At age 40 u still waiting for our opinion
Wtf
Fuc

It will put the man at disadvantage if he doesn’t have a girl of his own and hoping one day this his friend will agree to be his.

On another note, ladies like to settle for the decent guys after they are used up both physically and emotionally. I would how a lady who has spent her life dating the ‘lively’ bad guys will be able to pair bond with someone who eventually becomes their husband. It can never be like your first love.

meobizy:
What can Nairalanders learn from this?
It is very obvious.
If you try the friend route it will take twenty plus years for the female to consider you relationship material.
That is twenty full years of her changing different dicks and losing beauty before she feels you’re worthy of her being a leftover.
Make una hear now: men and women can never stay friends for long.
It will always put the man at a disadvantage.

derrydinny:
don't go and toast him o, be asking us question


he decided not to woo you again after it didn't work out years back because of you, make amends grandma

Idiot must u insult her age...? Mr young 4ever....lets see Hw old u will b to get married

Coldplay007:
I think the guy is gay..
He is not married...
He never made an attempt on you in 20 years, even when you slept on the same bed..
He has a female best friend..

He knows you are not married, and he is unmarried too, yet he is not trying to lay you...

GAY...

Yup. Either that or the life-long friendzoning got the better of him and made him lose his mojo completely with regards to running things with her.

Most people here just don't want to state the obvious or just want to play the ostrich game. If that guy agrees to settle down now with her he should have his head examined for real

bluefilm:
My take on this: A fool at 40 is a fool forever!

Grow up idiot!.....becuz sh said her age dts why ur displaying ur persistent family stupidity....i saw ur sus last week...sh is also carrying d trait of family stupidity......

Rubbiish:
A man that seeks public opinion for an issue as small as this is weak & indecisive

A man. Read the post before commenting na, Huncle.

---

With #3,500, you too can own a blog. Ask me how.

oshaosha2014:
It will put the man at disadvantage if he doesn’t have a girl of his own and hoping one day this his friend will agree to be his.

On another note, ladies like to settle for the decent guys after they are used up both physically and emotionally. I would how a lady who has spent her life dating the ‘lively’ bad guys will be able to pair bond with someone who eventually becomes their husband. It can never be like your first love.

Funny enough women know males and females can never stay friends but use the assumption of the possibility to trick unexperienced men.
A man with a girlfriend already will find it difficult to make female friends, his girl will never allow it.
The friendzone technique is used by single naive men because they don't know any better at the time.
It is after repeated heartbreaks and similar frustrations they finally give themselves sense.

When next u guys hang out, take excess alcohol. Get high and drunk.


Feign staggering footsteps. He takes u to one of his house or urs.


Look into his eyes and say he's looking so fine tonight. Kiss him den sex follows. Bang him drunken style.

In d morning tell him u enjoyed it if he's okay with it.

If he's not, then blame it all on the alcohol.

Either that or u could just kiss him and end it there.

The kiss would open doors to more possibilities.

Addendum: meanwhile u are at a point of disadvantage. He's 40plus. Most men dat age wdnt want to get married to their agemates.

He wd be looking towards a girl at least 10years younger Dan he is.



Good luck though!!!

oshaosha2014:
It will put the man at disadvantage if he doesn’t have a girl of his own and hoping one day this his friend will agree to be his.

On another note, ladies like to settle for the decent guys after they are used up both physically and emotionally. I would how a lady who has spent her life dating the ‘lively’ bad guys will be able to pair bond with someone who eventually becomes their husband. It can never be like your first love.

Are you for real? Why must they wait ages to realize this?

Why should he settle for a lady he made a move on almost 2 decades ago when he currently has younger, more energetic and obviously prettier women at his disposal aged far lesser than the OP?
For all we know the dude may even be referring to another lady that's getting more friendly with him in his new current location.

Smalliegirl:
Go for it love...

I lost an amazing friend like this too. Married a loser and now Im divorced, and cannot have my best friend back cos he too got married after I did

Your fault....me, I just made up my mind NEVER to date my best female friend. sh kept me on friends zone for five years..nd had 3 guyz in dt period cuz I was broke....

Yet sh kips in touch the most

Lol... I am reminded of one lady I was asking out. She told me to be friends with her first before she can agree after some time. Bro, that is the period she’ll use to milk you of your hard earned because she knows you are anticipating for her positive answer. I outrightly told her I don’t want friendship (friendship my ass). If she can’t see the possibility of us dating then we rather not be friends. Friendship that will favour only her but I will be suffering inside forming one useless friend.

meobizy:

Funny enough women know males and females can never stay friends but use the assumption of the possibility to trick unexperienced men.
A man with a girlfriend already will find it difficult to make female friends, his girl will never allow it.
The friendzone technique is used by single naive men because they don't know any better at the time.
It is after repeated heartbreaks and similar frustrations they finally give themselves sense.

greatbuc:
You didn't agree then. Now that body count is reaching the ozone layer you want shoot your shot. You should enjoy been friends. Your ticking clock is messing with your head.

If na me, I go help her increase her body count. When the man still had the hots for her, she no gree.

Now that the man has moved to “the other side of the world” and all of the “bad guys” penising her aren't talking marriage. She now wants it to magically work between them.

---

With just #3,500, you too can start a blog. Ask me how.

Ladies always want to have their cake and it eat at the same time. Like the whole world revolves around their something. They forget they only have a short time to do shakara.

2kurupt:

Are you for real? Why must they wait ages to realize this?

Why should he settle for a lady he made a move on almost 2 decades ago when he currently has younger, more energetic and obviously prettier women at his disposal aged far lesser than the OP?
For all we know the dude may even be referring to another lady that's getting more friendly with him in his new current location.

If I were the guy, I will reject you and tell you that it's best we remain as friends... Since he has asked you out in the past when you are younger you refused and followed guys that only tore your pussy and abandoned you... You are obviously at his Mercy since age is not on your side ... He can still date and marry a 20years old girl... If he is my brother , I will ask him to reject u... Note even if he accepts you and fvcks and abandons you, it's not his fault... No curses you lay on him will work because he is not the one that made you single for over 20 years... You took his love for granted...


Now let me advice you as a friend.... Don't waste time... Ask him out now, and make sure you have good attitude or at least pretend to have one and keep to it for life... Whatever he does to you take it in good fate... Even if he fvcks and abandons you, take it in good fate cos he wasn't the reason you have been single till 40 years of age...

mystiquerebirth:
It's sad knowing that premature persons with zero empathy are here. A fool is known when he opens his mouth.

It's not about immaturity; it's about everyone on social media now trying to form one daft savage at the slightest opportunity because na savagery dey reign now.

oshaosha2014:
Lol... I am reminded of one lady I was asking out. She told me to be friends with her first before she can agree after some time. Bro, that is the period she’ll use to milk you of your hard earned because she knows you are anticipating for her positive answer. I outrightly told her I don’t want friendship (friendship my ass). If she can’t see the possibility of us dating then we rather not be friends. Friendship that will favour only her but I will be suffering inside forming one useless friend.

Exactly bro. Most guys with their heads screwed on tight will decline such offers while some who choose to stick around might have zeroed their mind & friend zoned the lady themselves just so she stays close enough & know they are doing great without her.

Who do you marry ,if you don't marry your best friend? Think fast and give him the green light since you have known each other for long

Moukandjo:

It's not about immaturity; it's about everyone on social media now trying to form one daft savage at the slightest opportunity because na savagery dey reign now.

So any response that doesn't toe your train of thought is either "savagery" or "immaturity" right? Tell yourself the truth, if that guy were to be your brother would you advise he marries her now with all the better options at his disposal?

People are just being real

lilbabe79:
Hi
I have this male friend I’ve known for almost 20 years. He courted me back in the days but I was not available so we remained friends so far. Life keeps pulling us apart and bringing us closer (geographically). He now lives on the other side of the world but we cal each other all the time. He’s my best friend, support and confident. He knows everything about me and I about him.
We talk a lot, laugh to the same things etc.

We stayed at each other’s place multiple times over the years, even sharing a bed now and there but he never tried anything

Now we are both 40 with a few failed relationships under our belt.
He keeps telling me how he wants to settle and start a family. We talk a lot about the fact that the best way to go is marry your best friend, someone you really know and so on.

I have this odd feeling that he’s trying to test the waters with me but he never says anything definitive

I’m really wondering if I should make the first move and tell him we should give it a try.
I’ve never done such thing in my life and I’m afraid he would say no. If he does, our friendship would probably take a hit.

What do you suggest ?

We all know the op is only interested in the guy because she's run out of options.
I don't even think she likes the guy.
Time is running out and the available becomes desirable.
Why didn't you make the move in your younger years.
Rolling with the bad ones innit?
What will even make a guy marry a 40 year old?
There are fresher ladies in thier 30s and late 20s.

SmellingAnus:
If I were the guy, I will reject you and tell you that it's best we remain as friends... Since he has asked you out in the past when you are younger you refused and followed guys that only tore your pussy and abandoned you... You are obviously at his Mercy since age is not on your side ... He can still date and marry a 20years old girl... If he is my brother , I will ask him to reject u... Note even if he accepts you and fvcks and abandons you, it's not his fault... No curses you lay on him will work because he is not the one that made you single for over 20 years... You took his love for granted...


Now let me advice you as a friend.... Don't waste time... Ask him out now, and make sure you have good attitude or at least pretend to have one and keep to it for life... Whatever he does to you take it in good fate... Even if he fvcks and abandons you, take it in good fate cos he wasn't the reason you have been single till 40 years of age...

You sabi.

u miss hundred percent of the shots u don't take

If he is 40 and you are 40, then your age will be a factor for consideration. Settling down in marriage with a 20 - 25 year old lady is different from settling down with a 40 year old. You need to tactfully find out if he still finds you as attractive as when he made his move 20 years ago. His being able to sleep on the same bed with you several times without a move is suspect. Are you still as hot as before? Will you be able to bear and raise as many children as he may want. These are issues for consideration. If you can find a way to probe and find answers to these in the affirmative, then don't hesitate to make the move. Good luck.

2kurupt:

So any response that doesn't toe your train of thought is either "savagery" or "immaturity" right? Tell yourself the truth, if that guy were to be your brother would you advise he marries her now with all the better options at his disposal?

People are just being real

See, bro if na me be the guy, I no fit even marry this lady, especially when I know her sexual history that well. I no fit even marry non-virgin as I dey so.

But the point is there's no point insulting her. You could ask her what in a the world she was doing since all these years when the guy still dey without necessarily being too insultive!

Coldplay007:
I think the guy is gay..
He is not married...
He never made an attempt on you in 20 years, even when you slept on the same bed..
He has a female best friend..

He knows you are not married, and he is unmarried too, yet he is not trying to lay you...

GAY...

He is not Gay, far from being Gay. He is just not into her. I have female friends I will never touch too. Does that make me Gay? NO!. WE GUYS HAVE TASTES TOO!!!. Don't expect every guy to touch you because you are a woman. It doesn't work like that.

extremelygolden:
Go about it in a playful manner. In the middle of a conversation when he says something that thrills you, just chip in a sentence like, O!Jay I love you more each passing day. You make me happy always by your perception about life. If you were around now I would have said, what have you given me to eat? I am just loving you too much these days. Then you quickly change the topic.

You will see that after some time he will call to confirm if what you said about loving him is true? That's when you will tell him Yes in a bold letter.

Best of luck, dear.

that's cool!

lilbabe79:
Hi
I have this male friend I’ve known for almost 20 years. He courted me back in the days but I was not available so we remained friends so far. Life keeps pulling us apart and bringing us closer (geographically). He now lives on the other side of the world but we cal each other all the time. He’s my best friend, support and confident. He knows everything about me and I about him.
We talk a lot, laugh to the same things etc.

We stayed at each other’s place multiple times over the years, even sharing a bed now and there but he never tried anything

Now we are both 40 with a few failed relationships under our belt.
He keeps telling me how he wants to settle and start a family. We talk a lot about the fact that the best way to go is marry your best friend, someone you really know and so on.

I have this odd feeling that he’s trying to test the waters with me but he never says anything definitive

I’m really wondering if I should make the first move and tell him we should give it a try.
I’ve never done such thing in my life and I’m afraid he would say no. If he does, our friendship would probably take a hit.

What do you suggest ?

You don't have sense. Seriously!
I'm angry because this guy is just an older me.
See, the guy will never ever chyke even with a gun to his head. You've messed up his ego already by rejecting him once.
Your excuse was you were not available.

My sister, he has already chyked. There is a pending question. You said no before, change your answer to yes.

If he dare insinuates that you're toasting him, remind him that you're just replying the question he asked years ago.

Women sef. The guy has already chyked you before.

But even if e say no, you bear am. After all, you kind of deserve it. Don't you think?

Disclaimer: My moniker is 'lonely loner', take advice from me at your own peril. If it ruins your life my hand no dey oh. Lol

Moukandjo:

See, bro if na me be the guy, I no fit even marry this lady, especially when I know her sexual history that well. I no fit even marry non-virgin as I dey so.

But the point is there's no point insulting her. You could ask her what in a the world she was doing since all these years when the guy still dey without necessarily being too insultive!

True. Insults & name calling to the OP are unnecessary.

Cheers

lilbabe79:
Hi
I have this male friend I’ve known for almost 20 years. He courted me back in the days but I was not available so we remained friends so far. Life keeps pulling us apart and bringing us closer (geographically). He now lives on the other side of the world but we cal each other all the time. He’s my best friend, support and confident. He knows everything about me and I about him.
We talk a lot, laugh to the same things etc.

We stayed at each other’s place multiple times over the years, even sharing a bed now and there but he never tried anything

Now we are both 40 with a few failed relationships under our belt.
He keeps telling me how he wants to settle and start a family. We talk a lot about the fact that the best way to go is marry your best friend, someone you really know and so on.

I have this odd feeling that he’s trying to test the waters with me but he never says anything definitive

I’m really wondering if I should make the first move and tell him we should give it a try.
I’ve never done such thing in my life and I’m afraid he would say no. If he does, our friendship would probably take a hit.

What do you suggest ?

No need to say anything. Any time you want to sleep in same bed, give him some red wine and tie only wrapper. Na belle una go take do wedding

Friendship is different from marriage. Although it could mean both, but your matter strong. He knows you in and out, flaws and strength.

Talk it out and mend your ways to wifable .. Faqat

Testing waters at 40

Nairaland is just a comic relief..... A 40 year old woman is coming here to ask people of 15-30 years how to handle her relationship? Chai Naija I hail una