redsky1:

wow so a N20k air fare is what we are discussing here - na wah o!

when u are talking of proper international air fares then please ask the question not this nonsense fare that has taken up 2 pages now on NL. chei some people.

man came up with excuse he rented 3 bed flat - get someone to check him out first b4 flying anyway (or bus if thats your way) but my dear if its the same nigeria u guys are in then why is he not coming to see u - do people need visa from the east to lagos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i think they need visa, and it must be really hard to process it

Wait for TP another lady will pay her TP and go and displace u.Tp indeed.Don't u have pride?Dt is y most men run away.Ladies are too money concious.

@ Poster, what would you advice a friend if she presented your problem as hers? How can you be talking about love, how old are you? Please, sit tight where you are. Did you tell him you were moving in with him for him to rent a flat becos of you? And where are your parents? is this the height of desperation? You do not fly of to the East like that to see someone who you haven't seen before. You are the female for crying out loud. If you start now what next? sheez!!! I've asked so many questions, lol, but i just can't imagine some things . It's crazy!!!

He must be animal,tell him to come to lagos.@POSTER,you are so CHEAP

i dont even know why the guy had to play the card of i bought a house because of you, imagine that

crap, thats some men way of holding a girl down, so that what ever he says she will do, example pay for this and pay for that, because i bought a house because of you

@ Go with your money, but dont have sex with him!

That's what I'd do!!

My friend, pay and go, or dont pay and sit at home!

Why can't you pay your own damn fare. Is that a crime? Is he the only party benefitting from the affair. You did agree to his advances, did you not? I don't know why some women always try to play the wildcard role in scenarios like these. One second it's equality of the sexes, the other it's "you are a woman for crying out loud." If traveling all the way is too much of a drag for you, maybe you two can make arrangements to meet elsewhere.

C2H5OH:

Why can't you pay your own damn fare. Is that a crime? Is he the only party benefitting from the affair. You did agree to his advances, did you not? I don't know why some women always try to play the wildcard role in scenarios like these. One second it's equality of the sexes, the other it's "you are a woman for crying out loud." If traveling all the way is too much of a drag for you, maybe you two can make arrangements to meet elsewhere.

So now a girl has to pay for her t.fare to come see you? Hmmn! You guys just dont get it do you? You are the MEN!

From an economic point of view. .if the guy is coming down he has to
1. Pay for his fare
2. Pay for the hotel where he would stay.
3. Pay for food

for the lady.
1. Pay for her fare to (and fro depending on if the guy got lucky  ).
2. Pay for food is the guy is extremely stingy/retarded  .

I think its too late to play the "self respecting lady" card because you have already agreed to make the trip to see him first. Changing your mind now because he asked you to pay your fare sends the message of you being a stingy gal. .but then again. . most ladies are  

Ujujoan:

So now a girl has to pay for her t.fare to come see you? Hmmn! You guys just dont get it do you? You are the MEN!

And that is a problem because . . . ? We are the MEN and you are the WOMEN - we know. But that's not exactly saying much. As eager as you naija women are to copycat western philosophies, why not practice what you preach. You are independent, sophisticated women capable of fending for yourselves, or so I thought.

Even if I choose to be a gentleman by paying for her trip, I would still like to know before hand that she is not a financially crippled woman who is coming into my life to milk my ass dry.

Nigga probably just wants some pussy. I'm sure he didn't really spend all of his ends on getting a flat because he feels like he's finally met "The One".

Bottom line [size=22pt]DO NOT GO[/size]

am going 2 see hm in person 4 d first time

Are you selling yourself.Let him come and see you first.
No excuses.

C2H5OH:

And that is a problem because . . . ? We are the MEN and you are the WOMEN - we know. But that's not exactly saying much. As eager as you naija women are to copycat western philosophies, why not practice what you preach. You are independent, sophisticated women capable of fending for yourselves, or so I thought.

Even if I choose to be a gentleman by paying for her trip, I would still like to know before hand that she is not a financially crippled woman who is coming into my life to milk my ass dry.

Oh puuh . .  lez! Let's not get hypocritical! As much as we like copying the western world, we are still aware of culture down here that we cannot change!
We deal with them! SO I think you guys should learn how to deal with some issues too.

A girl is travelling all the way to meet a guy for the first time! Curtsy demands that he offers to pay for her trip. It's a different thing if she reject it; but he has to offer. Just like you dont want a girl to be a burden, we dont want guys that are stingy!

It's an unwritten rule, the firt trip is made by the guy. If the girl has to make the trip, the guy has to sponsor ir (or at least offer). There's no long grammar in it.

All this one about paying or not paying, me I dont think its about the money. We nigerians have a way of watering everything down to money. It seems the moral aspect is no longer the argument with us.

A girl has never met a man before. They live in seperate cities. Culture, tradition and morals DEMAND that the man make the first move.
This should not be a 'should-she- pay-or-should-he-pay-matter'. It should be 'who should go'.

@Poster . .  .Im sorry madame, but the question raises another question of your desperation. Cos a girls honour should be kept.
After he has visited you, you can go see him whenever and when that happens, YOU are the one to pay your fare, cos it would be a relationship that two people are trying to make work, and so it is also your duty to finance yourself.

But in the first place, the man should make the move on coming to see the woman. Right now, he sounds like he wants you to come over for a shag, and after that, nothing else!

@Uju
Which kind of courtesy r u talking about madam? common sense tells me the girl pays then get reimbursed double once she gets to mine.
What happens if i send the money and she decides to cook up stories?
what if the guy had intention of reimbursing her back bountifully?
I'm sure we are only talking about few K's here so i don't see anything wrong with the girl paying for her fares.

Ujujoan:

Oh puuh . .  lez! Let's not get hypocritical! As much as we like copying the western world, we are still aware of culture down here that we cannot change!
We deal with them! SO I think you guys should learn how to deal with some issues too.

A girl is travelling all the way to meet a guy for the first time! Curtsy demands that he offers to pay for her trip. It's a different thing if she reject it; but he has to offer. Just like you dont want a girl to be a burden, we dont want guys that are stingy!

It's an unwritten rule, the firt trip is made by the guy. If the girl has to make the trip, the guy has to sponsor ir (or at least offer). There's no long grammar in it.

What's hypocritical about a factual statement? Or do you just like dabbling around unnecessarily with words.  How about learning to deal with issues like CHANGE?  The only constant thing in life is change, is it not?
If you want to eat your cake and have it back, there are pushover sucker-boys out there who will gladly bend over backwards to soak in those cinderella-like tall tales you are reliving.  As far as I'm concerned, any woman capable of paying her own way does not need to demerit a man for not paying to ship her ass out of whatever cave she lives in, just because she wants to feel like a lady.  Sobeit if he offers, but if he doesn't she can lick her wounds, find another man and get on with her life.  No big deal there.

Guy must this, guy must that, guy has to this and that.  Those days of playing the role of "financial superman" are sailing away.

jay bee:

@Uju
Which kind of courtesy r u talking about madam? common sense tells me the girl pays then get reimbursed double once she gets to mine.
What happens if i send the money and she decides to cook up stories?
what if the guy had intention of reimbursing her back bountifully?
I'm sure we are only talking about few K's here so i don't see anything wrong with the girl paying for her fares.

So what if she goes and there's no re-imbursible! You see it goes both ways . . .  if you can't trust me with a few Ks, how am I supposed to trust you! Whatever his intentions are, he should spell it out to her . .  how about  ' ' Pls come with your money, I'll re-imburse you''   That's not so hard you know.

Besides the OP said the guy said he was broke, he paid for a 3-year rent bla bla bla . ,  that's wack. How is she supposed to start bearing his burden when they've not even started going out sef! Please let's not forget that this is the first time they are gonna meet each other. If he dosent have , he should go and borrow. Guys do that you know!  

jay bee:

@Uju
Which kind of courtesy r u talking about madam? common sense tells me the girl pays then get reimbursed double once she gets to mine.
What happens if i send the money and she decides to cook up stories?
what if the guy had intention of reimbursing her back bountifully?
I'm sure we are only talking about few K's here so i don't see anything wrong with the girl paying for her fares.

You dey mind?  If she chop and clean mouth then wetin go happen?  Shouldering every financial burden is not the only means by which a man can be courteous.  From the sounds of it, he already secured a standard flat to put a elegant roof over her head.  That much courtesy is more than enough.

I agree with people saying the man hasnt stated his intentions. I feel he just wants a hole to stick it in for the weekend

Ujujoan:

So what if she goes and there's no re-imbursible! You see it goes both ways . . .  if you can't trust me with a few Ks, how am I supposed to trust you! Whatever his intentions are, he should spell it out to her . .  how about  ' ' Pls come with your money, I'll re-imburse you''   That's not so hard you know.

Besides the OP said the guy said he was broke, he paid for a 3-year rent bla bla bla . ,  that's wack. How is she supposed to start bearing his burden when they've not even started going out sef! Please let's not forget that this is the first time they are gonna meet each other. If he dosent have , he should go and borrow. Guys do that you know!  

Omo u harsh oh. the girl doesn't seem like she can't afford it and i honestly don't see anything wrong with her using her money for the trip.
Now she might end up loosing the prospective husband just because of the silly lil few K's she had be spending.

C2H5OH:

What's hypocritical about a factual statement? Or do you just like dabbling around unnecessarily with words.  How about learning to deal with issues like CHANGE?  The only constant thing in life is change, is it not?
If you want to eat your cake and have it back, there are pushover sucker-boys out there who will gladly bend over backwards to soak in those cinderella-like tall tales you are reliving.  As far as I'm concerned, any woman capable of paying her own way does not need to demerit a man for not paying to ship her ass out of whatever cave she lives in, just because she wants to feel like a lady.  Sobeit if he offers, but if he doesn't she can lick her wounds, find another man and get on with her life.  No big deal there.
Guy must this, guy must that, guy has to this and that.  Those days of playing the role of "financial superman" are sailing away.

No big deal? You see that's the problem . .  it IS a big deal!

Right now, she's in a tight position. If she dosent go, she appreas stingy but believe me if she does go, she appears desperate. Despite what you guys think, we meet a lot of guys . . as an adult, every girl can judge what a guy will do if he's really crazy about her. Do you know how she does that? Because of what other have done in the past!!


This is not necessarily about money. It's about responsibility. If you want a fish, you throw your net in the water. You dont sit in your canoe and expect the fish to crawl in. I know girls are everywhere these days. Just like you said, she could move on, there's no big deal . .  but at least she moved with her dignity!

jay bee:

Omo u harsh oh. the girl doesn't seem like she can't afford it and i honestly don't see anything wrong with her using her money for the trip.
Now she might end up loosing the prospective husband just because of the silly lil few K's she had be spending.

I wouldnt want to marry a man who wont take a few risks for me

Ebonyeyes:

I agree with people saying the man hasnt stated his intentions. I feel he just wants a hole to stick it in for the weekend

Wild assumption and i'm shocked   it's coming from you. They got introduced by her sister or something like that which means at least he must have some sort of commitment to do on his side (you know how we generally don't like letting people down).
I also don't believe men are that heartless to make a girl come all the way from lagos to the east for the sole purpose of chucking. I hope you know their are single/ready to mingle girls all over Nigeria

jay bee:

Wild assumption and i'm shocked it's coming from you. They got introduced by her sister or something like that which means at least he must have some sort of commitment to do on his side (you know how we generally don't like letting people down).
I also don't believe men are that heartless to make a girl come all the way from lagos to the east for the sole purpose of chucking. I hope you know their are single/ready to mingle girls all over Nigeria

Oh please. Thats EXACTLY what some men want. A responsible girl to shag cos they know the possibility of her sleeping around is low. So they play around and then move on when theyre done, knowing that theyre 'pride' is still in tact cos they were the only ones's shagging the girl at the time.
And about our people not wanting to disappoint, . . . story. That he met her through a sister or cousin or aunt or whomever doesnt mean nada for many men!

jay bee:

Wild assumption and i'm shocked   it's coming from you. They got introduced by her sister or something like that which means at least he must have some sort of commitment to do on his side (you know how we generally don't like letting people down).
I also don't believe men are that heartless to make a girl come all the way from lagos to the east for the sole purpose of chucking. I hope you know their are single/ready to mingle girls all over Nigeria

Hahaha . . you really dont know how far guys can go do you?

I'm not saying the guy just wants to sleep with her, for me it's a first meeting, anything could happen. The girl might even end up not liking him. The issue here is that the guy's not being reasonable. He should be the one goin to see her. Now she has agreed to go, he's talking about money! Ha!

jay bee:

Wild assumption and i'm shocked   it's coming from you. They got introduced by her sister or something like that which means at least he must have some sort of commitment to do on his side (you know how we generally don't like letting people down).
I also don't believe men are that heartless to make a girl come all the way from lagos to the east for the sole purpose of chucking. I hope you know their are single/ready to mingle girls all over Nigeria

You have made some rather questionable comments yourself sexiiiii . Its just my opinion. From personal experience, people who get introduced are not always committed.


If a guy really likes you I feel he will atleast offer to pay something or reimburse later.

Uju, you crack me up.  If your man does all these things for you, I sure as hell hope you are ready to play the role of the submissive woman.

Ujujoan:


No big deal? You see that's the problem . . it IS a big deal!

Right now, she's in a tight position.

He's in a tight position. Can she understand that too. My main man just forked out over 430k bones for a flat, probably to impress this squeeze.

as an adult, every girl can judge what a guy will do if he's really crazy about her. Do you know how she does that? Because of what other have done in the past!!

By the way, reverse this statement and you will see that the same can be said abou tthe dude.

Ujujoan:

Hahaha . . you really dont know how far guys can go do you?
I'm not saying the guy just wants to sleep with her, for me it's a first meeting, anything could happen. The girl might even end up not liking him. The issue here is that the guy's not being reasonable. He should be the one goin to see her. Now she has agreed to go, he's talking about money! Ha!

Thank you oh. I say the thing sounds wishy washy. Real wuruu wuruu

Ebonyeyes:

You have made some rather questionable comments yourself sexiiiii . Its just my opinion. From personal experience, people who get introduced are not always committed.


If a guy really likes you I feel he will at least offer to pay something or[b] reimburse later.[/b]

That's what i av been hammering all along. why don't the girl just tell him she expects to be reimbursed on arrival. If they can't agree on that then he should do the flying or driving over.

I will only have a problem with her if indeed she does have the money but obviously going along Uju's stance that men are suppose to do this or that.

We all go on dates and traditionally the norm is for the men to pay but why do the women do this days? because they want a say in the relationship. No one wants to be treated like a bimbo. And i certainly don't want a woman to think i'm some bank that she can withdraw money from anytime she wishes.

Everything depends on how committed they are with each other. If it's just child's play then it's a no no but if it's going to be something serious then Why the heck NOT.

jay bee:

That's what i av been hammering all along. why don't the girl just tell him she expects to be reimbursed on arrival. If they can't agree on that then he should do the flying or driving over.

I will only have a problem with her if indeed she does have the money but obviously going along Uju's stance that men are suppose to do this or that.

We all go on dates and traditionally the norm is for the men to pay but why do the women do this days? because they want a say in the relationship. No one wants to be treated like a bimbo. And i certainly don't want a woman to think i'm some bank that she can withdraw money from anytime she wishes.

Everything depends on how committed they are with each other. If it's just child's play then it's a no no but if it's going to be something serious then Why the heck NOT.

I guess chivalry is dead huh? The guy has already hinted that he is broke after paying for the rent so I dont think he has any plans to reimburse later.

C2H5OH:

Uju, you crack me up.  If your man does all these things for you, I sure as hell hope you are ready to play the role of the submissive woman.
He's in a tight position. Can she understand that too. My main man just forked out over 430k bones for a flat, probably to impress this squeeze.
By the way, reverse this statement and you will see that the same can be said abou tthe dude.

I'm even surprised you guys are saying this. I mean I've never met any guy with that mentality. I wont even date him sef!

They are both in a tight positin right? Why should the girl be the one to make the jump! Lets face it, the girl has more to lose. She's risking her life making the trip, she's risking her pride, she's risking exposing herelf to a psycho. C'mon I dont think the guy should be talking about money here.

Call me old fashioned if you want, but I still think a girl should be chased, cajoled, coaxed and wooed into a relationship. What happens after she gets there is a different matter entirely!

Ebonyeyes:

I guess chivalry is dead huh? The guy has already hinted that he is broke after paying for the rent so I dont think he has any plans to reimburse later.

I dont think JB understands what the poster is saying!

@ JB

From the lil I know of you, you wont do what that guy is doing. Dont try to defend him!