Kenshinmunac:


Please don't feel like blessing, bless me Aunty!

Don't worry you are bless in Jesus name amen

Questions that need to be asked.
How did she get pregnant?
Where is the child's father, did he accept the pregnancy then?
Who has been catering for the child, your GF or her parents?
Have you met the child and parleyed with him? What's his character? Is he the obedient type?
Are you willing to have your step-son as your first son, cos the mum will do everything to make sure it stays so.
Are you the eldest son of your parents, if yes they will likely not want a step-grandson especially if your parents do not have one yet?
Do you want to get married, or you want to get married to her?

The problem most times is not the mum, but the child who may turn out to be a thorn in your flesh and/or his biological father who may show face after you have raised him to manhood and come to fight to take his child, it would not be funny then.

I would ask you to speak with an elder in your kindred who you know has a good character and speaks objectively. Also talk to a trusted married elder in your church of mosque. Finally in the quite of your room and heart, ask the Lord our God to help you make the right choice and to stand for it, not minding whose ox is gored.

tosyne2much:
[/b] Funny u bro

Oga 10-10. Nothing do you

ststyreal:

You for answer the question now. Shame no dey catch you na girl you dey fight. That age at which the girl took in should inform your sporadic brain that she was still a teenager and could be easily deceived by guys like you. I no wan follow you talk because you just dey behave like small pikin.

Lols....pain of a struggling single mum...it showed you too started bleeping at the age of 15. I don't know why you trying to decide for us now...we don't want this particular lady as a wife and you started doing like someone with dementials.

ststyreal:

What do you think marriage is? A child's play. Every marriage has got its ups and down, whether you marry a virgin or a single mum, there is bound to be misunderstanding, but what sustains it, is the level of your friendship, openness and your style of relationship prior to your marriage. Who ever told you that marriage is crisis free? Your parents aren't gonna live with you nor dictate to you how you run your home, it's purely between you and your spouse until you invite them into your crisis. I am against your parent asking you not to marry the Lady simply because she has had a child, if they have any other thing against her which is unknown to us, then i give up but if it simply because of this child issue, then they need to put themselves in the shoe of that young ladys parent. Mistakes do happen, and what if this Lady have aborted the pregnancy, pretend to op as if nothing happened, then they got married and wedded; only for complication to set in as a result of the abortion she had, I am sure, it is the same you that am quoting now, that will first rain insults and call her all sorts of names. @ Op, just be sure she is a good lady with a good character and a good heart. Pray over it and allow God do the rest.

Hmmmm. hmmmm
the Auntie MARRIAGE Counsellor, U have valid and wonderful points though. it's GRACE that's the key. GOD go help us all no matter what.

Harun111:
I 0met this 22 years old girl 1 year ago. We both got along and decided to settle down together.when we met she told me her past and one of the thing she told me about her past is she had a baby when she was 15years. She asked me if my family will allow me to marry her I said that should be my decision.i went ahead to Introduced her to my family which all of them accepted her.but recently my younger brother finds out she once gave birth,he then went ahead to tell my family about it. and they have called the family meeting which I was asked to appear on Sunday.my problem here is I love her so much and we are planning to settle down together this year and my family will want to stop me from marrying her.most her things her in my house. Am kinda confused I don't know Wat to do. Am going through some emotional pains rite now. I don't know if I should tell her, any time she calls my heart beat. Please I need ur advice..

no big deal. My uncle married her type & they re both happily married. If she will make you happy & its God's will stand ur ground & go ahead.

ststyreal:

Ok, those people you said they should ask, didn't their parents support and give their blessings during their marriage? What happens after all. So it is not about getting married to a single mother but the individual involved. Tonto parents and funke Akindeles parents must have supported their daughters marriage to these men, but today, what is the situation of things with them. Marriage is not about the parents, nor the siblings because if the man say him no dey do again, if the parents and siblings like, make them beg from morning till night, e no go change the man decision, but it is about the couple coming togethers happiness. I don tire to dey type. @ Op may God guide you alright amen

the possibilities that the parents to the aforementioned people supported their marriages can't be confirmed so let's leave that out. What I mean is that MARRIAGE failures is so rampant that the unexpected has become the order. THE COUPLE themselves are the key to what happens to them and their future like U rightly said.
it's GREAT weighing opinions with an intellectual like U Ma.

convince yourself u are ready to bear whatever consequence of her having a child before marrying you and let your family know you are ready for the consequece and go ahead and marry her but let your wife knows the consequnce of you going ahead to marry u and expect some hostility from your family members,t least in the short run.

If you trully love her,Go ahead and marry her

Ďude, for the fact she came out plain is one thing u should respect and another things is.......she was 15 when she got pregnant(which i am sure was a mistake)and we all make Mistakes.

If u think or feel she's a changed person, u shoułd go ahead and make ur people see reasons why u still want to marry her because she's not just marrying only u but your entire family as well

Taryur3:

Am sure you have a single brother...we will dash your brother the girl...you hear?

But seriously tarjur3, why are you acting in such manner. Remember nobody knows tomorrow, if you refuse your brother(if truly the guy in question is your brother oooo) from marrying this lady because of her child, how are you sure the single lady you are pushing your brother to marry will be able to bear a child? Abi e get wetin you no dey tell us. Well, let Gods will be done!

kunlesufyan:
Put your self in your parent's shoes, would you allow your child who has had a child before??Think very hard before answering the question.

Are you normal?

[quote author=Kondomatic post=54892996]

I personally can't marry a single mom and I won't allow my daughter to marry a single dad./[quote] you were making sense until this statement jumped at me

I tink u should gv it time ,to finally convince ur family abt d girl,

dominique:


So because she made a mistake at a young age, she's supposed to pay for it for the rest of her life?

Useless men everywhere, taking advantage of and impregnating young girls and denying responsibility. Had the useless baby daddy risen to his responsibility, will the op be proposing to her? It takes a real man to love a woman with all her baggage and op is one.

it is only dumb guys that you can pshycologically black mail with that REAL MAN CRAP!!! every body has his taste....did they rape the girl?? useless women everywhere

Just make yourself rich and all your immediate and even extended family members will learn to love and respect her forever if you eventually marry her

ststyreal:

You for answer the question now. Shame no dey catch you na girl you dey fight. That age at which the girl took in should inform your sporadic brain that she was still a teenager and could be easily deceived by guys like you. I no wan follow you talk because you just dey behave like small pikin.

every body fights for their INTERESTS it does not matter wether girl or boy...why are the ladies here taking this issue personal?

[quote author=awakeuche post=54924854][/quote]Taking just three steps in my shoes will make you understand

decatalyst:
The first mistake is letting this kinda of news to be discovered. You are supposed to call whoever is closest to you between your dad and mom and explain the situation to him/her. This would have doused the tension by the time you present her to the whole family.


Young man, you have to watch before you leap...a girl got pregnant and gave birth at 15...she wasn't raped, I presume, her upbringing is what you should carefully examine.

Whether your family approve or not, the decision is strictly yours. But remember, its a decision that could make or mar your present and future, you must consider all sides of the coin.

May God help you.

I was going to just pass and not say a thing but I found myself pressing the quote option. Getting pregnant at the age of 20/21 to whatever age without a husband says more than having a child at 15. She was young, very naive and easily deceived, and we know what the world is like. It has nothing to do with her upbringing, some people have the best, most strict and disciplined upbringing but they still make all these mistakes.
So you need to change your views about these issues.
Op I feel you stand a better chance since the whole issue is from your end, it's always harder convincing the lady's family. Stand your ground and go for what makes you happy, regardless.
I wish you the best!

dominique:
[b][/b]

Can you make an intelligent point without involving parents? I totally doubt that.
By baggage, I didn't only mean with child. We're not prejudicial in my family, we've welcomed different single mums and they're living pretty well. It's because of judgemental people like you that girls commit numerous abortions because they don't want to be stigmatized by your likes. In your quest of running away from after one, you don't know if you'll eventually end up with after 8 (abortions)

or even after 45 (abortions) sef.

Meanwhile, check your mail dear... Thanks

dominique:


So because she made a mistake at a young age, she's supposed to pay for it for the rest of her life?

Useless men everywhere, taking advantage of and impregnating young girls and denying responsibility. Had the useless baby daddy risen to his responsibility, will the op be proposing to her? It takes a real man to love a woman with all her baggage and op is one.

Ooh please stop this blame transfer, it won't work anywhere. Whatever you decide to do with your body as a lady is your responsibility. Including the guy (s) you decide to give it to. You should be ready for any consequence of your actions....didn't the useless girl think about the "possible irresponsible " trait in the guy b4 opening her legs without protectives.

Single mother's should look for single fathers and marry each other......

But the twist is, if your wife ain't a virgin when you meet her then the possibility of abortions can't be ruled out.

What a generation....

Kenshinmunac:
So na your family they control you abi? You cannot make decision on your own regardless of other people's opinions be it family or other wise? You are not mature enough and you say you want to marry?

lolz

Why all the fuss abeg? Attend the meeting first na before we know the best way to advise you on the matter. You don't know what is on their minds.

I cry as I write this,although the girl is not related to me in any way but mark today's date,time,you pay for making yourself judge over your fellow human being, Have you ever called that girl to no how she took in at that age well is alright, guy you will marry and have your own kids but today will surely visit you for opening your mouth to call a woman like me a borehole because of one mistake. Bros please free that girl allow her to leave her life.

decatalyst:
The first mistake is letting this kinda of news to be discovered. You are supposed to call whoever is closest to you between your dad and mom and explain the situation to him/her. This would have doused the tension by the time you present her to the whole family.


Young man, you have to watch before you leap...a girl got pregnant and gave birth at 15...she wasn't raped, I presume, her upbringing is what you should carefully examine.

Whether your family approve or not, the decision is strictly yours. But remember, its a decision that could make or mar your present and future, you must consider all sides of the coin.

May God help you.

a gal who has a child to show for her only sexual relatnshp in 7yrs and sm1 with no child but 10abortions in 7yrs too who wud u choose? People make mistake @ one time or d other in their life and we are nt qualified to judge dem based on their mistake. Take Tuface n Genevive N. for example, am pretty sure alot of single guys n ladies wudnt mind marrying dem if dey had d opportunity. Finally, marry ppl base on who they are and not wot they were. 1luv.

ststyreal:

But seriously tarjur3, why are you acting in such manner. Remember nobody knows tomorrow, if you refuse your brother(if truly the guy in question is your brother oooo) from marrying this lady because of her child, how are you sure the single lady you are pushing your brother to marry will be able to bear a child? Abi e get wetin you no dey tell us. Well, let Gods will be done!

The lady is an opprtunist, gold digger either...she should go back to her baby Daddy she abandoned and build a home with him.another fact is getting married to a single mum, put in mind that you will be the second love...her first love and focus will be on her child

Families don't usually kick against a man's choice unless they have reasons to believe he is not sound enough to make such decisions.

If you aren't sound enough and you end up marrying her without their consent, you will be bringing her into a life of hell as your family will make sure she gets hell. If you are without a spine too, soon you will begin to see what your family wants you to see because every marriage has its challenges. When yours come and you have Judases whispering in your ears, before you know it, you will join them and give her hell. No woman deserves this.

As being a single mother is now an unforgivable sin, who made man the judge of that woman? Do they know her story, her circumstances? Can a person not repent even in the worst case scenario? What has she done, commit murder? Embezzle funds meant for public good? If the single woman was a billionaire, they won't remember she is a single mom. You criticize harmless people and celebrate hardened criminals in the society. Hypocrisy at its highest.

Poster, if you aren't man enough to take a stand and make your family respect you and your wishes and your bride to be, don't marry her o. Otherwise you will both regret the day you met. Family members need to know when to mind their business too.

Taryur3:

Pain of a single mum.,..na joke I dey o...but seriously if that guy is Yoruba and he go ahead with his plan...he will regret it.

I don't have a child....

goingape1:
your family must be an IDP camp.

Congrate for taking care of the single mums!


Marrying a single mum is a no no in our society and it shows lack of dignity period!

If a whole Prince of England can marry a single mum, so what exactly are we feeling like that we feel we have the right to stigmatize someone because she made a mistake?

dominique:


If a whole Prince of England can marry a single mum, so what exactly are we feeling like that we feel we have the right to stigmatize someone because she made a mistake?

England is not my country neither the prince is my president!

we are talking about culture, moral and dignity.
marrying a babe mama is not morally sounded in my country (Nigeria)

goingape1:
England is not my country neither the prince is my president!

we are talking about culture, moral and dignity.
marrying a babe mama is not morally sounded in my country (Nigeria)

What useless culture, what has it achieved for you in the past century? What have we achieved with our morals? most importantly, who gives you the right to judge?