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I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! - Romance - Nairaland

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I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by Tessasset(f): 6:12pm On Apr 02, 2019
Hello Romancelanders, please I'd like to have your opinions. I wish I had someone I could talk to offline. cry

My boyfriend went for NYSC last year and during his service year, we were very cool. The distance didn't affect us, he came home for a reasonable number of times and we communicated everyday. He never failed to tell me how much he loves me and can't wait to be done with service. He had his pop a little while ago and finally came home.
Everything seemed fine and we had a few catch ups but something didn't feel right within me so I asked if he had been with someone else on a regular basis, he denied and I believed him completely. A couple of days later we were both viewing his phone gallery and I noticed a picture in particular, the picture had him and a female friend in it and the setting was a bit too intimate for a platonic one, this sparked some questions in me because he used to tell me about the lady, they met when he went for service and he never gave me any reason think twice about their friendship, he has many friends so I just thought of it as normal. I have never gone through my bf's WhatsApp chats, not that he kept his phone away or anything but it just never occurred to me to do so, I trusted and respected him so much, highest I did was to take pictures and play music. I decided to check his phone after what I saw, I went straight to his conversation with the lady and what I saw left me in total shock, they have been having a sexual relationship, from what I deduced, they started having sex around the third month into his service year. Their chats left nothing to be imagined and they said so many nasty stuff, sent almost nude pictures, they professed love and always talked about being in each other's arms. The Lady in question knows my boyfriend is in a relationship and my name came up in their Convo many times. There was a time my bf came home and we hung out, he actually sent our pictures to the lady and with all audacity she asked if he had sex with me, I can't remember what his reply was. Another time, she told my boyfriend that she has broken up with her bf and that he shouldn't waste time to do same with me, he told her he wasn't going to do anything like that. I was appalled at this point already cos the guy made a complete fool of me, I was like the "small girl somewhere" in their Convo....I told him about all I saw and how he should have done better than that, he was shocked I did and was more shocked that I took it calmly cos I didnt rant, didn't walk out, just had a civil conversation with him. He has been really remorseful and said he is more sorry that I got to see their chats, he said the girl means nothing to him and he told her countless times that they can't be together cos he loves me, he asked if I went thru their chats very well, asked if I noticed he always told her he can't leave his gf.. honestly he did mention that several times to her but he thought he could have his way with her as par nysc fun, it doesn't make any sense to me. He's been really down and said I should take my time to think it through, he said he'd take my decision in good faith cos he has permanently scarred our relationship. I told him I'd need some time alone.
Honestly, I still love him and would love to put the issue behind us but I keep remembering all I read, It might have been relatively easy for me if he did with another girl but the girl in question?? He paraded her as a good and supportive friend while they had stuff going on. I'm really hurt, never been so heartbroken.
cry

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by Ahmed0336(m): 6:15pm On Apr 02, 2019
Do you think you can forgive him without bringing up this issue in the future? if yes, then forgive him.

but if you know you can no longer trust him please just allow the relationship to end.


the choice is up to you.

12 Likes 2 Shares

Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by iamJ(m): 6:15pm On Apr 02, 2019
u get plenty time on ur hand to write ur problem like this


a fine girl will never be this jobless and pained

9 Likes

Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by dasauce(m): 6:17pm On Apr 02, 2019
G
Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by WilliamsChelster(m): 6:18pm On Apr 02, 2019
iamJ:
u get plenty time on ur hand to write ur problem like this


a fine girl will never be this jobless and pained

26 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by tyup(m): 6:19pm On Apr 02, 2019
Tessasset:
Hello Romancelanders, please I'd like to have your opinions. I wish I had someone I could talk to offline. cry

My boyfriend went for NYSC last year and during his service year, we were very cool. The distance didn't affect us, he came home for a reasonable number of times and we communicated everyday. He never failed to tell me how much he loves me and can't wait to be done with service. He had his pop a little while ago and finally came home.
Everything seemed fine and we had a few catch ups but something didn't feel right within me so I asked if he had been with someone else on a regular basis, he denied and I believed him completely. A couple of days later we were both viewing his phone gallery and I noticed a picture in particular, the picture had him and a female friend in it and the setting was a bit too intimate for a platonic one, this sparked some questions in me because he used to tell me about the lady, they met when he went for service and he never gave me any reason think twice about their friendship, he has many friends so I just thought of it as normal. I have never gone through my bf's WhatsApp chats, not that he kept his phone away or anything but it just never occurred to me to do so, I trusted and respected him so much, highest I did was to take pictures and play music. I decided to check his phone after what I saw, I went straight to his conversation with the lady and what I saw left me in total shock, they have been having a sexual relationship, from what I deduced, they started having sex around the third month into his service year. Their chats left nothing to be imagined and they said so many nasty stuff, sent almost nude pictures, they professed love and always talked about being in each other's arms. The Lady in question knows my boyfriend is in a relationship and my name came up in their Convo many times. There was a time my bf came home and we hung out, he actually sent our pictures to the lady and with all audacity she asked if he had sex with me, I can't remember what his reply was. Another time, she told my boyfriend that she has broken up with her bf and that he shouldn't waste time to do same with me, he told her he wasn't going to do anything like that. I was appalled at this point already cos the guy made a complete fool of me, I was like the "small girl somewhere" in their Convo....I told him about all I saw and how he should have done better than that, he was shocked I did and was more shocked that I took it calmly cos I didnt rant, didn't walk out, just had a civil conversation with him. He has been really remorseful and said he is more sorry that I got to see their chats, he said the girl means nothing to him and he told her countless times that they can't be together cos he loves me, he asked if I went thru their chats very well, asked if I noticed he always told her he can't leave his gf.. honestly he did mention that several times to her but he thought he could have his way with her as par nysc fun, it doesn't make any sense to me. He's been really down and said I should take my time to think it through, he said he'd take my decision in good faith cos he has permanently scarred our relationship. I told him I'd need some time alone.
Honestly, I still love him and would love to put the issue behind us but I keep remembering all I read, It might have been relatively easy for me if he did with another girl but the girl in question?? He paraded her as a good and supportive friend while they had stuff going on. I'm really hurt, never been so heartbroken.
cry

I don know what to say i'm confused myself......but let's both wait for guys belows us
Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by Tessasset(f): 6:19pm On Apr 02, 2019
iamJ:
u get plenty time on ur hand to write ur problem like this


a fine girl will never be this jobless and pained
Alright
Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by iamJ(m): 6:21pm On Apr 02, 2019
WilliamsChelster:
9
are you the op?


Abi eye service na your occupation


Abeg shift

2 Likes

Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by gaby(m): 6:22pm On Apr 02, 2019
Hmmm....

If you are sure the relationship is still salvageable seeing how much you still love him coupled with his show of remorse, how about to give yourself time to get over this betrayal, have a deep heart to heart with him on how you won't be condoning such stabs from behind in the future and get on with it.

The truth I see is that, your bf like most of us men never expected you'd see his philandering chats or else he'd have erased every traces of them from his phone.

The remorse could be genuine or more of "I Bleep up..why I forget to erase the chats' and could herald the beginning of a new revamped and international cheater who'd be doing so with the mind of making sure he never gets found out this cheap going forward.

A very deadly mix you now have in your hands..just keep smart, vigilant and let not your guards down.

If your hunches are convincing that he isn't changed...drop his arse like a hot potato and soldier on...

Guys yakpa for town...no time for dulling. ..

Wish you well...

15 Likes

Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by iamJ(m): 6:22pm On Apr 02, 2019
Tessasset:

Alright
wailing wailer


Guys don't cheat on good girls

1 Like 1 Share

Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by ITbomb(m): 6:25pm On Apr 02, 2019
Believe me sis, you've got one of the remaining coolest and good great guy alive.

A guy remembers you to a side chick and vow never to leave you? Common girl, you won't see any better

Anyone better would be near the church yard, boring as well and probably close to enunch.

Best lovers are best at hiding and keeps a dual personality with each side completely unaware of the other existence.

The holy pass people may be saying otherwise but won't tell you what they are passing through or what they experienced

21 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by Tessasset(f): 6:25pm On Apr 02, 2019
iamJ:
wailing wailer


Guys don't cheat on good girls
You should get a good life

4 Likes

Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by seniorgozman(m): 6:31pm On Apr 02, 2019
I will advice you leave the guy, you will get better one that will respect you. The reason you should leave him is because you have confronted him, he will start being careful with his runs. He will never let you suspect him again, he will always cheat

11 Likes

Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by iamJ(m): 6:31pm On Apr 02, 2019
Tessasset:
You should get a good life
my life is good


See how ure wailing over a man that was never going to marry u


No be only heartbroken na soul decay

7 Likes

Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by Nobody: 6:32pm On Apr 02, 2019
Ur boyfriend has no respect for your relationship. He's a skilled player. Everyone knows how difficult it is sticking to their partners while away for nysc but for him to make light of your relationship is a no no.

I'm sure he even told the girl that it's nothing serious or u too religious or he no longer loves u.

I won't tell u to break up o, if you can move past this, fine and good but just know he'll still cheat with the said lady again when opportunity presents itself

6 Likes

Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by Nobody: 6:38pm On Apr 02, 2019
iamJ:
wailing wailer


Guys don't cheat on good girls
shut up stop displaying your stupidity all over this thread.

13 Likes

Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by iamJ(m): 6:39pm On Apr 02, 2019
Allen02:
shut up stop displaying your stupidity all over this thread.

come and collect my phone and disconnect the internet

Shey na u dey feed me


Abeg face ur bowl of watery Garri and leave me alone

1 Like

Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by ThothHermes: 6:40pm On Apr 02, 2019
iamJ:
u get plenty time on ur hand to write ur problem like this


a fine girl will never be this jobless and pained
Weyrey grin
Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by iamJ(m): 6:41pm On Apr 02, 2019
ThothHermes:
Weyrey grin
grin
Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by Nobody: 6:43pm On Apr 02, 2019
Tessasset:
Hello Romancelanders, please I'd like to have your opinions. I wish I had someone I could talk to offline. cry

My boyfriend went for NYSC last year and during his service year, we were very cool. The distance didn't affect us, he came home for a reasonable number of times and we communicated everyday. He never failed to tell me how much he loves me and can't wait to be done with service. He had his pop a little while ago and finally came home.
Everything seemed fine and we had a few catch ups but something didn't feel right within me so I asked if he had been with someone else on a regular basis, he denied and I believed him completely. A couple of days later we were both viewing his phone gallery and I noticed a picture in particular, the picture had him and a female friend in it and the setting was a bit too intimate for a platonic one, this sparked some questions in me because he used to tell me about the lady, they met when he went for service and he never gave me any reason think twice about their friendship, he has many friends so I just thought of it as normal. I have never gone through my bf's WhatsApp chats, not that he kept his phone away or anything but it just never occurred to me to do so, I trusted and respected him so much, highest I did was to take pictures and play music. I decided to check his phone after what I saw, I went straight to his conversation with the lady and what I saw left me in total shock, they have been having a sexual relationship, from what I deduced, they started having sex around the third month into his service year. Their chats left nothing to be imagined and they said so many nasty stuff, sent almost nude pictures, they professed love and always talked about being in each other's arms. The Lady in question knows my boyfriend is in a relationship and my name came up in their Convo many times. There was a time my bf came home and we hung out, he actually sent our pictures to the lady and with all audacity she asked if he had sex with me, I can't remember what his reply was. Another time, she told my boyfriend that she has broken up with her bf and that he shouldn't waste time to do same with me, he told her he wasn't going to do anything like that. I was appalled at this point already cos the guy made a complete fool of me, I was like the "small girl somewhere" in their Convo....I told him about all I saw and how he should have done better than that, he was shocked I did and was more shocked that I took it calmly cos I didnt rant, didn't walk out, just had a civil conversation with him. He has been really remorseful and said he is more sorry that I got to see their chats, he said the girl means nothing to him and he told her countless times that they can't be together cos he loves me, he asked if I went thru their chats very well, asked if I noticed he always told her he can't leave his gf.. honestly he did mention that several times to her but he thought he could have his way with her as par nysc fun, it doesn't make any sense to me. He's been really down and said I should take my time to think it through, he said he'd take my decision in good faith cos he has permanently scarred our relationship. I told him I'd need some time alone.
Honestly, I still love him and would love to put the issue behind us but I keep remembering all I read, It might have been relatively easy for me if he did with another girl but the girl in question?? He paraded her as a good and supportive friend while they had stuff going on. I'm really hurt, never been so heartbroken.
cry
like some said earlier the choice is yours, if you think you can forgive him then continue with the relationship, if you can't then move on, life is too short to worry about petty things.

1 Like

Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by LuciferYaweh: 6:43pm On Apr 02, 2019
dasauce:
G
Gmail kee you there.
How can you book space on this type of thread?

[img]https://media1./images/4498697396e5cc9452c4bff0af1a5fce/tenor.gif?itemid=4810352[/img]

15 Likes 3 Shares

Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by iamJ(m): 6:44pm On Apr 02, 2019
LuciferYaweh:

Gmail kee you there.
How can you book space on this type of thread?

[img]https://media1./images/4498697396e5cc9452c4bff0af1a5fce/tenor.gif?itemid=4810352[/img]
cheesy

1 Like

Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by Rosay15(f): 6:47pm On Apr 02, 2019
Tessasset:
You should get a good life
.. please stop replying the mofoo..

I will only tell u to take it time and think about it so that you won't make a mistake u will regret for life. The choice is yours.
Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by iamJ(m): 6:49pm On Apr 02, 2019
Rosay15:
.. please stop replying the mofoo..

I will only tell u to take it time and think about it so that you won't make a mistake u will regret for life. The choice is yours.
u know that u have ur picture on your profile

U get mirror for house, u know how u look and u are calling me mofoo cheesy

I for say make I but God has already taken care of it cheesy

5 Likes

Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by Nobody: 6:50pm On Apr 02, 2019
Tessasset:
Hello Romancelanders, please I'd like to have your opinions. I wish I had someone I could talk to offline. cry

My boyfriend went for NYSC last year and during his service year, we were very cool. The distance didn't affect us, he came home for a reasonable number of times and we communicated everyday. He never failed to tell me how much he loves me and can't wait to be done with service. He had his pop a little while ago and finally came home.
Everything seemed fine and we had a few catch ups but something didn't feel right within me so I asked if he had been with someone else on a regular basis, he denied and I believed him completely. A couple of days later we were both viewing his phone gallery and I noticed a picture in particular, the picture had him and a female friend in it and the setting was a bit too intimate for a platonic one, this sparked some questions in me because he used to tell me about the lady, they met when he went for service and he never gave me any reason think twice about their friendship, he has many friends so I just thought of it as normal. I have never gone through my bf's WhatsApp chats, not that he kept his phone away or anything but it just never occurred to me to do so, I trusted and respected him so much, highest I did was to take pictures and play music. I decided to check his phone after what I saw, I went straight to his conversation with the lady and what I saw left me in total shock, they have been having a sexual relationship, from what I deduced, they started having sex around the third month into his service year. Their chats left nothing to be imagined and they said so many nasty stuff, sent almost nude pictures, they professed love and always talked about being in each other's arms. The Lady in question knows my boyfriend is in a relationship and my name came up in their Convo many times. There was a time my bf came home and we hung out, he actually sent our pictures to the lady and with all audacity she asked if he had sex with me, I can't remember what his reply was. Another time, she told my boyfriend that she has broken up with her bf and that he shouldn't waste time to do same with me, he told her he wasn't going to do anything like that. I was appalled at this point already cos the guy made a complete fool of me, I was like the "small girl somewhere" in their Convo....I told him about all I saw and how he should have done better than that, he was shocked I did and was more shocked that I took it calmly cos I didnt rant, didn't walk out, just had a civil conversation with him. He has been really remorseful and said he is more sorry that I got to see their chats, he said the girl means nothing to him and he told her countless times that they can't be together cos he loves me, he asked if I went thru their chats very well, asked if I noticed he always told her he can't leave his gf.. honestly he did mention that several times to her but he thought he could have his way with her as par nysc fun, it doesn't make any sense to me. He's been really down and said I should take my time to think it through, he said he'd take my decision in good faith cos he has permanently scarred our relationship. I told him I'd need some time alone.
Honestly, I still love him and would love to put the issue behind us but I keep remembering all I read, It might have been relatively easy for me if he did with another girl but the girl in question?? He paraded her as a good and supportive friend while they had stuff going on. I'm really hurt, never been so heartbroken.
cry
If you know you can't forgive him, then quit the relationship
Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by Tessasset(f): 7:12pm On Apr 02, 2019
gaby:
Hmmm....

If you are sure the relationship is still salvageable seeing how much you still love him coupled with his show of remorse, how about to give yourself time to get over this betrayal, have a deep heart to heart with him on how you won't be condoning such stabs from behind in the future and get on with it.

The truth I see is that, your bf like most of us men never expected you'd see his philandering chats or else he'd have erased every traces of them from his phone.

The remorse could be genuine or more of "I Bleep up..why I forget to erase the chats' and could herald the beginning of a new revamped and international cheater who'd be doing so with the mind of making sure he never gets found out this cheap going forward.

A very deadly mix you now have in your hands..just keep smart, vigilant and let not your guards down.

If your hunches are convincing that he isn't changed...drop his arse like a hot potato and soldier on...

Guys yakpa for town...no time for dulling. ..

Wish you well...
Thanks, I'm taking so much from what you said
Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by Tessasset(f): 7:14pm On Apr 02, 2019
ITbomb:
Believe me sis, you've got one of the remaining coolest and good great guy alive.

A guy remembers you to a side chick and vow never to leave you? Common girl, you won't see any better

Anyone better would be near the church yard, boring as well and probably close to enunch.

Best lovers are best at hiding and keeps a dual personality with each side completely unaware of the other existence.

The holy pass people may be saying otherwise but won't tell you what they are passing through or what they experienced
Thanks for this advice
Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by gaby(m): 7:17pm On Apr 02, 2019
Tessasset:

Thanks, I'm taking so much from what you said

You are always welcome....you and only you would know if he indeed deserves a second chance going forward...but do well not to forget not to allow love becloud your vigilance and decisions.

1 Like

Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by Tessasset(f): 7:17pm On Apr 02, 2019
seniorgozman:
I will advice you leave the guy, you will get better one that will respect you. The reason you should leave him is because you have confronted him, he will start being careful with his runs. He will never let you suspect him again, he will always cheat
Exactly where my fear lies, I'm not sure he won't do something like that again

1 Like

Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by WilliamsChelster(m): 7:32pm On Apr 02, 2019
iamJ:
are you the op?


Abi eye service na your occupation


Abeg shift

Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by klenton(m): 7:34pm On Apr 02, 2019
Tessasset:

Thanks for this advice

from all u have said your boyfriend is a good guy
it takes lots of guts and genuineness for a guy to tell another lady that he loves you and wont leave u
yes he messed up big time and definitely deserves to get his ass kicked but then who doesnt mess up ?
you should give him a second chance, its obvious he clearly loves you and you shouldn't take it for granted, most guyz including me would have denied your existence in that chat
this is a good case of the devil u know been better than the angel u dont know

2 Likes

Re: I Need Mature Advice, Please. My Bf Had An Affair!! by Katier00(f): 7:43pm On Apr 02, 2019
Follow your heart

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