ItsQuinn:
Divorce him straight! ....you're not benefiting anything from him, even your child is not benefiting anything from his/her father, what's the point of staying together then? The mistake you made was to marry him in the first place, next time get to know who you are marrying and the family's background before marrying. Now it's time to correct that mistake with a divorce

My sister, go look for a good job to support yourself and your baby. Stay blessed

CrazyQuine you again! You will give her another husband once they divorce

ghen ghen

u should tank God for two things . .
1. he won't bring home another child
2. he won't bring home deadly disease.

My advice to you is that u should
1: pray to God for his repentance cos u saw all these before settling down with him.
2:being a house wife is act of lazyness or lack of ambition for me, either u look for teaching work or other works that will not draw men to u; cos i believe that he has jealousy A1,
3: dont start looking for whom to talk to about his action cos they all must have known, just keep calm and trust in ur self.
4: dont engage in a fight with him over condom brouhaha cos it will lead to beating, but buy him extra good condoms,put it in his suitcase or as a gift with time he will change. God bless u and he will do a new thing in his life.

ItsQuinn:
you are definitely right but....I will never marry such man in the first place

am sure if you ask the lady this ? few years back she will say the same thing like you just did forgetting the fact that people change and the only thing that is constant in this world is change..my advice is for people to always look at the signs of their partner and if is one they can manage then all fine and good but if is one they can't but hope they can change the person then am sorry, he or she is just living in their world full of mirage and will soon come to terms with reality.

lexiconkabir:


CrazyQuine you again! You will give her another husband once they divorce

I will gladly ....she's my sister from another mother

Jobia:
i only stated what i would do myself. There are some things i consider intolerable.

So divorce is ur only option? wish u luck

ochuciano:


So divorce is ur only option? wish u luck

on the grounds of cheating, yes. And thanks

ItsQuinn:
Divorce him straight! ....you're not benefiting anything from him, even your child is not benefiting anything from his/her father, what's the point of staying together then? The mistake you made was to marry him in the first place, next time get to know who you are marrying and the family's background before marrying. Now it's time to correct that mistake with a divorce

My sister, go look for a good job to support yourself and your baby. Stay blessed

is that ur final answer?

ItsQuinn:
I will gladly ....she's my sister from another mother

Why do i feel you are Igbo?

forlahkhe:
Anytime i have disagreement with my husband, he would always tell me that "I WL GO OUTSIDE, PLENTY BABES DEY OUTSIDE DAT NEED MEN AND I WONT EVEN SPEND MUCH B4 THEY OPEN THEIR LEGS". I always feel hurt by this statement because I believe that we should BOTH be committed to make our home work. If i wont go out there to look for men why should he?

My marriage is just 2yyears but i have never enjoyed 1month happiness. My hubby would prefer to stay late @work because he doesn't want our baby to disturb him with cry cry. I'm a sit @home mum, I resigned my marketing job because I want to have time for my baby but now my husband would not give me money anytime we have misunderstanding, not even for my baby too.

I have called his parents' attention to this but his people call me "ABOKOKU". That because he is married to me doesnt mean he should not enjoy himself, afterall, there are times someone is tired of eating rice and you would want to taste beans and other varieties. His father (57yrs) still has concubines which his mum can't do anything about. But the truth is that this thing is wearing me out emotionally.

I AM MARRIED BT LONELY

You can't tell me you didn't know he cheated on you several times during your courtship and you still married him. Such a man will never stop cheating. And his father having concubines doesn't help the situation. Your as*shole husband is actively following his cheating father's footstep.

You made a big mistake in marrying him because he doesn't love you. Anyone who loves his or her partner doesn't cheat, that's a fact. Some Nigerian women just want to marry without making sure they met the right person. How a partner behaves during courtship is a reflection of what to expect after marriage!

This is my advice: Having a baby doesn't mean you can't work. Hire a maid and start searching for a job as soon as possible. You can contact your former employer to find out if they can give you back your job.

When you get a job, sit your f*ucking cheating husband down and warn him that you WILL divorce him if he cheats on you again. If cheats again, make sure you have evidence of it. You can make screenshots of his chats with women on his phone or monitor his phone to know when he arranges to meet one of his side chics, then you secretly go to the date venue and capture everything on camera. When you get the evidence, go see a lawyer. If your husband is rich, Court will award you and your baby some of the wealth.

It's better to end a failed marriage than to be in one. Good luck!

adviseseeker:
Well, it is not your fault that I find myself in this position.

I just went through your post and read all the comments therein. The comment pasted below is what I deem best. Your wife scammed you!!!

"WARNING!!! long intellectual Post ahead, NL kids can go ahead and skip to the next kiddie post.

@ adviseseeker

So many things to unpack from ur post...but let's go there.

You & wifey were sexually active b/4 marriage so it's not that she can't get freaky with you but she is actively CHOOSING not to be sexual with you.

What was her demeanor b/4 you decided to wife her? Did you do a serious assesment of her b/4 you decided to give her a ring? Was ur Dating stage one way traffic, You GIVE & She TAKES?
Did she ever go out of her way to do anything for you? Did you ever allow her to Chase you? No my broda that wasn't a typo! Too many of us guys give ourselves to girls too easy... we don't make them work for it like our fathers did!

All these things that ur wifey is displaying now are things that should have been a Red Flag for you if your eyes were wide open to see them!

1) b4 marriage you guys were fvcking like Rabbits but like most guys you were more intrested in just having sex (Quantity) rather than asking urself the dynamics of the sex ur having with her (Quality).
How many times did she INITIATE SEX? Was she active during sex or was she counting the cracks on the ceiling?

2) Did your wifey ever cook for you while you were dating? or were you too busy taking her to Tantalizer, Mr Biggs etc playing Mr Romantic instead of carefully assessing her Domestic Skills, habits etc!

3) I make a habit of advising my guy friends who are about to get married to avoid having a child in the first 2 years of the marriage. My rationale is simple, the first 2 years is a delicate transition period from Boyfriend/Girlfriend to Husband/ Wife. If you throw a Baby into the mix so soon b4 both of you have 'jelled' into ur new roles then that could be avoidable stress on the new marriage and besides I believe children should be planned for, how they affect both of you in a marriage, how you will raise them etc rather than just popping out kids because that's what 'someone' or 'society' expects next from you after the wedding!

But back to your case, ur wifey suddenly switches of from sex after marriage & gives you all the excuses in the world?!
peeps on here talking to you about how it's just been 5 months since childbirth, not easy taking care of baby, be a bit more helpful with baby etc .... but these same peeps didn't find it odd that wifey is sooo tired being a new mom but not too tired for Africa Magic, Youtube, Instagram etc sad

Bros, you said in one of your posts that you are a GIVER and I believe you becos you have given wifey everyting she really wanted!

1) A good hardworking Jackass...errm Sorry! Husband who brings home the cash like clockwork!

2) A roof over her head & her UNEMPLOYED @$$

3) A cute little baby girl to show off on her Instagram page even though she cares less about the girls Father (errm...that's you bro)

The only problem for her is that you actually expect her to be a WIFE and do her part in your marriage!!!

@ Adviseseeker there is one fundamental truth you need to understand at this point which is....

A Woman who really wants to FVCK YOU will find a way to FVCK YOU!

https://therationalmale.com/2011/09/23/wait-for-it/?_e_pi_=7%2CPAGE_ID10%2C4630141647

she will trek to your house, she will rent a hotel room
, she will get on a plane and fly down to where you are and FVCK you silly!

the second truth is.... You can't negotiate desire

https://therationalmale.com/2011/08/25/the-desire-dynamic/?_e_pi_=7%2CPAGE_ID10%2C2733254515

and for good measure read this one too

https://therationalmale.com/2013/01/30/choreplay/?_e_pi_=7%2CPAGE_ID10%2C9138046946

With all due respect I believe that wifey never really loved you, to be sure she loved the prospect that you represent to her
1) steady income
2) home over her head & comforts that come with it
3) sperm donor for cute little baby! smiley

In due time you have given her what she wanted and now you are just a live in flatmate, the 'Fun' sex you said you guys had b4 marriage was simply a means to an end.

This is harsh Bro... I know but the ugly truth is better than holding on to a beutiful lie in your head."

BETTER TRUTH, PLS LISTEN ATTENTIVELY :
From your comments, you seem to be one who can't contain emotion.
You may also be one who talks more than listening.
You could be one who also don't tolerate insult
You possibly must have been someone who likes to win argument or one that insult last (ur mouth no go die for my body)
You seem to be habitual reporter.
THINGS YOU CAN'T CHANGE EVEN IF YOU ARE BETTER THAN YOUR HUSBAND:
That he's your husband and the head
That you can't change him by being harsh
That your actions can't do anything to stop him from cheating
That reporting him to anybody can't change him at all
THINGS YOU CAN CHANGE:
That your silence and been "mumu" will do the changing
I don't care attitude to external things like coming late, checking his phone, cheating will do the magic
Taking care of him like no problem, will help you halfway
Take all the insults as if your surname is insult will take you another quarter in giving you peace of mind
Letting him notice the problems you can endure without demanding for solution from him will solve the entire wahala (handle the child as if he's not around, if possible go out for the child not to disturb him)
Greet him well and respect him without mocking him (they talk say make respect, watin I go do na)

Give us feedback after two weeks

THE LOGIC IS FOR WOMEN OF ANALOG NOT THE DIGITIANS, UNFORTUNATELY ONLY THE ANALOG ENJOY THEIR HOME.
DIGITAL ENJOY HOME ONLY FOR BETTER, FOR WORSE NA TO GBOLOSO. THEY NO EVEN GET THE SENSE TO COMPREHEND THIS PIECE

Pray for him. Don't mind some ladies shouting divorce him here. Most of them are just waiting for an opportunity to grab ur husband.

schumastic:


am sure if you ask the lady this ? few years back she will say the same thing like you just did forgetting the fact that people change and the only thing that is constant in this world is change..my advice is for people to always look at the signs of their partner and if is one they can manage then all fine and good but if is one they can't but hope they can change the person then am sorry, he or she is just living in their world full of mirage and will soon come to terms with reality.

I agree with you

https://www.nairaland.com/3371342/why-shouldnt-marry-lady-raised#49681136

@ ItsQuinn

You're just displaying the summary of what that op of a guy posted in that thread, which you said were biased.
Please watch well o.

Hmm

Ginaz:
The first poster above me, chaiii, may God bless your beans this morning for your comment. She must have seen a hint or two about the man's waywardness but chooses to overlook it.

Sister doh, we don't have anything again to tell you. What God has put together let no man asunder.

and it's funny 2 you? Hope u ain't among dos dat criticize Buhari's blame game...Cos didn't proffer solution here...nd am sure ur not married nd don't knw wat she I passin tru..if u dnt av a reasonable advice,u take a chill pill

No. Tell him to use it on you.

(Soloroyalty): tirdofsex bring that cane for me, madam call ur oga for me.

(madam): honey pls come

oga: (shouting) woman why are u calling me ? Stop that nonsense

soloroyalty: Mr man come here or........ Oya lay down ( his now been flogged)

oga: (shouting) Jesus oh Jesus oh

soloroyalty: shut up. look at u, other men are looking for humble wife and u found one but u can't maintain it, any day i hear her complain i will deal with u

oga: (shouting) i will not do it again oooooo

soloroyalty: madam come, see don't ever forget to follow all this advice u have been given i believe he will change.

My sister I want you to first understand that every marriage has is ups and down,take this as the down moment..I guess your husband is trying to run away from his responsibility,you can't stop him from having affair outside the marriage right now.Its even good that he used condom,try to be more submissive for him.Try to overlook his character for now then you call him when his in good mood and discuss everything you need to with him.....I guess you are depriving him sex too because he doesn't perform his duty,I think you also need to look for job too so that you won't depend on him so much..If you can try all this,I think you will gain some respect from him.he doesn't respect you like he used to before you got married.Good luck

Essence6055:
You knew about his family background and still married him and you expected everything to be dandy and happy... You need a marriage counselor to talk to you and your husband...

She needs a marriage counselor but that will not solve that problem! Self-help or counselor's is no help in this matter!

There are counselors that even need help about their own marriage!

She should speak to God about it. That's the only *100% solution*

Perhaps she doesn't have a relationship with God, this is the point to begin one! Ask God how to meet Him! He is the manual for marriage and every other thing on earth!

forlahkhe:
Anytime i have disagreement with my husband, he would always tell me that "I WL GO OUTSIDE, PLENTY BABES DEY OUTSIDE DAT NEED MEN AND I WONT EVEN SPEND MUCH B4 THEY OPEN THEIR LEGS". I always feel hurt by this statement because I believe that we should BOTH be committed to make our home work. If i wont go out there to look for men why should he?

My marriage is just 2yyears but i have never enjoyed 1month happiness. My hubby would prefer to stay late @work because he doesn't want our baby to disturb him with cry cry. I'm a sit @home mum, I resigned my marketing job because I want to have time for my baby but now my husband would not give me money anytime we have misunderstanding, not even for my baby too.

I have called his parents' attention to this but his people call me "ABOKOKU". That because he is married to me doesnt mean he should not enjoy himself, afterall, there are times someone is tired of eating rice and you would want to taste beans and other varieties. His father (57yrs) still has concubines which his mum can't do anything about. But the truth is that this thing is wearing me out emotionally.

I AM MARRIED BT LONELY

pls don't yield to the people telling you to leave your home,in every marriage or relationships there is always someone waiting at the corner to take over,if you feel divorce is the best solution, you are wrong, funny enough people telling you to divorce your man are single,and they forever remain single for a long time to come,in every relationship you have to compromise, pray and believing God to change him,marriage is zig zag,it is not a bed of roses,it is always like that in every first 5 years of marriage,boy friend and girl friend is a different thing compared to marriage,marriage is an institution that you can't never graduate from it, be wise,what about if he purposely put the condom there knowing fully well that you will check his pocket and he want to deliberately do it to get you hurt,Respect you man,Give him tibi, anytime he want it, and mind you if you keep yourself away from him and don't settle your differences within 24hrs,mmmmmm that can lead to something suicidal

ikp120:
https://www.nairaland.com/3371342/why-shouldnt-marry-lady-raised#49681136

@ ItsQuinn

You're just displaying the summary of what that op of a guy posted in that thread, which you said were biased.
Please watch well o.

but couples that come from a perfect home get divorced too. So whats your point exactly ....the reason why I said the op was biased was that he only mentioned women raised by a single parent, he didn't mention men. So you have no point

lexiconkabir:


Why do i feel you are Igbo?

pretty close ....I'm from delta

olukenny:
My sister I want you to first understand that every marriage has is ups and down,take this as the down moment..I guess your husband is trying to run away from his responsibility,you can't stop him from having affair outside the marriage right now.Its even good that he used condom,try to be more submissive for him.Try to overlook his character for now then you call him when his in good mood and discuss everything you need to with him.....I guess you are depriving him sex too because he doesn't perform his duty,I think you also need to look for job too so that you won't depend on him so much..If you can try all this,I think you will gain some respect from him.he doesn't respect you like he used to before you got married.Good luck

good write up,not all those that are best in given advices and they themselves are not married

Why would you have disagreement to this extent?...and it seems it is about sex for him to make such a statememt. Is it that you are using sex as a weapon against him? ... or to force him to see things your way? You know his father has concubines so why report to his family?...they would see nothing wrong. I don't think your husband is the same... but your action can push him to follow his father's footsteps. If he starts... is no way he is going to return to you solely.... not after having a taste of those babes who can fling styles all the way to the moon... and different ones on the way back. Why were you in his wallet?...without his knowledge?.... humble yourself... be quiet about the condom... try and make amends with your husband... bury the hatchet with your husband before it is too late.

forlahkhe:
Anytime i have disagreement with my husband, he would always tell me that "I WL GO OUTSIDE, PLENTY BABES DEY OUTSIDE DAT NEED MEN AND I WONT EVEN SPEND MUCH B4 THEY OPEN THEIR LEGS". I always feel hurt by this statement because I believe that we should BOTH be committed to make our home work. If i wont go out there to look for men why should he?

My marriage is just 2yyears but i have never enjoyed 1month happiness. My hubby would prefer to stay late @work because he doesn't want our baby to disturb him with cry cry. I'm a sit @home mum, I resigned my marketing job because I want to have time for my baby but now my husband would not give me money anytime we have misunderstanding, not even for my baby too.

I have called his parents' attention to this but his people call me "ABOKOKU". That because he is married to me doesnt mean he should not enjoy himself, afterall, there are times someone is tired of eating rice and you would want to taste beans and other varieties. His father (57yrs) still has concubines which his mum can't do anything about. But the truth is that this thing is wearing me out emotionally.

I AM MARRIED BT LONELY

Whatever you see in your marriage that is not right (from God's perpective) you would do yourself a huge favor by confronting it.

Let God lead you on how to approach for confrontation so you don't do more damage than any good!

handysuzy:


I just went through your post and read all the comments therein. The comment pasted below is what I deem best. Your wife scammed you!!!

"WARNING!!! long intellectual Post ahead, NL kids can go ahead and skip to the next kiddie post.

@ adviseseeker

So many things to unpack from ur post...but let's go there.

You & wifey were sexually active b/4 marriage so it's not that she can't get freaky with you but she is actively CHOOSING not to be sexual with you.

What was her demeanor b/4 you decided to wife her? Did you do a serious assesment of her b/4 you decided to give her a ring? Was ur Dating stage one way traffic, You GIVE & She TAKES?
Did she ever go out of her way to do anything for you? Did you ever allow her to Chase you? No my broda that wasn't a typo! Too many of us guys give ourselves to girls too easy... we don't make them work for it like our fathers did!

All these things that ur wifey is displaying now are things that should have been a Red Flag for you if your eyes were wide open to see them!

1) b4 marriage you guys were fvcking like Rabbits but like most guys you were more intrested in just having sex (Quantity) rather than asking urself the dynamics of the sex ur having with her (Quality).
How many times did she INITIATE SEX? Was she active during sex or was she counting the cracks on the ceiling?

2) Did your wifey ever cook for you while you were dating? or were you too busy taking her to Tantalizer, Mr Biggs etc playing Mr Romantic instead of carefully assessing her Domestic Skills, habits etc!

3) I make a habit of advising my guy friends who are about to get married to avoid having a child in the first 2 years of the marriage. My rationale is simple, the first 2 years is a delicate transition period from Boyfriend/Girlfriend to Husband/ Wife. If you throw a Baby into the mix so soon b4 both of you have 'jelled' into ur new roles then that could be avoidable stress on the new marriage and besides I believe children should be planned for, how they affect both of you in a marriage, how you will raise them etc rather than just popping out kids because that's what 'someone' or 'society' expects next from you after the wedding!

But back to your case, ur wifey suddenly switches of from sex after marriage & gives you all the excuses in the world?!
peeps on here talking to you about how it's just been 5 months since childbirth, not easy taking care of baby, be a bit more helpful with baby etc .... but these same peeps didn't find it odd that wifey is sooo tired being a new mom but not too tired for Africa Magic, Youtube, Instagram etc sad

Bros, you said in one of your posts that you are a GIVER and I believe you becos you have given wifey everyting she really wanted!

1) A good hardworking Jackass...errm Sorry! Husband who brings home the cash like clockwork!

2) A roof over her head & her UNEMPLOYED @$$

3) A cute little baby girl to show off on her Instagram page even though she cares less about the girls Father (errm...that's you bro)

The only problem for her is that you actually expect her to be a WIFE and do her part in your marriage!!!

@ Adviseseeker there is one fundamental truth you need to understand at this point which is....

A Woman who really wants to FVCK YOU will find a way to FVCK YOU!

https://therationalmale.com/2011/09/23/wait-for-it/?_e_pi_=7%2CPAGE_ID10%2C4630141647

she will trek to your house, she will rent a hotel room
, she will get on a plane and fly down to where you are and FVCK you silly!

the second truth is.... You can't negotiate desire

https://therationalmale.com/2011/08/25/the-desire-dynamic/?_e_pi_=7%2CPAGE_ID10%2C2733254515

and for good measure read this one too

https://therationalmale.com/2013/01/30/choreplay/?_e_pi_=7%2CPAGE_ID10%2C9138046946

With all due respect I believe that wifey never really loved you, to be sure she loved the prospect that you represent to her
1) steady income
2) home over her head & comforts that come with it
3) sperm donor for cute little baby! smiley

In due time you have given her what she wanted and now you are just a live in flatmate, the 'Fun' sex you said you guys had b4 marriage was simply a means to an end.

This is harsh Bro... I know but the ugly truth is better than holding on to a beutiful lie in your head."

one of the very few write-up that makes me so happy. You made my day.

ItsQuinn:
Divorce him straight! ....you're not benefiting anything from him, even your child is not benefiting anything from his/her father, what's the point of staying together then? The mistake you made was to marry him in the first place, next time get to know who you are marrying and the family's background before marrying. Now it's time to correct that mistake with a divorce

My sister, go look for a good job to support yourself and your baby. Stay blessed

He is not staying late because of the cry of the baby,he is simply trying to avoid you.
ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE NOT THE ONE THAT PUSH HIM OUT? Pray to God to lead you.