Youngzubi u too much joooor... More ink 2 ur pen dr...

nice one, dud

honourable356:
He sigh....

I read down everything quietly until and understood that apart from trying to learn,this is also fun to you.

But...

You failed woefully in some regard.
You didn't carry out research on many of the insinuations you initiatl
Admittedly, no one has monopoly of every information concerning every sphere of life that is why research is compulsory especially when writing a story/book based on one imaginary vision.

Vision/imaginations MUST be altered unless you encountered a TRUE LIFE experience otherwise the audience well versed in a certain area you mentioned in your story would laugh in disbelief and not take you seriously.

A policeman ORDERING a soldier?? IMPOSSIBLE!!!! Even a so called inspector general of police is no match for a merely sergeant in the military nor can he issue order to the said sergeant.

So the so called frank ordering a military man is an insult to the military.

Mmm,a bloody civilian entering into a military interrogation room with such audacity is far from possible. it doesn't happen. Even the wife of a military group captain doesn't have the authority to issue orders at all,at all. Hehehe....I didn't take that seriously and only assuming you are having fun....learning the rope as amateur.

Some audience are just woe by the sex scenes while other by the pigin English. Every heard of the phrase "too much of everything is bad"??

I tell you this most solemnly,the ability to pull the crowd and leave them eagerly anticipating repeatedly depends on the make belief of your story... too much of the sex would bore them.


Be real
Be unpredictable
Be detail in your description,
Create a picture highly difficult to dispute in the mind of your audience and would get them scrambling to refresh this page..

You just took the first step to become a giant in the literacy world.

Best wishes!!!

thank you sir,i really appreciate your effort,time and ability to be able to point out those errors,i really love your matured way of criticism, am also glad that you acknowledged my level in the field"amateur" which made you criticize with caution,am just trying to learn and thats why i always ask for comments because its my only means of getting feedback and corrections so as to work more

more of your thoughts are welcomed please sir always share them

thank you brotherly,i will definitely do thorough editing once am through

Youngzubi:



thank you sir,i really appreciate your effort,time and ability to be able to point out those errors,i really love your matured way of criticism, am also glad that you acknowledged my level in the field"amateur" which made you criticize with caution,am just trying to learn and thats why i always ask for comments because its my only means of getting feedback and corrections so as to work more

more of your thoughts are welcomed please sir always share them

thank you brotherly,i will definitely do thorough editing once am through

With this kind of your mindset, you will go places bro.

manuelzz:

With this kind of your mindset, you will go places bro.

Amennnnnn

Well-done bro, just stick to the advice given to you by honourable and you will see how things would turn out to be. Remember, no one is an island of knowledge, in as much as we are breathing, we will keep on learning.

I hope spider Gang won't fail

best story on this forum so far

post na

zubi, zubi
Sorry say i never comment for long, d story sweet die

The Suspense is getting high.

Can the Spider be able to track the secret caller. Time will tell.

Let's keep our fingers crossed as the storyline is getting more interesting.

Keep it up Youngzubi, more ink in your pen.

Baba u dey mouthed.

Honourable356 Thank You For Pointing out Errors, Please Stick Around We Need More Of Your Constructive Criticism.
Youngzubi I Admire Your Humility Please Keep It Up As It Would Open Doors, Windows And Roof For You.
The Story Is Interesting We Need More And With The New Recipe.

Oya na.. why the delay young zubi come complete this Tori abeg.

honourable356 phenotech, i can't mention all but i must confess you guys are lovely,more love fam!,


Episode....41



Fire for fire!
-----------------




From look of tins,even if i go escape e' nor go be easy tin,as oga frank don order im boys sey make dem carry me go tie ontop one chain wey hang up,like Jesus Christ wen im dey ontop cross,naso dem take hang me with chain,but everywhere dark nobi small,so e hard make i see dia face well,but one tin sure,my people go come

"Mr spana, im call my name as he waka com front stand,with cigarette for im mouth followed by plenty smoke wey begin find dia escape root to run comot from im mouth,i fit take tins easy wit you,only" in one condition,you ready to co-operate?


look me well oga frank,wetin i resemble you,asin wetin you see wen you open eye look my face,i nor be bastered!!,notin fit make me fear,i be rock wey notin fit move,look i advice sey make you and this ya bastereds free me before the calamity wey dey front go land ontop una,i yan based on say i don feel am say my people don get clue say i dey danger


"Hahaha!!!,plenty years as police officer,plenty experience on how to handle fools like you nah my work,but incase you decide to get sense and accept my simple offer i go free you without affecting even the hair wey dey ya body,oga frank yan


"wetin be the offer?,i yan


"now you'er talking,

"skyB!

"yes boss,

"bring him down,chain am for that chair make im follow me talk business,oga frank yan


"i begin watch as skyB,the guy get body with big chest,im waka go push one iron rode as the chain wey bin hang me up begin drop me come down jejely,dem nor gree make my leg reach ground before surrounding me with gun from different direction,but that one nobi case, so i calculate tins,peson wey dey important apart from oga frank nahim i need,becos oga frank nor gree near me as im just stand far dey control im boys

as i dey stand for ground,with only trousers as dem don wipe off all my dress tey tey!,one guy rush my back with handcuffs,as two other guys grab my right and left hand go back sey make dem handcuff am keep for back

i kept my cool till one hand enter inside the hand cuff,like sey i won do backflit i carry head go back as i grab the guy wey busy dey handcuff my hand i grab im head as a support then fly up with a flying kick wey send the other two guys wey bin hold my hand go jam head for iron,sharpaly i twist around then seize the handcuff guy up,with my hand inside one handcuff i use the handcuff circle him neck and hold him tight as defence victim

ka !kra! ka! kra!,i begin hear gun cork for different corner,but everywhere dark,nah few people i dey see as i begin turn around dey face any side i hear gun cork,still holding my defence victim tight as nah im i go take surrender others and shield myself


Pam! pam! peson begin clap as im waka go on the light switch pkam!


everywhere brighten as i sight plenty men wey wear black with red cap surround every corner with gun well positioned for dia hand,all of dem pointing at me,i begin turn around in confusion,i bin think say nah only oga frank with just five other guys


"Hahaha!!,i like am as you take confuse,e' sweet me as you take see tins for ya sef sey apart from being police d.p.o,i be cult head too,so wetin you think now,make we talk business abi?,oga frank yan with wide grin


i just deaf and dump for wia i stand for dia middle,still thinking wetin i go reply abi plan my next move wen one voice interrupt everybody


"free am make im go!,


everybody shock as we turn look wia the voice from come

standing ontop one iron nah one slim guy wey wear red dress from head to toe, im wear red jacket wey long reach ground,red mask cover im face then for im waist nah two golden pistol


oga frank with all im guys comot dia gun from my side as dem now begin focus and point the slim guy


who be you?,oga frank yan


secret agent",the slim guy yan


nah who you be im secret agent?,oga frank yan still pointing im gun


late chief ayawu's secret agent,but i nor com hia for interview so free him


maka why?? who be you!!,oga frank bark as all the vein wey full im body shuk head begin display


the red guy fly up from wia im bin stand,for air he release multiple bullets within seconds all oga frank men from a to z full ground as the red guy land stand for ground gawwam!! with the two golden pistol for im hand


i nor just believe watin happen now now now,as i begin turn head dey look how oga frank men take full ground with bullets wey scatter dia foe head for exert point


now you know who i be!,never mess up with the devil,the red guy yan as im begin waka round the warehouse


as for you spana"

how im take sabi my name i begin wonder


tell ya boss wetin you just witness for you nor match me at all,i need my money or else i go destroy everybody"he still dey yan when the entrance blow as the iron gate collapse then spider gang surround everywhere


i turn look wia the red guy stand but i nor see anything again



to be continued...........

Thank you Youngzubi. I am feeling you, sir

youngzubi, u be boss,u too much, Hollywood suppose contact u for dis ur story. well done, dis ur story too de sweet my belle.

I beg I need more update.

rowdymind:
Honourable356 Thank You For Pointing out Errors, Please Stick Around We Need More Of Your Constructive Criticism.
Youngzubi I Admire Your Humility Please Keep It Up As It Would Open Doors, Windows And Roof For You.
The Story Is Interesting We Need More And With The New Recipe.

my brother from another mother,thank you bro

Raw Talent

U dey do well bros, more ink 2 ur pen...



Abeg upload anoda episode 2day oo

youngzubi just dey burst my kidneys with better action, dis one na game of thrones match.. more creativity to ur imagination, or more imagination to ur creativity, all na same,..

My Eye Clear So? Bob Spana Dun Jam Jet Li, Na Nw Tori Shuk Head Enter Road

Well done, keep it coming

Nice one bro

Words just no dey again to express how this tori dey scatter my head, Youngzubi!
No take my sillence to mean sey I no dey follow cos I never miss any update. This tori na bomb!!!

#Youngzubi4President2019

Youngzubi stop messing up a nice plot with the impossible. I mean,you see how real everything is until you suddenly got to the secret agent side of the story...

*****the red guy fly up from wia im bin stand,for air he release multiple bullets within seconds all oga frank men from a to z full ground as the red guy land stand for ground gawwam!! with the two golden pistol for im hand*******



Unless they were few other people recruited by the said secret agent, it is quiet impossible for one person in the "open" to successful gun down to the head more than ten men all armed to the teeth and standing at different position...with just two pistol and with an undeniable accuracy.

Haba!!!!

This is over exaggeration.... even Jack baeur can't do this and neither can any special force soldier perform such stunts. It is not possible to shot many people down while in the air with just two pistol to the extent that by the time you land,you have successful killed them all with a bullet to the head. Haba nah!!!!

Wait,wait,wait a minutes...are you in a hurry to finish the story? Then you are making a mistake..a big one.

Why rush??
Calm down....
Give detail description that will get your audience nodding firmly in agreement.

Indeed you can do it...it is just a matter of time before you get it right.
Be rest assured that i will be on your neck every now and then until you give me no reason to object repeatedly.

Ride on!

Thumb up...hailing for u...more ink for Ur pen and strength for u...

honourable356:
Youngzubi stop messing up a nice plot with the impossible. I mean,you see how real everything is until you suddenly got to the secret agent side of the story...

*****the red guy fly up from wia im bin stand,for air he release multiple bullets within seconds all oga frank men from a to z full ground as the red guy land stand for ground gawwam!! with the two golden pistol for im hand*******



Unless they were few other people recruited by the said secret agent, it is quiet impossible for one person in the "open" to successful gun down to the head more than ten men all armed to the teeth and standing at different position...with just two pistol and with an undeniable accuracy.

Haba!!!!

This is over exaggeration.... even Jack baeur can't do this and neither can any special force soldier perform such stunts. It is not possible to shot many people down while in the air with just two pistol to the extent that by the time you land,you have successful killed them all with a bullet to the head. Haba nah!!!!

Wait,wait,wait a minutes...are you in a hurry to finish the story? Then you are making a mistake..a big one.

Why rush??
Calm down....
Give detail description that will get your audience nodding firmly in agreement.

Indeed you can do it...it is just a matter of time before you get it right.
Be rest assured that i will be on your neck every now and then until you give me no reason to object repeatedly.

Ride on!

Live and let live bro. He has taken ur advice in good faith. This is a story for fun not for academic purpose.

This is how Hollywood started..... Not every post needs to be criticised. Thank you for all ur points.

Young zubi, kindly continue.

@honourable, no hard feelings though.

my bro @ yungzubi....u are too loaded with creativity.. I just dey feel u since from d beginning.. if like say I be movie producer I for Don feature dis story since��

honourable356:
Youngzubi stop messing up a nice plot with the impossible. I mean,you see how real everything is until you suddenly got to the secret agent side of the story...

*****the red guy fly up from wia im bin stand,for air he release multiple bullets within seconds all oga frank men from a to z full ground as the red guy land stand for ground gawwam!! with the two golden pistol for im hand*******



Unless they were few other people recruited by the said secret agent, it is quiet impossible for one person in the "open" to successful gun down to the head more than ten men all armed to the teeth and standing at different position...with just two pistol and with an undeniable accuracy.

Haba!!!!

This is over exaggeration.... even Jack baeur can't do this and neither can any special force soldier perform such stunts. It is not possible to shot many people down while in the air with just two pistol to the extent that by the time you land,you have successful killed them all with a bullet to the head. Haba nah!!!!

Wait,wait,wait a minutes...are you in a hurry to finish the story? Then you are making a mistake..a big one.

Why rush??
Calm down....
Give detail description that will get your audience nodding firmly in agreement.

Indeed you can do it...it is just a matter of time before you get it right.
Be rest assured that i will be on your neck every now and then until you give me no reason to object repeatedly.

Ride on!

sir the story is 100% fiction, that red agent part both his stunts and all that was just my way to bring in American and whitemen as whole,their way of action movie which our movie industry here in Nigeria is yet bring in

movie lovers i mean those who love action movies will understand what i mean

i love actions,with our imaginations i think we can actually make the impossible become possible

"fiction" yea! thats why it is called fiction,for it gives us the chance to express the extraordinary,once a story is not real then the readers should expect "beyond" the real life event,but" it shouldn't be over done,and thats where your point is directly pointing at,i gat that

nollywood need to upgrade
there need serious upgrading with powerful technologies
we'er sick and tired of a victim dying before bullet hit him or her


i really appreciate your kind gesture,please dont give up on your boy, i l'll try my best till you agree with my work,thank you very much sir

still your guy youngzubi

BigSarah:
Raw Talent

Babe where have you been