Lubyna:


So if a woman has financial standards, she should now lower it for some guy because of what? What does the guy have to offer that more financially bouyant and ambitious men don't have? Is it by force to date somebori? It's not like she sees men as lower status, it's just that she can't date them. Shikena. Is it your life? Is it not her life?
Most wealthy men are ambitious, intelligent, well informed and successful, and when they marry, they marry equally intelligent, ambitious, well informed and successful women. Stop watching Nollywood movies and engage with reality.

Oh please. It's not only the women who marry rich men that suffer domestic abuse. Women who are married to broke men also suffer domestic abuse. Domestic violence occurs across all boards.

Lolzzz. Sorry to say this but you are so ignorant about reality. Who told you white women aren't concerned about financial status? How many white women do you know? There are women of different races who have financial standards, and so can't settle for less. And they have the right to. Instead of complaining and abusing them, why don't you strive to be financially successful so you can meet the standards of most women?

To follow women argue na waste. Una always get word full mouth. That's why most of una go die single anyway.


When you where in secondary school, you said you cudnt date your fellow secondary school boys and that your guy was in uni. In uni, you said ur guy must be a working class, now your working and you can't date a guy below your pay grade.

Well the way I see it from this distance, is some girl( not women)never really outgrew their childhood orientations. They just simply expanded it to a much more wider philosophy.

Its not a metaphor thing. Many of you women will die single.

Jelal0007:
U still haven't answered the gentle man's question, what happens if along the line a woman in ur so-called class goes broke? We've seen rich folks go broke (its a possibility). What then happens? The rich guy promptly dumps the lady? Since all u talk about is emphasising on money. Cc:greyboy5000

don't mind her she is trying to dodge many of my questions
But I was tired of repetition
So I stopped

Lubyna:


So if a woman has financial standards, she should now lower it for some guy because of what? What does the guy have to offer that more financially bouyant and ambitious men don't have? Is it by force to date somebori? It's not like she sees men as lower status, it's just that she can't date them. Shikena. Is it your life? Is it not her life?
Most wealthy men are ambitious, intelligent, well informed and successful, and when they marry, they marry equally intelligent, ambitious, well informed and successful women. Stop watching Nollywood movies and engage with reality.

Oh please. It's not only the women who marry rich men that suffer domestic abuse. Women who are married to broke men also suffer domestic abuse. Domestic violence occurs across all boards.

Lolzzz. Sorry to say this but you are so ignorant about reality. Who told you white women aren't concerned about financial status? How many white women do you know? There are women of different races who have financial standards, and so can't settle for less. And they have the right to. Instead of complaining and abusing them, why don't you strive to be financially successful so you can meet the standards of most women?

To follow women argue na waste. Una always get word full mouth.


When you where in secondary school, you said you cudnt date your fellow secondary school boys and that your guy was in uni. In uni, you said ur guy must be a working class, now your working and you can't date a guy below your pay grade.

Well the way I see it from this distance, is some girl( not women)never really outgrew their childhood orientations. They just simply expanded it to a much more wider philosophy.

search for money guys nomore ladies
Kingblac got you covered.......

imustsaymymindo:


Analysing it does not guarantee you won't fail again. Though I agree failure should be analyzed. Infact, most successful people failed the most and were successful at the least time they expected, planned or analysed.

Planning is iterative. Analysis, to discover the cause of an undesired outcome, forms part of a repetitive loop, and helps to rule out ineffective methods. The success that comes (however long it may take) is not accidental. It is eventual. It is as a result of iterative planning.

So, what ever variable it is that has contributed to an unsuccessful outcome needs to be identified. That's the analysis of that particular failing.

Dear op,
Please try read more books on emotional intelligence.
Thanks.

TheLordIsGr8:
There is just so much wrong with your piece. There is blackmail, logical error, factual inconsistency, wishful thinking, undefined terms. And they are all packed so densely that it takes critical reflection to unpack it all.


1. Undefined term:
You failed to define what you mean by financially buoyant.

2. Wishful thinking:
This is clearly wishful thinking. Like seriously, what percentage of the population of Nigerian women are in this category? I know you'd like every woman to be financially buoyant so that they won't have to be at the "mercy" of a man. But alas! Even men are on a tightrope.

3. Logical inconsistency:
First of all, we have to consider what makes women call guys "broke". Its simply because they've asked for something and the guy couldn't afford it. If they know the guy can afford it but won't buy it, they'll call him stingy. So we got our working definition of broke.

The major flaw in your this statement is that you assume that ONLY women who can't afford something for themselves ask men for it. Wrong! What you're saying is akin to claiming that people who have lots of money don't steal. Ask stealer odua or yakubu saraki. So in case you don't know, whether a woman is financially buoyant or not, she'll still ask a man for gifts.





I really did agree with some of the points in the body of your piece, but your conclusion is an epic fail.

1. Blackmail:
In your world, its okay for a woman to "sometimes" lower her standards so she can meet a man halfway. But when a guy does go after a woman who is lower in the financial ladder, he IS. low standards personified. You could not even countenance the fact that a guy could lower his standards to meet a woman halfway. You once again bring up the tested and proven technique of blackmail. Yes! Women live on blackmail. Shaming men into doing something they won't do ordinarily.

"You're such a loser going after broke girls," says a woman like you.

So a man thinks to himself,
"If I'm not to be considered a loser, then I have to go for "big" girls.
And if I'm to go for big girls, I have to meet their standards.
And if I'm to meet their standards I have to work my ass off and bring home the money
And if I can't get that money I'm looking for then I'm a failure.
So I have to keep trying and trying and trying...."all so he could please a woman

This is a woman's most effective weapon guys. In case you're reading just to learn. Let no woman blackmail you. If you want your bed warm at night, contrary to what OP thinks, you can get two for a penny, plus you get to enjoy your hard-earned money.


OP, the world doesn't work the way you wish for it to work. There will be broke guys and broke ladies. And broke ladies will far outnumber the broke guys because nature has made it so that the guys can take up practically any kind of job. And for the few juicy job out there, there are only a few ladies who will actually get them compared to guys. So financial standards or not, a woman who wants a man for a man's sake will go after a man. A woman who wants a man for money's sake will go after a man with money. It matters not what her account balance is.

What a very deep analysis! That Lubyna should see this.

GogobiriLalas:
Sister well don o...good afternoon, you must still be in your early 20s...wait till you're between 35 - 40 and still unmarried then come and write your standard...well don o carry on.

I tire for madam Lubyna o. 20 rich men on 50000 women and she thinks she will be one of the women to marry one of those 20 rich men? when there are more than 25000 young women that are prettier,richer, with good qualities,shape and everything men want than her. maybe she go do jazz to dey attract rich men but where your jazz ends is where more than 10000 women's start from. you're a prayer warrior but more than 10000 of women pray better than you and don't ain as much as you do.
boss,let's wait and read her comments in the next 10 years with this rusty mentality. she would be like I just hit 32 and menopause will hit soon,I don't want my husband's mom to throw me out of his house,I want any husband as long as he's nice and has a job

connectpoint:


Hehehe...Dont fall victim of my fav proverb oh.. I tell my hommies we humans don't appreciate original until we fall victim to fakes...fakes helps us attach greater value to things....Since you know you've done sumthing wrong, why can't you pick up the phone and make amends..conflict is an opportunity for greater ambiance if i'm asked.....

LOL! Leave her for now. She likes a little bad boy traits and that I am not going to call her yet, unless she Facebooks me first.

DeeTus:
LOL! Leave her for now. She likes a little bad boy traits and that I am not going to call her yet, unless she Facebooks me first.

I believe maturity is avoiding these obvious pitfalls oh.. The same with me..if i no chat she no go reply...i've deleted her from my mind's recycle bin... i dunno have time for smallies jare....

Summary of all the rants: what I've learned.

1. Women have standards (obviously).
2. A woman can quit her relationship or marriage when she feels the other is pulling her back.
3. Only the rich are intelligent, even if you steal, rape or ritual kill provided it gives money you're intelligent.
4. The richest people in the world don't account for 1% of the world's population, which means that 99% of the rest of the world including me and the OP aren't intelligent.
5. In conclusion, everybody who wrote on this thread including the OP are dumb because clearly she and her supports and attackers are broke.

Some women make me laugh though. Anyways, different strokes for different folks.

greyboy5000 Lubyna RaggedyAnn

I can see lazy women who doesn't want to work "commenting ". finese'$$

RaggedyAnn:



No, you misunderstand me. I said a person should leave once they're being held back by their mate because that amounts to an unhealthy relationship. In the course of this back and forth, I mentioned the attributes of a go getter: diligence, drive, discipline, intelligence and, yes, luck. All of which bring the sort of energy that a fellow go-getter craves to enhance their own vibe. A laggard, however, brings on a negativity (laziness, complacency, etc) which is undesirable; and with a late-bloomer, one would require the patience of job to watch them eventually discover their niche.

I also said that failures should be disintegrated and attributed to whatever inadequacies fit: laziness, indiscipline, immaturity. A person cannot consistently have bad luck. If it seems like that's the case, he's probably not doing the things he should.

So when I say that a person is being held back by his/her mate, it's not about the money in the account. It's about contributing to/ enabling or not interfering with their personal progress and also the vision they have for themselves. And it goes both ways. Some men, for instance, would reckon that their fiancée would graduate in four years (they want a wife with at least a first degree). Then she spends ten years and still has nothing to show for it. She changes schools a few times but still cannot cut it. It becomes apparent that she's dull, or lazy, or unfavored by God. But such a man must make a decision if he will adjust his dreams to accommodate his woman's inadequacies (which will still reflect on the household) or if he should cut her loose without compromise.

Of course, this is when decisions are made with one's head. When the heart is involved, illogical things happen. But not everyone will find love in their prime childbearing age and so people forge ahead instead of waiting around.

To your penultimate point: If someone you have already identified as a go-getter loses his money, he would not lose his character. So he's still very viable. He can become detrimental to the relationship if he is suddenly consumed by anger and depression and not responding to psychiatric treatment. He would even affect the children negatively. This is why people make the hard decision to split up.

On the insults: it wasn't supposed flatter anyone either, so please forgive the fact that the fragile egos of some guys were not seriously considered before composing this.

this is wicked but sweet....


it wasn't supposed flatter anyone either, so please forgive the fact that the fragile egos of some guys were not seriously considered before composing this.

RaggedyAnn:



I used Mike Adenuga because that's the example used by the person I quoted. (Was it you?). I don't know how you qualify intelligence. It is not the ability to speak good English or hold a conversation in politics or whatever. It's a capacity for aptitude. And a person who is successful at something must have mastered something to an excellent level. That shows intelligence.

I equate financial reward to successful enterprise. And successful enterprise is dependent on several variables (diligence, discipline, drive, etc) including intelligence.

But like I said in my earlier post (was it to you?) some people get rich by dubious means and that's not the class of men I'm referring to.

gf i'm enjoying your comments oh... Nice valid points...


" a person who is successful at something must have mastered something to an excellent level. " - This is accurate, on point

RaggedyAnn:



Planning is iterative. Analysis, to discover the cause of an undesired outcome, forms part of a repetitive loop, and helps to rule out ineffective methods. The success that comes (however long it may take) is not accidental. It is eventual. It is as a result of iterative planning.

So, what ever variable it is that has contributed to an unsuccessful outcome needs to be identified. That's the analysis of that particular failing.

I agree with you. Especially that success is not accidental, it requires planning, analysis, character etc. Success is however not predictable too.

azuza1:


Let's hear your perspective

Well, post like this doesn't really make sense to me because it lacks thoughtfulness. Of all the things that marriage encompasses, I don't think financial competition or segregation should be the principal thing between partners.

Though, everyone has got a standard but when it comes to marriage, your standard may fail you. Sometimes, your standard may not be enough to keep a relationship

To each his own opinion sha

Alright so let the OP answer this, since you have financial standards. Nobody stays at the same financial level in a capitalist society as people move up and down the financial ladder. What happens when your man in the process of moving down the financial ladder drops below your "financial standards"? What do you do then?

majekdom2:
we lost it and that's why I tell people when they come with silly restructuring and diversification talk. We have a social/ mental problem that needs to be addressed first, if not it won't work.
@ bolded, broke is a status. You can choose to remain there or move beyond that status. Keep on with your work, stay focused, network and make friends with the right set of peeps and it will pass. It will pass in a moment. I have been there, it passed, the change came in a twinkling of an eye. You don't have to force yourself on any babe. It's only natural for them to rely on you for their needs. If anyone understand you can't provide and will still keep you, hold that person tight. It will happen bro

Thanks my brother.

In life, we all have our distinct race. Painted with different colours of life uncertainties is our batons of destinies. Unique for every man born into this world. Those that were lucky to have the good start from their birth and those who ran into rock in the beginning of life. Yet the saying that the end justifies the means hold true. To a Jonathan who never dreamt of becoming a president in 70s and to the sons of Abiolas who might have think they are born to be successful in life by the virtue of the stating line of their lives, one thing happens to them. "Life". Nope, it wasn't the intelligence and diligence of the Jonathan, neither is it the lack of it in the Abiolas that makes the differences in the latter stage of life. Life happens to them and this life always happens to us all.

A lady can chose to set standard for themselves. It's what they feel can guarantee their happiness.

But to label guys that go for financially 'sunk' girls as guys with low standard and self worth is stupidity. I'm sorry to use the s word

So if a woman has financial standards, she should now lower it for some guy because of what? What does the guy have to offer that more financially bouyant and ambitious men don't have? Is it by force to date somebori? It's not like she sees men as lower status, it's just that she can't date them. Shikena. Is it your life? Is it not her life?
Most wealthy men are ambitious, intelligent, well informed and successful, and when they marry, they marry equally intelligent, ambitious, well informed and successful women. Stop watching Nollywood movies and engage with reality.

Oh please. It's not only the women who marry rich men that suffer domestic abuse. Women who are married to broke men also suffer domestic abuse. Domestic violence occurs across all boards.

Lolzzz. Sorry to say this but you are so ignorant about reality. Who told you white women aren't concerned about financial status? How many white women do you know? There are women of different races who have financial standards, and so can't settle for less. And they have the right to. Instead of complaining and abusing them, why don't you strive to be financially successful so you can meet the standards of most women?

After all the bruhaha about financial standards independence. When they get tired of being alone, lonely and single, they use their money to buy some "broke boys" as sugar boy, or secret bedroom services or target and lure a handsome broke boy to father a child for them whom may not know their intentions neither is he intended to raise the child with them.
All these na over-civilization dey worry them.

one thing i have learnt with time is that change is constant...my sister's husband was once a millionaire..they have houses in lagos but he lost his job...and life has been hard since then....my sister is faithful even in all this....
what happened to for richer or poorer....

my mum married my dad in a one room with six spring bed ...but at the end my dad built her three houses before he died ....

women know potentiAl when they see it but the love for pleasure wont let them marry a broke guy....

being broke is nobodies birthmark niether is anyone immuned to it....

wealth is not an indication of wisdom ...nabal was a rich fool....and you know what happens to rich fools....they die young....

i am presently broke ....but that dont mean i am not smart...am doing my best but the money never show....i lost my job in a bank ....

finally....if you choose not to date me cos i no get money, its your life..
i wont die poor in jesus name ....but i know deep within that i am a nice guy and that my wife will thAnk God i came her way....

majekdom2:
we live in a sick society. We have a social problem. You are perceived successful by the car you drive and house you live in. We go to church so God can bless us to be rich. We go to school because we believe education is key to becoming rich. People become politicians because they want to be rich. Some people that are surviving will go abroad because they want to be rich, some will push drugs. We have internet fraudsters who could have survived without being fraudsters because they want to be rich. There is no other motivation in Nigeria other than the quest to become rich. A very big social problem that has affect our thought pattern.

This is the problem o! So what is the solution now?

One thing I have realized from reading comments on this website is that a lot of men do not understand that some women have certain financial standards when it comes to dating, and nothing can make them lower those standards. So guys, when a lady says she can't date a broke guy, try to first ruminate on the information I want to pass across before deciding to label her with derogatory appellations.

When I say some ladies, this "some" constitutes a certain category of ladies. This category includes ladies who are ambitious, hardworking and goal oriented. They are aren't idle or ignorant. They are intelligent, well informed and most times are financially bouyant. These are the kind of women I am categorically referring to. If this kind of woman says she can't date a broke guy, then she is justified in making such statement, and any guy who insults her for making such statement or tries to refute her statement with the kind of pathetic comments I read here, is indeed pathetic.

How does anyone expect a woman who is working towards being financially successful and expending time and energy towards this goal, to settle for some guy who earns WAY less than she does? How can a financially ambitious woman lower her standards and spend years waiting for some guy "who has potential" to make it? Let me unpack this last statement because it's a bit radioactive. There are different gradations of potential and that's why I used quotation marks. There are men who have an education that confers a high competitive advantage in the job market, or skills that can catapult them to high rungs on the financial ladder. If a financially ambitious woman meets this kind of guy and he is working hard everyday to become financially stable and secure, then she can lower her standards a bit and grind with him, but only for a while. If after few months or years and this guy isn't making any progress and she decides to go, no one should blame her. Maybe the guy isn't smart enough or isn't just lucky enough. She has the right to leave him and find someone who is financially compatible with her. Yes.
But this only applies to men who have real potential, not some guy who just has a degree or skills and isn't taking diligent steps to improve his finances.

What most guys don't realize is that being broke or just having enough money to subsist, are indicative of certain traits women in general aren't attracted to. Traits like laziness, unintelligence, lack of ambition, bad luck, and a lack of good education. It's not the fault of a financially ambitious woman who is financially bouyant herself if she doesn't want to mingle with broke people, let alone date them.

Instead of dating a guy that has good qualities, the kind of women I am referring to would rather find financially bouyant and ambitious men like themselves, and then proceed to look for these good qualities. And YES they are justified in doing that. Abi is it only broke guys that have good qualities?

Lastly, if any guy is asking out women who don't fall into the category of women I am referring to, then such guy has low standards and deserves the rejection he is receiving from his fellow broke girl.

You have your points.
But the truth is life is not equal.
Everyone deserves a chance. The way some girls chase broke guys you ll think their Father was the wealthiest man on earth.

But see this reality, if Bill Gate who is worth $70b decides to marry Folorunsho Alakija who worth's $1.7b, he has gone down a standard despite the fact that Alakija is the richest woman in Africa. What more if Gate marries a broke village girl.

So...you see relationship is not by what's seen at present alone but what the future also can offer.

Life is not equal. The yardstick for measuring rich guys that marry broke girls should be used for rich women that wanna date broke guys. See if you ll qualify.

Draxler:
Alright so let the OP answer this, since you have financial standards. Nobody stays at the same financial level in a capitalist society as people move up and down the financial ladder. What happens when your man in the process of moving down the financial ladder drops below your "financial standards"? What do you do then?

Asked and answered. You'll find it on this thread.

Where did I say I go into relationships just because of money? The category of women I am referring to, which I believe I belong to, don't go into relationships just because of money. Certainly they have other standards, but money is one of those standards. Shikena.

I never said money equates intelligence. I said being financially successful is indicative of intelligence. And yes it is. Money isn't easy to get. Only someone who is intelligent can get it. And by intelligence, I don't mean memorizing data and writing an exam. I mean being able to utilize acquired knowledge and inherent skills in solving real problems. Dino Malaye is an intelligent man. Obviously.

I didn't say a lady should leave a man she loves if he becomes broke. I said a lady can date a broke but hardworking and ambitious guy who has potential, but can choose to leave him if he isn't making progress. Abi can't you read?

Pls can't you argue your point without using provoking statements?
all these people with their funny attitudes. mtcheww

Great4God:
Any man that knows His onion, that knows where He is heading to should not take it personal when a woman says no to His feelings based on His financial standing. It is expected to motivate you to achieve higher things, anytime a woman says no to me with the impression that I am not capable enough, It pushes me the more to achieve, I always take that as a challenge. I had an experience when I was much younger, a girl I had a strong feelings for told me plainly that I wasn't up to her standard then, I didn't take it out with her, I didn't hate or abuse her, but I simply told myself that I would be back for her,yes after 3 years,I was ready for her and She couldn't stand me again, my capacity, my intelligence, she lacked confidence where I was.I have a deep respect for any woman that knows and defines what she wants,it is never a crime, In life, while we are grateful to people who opened their doors for us, we should also be grateful to those that closed their doors to our face,they contributed to the success we attain in this life,that is only when you are passionate enough to succeed. If a woman ignores you because you don't have a car, it is not bad,She needs a guy with a car for convenience,all she told you was to go get a car and when you do,no be you go enjoy am

Unfortunely, with this knid of thinking, you will never find true love or know what it truly feels like to be loved. It's people like you who turn to scams, kidnapping and all other forms of corruption just to get rich to attract a ladies attention when all doesn't work out as planned. After all, success in this country is defined by how much money you can acquire, no matter what it takes.

'' Why do I have the feeling the OP is opening and using multiple dummy accounts to reply this same thread'' :/

Peeps still don't understand that there are no hard and fast rules to this relationship thing. It's within anybody's rights to want what/who they want, but still on still, love happens - when we allow it. Love has that subtle ability to dismantle every foundation of logicality and coherence a lover's 'standards' are predicated on, and then lay them bare and vulnerable like babies learning life.
Love happens.

Poor OP has deactivated, you people are wicked on this Nairaland, chai

RaggedyAnn:




But I answered it, how come you didn't see it? I said a person should leave a late bloomer the moment she/he realizes he/she is holding her/him back in their own progress. That's when the relationship is unhealthy.

I cannot comment on grace and religion. Perhaps it's what I referred to as 'luck'. When opportunities and timing for instance. But then, you must always be prepared first to take advantage of good timing.

Education is not equal to good finances. Please don't disregard the context in which I mentioned the relevance of education. I said: The post makes some assumptions. For instance, an education gives people a better chance to find financial success. there aren't any guarantees. But it gives a lot of people options to contribute what they have been groomed for. Not everyone has an inborn talent that is marketable.

This post isn't insulting anyone. The fact that some women of a certain economic class should be encouraged to find mates that are of a similar class, should not be an insult to anyone.

Madam,that post is berating to people who're still struggling to make it in life. That u're buoyant now doesn't mean u should look down on people. If u want dangote as a life partner,good n fine. But don't call any1 broke becos dat rich dude/babe can go broke too. Get that in2 ur head.

obieze1000:
one thing i have learnt with time is that change is constant...my sister's husband was once a millionaire..they have houses in lagos but he lost his job...and life has been hard since then....my sister is faithful even in all this....
what happened to for richer or poorer....

my mum married my dad in a one room with six spring bed ...but at the end my dad built her three houses before he died ....

women know potentiAl when they see it but the love for pleasure wont let them marry a broke guy....

being broke is nobodies birthmark niether is anyone immuned to it....

wealth is not an indication of wisdom ...nabal was a rich fool....and you know what happens to rich fools....they die young....

i am presently broke ....but that dont mean i am not smart...am doing my best but the money never show....i lost my job in a bank ....

finally....if you choose not to date me cos i no get money, its your life..
i wont die poor in jesus name ....but i know deep within that i am a nice guy and that my wife will thAnk God i came her way....

. Awww, You will be fine and well. I relate with the Jobless. It will pass in a moment. Don't let posts as this disturb you. The youths on here are not really exposed and many have not had real life experiences. I am not sure a working class lady will have time to create thread that adds no value to the mind of people. Many of us wish to work in a blue chip company whilst we were in university. We fantasised about that even as some of us were copying in exam halls. Today, we can count our folks that are in those companies or running million dollar enterprises . That's how it is, even a prostitute fantasies about marrying a billionaire. She hopes one day that million dollar man will come to her. You will be fine, don't let people's opinion deter you. In a poor country a Nigeria, many people live in delusion and fantasies.

Great4God:
Any man that knows His onion, that knows where He is heading to should not take it personal when a woman says no to His feelings based on His financial standing. It is expected to motivate you to achieve higher things, anytime a woman says no to me with the impression that I am not capable enough, It pushes me the more to achieve, I always take that as a challenge. I had an experience when I was much younger, a girl I had a strong feelings for told me plainly that I wasn't up to her standard then, I didn't take it out with her, I didn't hate or abuse her, but I simply told myself that I would be back for her,yes after 3 years,I was ready for her and She couldn't stand me again, my capacity, my intelligence, she lacked confidence where I was.I have a deep respect for any woman that knows and defines what she wants,it is never a crime, In life, while we are grateful to people who opened their doors for us, we should also be grateful to those that closed their doors to our face,they contributed to the success we attain in this life,that is only when you are passionate enough to succeed. If a woman ignores you because you don't have a car, it is not bad,She needs a guy with a car for convenience,all she told you was to go get a car and when you do,no be you go enjoy am

Very well said.

ephi123:
Poor OP has deactivated, you people are wicked on this Nairaland, chai

lol. let's hear what you think?