilty for suppplying society with deviants, but they do supply the most and disproportionately too. Prostitutes and criminals are more likely to come from such arrangements where there is no strong father figure. 70℅ of prison inmates in Nigeria are products of fatherlessness. Feel free to look it up.

Having said that, victims of these situations do not have any right to demand that others overlook what could be considered possible effects of their flawed upbringing. People have the right to consider if the person they want to "live the rest of their life with" will go the whole way or drop out like mummy or daddy did, or that the causes for the split of their parents will not rear their heads up in their own marriage.

I, for one, would strongly counsel my children to stay away from such people. If they are adamant, they must make sure there are no lingering after effects or carried over sleeper bombs (hopefully). You can't come and tell me a couple of years later that, you were wrong. Nobody wants their children to choose a damaged spouse or see their children go through a divorce.

2 Likes

Re: Why You Shouldn't Marry A Lady Raised By A Single Parent by Mhizzibah(f): 9:45pm On Sep 26, 2016
PaperLace:

I wonder why anyone would sit in his house and tell me not to get emotional_ psychic much?
You can't even answer simple questions, yet you claim to be logical. If you're that logical, you would know those questions are a subliminal way of telling you, it takes a couple for a marriage to work. Majority of the threads here on NL complaining of bad wives (that's me trying to FOCUS), I haven't seen any_ where it was stated that the wife was brought up by a single mum.
Sooo, what went wrong Mr Logic?

Do you know Nigeria's population? I ask once again.
You met just one lady raised by a single mum, out of millions of Nigerians and you run to NL to create thread...as statistician you be ba?

There are few single dads you say?
Jointly made, jointly owned.
'but somehow the woman gets to be stuck with the kids, most times doesn't get married again, raises them to be strong independent people and you think you can rule them out without giving them a chance? Who exactly are you, Uncle?

I am not 'empathising' with anyone but I know what it takes to train a child. Anyone who does that (independently) gets my support.
Now, go back and answer my questions, stop looking for supporters grin.

you're so on point ma'am.

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