I need advice concerning my wife, i met my wife about 15 years ago when all she had was a G12 certificate.

I had just started work and running a small business at that time, we got talking and later started dating, her parents were incapable of supporting her to further her education.

I wanted to help, which i did and I'm now regretting because she has become something else, she's equally become rude and pompous.

She's a very smart lady, i put the business in her care and she grew it, i saw the potential and sponsored her to do Accounts which i paid for, for almost 4 years.

I found her a job at one of the financial institutions, her performance was amazing, she was sponsored to take up a course in banking and finance which she finished and got a promotion which came with good benefits, that's when problems started in our marriage.

She just changed, we have 2 kids together, we no longer communicate efficiently in all areas of marriage and she just asked me for divorce saying ive used her and she wants to be free, i got the shock of my life, i didn't take her seriously until i came home from work about a month ago, i found the kids had left with all their belongings including my wife's stuff, i called her, she just told me i,ll be hearing from her lawyer soon and that she'll pay me back for everything.

Her mother has tried to advise her, but she asked her people to pay back everything i paid, meetings have been called, but she doesn't attend.

I just got knowledge, the company is renting a lavish house for her and everything, i decided to let things be, but she keeps provoking me, im here minding my business, she'll be sending provocative msgs, just last week Friday, i got off from work and found my kids outside my gate, i didn't want to alarm the situation, but all they said was that they miss me and asking why me and their mother are staying in separate houses, i didn't want to give them bad news i told them its because of work and that we are fine, she later comes home very angry as though i got the kids, starts shouting at me and actually slapped me and warned me never to come near the kids without her permission, this all happened in our bedroom, that's how she left.

She got a restraining order and reported that i was abusive and threatening to kill her, i didn't want to fight it, i just let things be, but my family want me to sue her for defamation cause that might affect my custody plea, ive resolved i want to let her be, but most of the guidance ive gotten is i should fight back, i need advice from the forum on how i can deal with this issue Please.

Source: https://www.inoutnaija.com/2019/03/dear-readers-please-i-need-your-advice.html

cc: lalasticlala, seun, mynd44

Let her be, don't fight back. All you have to do is to make sure(probably in court) she doesn't have full custody of your children.

eleyi le gan nio
this is deep mehn!

I have always advised guys, as much as possible, never train a lady in education, support only with advice!!! you are not her father.

my advice is simple but difficult.
First, let your kids know the situation, they are the only ones you owe explanations now. Children understands than we could imagine
Secondly, never stoop low to engage your ex wife in legal battle. she looks sophisticated than you, that's exactly what she wants
Thirdly, ensure you get if not custody, visitation period
Fourthly, Move on!!!

Even in marriage, expect the unexpected.

I doubt if a Nigerian man can be this stupid and naive. She slapped you Oga, I don dey vex for you already for here . What nonsensical nonsense!!!

Wow. I have to commend your maturity so far in handling the situation. It's painful when one witness a love gone sour. It sure shows your woman has lost the love and affection she has for you. That she slapped you and get a restraining order against you meant she is further angry and and guilty about her action and she wants to force you to react negatively so she can at least hold on to something against you. A guilty heart knows no peace. Do not give her that satisfaction. There is nothing wrong sponsoring a woman's education if and when you can afford it. Leave the Children to her if you are sure she can manage their proper upbringing, but get Court access for right of visitation and pay any Child support that is given. Your children will come to know when the time comes. Leave her to her deeds, it always catches up with them sooner or later. It's hard to bear but try as much as possible to move on. Time is a healer and nemesis is cruel judge. She would get her comeuppance in due season.

Brother, the mistake has been made by you but there is way out. If you are Christians or Muslim go to God in,prayer and fasting.
If you don't mind you call me so that we can talk better 08064616153.
I feel your pain

When will people learn.
NEVER SPONSOR A WOMAN THROUGH SCHOOL
YOU ARENT HER FATHER, YOU'RE HER BF/HUSBAND
LEARN THE DIFFERENCES!

Let her go,pay child support and visit your kids.

You were just a stepping stone to her success!!
Why trying to get the reward of your good deed by caging her in a marriage that she doesn't want?
While she was growing every facet of her life to be someone in the society, you remained redundant, no physical growth or achievement and you expect her to continue to live in a rat hole with you when the company she is working with already offered her a heaven!!

Mr Husband, marriage isn't a do or die affairs neither is it for better for worse nowadays!!
If you ain't getting the maximum respect, satisfaction and happiness in marriage, you take a walk!!
From your narrative, its very obvious that you are jealous of your wife progress and achievement and you are trying to suppress her down by claiming she has changed!!

Your wife, has my deepest respect!!

Liliyann:
You were just a stepping stone to her success!!
Why trying to get the reward of your good deed by caging her in a marriage that she doesn't want?
While she was growing every facet of her life to be someone in the society, you remained redundant, no physical growth or achievement and you expect her to continue to live in a rat hole with you when the company she is working with already offered her a heaven!!

Mr Husband, marriage isn't a do or die affairs neither is it for better for worse nowadays!!
If you ain't getting the maximum respect, satisfaction and happiness in marriage, you take a walk!!
From your narrative, its very obvious that you are jealous of your wife progress and achievement and you are trying to suppress her down by claiming she has changed!!

Your wife, has my deepest respect!!

U sure say u get sense so? Can u read d nonsense u jst typed again. Instead of u to condemn his wife's act, u are here defending the stupid ungrateful idiot. Babe get a life pls. Obviously you are her kind

arki:


U sure say u get sense so? Can u read d nonsense u jst typed again. Instead of u to condemn his wife's act, u are here defending the stupid ungrateful idiot. Babe get a life pls. Obviously you are her kind

why will the wife act be condemned, from the OP post it's obvious he was stagnant while the wife was struggling and bettering her chances in life,I doubt if the wife will leave if the man is equally successful, ambitious and proactive,we have not heard from the wife's part of story yet,but I feel 60-70% of the problems will be caused by the man's bitterness and jealousy at been overtaken by his wife.

Come you this liliyann, It is either you are a pained soul or a slowpoke who places money over family. Why display how dwarfed your reasoning has become. Ngozi okonjo-iweala just celebrated 37years of marriage with her husband, do you know a thing about her husband No. Mr. OP's wife that is not even well known in her ward is feeling too big because of small elevation.

Dear op never regret ur contribution to the growth of ur wife, it's obvious exposure has made her meet highly placed men and probably cheating, she started the comparison game.

My advice, be as calm as u have been and ignore her, don't brood over this issue because she doesn't think about you, be as strong 's you can be, do all you know that makes you happy, tell your kids the truth and see to it that you communicate regularly with them let that woman not feed them with ill reports about you.

Liliyann:
You were just a stepping stone to her success!!
Why trying to get the reward of your good deed by caging her in a marriage that she doesn't want?
While she was growing every facet of her life to be someone in the society, you remained redundant, no physical growth or achievement and you expect her to continue to live in a rat hole with you when the company she is working with already offered her a heaven!!

Mr Husband, marriage isn't a do or die affairs neither is it for better for worse nowadays!!
If you ain't getting the maximum respect, satisfaction and happiness in marriage, you take a walk!!
From your narrative, its very obvious that you are jealous of your wife progress and achievement and you are trying to suppress her down by claiming she has changed!!

Your wife, has my deepest respect!!

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Op, you've done the best thing that's is expected from a responsible man. Please for the sake of the children let her be and always look for a proof for future purpose, because she will blackmail you and tell the children bad things about you. Please, don't take the children from her, because it is very glaring that after some time you would be thinking of getting another wife and that would be a serious threat to the growth and development of the innocent souls. But if you no that you won't marry another wife take full responsibility. In fact, I don't used to think about couple whenever there is a broken home, but mostly their children.

seyigiggle:
eleyi le gan nio
this is deep mehn!

I have always advised guys, as much as possible, never train a lady in education, support only with advice!!! you are not her father.

my advice is simple but difficult.
First, let your kids know the situation, they are the only ones you owe explanations now. Children understands than we could imagine
Secondly, never stoop low to engage your ex wife in legal battle. she looks sophisticated than you, that's exactly what she wants
Thirdly, ensure you get if not custody, visitation period
Fourthly, Move on!!!

Even in marriage, expect the unexpected.

Good advice. I will reemphasize, don't engage her in any lagal or physical fight if not you will regret it. Make sure your kids are now your priority, pay back any aggression from her with smile and love. Time shall tell...........

Made up fabricated story. Poorly made!

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Daalu nu!

Liliyann:
You were just a stepping stone to her success!!
Why trying to get the reward of your good deed by caging her in a marriage that she doesn't want?
While she was growing every facet of her life to be someone in the society, you remained redundant, no physical growth or achievement and you expect her to continue to live in a rat hole with you when the company she is working with already offered her a heaven!!

Mr Husband, marriage isn't a do or die affairs neither is it for better for worse nowadays!!
If you ain't getting the maximum respect, satisfaction and happiness in marriage, you take a walk!!
From your narrative, its very obvious that you are jealous of your wife progress and achievement and you are trying to suppress her down by claiming she has changed!!

Your wife, has my deepest respect!!

Did you just typed this to garner likes and attention or you literally meant this trash you spewed out?
Nawa oh. The way some of us reason atimes baffles me. So why didn't she stop him all those years he was busy developing the potentials in her? Why didn't she file for divorce those years he was responsible for the upkeep of the family? Why didn't she discover all his flaws and walk away then? That's a man who loves his wife to a fault and all he got in return is betrayal and humiliation. Well, I'm not surprised that you would react like this, it simply means that you will definitely do same if given the opportunity.
PS: kindly stay mute if you don't have anything tangible to contribute next time!
Namaste!

I dislike ungrateful people, you don't have to be loyal oooo but do not be ungrateful, do not throw someone's goodness and kindness right back at the person's face, it doesn't always end well.

Liliyann:
You were just a stepping stone to her success!!
Why trying to get the reward of your good deed by caging her in a marriage that she doesn't want?
While she was growing every facet of her life to be someone in the society, you remained redundant, no physical growth or achievement and you expect her to continue to live in a rat hole with you when the company she is working with already offered her a heaven!!

Mr Husband, marriage isn't a do or die affairs neither is it for better for worse nowadays!!
If you ain't getting the maximum respect, satisfaction and happiness in marriage, you take a walk!!
From your narrative, its very obvious that you are jealous of your wife progress and achievement and you are trying to suppress her down by claiming she has changed!!

Your wife, has my deepest respect!!

This is another reason as to why people easily see women as dead brain souls. I'm sure you have a loosed screw up in your head, else your thinking faculty won't allow you type the garbage you just spew. Everyday I keep seeing reasons as to why Thanos is right in wanting to wipe out half the human race even though he's fictional.
People like you make others wish to be alone

Liliyann:
You were just a stepping stone to her success!!
Why trying to get the reward of your good deed by caging her in a marriage that she doesn't want?
While she was growing every facet of her life to be someone in the society, you remained redundant, no physical growth or achievement and you expect her to continue to live in a rat hole with you when the company she is working with already offered her a heaven!!

Mr Husband, marriage isn't a do or die affairs neither is it for better for worse nowadays!!
If you ain't getting the maximum respect, satisfaction and happiness in marriage, you take a walk!!
From your narrative, its very obvious that you are jealous of your wife progress and achievement and you are trying to suppress her down by claiming she has changed!!

Your wife, has my deepest respect!!

.. I don't read your long epistle bt d first paragraph I read I just wanna say you're officially mad and I pity d man that will marry u... Bunch of ingrate..

swuftz:
Wow. I have to commend your maturity so far in handling the situation. It's painful when one witness a love gone sour. It sure shows your woman has lost the love and affection she has for you. That she slapped you and get a restraining order against you meant she is further angry and and guilty about her action and she wants to force you to react negatively so she can at least hold on to something against you. A guilty heart knows no peace. Do not give her that satisfaction. There is nothing wrong sponsoring a woman's education if and when you can afford it. Leave the Children to her if you are sure she can manage their proper upbringing, but get Court access for right of visitation and pay any Child support that is given. Your children will come to know when the time comes. Leave her to her deeds, it always catches up with them sooner or later. It's hard to bear but try as much as possible to move on. Time is a healer and nemesis is cruel judge. She would get her comeuppance in due season.

Best advice! The wicked knows he is wicked but only wants someone t tell him so he can start trouble

Liliyann:
You were just a stepping stone to her success!!
Why trying to get the reward of your good deed by caging her in a marriage that she doesn't want?
While she was growing every facet of her life to be someone in the society, you remained redundant, no physical growth or achievement and you expect her to continue to live in a rat hole with you when the company she is working with already offered her a heaven!!

Mr Husband, marriage isn't a do or die affairs neither is it for better for worse nowadays!!
If you ain't getting the maximum respect, satisfaction and happiness in marriage, you take a walk!!
From your narrative, its very obvious that you are jealous of your wife progress and achievement and you are trying to suppress her down by claiming she has changed!!

Your wife, has my deepest respect!!

If u r truly a woman... U r a feminist...
Now let's say she wants to pay back all that the man invested in her... How much will it be now?
Idiot calculate it.....
Ingrates like u r d reason people never wanna help or why people don't get help....
U bite d hand that fed u..
When she was going to school.. She didn't remember she will be better than him..
May this befall u in ur marriage( hubby tells u one day he's just too good for u n u shd go)
Stupid feminist

Restraining order here in Nigeria?

Which American website did you copy this from?

I know this female op copied this from a site but it is a good stuff and others can learn from this. Depending on the age of the kids the man can get custody of the kids, but if the kids are very young, he can't except he has a very good reason why the lady in question should not keep the children.

Liliyann:
You were just a stepping stone to her success!!
Why trying to get the reward of your good deed by caging her in a marriage that she doesn't want?
While she was growing every facet of her life to be someone in the society, you remained redundant, no physical growth or achievement and you expect her to continue to live in a rat hole with you when the company she is working with already offered her a heaven!!

Mr Husband, marriage isn't a do or die affairs neither is it for better for worse nowadays!!
If you ain't getting the maximum respect, satisfaction and happiness in marriage, you take a walk!!
From your narrative, its very obvious that you are jealous of your wife progress and achievement and you are trying to suppress her down by claiming she has changed!!

Your wife, has my deepest respect!!

Birds of the same feather.....pray that for any male in your family to go through what the OP is going through in his matrimonial home...

Moneystopnonsen:
Come you this liliyann, It is either you are a pained soul or a slowpoke who places money over family. Why display how dwarfed your reasoning has become. Ngozi okonjo-iweala just celebrated 37years of marriage with her husband, do you know a thing about her husband No. Mr. OP's wife that is not even well known in her ward is feeling too big because of small elevation.

Dear op never regret ur contribution to the growth of ur wife, it's obvious exposure has made her meet highly placed men and probably cheating, she started the comparison game.

My advice, be as calm as u have been and ignore her, don't brood over this issue because she doesn't think about you, be as strong 's you can be, do all you know that makes you happy, tell your kids the truth and see to it that you communicate regularly with them let that woman not feed them with ill reports about you.

Well spoken....

Liliyann, just see rubbish wey you write.

OP, just because of wetin Liliyann just talk now. If na me, i di go straight Babalawo go give my wife epilepsy and elephantiasis.
Anytime dem call family meeting, she go be present wey dem no tell am.
This no be witchcraft but natural justice.

Liliyann:
You were just a stepping stone to her success!!
Why trying to get the reward of your good deed by caging her in a marriage that she doesn't want?
While she was growing every facet of her life to be someone in the society, you remained redundant, no physical growth or achievement and you expect her to continue to live in a rat hole with you when the company she is working with already offered her a heaven!!

Mr Husband, marriage isn't a do or die affairs neither is it for better for worse nowadays!!
If you ain't getting the maximum respect, satisfaction and happiness in marriage, you take a walk!!
From your narrative, its very obvious that you are jealous of your wife progress and achievement and you are trying to suppress her down by claiming she has changed!!

Your wife, has my deepest respect!!

[quote author=Liliyann post=76606866]You were just a stepping stone to her success!!
Why trying to get the reward of your good deed by caging her in a marriage that she doesn't want?
While she was growing every facet of her life to be someone in the society, you remained redundant, no physical growth or achievement and you expect her to continue to live in a rat hole with you when the company she is working with already offered her a heaven!!

Mr Husband, marriage isn't a do or die affairs neither is it for better for worse nowadays!!
If you ain't getting the maximum respect, satisfaction and happiness in marriage, you take a walk!!
From your narrative, its very obvious that you are jealous of your wife progress and achievement and you are trying to suppress her down by claiming she has changed!!

Your wife, has my deepest respect!
Y do I feel u are d wife d OP is talking about..smh

Forget her and tell your kids the truth about the entire situation while you battle her in court. It's obvious she feels she is not in your class anymore. If you kids are up to ten, try as much as possible to win the custody. Cite several reasons why the court shouldn't grant her the custody, lots of irresponsible behavior, alleged promiscuity which you would not want your kids to emulate etc. Just get a fantastic lawyer.

[quote author=okoroemeka post=76607533]why will the wife act be condemned, from the OP post it's obvious he was stagnant while the wife was struggling and bettering her chances in life,I doubt if the wife will leave if the man is equally successful, ambitious and proactive,we have not heard from the wife's part of story yet,but I feel 60-70% of the problems will be caused by the man's bitterness and jealousy at been overtaken by his

Bro, this man made d woman wat she is. If he is not opportune to go to school, thereby channeling the resources to d wife's education, it is not bad. U dnt becos life has smiled on u forget pple that sacrificed to get u there. The wife is plainly an ungrateful opportunist. A good woman will respect and love such a man unconditionally.

Liliyann:
You were just a stepping stone to her success!!
Why trying to get the reward of your good deed by caging her in a marriage that she doesn't want?
While she was growing every facet of her life to be someone in the society, you remained redundant, no physical growth or achievement and you expect her to continue to live in a rat hole with you when the company she is working with already offered her a heaven!!

Mr Husband, marriage isn't a do or die affairs neither is it for better for worse nowadays!!
If you ain't getting the maximum respect, satisfaction and happiness in marriage, you take a walk!!
From your narrative, its very obvious that you are jealous of your wife progress and achievement and you are trying to suppress her down by claiming she has changed!!

Your wife, has my deepest respect!!

4typing this shit

May u xperince something worst than OP delima here.