The wife can explore other options, before going to beg the ex-boyfriend. Chances are there'll still be feelings of hurt, regret, or maybe even love (lust ) remaining btw the lady and her ex-boyfriend. So no need stirring that up.

What is she borrowing for anyway? I smell laziness,

ola olabiy:

men, please answer this question.
are you in CONTACT (may be just to say hi, once in a while) with one or two among your ex's or not?
if your answer is yes (most likely, provided you are not lying), then, surely, an ex of your wife, is also in contact with her.
and once d'ebe is d'ebe for life.
don't be deceived!

apart from the relationship that ended on a very negative note (and the ones that i lost their contact), i am in contact with most of my exes. thanks to Facebook, i even found some more from WAY back!

my woman has no problem with that and i have absolutely no problem in her having contact with her ex. if i didnt trust her in such small BS then there would be no reason for us to be together. life is to beautiful to be worrying about stupidity like that, the stress will give you an ulcer, lol!!!!

to all the people in relationship/married who dont have any trust in their partners, i suggest you chain your partner to the bedpost every morning before going to work because any smart person will know that if your partner REALLY WANTS to cheat then they will bloody do it and wont wait for a loan to get the opportunity. . . . . . . .they can do it whether it is with a colleague, an ex, the house gal/boy, the gardener or simply the driver.

^^^^^^thanks for being sincere.

it is not easy to just forget some ex's. talk of 'true', youthful relationtionship/intimacy.

everything you are doing with your wife/husband in the bedroom today, somebody did the same thing(s) with her/him some time in the past.

and intimacy lasts longer that we think at times.
hypocricy is the main problem in nigeria.
thank you MRbrownJAY.

ola olabiy:

^^^^^^thanks for being sincere.

it is not easy to just forget some ex's. talk of 'true', youthful relationtionship/intimacy.

Nobody's saying to forget anybody. It's just dat borrowing money from an ex always comes with a sense of indebtedness. (if not anything, the money u took ). The fear is that the ex (male or female) might wanna take advantage of the borrower and you know what comes next.

Ere ki laja n bekun se. He that wants to dine with devil must use a long spoon. In my books, this includes staying away from exes especially when married.

Should A Married Lady Ask Her Very Rich Ex-boy Friend For Finaicial Assistance?
A capital NO! I have a theory dat says ~Never put urself in the hands of a guy/man(long as he got balls),especially if u`re attractive. He`ll take advantage.` Dont tempt the tempter.

i dont think its right for her to tell her hubby cos when they get out of the woods it will backfire on the lady.
if she has do it shd be on a platonic level no strings attached.

astuto:

Nobody's saying to forget anybody. It's just dat borrowing money from an ex always comes with a sense of indebtedness. (if not anything, the money u took ). The fear is that the ex (male or female) might wanna take advantage of the borrower and you know what comes next.

is he going to rape her for the money?! on the other hand if you have a wh*ore as a wife that will sleep with a man because of a debt then thats your problem to deal with and the problem DEFINITELY aint the loan.
the NORMAL thing to do for a wifey, that has told her husband about the loan, would be to tell her husband OR the police about her ex wanting se*x in exchange for the money that she suddenly cant repay while it was NEVER in the contract at the first place.
believe me, telling her husband and letting him confront the Hot ex will sort things out. . . . . . . . . . but thats only in the real world.

i was a single mother before i got married. my son's father parents never liked me but my son's father was my friend at university. it is 10years now and he is married too and we are good friends and i ask him for money when i am broke and he usually gives me. but my husband doesnt know this .i have nothing with him he is just my friend no feelings, so i feel like asking money from my big brother.

^^^^thats because there is a common bond (the child in between) if not that, he will be wanting a payment for his expenses, men are like that.

^^^^^^^rephrase that as SOME men are like that. the repayment of the loan is all the expenses that a REAL FRIEND will require. . . . . . . . . . . focus on REAL FRIEND not the supposed "friend", desperate that has a volcano in his pant and wants to sh*ag all his female acquaintance.

oloritinu:

i was a single mother before i got married. my son's father  parents never liked me but my son's father was my friend at university. it is 10years now and he is married too and we are good friends and i ask him for money when i am broke and he usually gives me. but my husband doesnt know this .i have nothing with him he is just my friend no feelings, so i feel like asking money from my big brother.

You guess is as good as mine as per what will happen if your husband finds out, and not from you. Right?

All this talk about it being ok, because you want to show you're "secure" doesn't cut it with me.
I won't be comfy with my wife asking for cash from her ex. Someone she used to sleep with, and
saw what Ideally, only me was supposed to see.
Abeg.
If I was collecting money from an ex in marriage, wait a sec, I wouldn't do it, simple!
I won't even have them around me, because I want no attachment to the past, just the person in the present.
Its an insult to your hubby if you don't know. And if you keep it a secret, and he finds out, good luck in your marriage.
No woman would be comfortable with the idea if the tables were turned. If she posted it on NL, everyone
would crucify the guy and swear he was sleeping with her.
Please abeg, there are more ways to get money than from the ex. What if the guy tries to sleep with her? And she agrees
out of indebtedness? Or He blackmails her abt telling her husband? There are so many things wrong with this scenario.
And most guys would tell you, once you've slept with someone, you can always go back,
So lets leave this thing abeg,
Nothing "secure" or "mature" about this scenario,

Well nothig goes for nothing,but if she is actually willing to trade her marriage she can.

chaircover:

No way will the money be worth the wahala that will happen afterwards.

I have been following your posts on this matter. Keep them coming. We men sweet-talk a lot and many women - including married ones, fall yakata at the 'strenght' of a sweet-talking, romantic guy. Be not deceived, you're playing with fire if you meet your wealthy ex for financial help - even with the consent of your husband!

It is an insult to the husband, it is a great disrespect towards my husband for me to ask for money from my x-boyfriend. If that should happen definatly have given my x-boyfriend a reason for disrespect towards my husband

i aint in support of anybody asking anybody for money, , ex or unex, let all man work for his money., provide a usevalue that can be transformed to cash value. if she wants to work in her ex's company, then fine! u see the only way to move the country forward is by working for your pay, charity would only put food on the table for hours, , get INSPIRATION., if ur ex is rich then that should inspire your husband to work harder.
i am not asking u to be strong hearted and not give, all i am asking is this "let asking anybody for a favour be your entirely last resort and even at such, try giving a use value in return." for instance, if a student needs help from his uncle, the student shouldnt mind doing some manaul labour for the uncle, u culd help with the garden and stuffs, if the uncle then decides to give u a million, FINE!
to be creative, a use value should always be transfered to cash value. sorry if my epistle is too long!

Crucify me if you want- but as far as Im concerned, the marriage ends the day my wife mentions it or even give me any reason to believe she's considering it

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat, that means she still in touch with with her ex or still thinking about him?

C'mon give me a break

My prayer is that no one will face a challenge that would warrant such act. hence, in my own opinion i think  its depends on the person of this "ex/bf". If he has intergrity, his kind hearted and willing to help not because of what he wants to get in return but because he sees a need which he feels God has enabled him to meet. I think he can be of help. But if its the other way round i strongly disagree. I noticed that some nairalanders mentioned, the woman getting help from else where, but in a situation where the "else where" fails e.g family members not rich, friends dissapointing, banks not ready to loan?? e.t.c and left with the only option of this ex  and probably its a pressing situation such as a life needs to be saved ( Health issues)? Above all just as i mentioned may God sufficiency be made availabe to us always.

Any husband that consents to such nonsense with the assurance that there'll be no strings attached must be the biggest buffoon of his generation. No two ways about that

And I can't help but laugh contemptuously at the women who say "why not, so far there are no strings attached". No strings, because of what? It's incredible the way women deceive themselves and wholeheartedly believe their own deception.

Its a no no no never thing.