A Ghanaian man, American man and Nigerian man were lost in a forest and were captured
by cannibals. The king of the cannibals told the three friends that they could live if... they pass a trial.

The 1st step was to go deep into the forest and get 10 pieces of the same kind of fruits.

The three men went their separate ways to gather fruits.
The Ghanian man came back and said to the king, "I brought 10 apples".

The King explained the trial to him.
King : You have to swallow the fruits without any expression on your face or you will be
killed. The first apple went in, but on the second one, he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The American arrived and showed the king 10 berries. When the king explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy....1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 and on the ninth berry, he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The Ghanian and American met in heaven....
The Ghanian man asked, "why did you laugh ?, you almost got away with the trial"....then the American man replied, "I couldn't
help it, I saw the Nigerian man
coming with Watermelons!!

Teacher : Behind every successful man there is a woman. Class what do we learn frm this ? Akpos : We should stop wasting time on studies & find that WOMAN.

soberdrunk:
This is a true life story but i just want to share and laugh it off----- I came back home after a long day and my craving for a puff was off the roof so i walked down the road to the 'aboki kiosk', i asked the aboki for a packet of 'Dorchester' and he replied "walahi Dorchester i nor dey only Benson", i asked for a single stick and he replied "Oga nah dat man way siddon for bench for corner take the last stick". Any true smoker knows that when that menthol craving hits, you cannot help but cure it and i was too tired to drive out again plus it was late in the night so i walked up to the guy on the bench and asked if i could share with him and he agreed. As i put the cigarette in my mouth i felt the saliva in the filter but it was too late as i already dragged it and the craving was too strong so i continued, suddenly a car turned into the street and the bright lights from the lit up the whole street so i decided to even look at the kind gentleman that shared his stick with me, the first thing i noticed was the "thick" very dirty dreadlocks, then i noticed the church banner he wrapped around his body and then it hit me that i just shared a saliva soaked cigarette with a "MAD MAN".

just one question, did it help u quit smoking? ....

tosyne2much:
I could turn you to an extrovert you know?

Don't derail the thread.

Princemillla, du courage. This thread made my day. Thanks to other contributors.

princemillla:
​​​DIFFERENCE BTW AN AMERICAN FACEBOOK POST
AND A NIGERIAN FACEBOOK POST.​​​

​AMERICAN POST:​

Hello, my name is Sandra Stone, I am from New
York, I love my husband so much and I can do
Anything to please him...But recently I am
falling for his cousin, what should I do?

​COMMENTS:​

​James Silva :​ I think u need to talk to your
husband because marriage is all about
communication.

​Sarah water :​ Oh my dear, sorry abt that..
Have been in your shoes before, I had to wake
up and face the fact that I am married.

​Michael paper :​ well just remove your mind
from him and make your husband do the things
you like in his cousin..

​NIGERIAN POST:​

My name is Hannatu, I stay in Abuja, married
with a kid, I think I am falling for my husband's
cousin! What should I do?

​NIGERIAN COMMENTS:​

​Dayo muyiwa :​ Fool, love na food?

​Nkiru joy :​ You are a disgrace to
womanhood..shame on u.

​Sam ogun:​ Hannatu I lost ten pounds in the
last few weeks, click the link below http.//mobile
shades, com

​Idris kunle :​ Any news about ASUU strike?

​One love :​ If u want to fall for me too, call my
no: +2348123456789.

​Funmi Leye:​ I no blame u at all, better go find
something do with your life, fall koor, stand nii

​Julius kuku:​ who u EPP?

​Tony Abubakar:​ How does that affect the price
of rice in the market?

​Richard oke :​ Abeg who get bb charger (pin
mouth).

Adele Sampson: pissure or idonbilifit

allytinted:
BOKO HARAM is giving out free BLACKBERRY TOUCH, IPHONE 7 AND LOTS OF IPADs and ANDROIDS 4 their 4yrs anniversary, no raffle draw.......To apply simply send "BOMB ME" space ur "HOUSE ADDRESS" to 41933, cost 0 kobo/sms. Everyone is a winner, send it now.............. Send it 2 all ur frnds too but ABEG count me out.

Lol. Funny you.

Abmalcom:


Adele Sampson: pissure or idonbilifit

you will know the person is a nairalander. Na their logo be that.

Breaking news:

Messi has been arrested! It is alleged that he
was caught together with a group of gangsters in possession of cocaine and marijuana.
They believe it is not the first time Messi has been taking drugs.
The cops said they had to chase them down
in order to catch him and the other gangsters.
Messi okeke is a carpenter from Nigeria he denies these allegations and will be appearing in court soon.
TYPICAL NIGERIA NEWSPAPER STORY.

Dfinex:


just one question, did it help u quit smoking? ....

If you get an std 'one time" will it stop you from having sex forever'?

AKPORS CONVERSATN WIT D JUDGE AFTER HE WAS CAUGHT STEALIN IN A SHOP.

Judge: Now then, please tell me, what is the charge against you?"

Akpors: I was caught shopping very early.

Judge:That doesn't seem like an offence to me. By the way, what do you mean by "very early"?

Akpors: Well, your Honour It was before the shop was open.

Now I know how dangerous the word PECK can affect someone's life.
JUDAS ISCARIOT BETRAYED JESUS WITH A PECK.Am sure you know the end result.
Terry greeted MOURINHO with a PECK and the result produce.
P-PEDRO
E-EDEN HAZARD
C-CAHILL
K-KANTE

Teacher:Who betrayed Jesus Christ?

Musa:Judas

Teacher:No

Eazzy:Judas iscariot

Teacher:Correct.

Akpors then told Musa dt he got it wrong because he did nt put d name of a fruit (carrot
)
Teacher:Who baptise Jesus Christ?

Akpors:John d mango

avicky:

Don't derail the thread.

Princemillla, du courage. This thread made my day. Thanks to other contributors.

The thread actually made my evening too. BTW, so I nobody it follow girl play again abi?

Hahaha Lol

Akpors was very drunk and was struggling to open his door with his key.
His neighbour asked him "sir can I help you open the door ?".
Akpors said "don't worry, just help me hold the house straight, I can open the door"

soberdrunk:


If you get an std 'one time" will it stop you from having sex forever'?

lolsss....bros enjoy abeg, this ur marra don pass me. but don't share a cigar with a mad man next time. .. Hahaha. ..

Now I know how dangerous the word PECK can affect someone's life. JUDAS ISCARIOT BETRAYED JESUS WITH A PECK.Am sure you know the end result. Terry greeted MOURINHO with a PECK and the result produce. P-PEDRO E-EDEN HAZARD C-CAHILL K-KANTE... Alone with my tot..for we man utd fans

No matter how bad u are, u are not useless cos u can stil be used as a bad example....

princemillla:
It was my first tym on a date . I asked her out and she agreed. We went to a nearby park for a chat. I searched in my pocket its only a hundred naira note I got . I knew i had to buy us something. As a man I gats make a plan. I told her to wait for me when I went to buy us drinks.With my hundred naira note. I bought only 1fanta can. I took an empty sprite can and poured water direct from the tap. I went back to my lady .A smile appeared on her face as she said... "Oh my lovely man how could u know that sprite is my favorite..I hate fanta... Hahahaha wettin u for do if na u

Mistakenly threw it away

Dcaliphate:
Android phones can be so annoying. Just received a notification that my Bible app needs an update. For what exactly? Has Adam eaten another Apple?

maybe somebody have remix song of solomon......maybe they have added a new book to the Bible after Revelation

In Nigeria of today, things are hard o! There is serious poverty and hunger!! Just imagine!!A guy slept very hungry and saw bread in his dream, he took it and started eating it in his dream. After he finished eating it, he saw a coconut and decided to eat it too but he didn't see a knife to cut it. So he decided to use his teeth only to receive a dirty strong slap from his elder brother! U don finish pillow....... Now na my head u dey chew..... U be witch!?

princemillla:
It was my first tym on a date . I asked her out and she agreed. We went to a nearby park for a chat. I searched in my pocket its only a hundred naira note I got . I knew i had to buy us something. As a man I gats make a plan. I told her to wait for me when I went to buy us drinks.With my hundred naira note. I bought only 1fanta can. I took an empty sprite can and poured water direct from the tap. I went back to my lady .A smile appeared on her face as she said... "Oh my lovely man how could u know that sprite is my favorite..I hate fanta... Hahahaha wettin u for do if na u

Eyah.. He should have bought sprite and and fetch water into the second plastic..

Really funny

tosyne2much:
Cutehector how far?

I dey bro... hw ur ministry?

THE BOTTOMLESS PIT

A guy with strange ache in his anus went to the hospital to see a doctor.
Doctor: why is a hole in your anus?
Guy: I was raped by an elephant.
Doctor: even if an elephant rape you, the hole can't just be as big as this hole in ur anus. Everyone knows an elephant have a thin dick.
Guy: hmmm.... hmmm...
Doctor: hmmm what.
Guy: th.. th.. the elephant fingered me first.

kennyjam:
Where I go buy POISON them tell me say POISON don add money.

egbami oooo

Omo thank God for MMM ooo...It is only MMM that can make a yoruba man send money to an igbo man he does not know....Thank you MMM for uniting Nigeria


Do not be racist; be like super Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew


On the roof of a very tall building are four men; one is asian, one is mexican, one is black, and the last one is white. The asian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof. Next, the mexican walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my people" and then he jumps off the roof. Next is the black guy's turn. The black guy walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and then throws the white guy off the roof.

Abeg help me ask how much poison be for u area.... I need am badly.

meetbalo:
egbami oooo

[i]**singing**
Since I was born and now dat I am getting old... i have never
seen a girl with pimples on instagram... Brothers and sisters have you seen......lol[/i]a

,Your dad is dark ,
Your mum is dark,
They gave birth to a dark child 㰊OK now You turned 20 years and you became fair 㰮
Sista WHY?
Is your dad's sperm a Chameleon or u are a Chameleon,,