Flye:


Every situation has peculiarity, wife's family may not be in close proximity to them, sometime they are older and mature to be available in the facility while it is the other way for the other Inlaw. My own philosophy is that treat each case according to their peculiarity.

daewoorazer:
1. Never put up in in-law’s house!

Even if your wife’s dad is Dangote, never be tempted to settle in his house. No that’s not economical, rather it’s sheer cowardice! You’d never be respected! Every hardworking and hard-thinking man has his transient trying times(the lazy’s trying period is eternal tho!) doesn’t matter if all you can afford is a 1 bedroom Lagos slum apartment for now, if your in-laws can’t trust your wife with your future, let them marry their child!

2. Never accommodate family members!

It’s baseless having to accommodate siblings, brothers and sisters In-law beyond marriage!Your house shouldn’t be an IDP camp for them; Or better still continue, your undoing will catch-up when your wife’s junior sister starts complaining you buy more clothes for your siblings than her. No matter the temptation, better hire a registered house-help and take care of your siblings and in-laws from afar. Always remember, not a human being can be satisfied!

3. Have a plan for all visitors!

Sit your wife down and tell her irrespective of the position of the visitor, have a definite number of days, quality of meal, departing funds to give all!

“You gave your daddy 2 pieces of meat, you gave mine 1” bullshyte stories have destroyed many young families. Be wise!

4. Never accept financial aids NOR borrow from your in-laws

That’s if you have any amount of dignity left in you, but if you don’t care to lose your voice, you can indulge in that. Better die than give in, I won’t say much, never look up for your manna from them!

5. Scarcity is invaluable!

A social function is at hand and you are already thinking how to help them arrange chairs and kill the cow. Can you also help them wash plates after the program?
Have your envelope ready, make it as fat as your pocket can, attend the gathering and leave!

6. Respect and nobility will save you a lot!

No matter how rich you may be, always prostrate whenever visiting them even if they are not worth any of your respect. Don’t be quick to anger, keep quiet when they talk; these are the measures your parents-in-law will use to either defend/destroy you whenever their child reports you to them! This value will win wars for you in absentia..trust me!

7. Occasionally send gifts

Once in a blue moon, never fail to send wine to your papa-in-law, also send money/gift to mama-in-law, do these and see them blush at the sight of you! It doesn’t matter if the wine is N50, it’s a conviction you had a little left for them having taken good care of their daughter.

salt1:




I'm afraid I differ from you op.

Your post reeks of serious inferiority complex. Rent a room instead of accepting a house gift from an in-law? Don't you know that it may be God's way of opening doors for you?

I learnt that Coscharis married the daughter of a rich man. They helped him establish and today he's far richer than they ever were.

Bring those shoulders down otherwise life will bring them down for you. I have an in-law who started with this pompous rigid attitude. By the time he lost his job and couldn't pick his bills, the wife's family he had been snubbing were the only ones there for him.

Why demonize the people who want only the best for you and their daughter and grandchildren?

Why will you arrogantly refuse financial assistance and run yourself into debt? Who needs a N50 gift from a struggling in-law?

Those relatives you are shooing off your house like pieces of rags may be the ones available to your wife and children if she gets widowed.

Other readers should take your advice at their peril.

egojeny1:
Don't mind him. I pity whosoever he'll marry.

Don’t go far, start putting yourself coz it’s you I’m marrying

salt1:




I'm afraid I differ from you op.

Your post reeks of serious inferiority complex. Rent a room instead of accepting a house gift from an in-law? Don't you know that it may be God's way of opening doors for you?

I learnt that Coscharis married the daughter of a rich man. They helped him establish and today he's far richer than they ever were.

Bring those shoulders down otherwise life will bring them down for you. I have an in-law who started with this pompous rigid attitude. By the time he lost his job and couldn't pick his bills, the wife's family he had been snubbing were the only ones there for him.

Why demonize the people who want only the best for you and their daughter and grandchildren?

Why will you arrogantly refuse financial assistance and run yourself into debt? Who needs a N50 gift from a struggling in-law?
Those relatives you are shooing off your house like pieces of rags may be the ones available to your wife and children if she gets widowed.

Other readers should take your advice at their peril.

ozoneymcm:

Exactly my point

madami123:
Marriages does not benefit men in anyway just imaging take care of my wife and my wifes family and them doing as if the did me a big favor marrying their daughter how might not even be a virgin and might be giving me problem

davodyguy:

There have always been serious issues between myself and my wife over families.

We have a policy in my family, which is to always respect privacy. We visit only when necessary and call/Text most times. My wife and her family on the other hand, they love to visit and like to even stay overnight. Because of my almost zero tolerance for this, we always have issues and she thinks I hate her people.

Last December, I had to ship her out to UAE for Christmas, when I heard she planned having her siblings come in from 24th December, till 2nd January, 2018.

Its always a battle, which she doesn't want to understand, that relatives she not pass their boundaries, since we too are a couple with kids and need to face our lives.

Sometimes, they just pump in without notifying me the head of the house. As usual, I get reactive, but as the Yoruba's would say, its 'Îsó léñû. But its the duty of our wives to always understand what husbands want as the head after God. The parents of the wife have done the handing over and the man is now in charge

Boundaries just need to be set in every family.

salt1:


Thanks. I worry about the mentality of people like this and the over 50 persons that liked his post.
How can one enter marriage with this attitude that it's all politics? You against your in-laws?
For what? To massage your fragile ego.

May God help our daughters

cymontempler:
Reminds me of a friend who relocated to the US with his wife and faced financial difficulties in the early years. During those periods, the well to do in-laws couldn't help even at the point of ejection from rented home. He was made to apologise for asking for help with funds because the wife's sister and husband who were much older were fuming. Rather, he was advised to go back to Nigeria leaving his wife who gets no support from them and toddler so he can send them money on regular basis.

Obvious to him that the in-laws didn't want to help, and with the constant reminder of asking him to go back to Nigeria, he decided to relocate to another state where they could afford a living. He revoked all ties with the in-laws, no visit, no contact. Anytime they visit their sister(his wife) he leaves the home to avoid them.

Now they are fuming that he doesn't and haven't related with them for years and every effort to relate with him now that things are going on very well for him have yielded nothing.

Lesson, Some in-laws are better kept at arm's length.

Blonchilli:

God bless you with all my heart. Politics in the family? Whoever takes this advice is shooting himself in the head. I know a young man who studied in an expensive private university, his parents could not afford it but his uncle did, why? Because his dad supported him when he was young. When the chips are down it's this same family that got your back. Then you want to chase them out because of small change you paid for bride price. Even if it's 10 million one paid it's not enough to take away everything she shared with her family. I won't be comfortable if I see my wife relations are not coming to visit or spend a night or two occasionally. When you draw the line against the in-laws they too will draw the line and it's the children that will suffer from the battle

thatigboman:
Was nice to my in laws initially when we got married.
When requests started flooding and all kinds of misbehaviour started. I said no no. And my wife was supporting them. Asked me if i didnt know i was supposed to buy a car for her family when i wanted to marry her. I say ehn? Then cut them all off. 100% cut off. Now none comes to my house without calling me. And we discuss how long they will stay and give them ground rules. If u like come, if u dont want to come, good.

davodyguy:
you are very correct. Sometimes it's difficult for the women to understand because the same way you cherish your parents is also the same way they do theirs. The solution is to always Respect your in-laws but make their boundaries very clear to them. May God help us .
There have always been serious issues between myself and my wife over families.

We have a policy in my family, which is to always respect privacy. We visit only when necessary and call/Text most times. My wife and her family on the other hand, they love to visit and like to even stay overnight. Because of my almost zero tolerance for this, we always have issues and she thinks I hate her people.

Last December, I had to ship her out to UAE for Christmas, when I heard she planned having her siblings come in from 24th December, till 2nd January, 2018.

Its always a battle, which she doesn't want to understand, that relatives she not pass their boundaries, since we too are a couple with kids and need to face our lives.

Sometimes, they just pump in without notifying me the head of the house. As usual, I get reactive, but as the Yoruba's would say, its 'Îsó léñû. But its the duty of our wives to always understand what husbands want as the head after God. The parents of the wife have done the handing over and the man is now in charge

Boundaries just need to be set in every family.

salt1:

Wisdom is the principal thing. Thank you for this contribution


I'm afraid I differ from you op.

Your post reeks of serious inferiority complex. Rent a room instead of accepting a house gift from an in-law? Don't you know that it may be God's way of opening doors for you?

I learnt that Coscharis married the daughter of a rich man. They helped him establish and today he's far richer than they ever were.

Bring those shoulders down otherwise life will bring them down for you. I have an in-law who started with this pompous rigid attitude. By the time he lost his job and couldn't pick his bills, the wife's family he had been snubbing were the only ones there for him.

Why demonize the people who want only the best for you and their daughter and grandchildren?

Why will you arrogantly refuse financial assistance and run yourself into debt? Who needs a N50 gift from a struggling in-law?

Those relatives you are shooing off your house like pieces of rags may be the ones available to your wife and children if she gets widowed.

Other readers should take your advice at their peril.

milemimi93:
The best is to marry an orphan..

madami123:
Marriages does not benefit men in anyway just imaging take care of my wife and my wifes family and them doing as if the did me a big favor marrying their daughter how might not even be a virgin and might be giving me problem

favor2016:

If you pray not to be alive when your own children are getting married

milemimi93:
I can't make out what u tryna say.

midastouch040:

You said the best is to marry an orphan.
Favor2016 said there's no problem if you're prepared to be dead by the time your kids get to marriageable age because their spouse-to-be may also pray to marry an orphan. Which means you and your wife should be nowhere to be found then.

Hope you understand now.
Do unto others as you will want to be done unto you.

simaustine:
I was once in a situation, were I had not receive my salary for 3 months, my wife just give birth, I have moved from pillar to post in search of money all to no avail, the only solution is my father in-law l had no choice, than to borrow from him because we are dying of hunger. You have to keep pride aside and do the needful. So that point of not seeking help from your in-inlaws does not hold water.

milemimi93:
I can't make out what u tryna say.