FvckShiT:

I've learned that trust is like glass. Once broken, no matter how you put it back together, you can still see the cracks.

Toks2008:
This piece is written as a result of the misconception many people have when it comes to tagging a marital union a scam or potential scam.

Many guys and ladies are still single at very ripe age because they still believe that their intending spouse should love them for "real"(whatever that means) so they always want to be too careful and in the process fall into worse hands..

The stark truth is that there will always be a reason for anyone to be with another regardless of how selfish,lame or wicked it may sound but at the end it is still a legitimate union and the couple could be together till death if the conditions remain favorable so what is the fuss about?

In essence,whatever reason you choose to marry that person is your choice..whether it is because of parental pressure,beauty,sex,money,nationality,fame,power and so on,it remains a valid reason and the other party should either take the risk or back out.

- An unassuming guy woos a rich lady and she says he only wants her money.

-A rich guy sees a lady who wants him and he says it's about his money.

-A Nigerian guy or lady chooses to marry an European or American and they say it's for a green card.

-Even a broke cocky guy will say a lady does not really want him but just love his bedmatics.

Conclusively I will say there is really nothing like scam marriage because most marriages are as a result of selfish interest from both party.

My opinion.

oga toks u tried but whatever inspired u..did that very late BUT the courage to share I salute..cuz it spells out ur honesty...this is a fact as old as the 70s generation union as a result of love died and was buried with our parents generation...those who care to disagree can I will not fault them cuz I know reality isn't not for everyone..and not everyone has the courage to accept the truth neither has the wisdom to spot one ..finally bro toks..next question you should ask is why do we have union of convenience instead of unconditional love..what you will hear or read might be tagged for FOR YOUR EYES AND EARS ONLY..!!!!meanwhile check my pics below.

love is material. we love somebody because he/she exhibits some qualities we feel we like. we can not love empty vacuum. that is why we love different sets of people. so marriage is borne out of love. thus it is based on things the other patner sees that will make him to get married. who will like to marry madman. no body.

so op is very correct by saying we all have our selfish interest before getting married.

let me say this. love attract marriage but committment keeps the marriage

Toks2008:


And you think everyone does?

You neva jam some people who are hell bent on looking for pure reasons.

Tell a rich lady you want her and she will say you want her money

Tell a janded lady you want to marry her and she will say you only want a green card.

A rich guy sees a lady who desires him and he says it's because of his money and even a broke cocky guy will say a lady only wants his schlong.

So in essence some people still want to believe that a marriage proposal must be hinged on pure desire but unfortunately it is not.

At least that person wants to be with you for whatever reason so you either accept and put efforts to make it work or continue to wait for a "genuine reason"

you talk nonsense all the time.

Yea....quite true,everyone has a hidden motive why they got married to that special person they got married to, that motive might not even b expressed to anyone, the only thing we all hear is he or she is loving caring, supportive, etc, you never hear anyone say he or she has has a US Citizenship or any other cool country, you never hear his or her dad has an inheritance to leave behind, you never hear he is very good at the other room and many more...

OP you are partially correct, in the sense that your points are applicable only to nowadays endtime marriages where selfish and vested interest is the overriding deciding factor. In the days of our fathers when true love reigned there was nothing like what can you bring on the table rather it was unconditional love.

In fact a popular ibo saying summarizes it all it says thus: 'I na eme oyi, meete onye di mma enyi, maka olulu' translated it means when yiu are making friends make good ones because of marriage.

You will not see an ugly, broke ass girl or boy and marry such and suffer, nobody uses poverty to pose, you will not see a person from a poverty stricken home with a football team number of sibblings all struggling to enter secondary school and put your head there thereby mortgaging your own happiness. When you are not the one that caused the problem you will now allow another person baggage of trouble affect you. Neither will you see a person suffering from a disease or has a health condition that may affect your happiness and children and put your head.
The truth is that people are now very very aware they look very well before taking any life long decision. For example nowadays a black guy peers up with a fair lady and produce 'ajebutter' colored children unlike before black charcoal versus black charcoal I dont know what to call the product of such union or a struggling guy need to use his exposure to leap frog into a waelthy mans home and marry the daugther like that rubbin mnd guy did to chase poverty far away. Ok, assuming the person that married bubu daughter was a hustling man, do you expect bubu no matter how wicked he is to allow such a man to be disgracing him, no way he will command NNPC to employ him anyhow it is.
Look poverty is a terrible disease and it is highly contagious therefore anything that has the coloration of semblance must be resisted even in marriage.
If they have nothing to offer leave them alone 'jeje' with their problems dont allow them to use their family problems to affect yours.

Marriage Is a union between persons who are determined to stay together, it was never meant to be perfect and isnt expected to be. it still remains the most sought after relationship by adults despite stories of divorce and infidelity.
People still fly by air despite plane crashes.
Marriage Is No Different.
Some Of The Problems We Have In Society Today Is As A Result Of The Attack On Marriage As An Institution.

Hahahahaha, I lafta u op

lefulefu:
And that's why when Africans get married to western foreigners for green card and papers dey dump such partners as soon as they get abroad.That's why ladies who get married to rich old men still cheat on them with younger men.No sane individual would want a partner who wants to be with him or her cos of his/her money or the political connections the individual has.i do believe in our hearts of hearts we want someone who has genuine love for us even if we don't want to admit it here.We are humans afterall.

I concur 4x

fortunechy:
I've learned that trust is like glass.
Once broken, no matter how you put it back together, you
can still see the cracks.

I keep trying make people understand this
But it seems people don't care about that..
As long as they get what they want..

Selfish generations.. Smh

the selfish reasons os why modern marriages are failing because you're supposed to love whom you're compatible with, love flows because you share the same ideals not because she's beautiful or rich. i almost married an older working class lady but as time was passing, i realised when co~habiting with her that we're not compatible but are only getting married for selfish reasons, she's desperate to marry due to her old age and I'm willing to marry her because she's gainfully employed unlike many present day ladies that don't seem to have a direction in their lives, apart from that, we're both unhappy with each other since we have different ideas about life. so i walked away from the relationship, i don't want to spend the rest of my life with a wealthy woman i really hate her character.

Toks2008:


If i were you i will just humbly accept the truth and calm down rather than rant senselessly.

You probably are still one of those who believe in pure love and that makes me wonder where you are from.

Whatever i write may not be acceptable to everyone but they are facts of life that i have gathered in over 4 decades of my existence.
99.9999% of the marriages you see are hinged on selfish reasons and take away that reason and there will be no union...some people tend to get fed up when the reason for the marriage is not forthcoming while some stay put in bitterness.

Just pray and hope that the condition remains favorable so that you will not come back to this thread and agree with me.

As for the U.K part then i must say you need to calm your nerves and read very well before you make baseless comments.

Your heart needs some healing, you could use a soul massage .
The lady/ladies who did this to you must have really hit it hard and deep at the deepest part of the bottom of your heart.
From your tone, you must have been a good boy gone bad, karma is a relentless biatch, take heart broh, I hope you find the solace you're looking for by running around n.ak.ed around the internet, looking for a business partner like minded ladies.

RealityShot:

I keep trying make people understand this
But it seems people don't care about that..
As long as they get what they want..

Selfish generations.. Smh

the modern generation don't care about trust, honour, good name etc all they care about is wealth and the funny thing is that most good things in life are free or very affordable to the hustler on the street, you don't need a 16million naira handbag,8million naira wrist watch or 1.2 million naira t~shirt to be happy but this generation don't want to hear that sermon.

Toks2008:


My point exactly...99% of marriages are borne out of selfish reasons and even you are not exempted so the bottom line is to keep to your marital vow regardless of any selfosh reason...simple logic

99%? ......the way una dey churn out statistics ehn, person go dey wonder if una don enter everywhere for this world. Bros say what you know with out churning out rubbish statistics.....

greenermodels:
the modern generation don't care about trust, honour, good name etc all they care about is wealth and the funny thing is that most good things in life are free or very affordable to the hustler on the street, you don't need a 16million naira handbag,8million naira wrist watch or 1.2 million naira t~shirt to be happy but this generation don't want to hear that sermon.

Well some of us do actually care about trust, honor and a good name. Character is another thing we all really have to look out for. A lot of the men will tell you it's a woman that guided him places yet sometimes you will see men gather and bash the same woman for entertainment.

When I think of Marraige scam is far from my mind it's not a fairytale but it's not just a label as well. You can't misrepresent yourself and the truth not come out one day.

Won't rush it...but if I am tying my name to yours forever you have got to be someone who sees better days ahead

Scams are elaborate but the eye clears one day and the brunt of the trauma gets deflected to the children if there are any.

Trust ....a 5 letter word but a risk if God didn't ordain that Marraige

I agree the best things in life are free.

solasoulmusic:


Well some of us do actually care about trust, honor and a good name. Character is another thing we all really have to look out for. A lot of the men will tell you it's a woman that guided him places yet sometimes you will see men gather and bash the same woman for entertainment.

When I think of Marraige scam is far from my mind it's not a fairytale but it's not just a label as well. You can't misrepresent yourself and the truth not come out one day.

Won't rush it...but if I am tying my name to yours forever you have got to be someone who sees better days ahead

Scams are elaborate but the eye clears one day and the brunt of the trauma gets deflected to the children if there are any.

Trust ....a 5 letter word but a risk if God didn't ordain that Marraige

I agree the best things in life are free.

life have taught me that Nigerians with the sweetest words like you are often the worst in character. average Nigerians don't care about trust and good name.

greenermodels:
the selfish reasons os why modern marriages are failing because you're supposed to love whom you're compatible with, love flows because you share the same ideals not because she's beautiful or rich. i almost married an older working class lady but as time was passing, i realised when co~habiting with her that we're not compatible but are only getting married for selfish reasons, she's desperate to marry due to her old age and I'm willing to marry her because she's gainfully employed unlike many present day ladies that don't seem to have a direction in their lives, apart from that, we're both unhappy with each other since we have different ideas about life. so i walked away from the relationship, i don't want to spend the rest of my life with a wealthy woman i really hate her character.

I honestly love your sincerity.

Now do you know that those selfish reasons you mentioned are actually mutually beneficial for both of you?

Do you know that in addition to those conditions if her character was cool by you there won't be any need to leave her and both of you will be happy together despite the selfish reasons?

this is the summary of my write up....

JeffreyJamez:


99%? ......the way una dey churn out statistics ehn, person go dey wonder if una don enter everywhere for this world. Bros say what you know with out churning out rubbish statistics.....

It is expedient to note that this is nairaland and not euro or dollar land so whatever I write applies to Nigeria.

sapiosexual1:

Your heart needs some healing, you could use a soul massage .
The lady/ladies who did this to you must have really hit it hard and deep at the deepest part of the bottom of your heart.
From your tone, you must have been a good boy gone bad, karma is a relentless biatch, take heart broh, I hope you find the solace you're looking for by running around n.ak.ed around the internet, looking for a business partner like minded ladies.

Do you know that it is a sign of intellectual stundedness when you juxtapose a write up with the persona or personal life of the writer?

In my life no woman has ever broken heart but whenever I write stuffs I do from a pragmatic angle and not about what is ideal....I write outside the box and what I write has no correlation with who I am or what goes on in my life.

I have seen sweet ladies..calm honest and a wife material in all respect but because I'm very visual I just look away if such lady does not appeal to me sexually.

So if I marry a lady that is sexually pleasing to my eyes will that be called selfish?

If a lady says she does not want to marry a broke guy and she decides to marry a rich man even if she becomes a second wife please how does that sound selfish? it's individual choices that matter.

opribo:
OP you are partially correct, in the sense that your points are applicable only to nowadays endtime marriages where selfish and vested interest is the overriding deciding factor. In the days of our fathers when true love reigned there was nothing like what can you bring on the table rather it was unconditional love.

In fact a popular ibo saying summarizes it all it says thus: 'I na eme oyi, meete onye di mma enyi, maka olulu' translated it means when yiu are making friends make good ones because of marriage.

You will not see an ugly, broke ass girl or boy and marry such and suffer, nobody uses poverty to pose, you will not see a person from a poverty stricken home with a football team number of sibblings all struggling to enter secondary school and put your head there thereby mortgaging your own happiness. When you are not the one that caused the problem you will now allow another person baggage of trouble affect you. Neither will you see a person suffering from a disease or has a health condition that may affect your happiness and children and put your head.
The truth is that people are now very very aware they look very well before taking any life long decision. For example nowadays a black guy peers up with a fair lady and produce 'ajebutter' colored children unlike before black charcoal versus black charcoal I dont know what to call the product of such union or a struggling guy need to use his exposure to leap frog into a waelthy mans home and marry the daugther like that rubbin mnd guy did to chase poverty far away. Ok, assuming the person that married bubu daughter was a hustling man, do you expect bubu no matter how wicked he is to allow such a man to be disgracing him, no way he will command NNPC to employ him anyhow it is.
Look poverty is a terrible disease and it is highly contagious therefore anything that has the coloration of semblance must be resisted even in marriage.
If they have nothing to offer leave them alone 'jeje' with their problems dont allow them to use their family problems to affect yours.

Very hilarious comment but also very insightful.

Toks2008:


It is expedient to note that this is nairaland and not euro or dollar land so whatever I write applies to Nigeria.

Even at that, have you interviewed all the married people in Nigeria?.. ..heck, have you interviewed all the married people on your street!... Abi your stats is based on what you see in the movies?

JeffreyJamez:


Even at that, have you interviewed all the married people in Nigeria?.. ..heck, have you interviewed all the married people on your street!... Abi your stats is based on what you see in the movies?

Whatever rocks your boat.

I strongly believe this op is right. Attraction to the opposite gender starts with a crush which starts from what you see...e.g her beauty, money, stature, political and social influence etc... and whether we like it or not everyone wants what is best for them...that is the selfish part....only few marriages are borne out of pure love....and also note...marriagei s political...you have what i want anf i also have what you want...so lets get married..thats the idea

Toks2008:


I honestly love your sincerity.

Now do you know that those selfish reasons you mentioned are actually mutually beneficial for both of you?

Do you know that in addition to those conditions if her character was cool by you there won't be any need to leave her and both of you will be happy together despite the selfish reasons?

this is the summary of my write up....

i guess you're right, but if her character was cool by me,then it would have been a case of loving for the sake of love which would have proved you wrong, i really loved her with or without her money but i couldn't take the daily quarrelling any more.

Come to think of it...the very beautiful daughrers of this politicians and thise in government...is it that they dont havr any younger ambitious guy chasing after them?? Why do they have to become second wives and even third of fourth in an old mans other room...

Marriage is a mystery ....

greenermodels:
i guess you're right, but if her character was cool by me,then it would have been a case of loving for the sake of love which would have proved you wrong, i really loved her with or without her money but i couldn't take the daily quarrelling any more.

we are exactly on the same page.

This thread was created to explain some vital points to a certain moniker by name fortuneTeller who from no where came out strong on me accusing me of a "possible" scam marriage just because I considered an option of marrying a foreigner and till this moment I still can't wrap my head around the fact that some people can be so myopic to ever think that way.

In this present day,guys scam people of good money while some ladies see a green card as a reason for scam..then I ask her.."are there not Nigerians who are still keeping their marital vow to a foreign lady even years after getting their green card through the lady they married?"

There is something fundamentally wrong with the psyche of many people and they are always quick to read baseless sinister meaning to seemingly innocuous moves.

Why do foreign ladies mostly marry black guys? OF COURSE FOR GOOD SX and does that not sound selfish to see a man as a potential intimacy gadget? then the guy marries the lady for nationality but along the line they could get on well and decide to grow old together but it does not change the fact that the condition that brought them together in the first place was selfish....this is the case with 9 out of 10 marital unions.

Toks2008:


we are exactly on the same page.

This thread was created to explain some vital points to a certain moniker by name fortuneTeller who from no where came out strong on me accusing me of a "possible" scam marriage just because I considered an option of marrying a foreigner and till this moment I still can't wrap my head around the fact that some people can be so myopic to ever think that way.

In this present day,guys scam people of good money while some ladies see a green card as a reason for scam..then I ask her.."are there not Nigerians who are still keeping their marital vow to a foreign lady even years after getting their green card through the lady they married?"

There is something fundamentally wrong with the psyche of many people and they are always quick to read baseless sinister meaning to seemingly innocuous moves.

Why do foreign ladies mostly marry black guys? OF COURSE FOR GOOD SX and does that not sound selfish to see a man as a potential intimacy gadget? then the guy marries the lady for nationality but along the line they could get on well and decide to grow old together but it does not change the fact that the condition that brought them together in the first place was selfish....this is the case with 9 out of 10 marital unions.

true words but I'm afraid of you o.

FortuneTeller:


It began in the thread about a man scamming an American lady. Toks defended the man's fraudulent behavior. I told him he was supporting the man because he engaged in the same activity. About 3 years ago, Toks was using his sweetmouth to catch an American lady my husband and I know well. He revealed to her that his wife left and never returned. He also admitted to doing the same with a Canadian lady in the other thread. He asked me to send the lady's name and information. I spoke with my husband and he said to drop the matter, so I am going to be quiet on this.

You know these live-in couples arrangements....where the fiancee is assumed to be the wife

Toks2008:


we are exactly on the same page.

This thread was created to explain some vital points to a certain moniker by name fortuneTeller who from no where came out strong on me accusing me of a "possible" scam marriage just because I considered an option of marrying a foreigner and till this moment I still can't wrap my head around the fact that some people can be so myopic to ever think that way.

In this present day,guys scam people of good money while some ladies see a green card as a reason for scam..then I ask her.."are there not Nigerians who are still keeping their marital vow to a foreign lady even years after getting their green card through the lady they married?"

There is something fundamentally wrong with the psyche of many people and they are always quick to read baseless sinister meaning to seemingly innocuous moves.

Why do foreign ladies mostly marry black guys? OF COURSE FOR GOOD SX and does that not sound selfish to see a man as a potential intimacy gadget? then the guy marries the lady for nationality but along the line they could get on well and decide to grow old together but it does not change the fact that the condition that brought them together in the first place was selfish....this is the case with 9 out of 10 marital unions.

That's true.. .

We're all greedy and selfish to some extent.

However, being greedy and selfish are relative terms, interpreted differently by different people

Toks2008:


Do you know that it is a sign of intellectual stundedness when you juxtapose a write up with the persona or personal life of the writer?

In my life no woman has ever broken heart but whenever I write stuffs I do from a pragmatic angle and not about what is ideal....I write outside the box and what I write has no correlation with who I am or what goes on in my life.

I have seen sweet ladies..calm honest and a wife material in all respect but because I'm very visual I just look away if such lady does not appeal to me sexually.

So if I marry a lady that is sexually pleasing to my eyes will that be called selfish?

If a lady says she does not want to marry a broke guy and she decides to marry a rich man even if she becomes a second wife please how does that sound selfish? it's individual choices that matter.

So it that why you are yet to marry?