WEDDING INVITATION
Dear Friends, fans and lovers, Finally the long awaited day is here with us! I invite you and your family to my wedding that will take place on 5th November, 2016 at Oladimeji street , behind Mokland hotel, Idiroko road, toll gate Ogun state The big and
special day begins at 10am. Your presence will be our joy and will be highly appreciated. See you there. Please broadcast as received. I also don't know who sent it to me.............

Don't laugh alone...


*BREAKING NEWS!!!*

Exit poll results‎ of early balloting in many swing states indicate a clear victory for the Republican Presidential candidate, Donald J. Trump.

Early voting started about ten days ago in many US states - where it is projected that almost forty-five million of the two hundred million registered voters have already cast their votes for their choice candidate, including the down ballot ticket e‎lections.

The exit poll breakdown show a surprisingly sedate voter preference - national security and immigration ‎concerns top the list of almost seventy percent of the voters - while economic issues and social security respectively garnered fifteen and eight percentage points of the total votes cast.

Some of the states voting heavily for T‎rump includes the traditional Republican red-states and Democratic blue-states. The Clinton campaign has acknowledged the trend - predicating on secret Republican voting despondent voters that may actually cost her the election beyond what has already been captured by various poll surveys.

States showing massive Trump lead as reported by CNM, includes:

Kogi
Nasarawa
Imo
Kano
Oyo
Yobe
Bauchi
Borno
Kebbi
Edo
Cross River
Akwa Ibom
Ekiti
Osun
Kastina
Jigawa‎


Hahaha

Pauly's family is at dinner, the 10-year-old daughter isn't eating much, and she just keeps her head down.

After a few minutes, she says, "I have something to tell you."

Everyone gets silent and they all listen.

"I am no longer the virgin I used to be." And she begins to cry.

A long silence, and Mr Pauly speaks to Mrs Pauly, "It's your fault, you know, always dressed and made up like a tramp. You think that's an example for your daughter? Always wallowing on the sofa; it's just terrible; that's why problems like this come up!"

Then Mrs Pauly lights in on Mr Pauly, "And you! Do you think that you're a good example? Wasting your scrawny paycheck with your drinking buddies who even come drunk into the house - do you think that's a good example for a little girl 10 years old?"

Then Pauly charges back in, "And her sister, that no-good, with her hairy and dope-crazed boyfriend, always with their hands all over each other - you think that's a good example too?"

And it goes on and on, back and forth. Then the grandmother hugs the little girl to console her and asks, "Now, darling, how did this happen?

And the little girl answers, trying to hold back her sobbing, "Father Michael chose another girl to be the Virgin in the Christmas pageant this year."

Education is the key!


When we were growing up they used to tell us that education is the key to success, now we have that key only to find out that
the government has changed the padlock. Smh

Tallesty1:
Pauly's family is at dinner, the 10-year-old daughter isn't eating much, and she just keeps her head down.

After a few minutes, she says, "I have something to tell you."

Everyone gets silent and they all listen.

"I am no longer the virgin I used to be." And she begins to cry.

A long silence, and Mr Pauly speaks to Mrs Pauly, "It's your fault, you know, always dressed and made up like a tramp. You think that's an example for your daughter? Always wallowing on the sofa; it's just terrible; that's why problems like this come up!"

Then Mrs Pauly lights in on Mr Pauly, "And you! Do you think that you're a good example? Wasting your scrawny paycheck with your drinking buddies who even come drunk into the house - do you think that's a good example for a little girl 10 years old?"

Then Pauly charges back in, "And her sister, that no-good, with her hairy and dope-crazed boyfriend, always with their hands all over each other - you think that's a good example too?"

And it goes on and on, back and forth. Then the grandmother hugs the little girl to console her and asks, "Now, darling, how did this happen?

And the little girl answers, trying to hold back her sobbing, "Father Michael chose another girl to be the Virgin in the Christmas pageant this year."

Kikikikikikiki

It was my first tym on a date . I asked her out and she agreed. We went to a nearby park for a chat. I searched in my pocket its only a hundred naira note I got . I knew i had to buy us something. As a man I gats make a plan. I told her to wait for me when I went to buy us drinks.With my hundred naira note. I bought only 1fanta can. I took an empty sprite can and poured water direct from the tap. I went back to my lady .A smile appeared on her face as she said... "Oh my lovely man how could u know that sprite is my favorite..I hate fanta... Hahahaha wettin u for do if na u

ME : Guy, the exam result are out letz go and see
GUY : Mhiz Lara Akinola pls check mine am with my dad can't go out right now..
ME : Aiit.
GUY : if itz bad text "Good morning", if itz really bad text "Good morning to u nd ur dad"
------later----
GUY : hw is it
ME : Good morning to u, ur family and to ur whole village
--------------------------------
Hahahahaha

Cc lalasticlala let's my people laugh small biko

It’s better for a man to be stingy with his money because he hustled for it than a woman to deny you a hole she didn’t drill. Robert Mugabe Quotes

no be me talk am oooo

Need for projector in churches

Advice to all churches!
Buy projectors and display lyrics of songs for
members lest they murder songs in such
manner as these :
>Jehovah is Your name (2ce)
19 Warriors, 8 in Battle, Jehovah is Your name


>You are handsome in this place mighty God
>We go de hee, hee your name debade, holiday,holiday (we go dey hail your name day by day all the way)
>Email, email her, email her, Jehovah mail her. Ayinekele gymnastic email her, email her, Jeho email her

Kikikikikikik wahala dey oooo

`advice needed

I had a dream last night I was driving 2016 Range Rover but I woke up I can't Remember where I parked it- Please should I Report to the Police```

BREAKING NEWS!!!

Nigeria Police Force: The inspector general of police hav today confirm in an interview that the distance from bauchi to kano is the same as from kano to bauchi. whether you like it or not you have read it! Thank u
Lol...

Pay attention

First year University of Ghana medical studentsy were attending their 1st Anatomy Class. They all gathered around the table and there was a real dead body on the table.
The Professor, Mwangi started the class by telling them two important qualities of a DOCTOR. He said, "The 1st is that never be DISGUSTED about anything in the body." For example, he inserted his FINGER in the dead body's ANUS & put the finger in his own mouth & TASTED it.
Then he told the students to do what he did. The students hesitated for several minutes, but eventually everyone inserted their fingers in the body's ANUS & tasted it. When everyone finished tasting their fingers, they were all Frowning...
Then the professor looked at them & said: "The most important 2nd Quality is "Observation". I inserted my MIDDLE finger but tasted the 2nd finger... Now learn to pay attention!!
"ALL the students fainted!!
.
.
_Happy Sunday_...fellaz
.

Last befor I vommooozeee go my dreamland....

Kitchen items
Teacher: mention 3 things dat can befound in d kitchen...
Ojo: pot
Teacher: good!
Amina: stove
Teacher: awesome!
Akpos: Aisha
Teacher: y Aisha?
Akpos: coz she belongs 2 d kitchen
Teacher: ar u sick?
Akpos: ask our president


Have a blessed day fellaz

One day in a well known university, a senior professor started his class on a very serious topic. The moment he turned towards the blackboard, one of the students whistled. He turned, looked at the class and asked the whistler's name..... As usual and as expected no one answered.

The professor peacefully kept the pen in his pocket and picked up his bag. Saying that, the lecture ends here and that was enough for the day, he started moving towards the gate of the class. Students were overjoyed to be free.

Then, he suddenly stopped and turned towards the class, kept his bag on the table and said, "I'll tell you a story to utilise the remaining time."

Everyone became interested.

Yesterday night I tried hard to sleep, but it was miles away from my eyes, so I thought I'd better get petrol in my car, which will save my time next morning and might induce sleep. After having my tank full, I started roaming in that area, enjoying the peace of a traffic free ride.

Suddenly, on the corner I saw a girl who was as young and beautiful as the clothes she was wearing. Must have been returning from a party. Out of courtesy, I turned my car towards her and asked if I may be of any help. She asked me if I could drop her to her home, she'll be very obliged, to which I agreed.

(Who would deny a beautiful young company instead of a dry non sleepy need )

She sat in the front seat with me. We started talking, and to my amazement she was very intelligent, had control on many topics which many youngsters don't. When we reached her address, she admitted my courteous nature and behavior and accepted that she had fallen in love with me.

I also admitted her intelligence and beauty and that I've also started liking her. I told her about my job as a professor in the university.

The girl asked my number, which I gave her willingly. Then she asked me a favor, to which i couldn't have denied naturally.

She said that her brother is a student in the same university, and asked me to take care of him, since we'll be in a long relationship now.

I asked the name of the student.She said that I'll recognise him with one of his very prominent quality.

He whistles a lot.

The moment the professor said this, all eyes in the classroom turned towards the boy who had whistled.

The professor turned to that boy and said, "Young man I didn't get my Ph. D by sitting on my ass. "

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN.
WOMEN.....
At 18, they want handsome men.
At 25, they want successful men.
At 30, they want sensible men.
At 40, they want mature men.


MEN ARE VERY SIMPLE.


At 18, they want pretty young girls.
At 25, they want pretty young girls.
At 30, they want pretty young girls.
At 40, they want pretty young girls.
At 50, they still want pretty young girls.

See... Men are so simple minded.

A teacher asked his students, 1+1=?
A student stood up and said 4.
A man passing by overheard the answer.
He shook his head and said to himself
"My God, Buhari will not kill us in this country. Every thing has increased, Transport fare, fuel price, nomination forms, WAEC, NECO, JAMB Form, Kero, Gass, Marriage, Beans, Tomatoes, Garri, Rice, Data, Even 1+1 that used to be 2 has now gone up to be 4!!!

Try this in a Nigerian home, they will beat that girl to stupor! She will explain the lost virginity in the hospital.

Tallesty1:
Pauly's family is at dinner, the 10-year-old daughter isn't eating much, and she just keeps her head down.

After a few minutes, she says, "I have something to tell you."

Everyone gets silent and they all listen.

"I am no longer the virgin I used to be." And she begins to cry.

A long silence, and Mr Pauly speaks to Mrs Pauly, "It's your fault, you know, always dressed and made up like a tramp. You think that's an example for your daughter? Always wallowing on the sofa; it's just terrible; that's why problems like this come up!"

Then Mrs Pauly lights in on Mr Pauly, "And you! Do you think that you're a good example? Wasting your scrawny paycheck with your drinking buddies who even come drunk into the house - do you think that's a good example for a little girl 10 years old?"

Then Pauly charges back in, "And her sister, that no-good, with her hairy and dope-crazed boyfriend, always with their hands all over each other - you think that's a good example too?"

And it goes on and on, back and forth. Then the grandmother hugs the little girl to console her and asks, "Now, darling, how did this happen?

And the little girl answers, trying to hold back her sobbing, "Father Michael chose another girl to be the Virgin in the Christmas pageant this year."

mordtonia:
Try this in a Nigerian home, they will beat that girl to stupor! She will explain the lost virginity in the hospital.

Hahahaha na so nija parent no get chill biko

A woman went shopping, At cash counter she opened her purse to pay. The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse. He cud'nt control his curiosity n asked "Do u always carry ur TV remote with u?" She replied " No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me for shopping today.. ..............
Moral : Accompany ur wife.....
The story continues....The shopkeeper laughs and takes back all the items that lady had purchased. Shocked at this act, she asks the shopkeeper what is he doing. He said your husband has blocked your credit card..........
MORAL : Respect the hobbies of your husband.
Story continues....Wife took out her husbands credit card from purse and swiped. Unfortunately he didn't block his own card.
Moral: Don't underestimate the power of a WIFE..
Still continues...After swiping, the machine indicated 'ENTER OTP SENT TO YOUR MOBILE'..
Moral: When Man tends to lose, machine is smart enough to save him!
Still continues....When she turned back with depression, her mobile ringed showing forwarded SMS "your OTP is......"Finally she bought her items & returned back happily.
Moral: not all men are bad. Good men always put their families first at all times.

The full meaning of (I AM FINISHED)

When you lock the door to kill a snake and NEPA just take the light

You are done!

[10/9, 4:09 PM] Lizzygifted Hands: FLIRTING WITH FIRE & ONLY HEAVEN FOCUS SISTER Be LIKE......

(Phone Conversation)

Bro Joseph---baby watsup!

Sister Grace---please my name is sister grace nd not baby. Is the name "baby' scriptural? Can Abraham, father of faith, call Sarah his wife "Baby"? That name you called me is too worldly not heavenly! I thought you were born again, bro Joseph! Am disappointed!

Brother---ok sister grace how are you..??

Sister--- Psalm 28:7. The Lord is my strength. I am more than conqueror. Any devil that tries me will drop dead without remedy! (Sister spoke in tongues after answering bro joseph)

Brother---ok oooo! what are you doing now...?

Sister---am cooking to the glory of the Lord. And I dedicate my food to Him. All glory be to Him.

Brother---wow!..should i come nd help u...?

Sister--- No bro! i can do all things through christ who strengthens me. He is my present help in time of needs. Don't worry bro

Brother---hmm ok oo....at least i wil cum after u might have finished cooking the food so dat u will SERVE me

Sister---Ha! Bro Joseph! Are you still in the Lord! please i only SERVE d living God not human being. I can never serve you. Joshua 24:15.

Brother--- this is serious! ok sista grace, what are you wearing nw...? (Bro wanted to try to be romantic)

Sister---if you are spiritual, you will know! Am wearing d full armor of christ. No weapon form against me shall prosper.

Brother---chai....nawa oo! This is too much for me! i give up now!!!

Sister: Ha! If you give up so soon, that means you are not my heavenly ordained husband!

Laughter is good for your health

Tnx Princemilla!

.

Android phones can be so annoying. Just received a notification that my Bible app needs an update. For what exactly? Has Adam eaten another Apple?

This is a true life story but i just want to share and laugh it off----- I came back home after a long day and my craving for a puff was off the roof so i walked down the road to the 'aboki kiosk', i asked the aboki for a packet of 'Dorchester' and he replied "walahi Dorchester i nor dey only Benson", i asked for a single stick and he replied "Oga nah dat man way siddon for bench for corner take the last stick". Any true smoker knows that when that menthol craving hits, you cannot help but cure it and i was too tired to drive out again plus it was late in the night so i walked up to the guy on the bench and asked if i could share with him and he agreed. As i put the cigarette in my mouth i felt the saliva in the filter but it was too late as i already dragged it and the craving was too strong so i continued, suddenly a car turned into the street and the bright lights from the lit up the whole street so i decided to even look at the kind gentleman that shared his stick with me, the first thing i noticed was the "thick" very dirty dreadlocks, then i noticed the church banner he wrapped around his body and then it hit me that i just shared a saliva soaked cigarette with a "MAD MAN".

An engineer can't find a job so he opens a
clinic and puts a sign outside
'GET TREATMENT FOR
20k - IF NOT CURED GET BACK 100k.

A lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn 100k and goes to the clinic...

Lawyer:
"I have lost my sense of taste"

Engineer:
"Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth"

Lawyer:
"Ugh..this is kerosene"

Engineer:
"Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me 20k"
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money...

Lawyer:
"I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything"

Engineer :
"Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth"

Lawyer (annoyed):
"This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste"

Engineer:
"Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me 20k"
The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back 100k.

Lawyer:
"My eyesight has become very weak"

Engineer:
"Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this 100k"
The Lawyer (staring at the cash):
"But this is 20k,
not 100k"

Ijebu man:
"Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me 20k"
You can't beat an Engineer.

Man U fans.....

To keep man u fans from killing themselves

Jokes like Man utd will win epl this season.....

Midnight


The man comes too late and knocks the door. His wife says:

- Go back from where you have just come.

- I will jump into a pool.

- Whatever. Kill yourself.

The man throws a stone into the water. The wife runs out of the house to help, while the man is carefully comes inside and locks the door. The woman is in shock:

- Let me in or I will shout!

- Oh, and you will explain all the neighbors where you have come from in your pants and bra in the midnight.

Ok

@PrinceMilla @Tallasty I don laugh belleful. Tnx

One day, Heaven suddenly became extremely full, and something had to be done. So The Lord decided to have St. Peter wait at the gate and ask everyone how they died. If it was a grisly story they told, they could go ahead into Heaven. But if not, they had to go to Hell. The first man walks up and St. Peter tells him what's happening. "You see, Heaven is quite full today, and we have to ask everyone how they died. If it sounds good, you can go ahead. But if not, you go to Hell." "Ok," the man says. "Well, for awhile I'd been suspecting my wife of cheating on me. So today I thought I'd leave work early and catch her. Sure enough, I got to my apartment and she was lying naked on the bed. I ran all over the apartment searching for the man but couldn't find him. Then I remembered that we lived on the 25th floor of an apartment building, and we have a balcony. And there was the man, hanging off my balcony. I beat at his hands and he just wouldn't let go, so I ran and got a hammer and beat his hands until he fell into the bushes below. I saw he was still alive so I got the refrigerator and pushed over the edge on top of him. But the strain of the effort gave me a heart attack and I died. "Wow!" St. Peter said. "That really is bad! You can go ahead..." The next man walked up and St. Peter gave his spiel about Heaven being full and the man would have to tell his story. "Ok," the second man said. "So I live on the 26th floor of an apartment building, and everyday I do exercises on my balcony. Well, today I fell over the edge, but luckily I caught the railing of the balcony below me." "Suddenly, this man came running out and started beating at my hands. He ran back inside and I thought I was safe, but then he came back out with a hammer and beat my hands again. I finally fell off, but luckily I landed in the bushes below and they saved my life. But that wasn't enough for the man because he pushed his refrigerator over the edge and it landed on me and killed me. And now I'm here." "Wow, that's a good one too! You can go ahead..." The third man walked up and St. Peter again gave his spiel about Heaven being full and the man would have to tell his story of how he died. "Ok," the third man said. "I don't know what happened. I was hiding naked inside this refrigerator..