Number 1: every single person who has commented or advised you without asking for your husband side of the story HAS ADVISED YOU WRONGLY. I NEED TO HEAR YOUR HUSBAND'S POINT OF VIEW BEFORE I CAN BARE MY MIND OUT.
I'm amazed people on this thread advised without hearing from both sides.

Number 2: let your husband create his own thread and explain his own side. Then update your thread with a link to his own thread, (let him also do the same vice versa with yours so anyone too who reads his will also get your own point).

Number 3: you guys did very honorably by deciding not to allow family members to Interfere. Well done for that. I'll Also applauded your husband for accepting that you create a thread, because that shows he is humble to a degree to hear another person(s) correction on him.

Now listen, this is a sensitive issue. not everyone can advise correctly. So be careful with the advises..(I'm saying this because im having a feeling my advise up won't be heeded too, so you'll end up listening to others. But its fine.) But if you would prefer, I'll give you my number (if it's ok with your husband and you to contact me online and I will create an online session for you two).

UyaiIncomparabl:


But you once said you're an advocate of feminism? Why are you speaking from both sides of your mouth?

Feminism is equality of all genders, I am a strong advocate.

There is nothing a man is entitled to that a woman isn't. That's what feminism as a concept is about.

For marriage, the Husband is of higher authority than the wife though they are all equal human. Even in an organisation that everyone is equal as human, there exist hierarchy and authority irrespective of gender of occupants. However, the difference here is that the office of the husband is exclusively reserved for the male in the marital relationship.

Your own bitter version of feminism is your problem not mine

ImaIma1:


Don't waste your money. No woman can submit hundred percent. Can you love someone else 100%?

Your opinion is noted but dismissed entirely

I am not going to tell you that you need to pray to get a resolutions. That is so cliche. I am a pragmatic person and I approach life from that angle.This is the 21st century having expectations should be standard. My father who is decades older than your husband taught me one thing and that is to have standards and expectations and never lower them just because the man in your life refuses to step up or acknowledge and accept that he is also responsible for the children he brought into this world. No one is talking from a feminist perspective that’s the de-facto argument most will try to bring. That’s not the case here.

1. Does he help the children with their homework?
2. Does he take the children out to play? Take them out for a treat so that you have a few hours to yourself?
3. It is a washing machine, hardly rocket science HE does not want to do it not that he cannot there is a difference. He is being passive aggressive.What are the children learning about their father and his aversion towards domestic chores? Children are not stupid they observe and they learn and store information in their little heads.

Marriage is not servitude. You got married to your partner yes the redundant argument can be made about the man being “the head” but you are his neck. A head needs a neck for support. You cannot go around that.

Regarding the arguments, both of you are at fault, what example are you setting for the children? Responding to abuse albeit verbal just flares the situation unnecessarily. One party has to be mature enough to take the high road. You cannot have a logical conversation if you are thinking with an emotional brain because there is no filter. We will say what we feel but once words are spoken they cannot be taken back. If he starts being abusive refuse to engage, if it’s feasible take the kids out and allow space and time for him to reset himself from being an angry person to a reflective being. Only then can both of you discuss what the issue was and how to resolve it. Emotional intelligence is key when it comes to a relationship.

There are two sides to everything. This is your argument and mature public court both sides need be given a platform. You have had yours where is his platform? How does he view himself as a husband and a father? That’s the most important thing here. We could criticise him and castigate him but HIS view also matters.

Attending to one’s personal hygiene should’ve not be up for discussion. So if he goes for days without washing is he also expecting coitus? No adult person can defend this.

I slightly digress, if you are able to afford someone why are you not letting her work more hours to give YOU a break so that you are not feeling so overwhelmed?
The final thing, do you love your husband? And does he love you? Do you trust him? The reason I ask is a relationship worth fighting for is a relationship where BOTH parties want to save it.

TonyeBarcanista:
Your opinion is noted but dismissed entirely

When you get married, all these your James Bond moves will be reviewed . It is easy to say all these because you are still alone and do not have anyone that you are responsible for.

ImaIma1:


[s]When you get married, all these your James Bond moves will be reviewed . It is easy to say all these because you are still alone and do not have anyone that you are responsible for.

[/s]

Samshumy:

Well to me, a man is not supposed to do all those things. If the chores are too much, the wife can get a maid

That's the problem sir. With due respect, its our home and chores and not mine.

davenaija:



Men learn from their fathers, one way or the other, an absentee father or an abusive father. Men desiring to enter marriages must unlearn all they took from their dads, process it and choose and decide their own paths and not repeat their father's lifestyle in their marriages.

Hmmmm.. This is loaded.

TonyeBarcanista:

Feminism is equality of all genders, I am a strong advocate.

There is nothing a man is entitled to that a woman isn't. That's what feminism as a concept is about.

For marriage, the Husband is of higher authority than the wife though they are all equal human. Even in an organisation that everyone is equal as human, there exist hierarchy and authority irrespective of gender of occupants. However, the difference here is that the office of the husband is exclusively reserved for the male in the marital relationship.

Your own bitter version of feminism is your problem not mine

Trash!

ImaIma1:


Ok. We see where you learnt it from. Upbringing really plays a major role in marriage. Most ladies should observe their men's fathers to have an idea of who they are marrying and what they are getting into.

I know a man who does nothing! Absolutely nothing in the house. Can't be bothered to assist the wife. The wife ensures her sons do house chores equally with her daughters. No lazy ass man should be influencing growing children.

Samshumy:

In marriage, i come first and by so, i can’t loose myself

Bros abeg, don't marry yet.

Samshumy:

Then I’ll never assist in paying any kids school fess

Interesting.

You would not pay your kids fees if your wife doesn't contribute financially despite that you would not do house chores?

Hmmmmmm

Young03:
What your husband is doing is not bad but he's over doing it

new genration wifes baffles me

my mom will leave house by 6am comes back at 8pm n will still cook akpu

and before she leaves in the morning. she sweeps the compound


Reduce your working hours


Do u even support the family with 40% of your earnings?

Have you engaged your mum on how she really really feels?

To sweep and leave by six means she wakes about 4:30am which would not be bad if she slept early.

She gets home late fourteen hours later and prepares Akpu?

When does she sleep? Rest? Recreate?

Acidosis:


It all starts with poor parenting: the girl child is meant to cook while the boy sits with his idle father to drink and debate Chelsea vs. Man Utd match. Funny thing, many women of this generation still make the same mistake. The very thing they dislike about their husbands/fathers, they condone with their male children.

As in.

I am amazed women raise sons they cannot marry.

It is a sick cycle.

But bia, you are someone who believes in rigid roles na

It's a woman like you that pampered her male child so much, making him almost useless. There's nothing you can do unless prayers. Raise your own male child to be skilled in house work, so that he won't be a burden on another woman in future, your choice.

Young03:
What your husband is doing is not bad but he's over doing it

new genration wifes baffles me

my mom will leave house by 6am comes back at 8pm n will still cook akpu

and before she leaves in the morning. she sweeps the compound


Reduce your working hours


Do u even support the family with 40% of your earnings?

This is an example of what I'm saying, this young man is thoroughly spoilt by his mum, she's virtually enslaving herself yet he doesn't understand that he needs to lend a hand so that she reduces her stress level and extends her life span in the process. She cooks akpu after work and still sweeps the entire compound before leaving for work as early as 6am, if this isn't slave master relationship what is it? when this guy marries he can't help in the house because his mother never taught him. It's a vicious cycle, enjoy it like that OP.

bukatyne:


As in.

I am amazed women raise sons they cannot marry.

It is a sick cycle.

But bia, you are someone who believes in rigid roles na

Lol. Yes, I believe in rigid, not stressful roles or toxic masculinity/toxic femininity (feminism). The roles should be rigid to the extent the man understands his roles as the sole provider and spiritual head of the family. The woman should also understand her role as the sole care giver. Going to work as early as 5am and returning late in the evening at 8pm to pound akpu and starch is not care giving, it is satanic and inhumane. Marriage shouldn't be that stressful.

Mizwisdom:


This is an example of what I'm saying, this young man is thoroughly spoilt by his mum, she's virtually enslaving herself yet he doesn't understand that he needs to lend a hand so that she reduces her stress level and extends her life span in the process. She cooks akpu after work and still sweeps the entire compound before leaving for work as early as 6am, if this isn't slave master relationship what is it? when this guy marries he can't help in the house because his mother never taught him. It's a vicious cycle, enjoy it like that OP.

Really when i read his comment, i felt really heartbroken for his mum having to do so much...how she would have felt.The fact that he said it proudly, praising her slavery is puzzling.

Samshumy:

Then I’ll never assist in paying any kids school fess

Not only will you be a terrible husband, but you will also be a lousy father.
You're already planning not to educate your children. What can be the justification not to educate your children?
Wow, you take 'deadbeat father' to a whole new level. Unbelievable

eyinjuege:


Not only will you be a terrible husband, but you will also be a lousy father.
You're already planning not to educate your children. What can be the justification not to educate your children?
Wow, you take 'deadbeat father' to a whole new level. Unbelievable

Call it anything you like. In marriage, i come first okay

bukatyne:


Interesting.

You would not pay your kids fees if your wife doesn't contribute financially despite that you would not do house chores?

Hmmmmmm

House chores are for women. I’m a man. A man is different from a woman.

bukatyne:


Bros abeg, don't marry yet.

I go marry and my wife to be must worship and listen to my instructions always

tabithaola:


That's the problem sir. With due respect, its our home and chores and not mine.

It’s your chores not ours. The problem with so many of you is that, you will always find ways to compare yourselves with men. Men are different from women and so our roles are different

Shepherd00:

You will never assist to pay your kid's school fees?

Wait!!!!!, I hope this guy is not bipolar

Lol i only replied the girl based on what she said

Shepherd00:

But, mostly importantly, you have low self esteem

You don’t know the meaning of low self esteem. Go and find a dictionary and stop being emotional

Shepherd00:

Poor thing. She doesn't know she's headed for a disfunctional and broken home. All the signs are there, but she'll convince herself she's in love and marry you. Oh boy!!!

I will be doing her a favour to marry her

TonyeBarcanista:

Feminism is equality of all genders, I am a strong advocate.

TonyeBarcanista + uyaiincomparabl

Please stop misinforming the public - they receive enough lectures from third rate influencers on social media.

Women's Rights, Feminism and Gender Equality are three different and distinct ideologies.

You can start here and save yourself the embarrassment:
Feminism, Women's Human Rights, and Cultural Differences
_{Okin, S. (1998). Feminism, Women's Human Rights, and Cultural Differences. Hypatia, 13(2), 32-52.
http://www.jstor.org/stable/3810636}

Use scihub to read it.

A good man does a woman no favour marrying her. The good book says in Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. I hope you aren't a Christian and even if you claim to be one, you may just be a churchgoer. Happy Easter.

Samshumy:

I will be doing her a favour to marry her

Samshumy:

In marriage, i come first and by so, i can’t loose myself

Wow, in marriage you come first? The future generation is doomed if these are the type of intending fathers we have.

Samshumy:

I go marry and my wife to be must worship and listen to my instructions always

Worship you? In your mind you are a god right? I know who your type usually end up with, the lady will pretend to be all you want her to be, after marriage you end up licking the floor she walks on after she has shown you series of pepper, continue.

Biglittlelois:


Worship you? In your mind you are a god right? I know who your type usually end up with, the lady will pretend to be all you want her to be, after marriage you end up licking the floor she walks on after she has shown you series of pepper, continue.

I never see that lady wey go show person like me pepper because i go beat craze comot for her body