How is expecting the guy to be better, asking for too much? She simply wants a guy with ambition, a dream, somebody who is working towards something. This world is filled with too many dreamers and not enough doers. I hate when guys say ‘ he is just slow, his time will come, give him some time’. Listen, you can examine someone and know if they’re destined to be great from the early days by just by looking at their work ethic, their daily schedule and their desire to be successful. Most if not all successful people started their hustle from an early age, day after day striving to be better as time waits for no one. Somebody who is ‘slow’ is very unlikely to make it in life, we live in a fast paced life. If I can see from an early age you have no zeal, no passion to improve yourself then your life will carry on in that aspect. How can you be in your prime, and just sit around relying on hope? Even when there’s nothing, you get up everyday and challenge yourself to do more, that’s how you progress in life. They’re more dreamers who end up still being dreamers in their 50s, let’s shed more light on that. People always like to use the exception of the rule to justify their argument. Biko, the girl has every right to be concerned.

Achieverzy:
You opened a thread in 2018 and asked this question
''I'm a young girl in Calabar. Everybody getting married these days mostly marry guys from outside the country. biko where do they meet them?''

Its very obvious you are a gold digger ryt from time maybe you didn't know, any guy who marries you may eventually want a divorce when the pressure and your expectations is too much on him. Leave the innocent guy for someone that deserves true love while you wait on God for your already made ''oyibo guy''

Saffi:
How is expecting the guy to be better, asking for too much? She simply wants a guy with ambition, a dream, somebody who is working towards something. This world is filled with too many dreamers and not enough doers. I hate when guys say ‘ he is just slow, his time will come, give him some time’. Listen, you can examine someone and know if they’re destined to be great from the early days by just by looking at their work ethic, their daily schedule and their desire to be successful. Most if not all successful people started their hustle from an early age, day after day striving to be better as time waits for no one. Somebody who is ‘slow’ is very unlikely to make it in life, we live in a fast paced life. If I can see from an early age you have no zeal, no passion to improve yourself then your life will carry on in that aspect. How can you be in your prime, and just sit around relying on hope? Even when there’s nothing, you get up everyday and challenge yourself to do more, that’s how you progress in life. They’re more dreamers who end up still being dreamers in their 50s, let’s shed more light on that. People always like to use the exception of the rule to justify their argument. Biko, the girl has every right to be concerned.

let her be ambitious and turn into achievers okonjo iweala then she can help her man too..she is a greedy LovePeddler and bitch cause of her certificate..i will prefer to marry a woman with skills cause with my money i can establish her into becoming a great entreprenueur and employ the likes of this useless OP to work for her cause she is get certificate and not educated cause as far as am concerned education in nigeria is a sham and big time foul play..wish a rich bobo will shame her Ass..reaping where you did not sow or living where she didnt build..better close this thread at OP before more people rain insults on your selfish decision

Try to reason with common sense and not emotions because of your ego. Please ahbeg.

FreeMejoor1:
let her be ambitious and turn into achievers okonjo iweala then she can help her man too..she is a greedy LovePeddler and bitch cause of her certificate..i will prefer to marry a woman with skills cause with my money i can establish her into becoming a great entreprenueur and employ the likes of this useless OP to work for her cause she is get certificate and not educated cause as far as am concerned education in nigeria is a sham and big time foul play..wish a rich bobo will shame her Ass..reaping where you did not sow or living where she didnt build..better close this thread at OP before more people rain insults on your selfish decision

Saffi:
Try to reason with common sense and not emotions because of your ego. Please ahbeg.

what Ego cant she grow with the guy and become great like other women out there..look at her guts he supposed to send u more money than 6k because other bf of her gf are doing better...and the guy havent had sex with her yet with her disvirgened pussy...maybe if she is a virgin then a rich man will marry her but if she is not then she doesnt deserve any better..self entitlement is the fall of any woman out there...

Your write up is sooo clear! To be blunt.... you should let the guy go.... find a not so bad way to let him know things wouldn't work out. For starters... love is a two way street... he loves you ...but your love for him is a different kind of love...I guess like a best friend.... your two hearts do not carry one beat.... that's not going to work out. You are 'ambitious'... he is not.... what if he tries to make you non ambitious?...would you? I guess not.... so why would he? That's the nature of the beast....don't try to change the stripes of the tiger....you don't like what you see...move on. Lots of womem... and men.... get married and hope for changes which almost never happens.
On moving on...don't make academic qualifications and ambition be the priority....love must be the foundation...50/50 love....and trust. Love conquers all. Why be with someone who doesn't love or care for you?

Women and money. Tufiakwa. Op you want to throw out a good man because he is earning 100k? When I started work I was earning 70k by the next year I was broke because of bad biz decisions but now story has changed. Now why do you think your man is not striving? He might be treading carefully not to get burnt. You guys should start somewhere, of course God's grace would shine on you. For the fact that he is working, is it not enough for you? So you want him to start stealing?

Saffi:
How is expecting the guy to be better, asking for too much? She simply wants a guy with ambition, a dream, somebody who is working towards something. This world is filled with too many dreamers and not enough doers. I hate when guys say ‘ he is just slow, his time will come, give him some time’. Listen, you can examine someone and know if they’re destined to be great from the early days by just by looking at their work ethic, their daily schedule and their desire to be successful. Most if not all successful people started their hustle from an early age, day after day striving to be better as time waits for no one. Somebody who is ‘slow’ is very unlikely to make it in life, we live in a fast paced life. If I can see from an early age you have no zeal, no passion to improve yourself then your life will carry on in that aspect. How can you be in your prime, and just sit around relying on hope? Even when there’s nothing, you get up everyday and challenge yourself to do more, that’s how you progress in life. They’re more dreamers who end up still being dreamers in their 50s, let’s shed more light on that. People always like to use the exception of the rule to justify their argument. Biko, the girl has every right to be concerned.

Let me take you out one Saturday saffi. R u in Lagos.... Your head is there.


If a man's poverty can not motivate him, nothing would

WHy is that you fail to read to understand? She’s not angry at that fact that he is making 100k. She’s angry that the man is not ambitious or striving to do better. She’s also angry that the man is stingy. No reasonable woman on this earth will be happy to date a man with a tight fist. Not to say you will spend your whole income on a woman but 6k in 3 months is ridiculous. That’s less than 2k per month and it’s not as if you’re not working. Let’s be reasonable here, a stingy man is a terrible leader, not a good father figure. Women look out for those traits when picking a husband.

jesmond3945:
Women and money. Tufiakwa. Op you want to throw out a good man because he is earning 100k? When I started work I was earning 70k by the next year I was broke because of bad biz decisions but now story has changed. Now why do you think your man is not striving? He might be treading carefully not to get burnt. You guys should start somewhere, of course God's grace would shine on you. For the fact that he is working, is it not enough for you? So you want him to start stealing?

Saffi:
WHy is that you fail to read to understand? She’s not angry at that fact that he is making 100k. She’s angry that the man is not ambitious or striving to do better. She’s also angry that the man is stingy. No reasonable woman on this earth will be happy to date a man with a tight fist. Not to say you will spend your whole income on a woman but 6k in 3 months is ridiculous. That’s less than 2k per month and it’s not as if you’re not working. Let’s be reasonable here, a stingy man is a terrible leader, not a good father figure. Women look out for those traits when picking a husband.

how long have they been dating does he do that alwayz did the Op ever complained to him she needed more but what did she do instead hated man for caring poorly for her must everything circle around you ladies like money ,care ,sex and co cant she atleast own up to herself..the guy owes her nothing except marriage..mind you the Op said he is loving and caring and not stingy...that gal doesnt knoq what she wants ..she wants to use her certificate to catch a big man that will give her all what she wants if the guy blow tomorrow she will start regretting her actions towards her bf...

essenceplus:




Let me take you out one Saturday saffi. R u in Lagos.... Your head is there.


If a man's poverty can not motivate him, nothing would

he is not in poverty Boy..he is working steadily in the lane he found himself feeding on..u dont know his mind or plans towards is life..and you that is rich hope your wife wont dump you tomorrow because your prick is small..

When has it become a crime to wish for something better? She's entitled to her own opinion on how she wants her relationship/marriage to turn out.. If she and her boyfriend can't find common ground and work towards the same goals/perspective ,they should let go of each other... The only problem I have with her is that she never truly loved the said dude, she was there hoping that he makes it real big and seeing that ain't happening soon, she lost the little patient she has left. But dude sef no try sha, 6k in 3months? Abeg e too small na

all your master wey u get is it not obvious you dont love him.

FreeMejoor1:
he is not in poverty Boy..he is working steadily in the lane he found himself feeding on..u dont know his mind or plans towards is life..and you that is rich hope your wife wont dump you tomorrow because your prick is small..

Indeed. I made a quote. Never directed poverty to anyone. You have reading issues. Now get lost.

silent ambitions make sense in your 20's. not in your 30's

I'm sorry to say but there are deep things in life
People still achieve things in their 40's 50's and so on
If you're not satisfied with his timeline please kindly move on. Don't waste each others time

Saffi:
WHy is that you fail to read to understand? She’s not angry at that fact that he is making 100k. She’s angry that the man is not ambitious or striving to do better. She’s also angry that the man is stingy. No reasonable woman on this earth will be happy to date a man with a tight fist. Not to say you will spend your whole income on a woman but 6k in 3 months is ridiculous. That’s less than 2k per month and it’s not as if you’re not working. Let’s be reasonable here, a stingy man is a terrible leader, not a good father figure. Women look out for those traits when picking a husband.

how does she know he is not ambitious? Is it easy to earn 100k in Nigeria? Infact if you are making 100k in Nigeria legally you are big boy. I hope you know the guy can be promoted with bigger welfare package? I hope you know with experience he can always work somewhere else with bigger salary? Did you see where she was comparing the guy with her friend's boyfriends? You can see she lacks contentment and can be greedy as well. Please define stingyness. How much has she given the man? You think men were designed to be only giving abi. Whoever must judge must come with clean hands. Did you see the man never pressured her for sex thats the classic case of a man in love. If the man starts giving, how much can be enough for a woman? Do you think she would be satisfied? Why do you women equate giving with love? Thats why reginald daniels would marry her ancestors.

Poorboy:
Life is not fair with men especially if he is from a poor or average home... To get a good job in Nigeria is hard, you are talking about income I work with the Federal Government Agency as a starter and currently I earn about 102k after deductions every month.

Now I have already made plans to get married, you said the guy earn between 100k, don't you think you can marry someone that earns 100k.

My brother, the thing tire me ooooooo... Whatever happens to she getting a job of even 50k to support the home but No, the whole pressure must pile on the man, the man is the only one not ambitious but her sorry lazy ass who is not working is ambitious because she is a lady and carrying a useless certificate is enough
Mtcheeeeewwwww
For this generation, ladies go full ground shafun shafun and na the pastors dem dey put pressure on for husband prayers wen husband full ground to start life with.
You are not ready to surfer in a man's home but all your life you have been struggling with your poor parents. En if na so e easy to hustle, why not try it oit and lets watch

Paxie55:
Op, biko don't let all these guys guilt trip you into marrying someone below your level and standard, especially someone that's just okay with a peanut he receives without making further steps to earn more.

He just loves you cos you are ambitious, intelligent and has a better future than him.
Had it been reverse is the case, he would have dumped you to marry someone better.
My advise is that you should leave him asap, don't pity him.
I hate people that are too comfortable with whatever that's coming their way.

You have a right to a better life and an ambitious man.

Don't keep him waiting, just break up with him asap.

For God sake what do you mean by below your level? This is a broke girl not working and you mean a guy working and earning around 100k is below her level? Abeg, the guy is above her level sef.
For goodness sake, we are talking about a poor and broke girl that is not measuring up, for you to uae that statement then it should be a lady earning equal salary or more not a broke lady from a poor home suffering. This is an artificial lrvel you have placed her on.

Many kids everywhere. This is why the country is stuck in mediocrity. Your marital partner didn't start with the decision of i want to marry, but i need to attain such level/attain such qualities if i must marry this kind of person when i get ready for marriage. It's not a one-stand-off decision but a process. If an individual doesn't see the need to work on himself/herself from adolescence into adulthood, to strive to attain their positions and by so, choose spouses by virtue of the self they have developed into, then life will choose for them.

All this pity talk is guilt tripping. No be una go dey the marriage if things turn south, a man can not have alternate means of income and doesn't know how to multiply wealth, rather than see the peroson in the op as a reflection of yourself and play pity with your comments, work on yourself and have it in mind, all ladies think this way. Life !!!

Paxie55:
Op, biko don't let all these guys guilt trip you into marrying someone below your level and standard, especially someone that's just okay with a peanut he receives without making further steps to earn more.

He just loves you cos you are ambitious, intelligent and has a better future than him.
Had it been reverse is the case, he would have dumped you to marry someone better.
My advise is that you should leave him asap, don't pity him.
I hate people that are too comfortable with whatever that's coming their way.

You have a right to a better life and an ambitious man.

Don't keep him waiting, just break up with him asap.

Jesus!!!!!!!!! What is happening nowaday? So to you if we reverse the case, don't you see the lady will not even date him at all?
Ok let's reverse the case now and then judge - the lady is working in a bank and earning 100k while the guy just finished masters without any work? Case reversed, will she even consider him at all? To be frank, the guy is way above the girl presently, she is walking and mobil liability for all i see for God sake.
So the lady should move on to more ambitious man that can take care of her Mogbeeeee ooooooo!!!!!!!

Why and who brought me to this generation for God sake

emmaodet:


My brother, the thing tire me ooooooo... Whatever happens to she getting a job of even 50k to support the home but No, the whole pressure must pile on the man, the man is the only one not ambitious but her sorry lazy ass who is not working is ambitious because she is a lady and carrying a useless certificate is enough
Mtcheeeeewwwww
For this generation, ladies go full ground shafun shafun and na the pastors dem dey put pressure on for husband prayers wen husband full ground to start life with.
You are not ready to surfer in a man's home but all your life you have been struggling with your poor parents. En if na so e easy to hustle, why not try it oit and lets watch

I tell you brother, girls no go do may we steal abeg. Who no wan stay may she go.

JoeMaddog:
This write up is just like my story with my ex. We met before her MSc. Immediately she started her MSc, she started behaving strangely. I'm a person that doesn't reveal his next move, so she must have thought I was unambitious. Immediately I noticed her attitude, I called her and asked what she wanted. She was bold enough to tell me she wanted out. Mesef no beg her.
I sincerely thank God for my life after she left. I was promoted at my job. I got a contract at my side job. I have more than I used to have now and the future is very very bright.
We met at an event last month and she was surprised how everyone was showing me regard.

Leave the guy alone. It might be for the good of you both.

Hahaha, always, success is the revenge, even sweeter when it's legit success

I don't feel like typing much o. But let me help someone's life. One fact about life is that you don't know the value of what you have until you lose it. The funny thing is that those that know this fact still value what they have less until they lose it - funny right? okay.

I have the utmost conviction that you, OP, have a mind that is easily swayed, that you have a mind that can be easily manipulated. Infact, am quite certain that why you are asking this question is because of your wanting of the lifestyle of those around you - This is bad. There is a difference between being very ambitious and being easily controlled by material gratifications.

You can't eat your cake and have it. You can't have everything.

That being said. Threaten him with separation. If he does not improve, then maybe he does not really like or love you, he just wants a smart and educated wife.

I can tell that you don't love him. Either you let him go or you learn to love him. Admiring someone does not mean you love them. You cannot learn to admire someone, it's something that 'just' comes, and as it 'just' comes, it goes that way also. You can learn to love, such love stays.

Choose what you want wealth or a good family. Though you are still very young to explore other options or atleast explore the other realm of life, but you can't really be too young a long as society allows.

Conclusuvely, figure out what you really want and don't be swayed by the lifestyle of other people (No two relationship is the same).

some persons may not appear ambitious but they are actually. some persons do not take a rush at life as some others we term ambitious . I guess u haven't taken out time to know much about him as it's obvious u ain't interested in him probably cos he isn't having as much money as u want ur man to or more still not spending as u want him to. stop the entitlement mentality. he spent 6k fr u in 3months . what service did u offer him and yet u feel entitled to have him spend on u cos u re a woman right? OK how much have u spent on him? I believe a relationship that's not parasitic should be give and take (not even talking about sex as that's what it seem most girls HV to offer in return fr a man's material gifts). a man is only financially responsible to his wife .The question is What are u bringing to the table? or better still in what way have u impacted his life since being in the relationship with him? or do u feel u re doing him a favour being his gf and by the virtue of such, he is obligated to spend his financial resources on u and to the extent u desire?how much then would be enough for u? laughable somebody even calculated it to be about 2k per month .lolz a lot of nigerian girls hv taken relationships to become an easy way out in meeting their financial needs. as a lady , it isn't bad to desire a good life. work it out; do not see a man as a means to achieving that. you can be rich, u can live in ur dream house , drive ur dream car etc there's nothing stopping u to work as hard as the man u intend getting u these things u so desire. now, talking about your perspective of him not being ambitious, what if all he needs is a small push? someone who believes in him and encourages him to take the needed step ?u re in a position to but no , u re just there complaining he's not ambitious. if he's the listening type, I think you can actually do a lot to make him better but u re not ready to work in the relationship just like many girls out there not adding value to their man. u probably re looking fr an already made man. I advice you leave him and look for some1 dat fits ur description fr an ambitious man. if he has a good value system, can manage his resources well and has a listening heart, a good woman by his side would propel him to actualizing greatness but I do no think u re ready to build with him. do not lead him on . it's best for both of u to break up.

UniQue84:
let me quickly say this that from most girls point of view AMBITION = MONEY,so if you have not made enough money in life you are not ambitious enough lol. If you are telling her not to ever trust the love of a broke man, then I guess you are telling her it is only the rich that are entitled to love, meaning real love = enough money. Let me quickly point this out op you can never get 100% from any man, go get yourself a rich dude and you be fool to think you are the only one he is fuvking, and you cry foul when he denies you of the attention and affection u currently getting fpr free ,no rich dude is vacant, yes you heard me right NO rich dude is vacant except you are satisfied being a side chic cos he has money cos from your write up that's your definition of being ambitious... Is your lots that pushes guyz to cyber crime and likes just cos he wants to make you feel good about him.

Op thinks he is doing the guy a favour by dating him, I hate that with pasion, just hate when guyz worship women it irritates me, wealth is built and doesn't fall on you overnight and what do you know u r just 23 and you've not seen life dear, I pray you don't learn the hard way in the hands of your so called " ambitious " guyz , op seriously you don't love him you are only drawn to him cos of the attention & affection he showers on you..plz and plz let that guy go you don't deserve he's undying love..some girl somewhere will treat him right. This is why I have always told those so called nice guyz that babes don't like niceness they want hardness from guyz but they won't listen.

Op check it, from your write up, especially in the area of not calling him for almost a week and other stuff u wrote there I smell pride..I am not saying you shd get married now cos I think u definitely young cos to me from 26 years downwards are babies and can't reason real life reasoning tell you guy to get himself a more advanced mature woman ( master degree not withstanding).


@paxie be careful with life cos when the chips are down it will be a different ball game altogether, am talking from depth of knowledge, understanding and experience.

ONE MILLION LIKES

Mobi47:
truth is u don't like this guy. u were just pretending all d while. just forget about him and tell him to move on. If you don't like someone be bold to say it on time. you friendzoned him thinking that he will hammer soon, but since the soon is not coming as planned, u are getting tired. You plan is to marry a rich man abi...what u have for him is not love but what I call blackmail love or opportunistic love.... just waiting for him to hammer and u step him. please stop wasting his time and tell him now.

Hope he is not the one that has been training u in school or paying ur school fees. we don't want to hear another story o.

Ladies looking for an already made guy, always ends up 80% of the time in regrets

u are indeed right man! as in, I don't just understand ladies lately, u clamouring for niqqas who earns more than 100k a month... now d questions are; is money d only criterion for happy home? did the fact that the guy isn't hammering now means he won't make it later in life? even u urself has ur dad been making millions before he got hooked to ur mom!
Like seriously, some girls just need to change their weak and stupid perception towards dier niqqas financial capacity and capabilities oooo... if u knw u don't like his status, Y can't u support him rather than unnecessary condemnation. After all, u were meant to complement ur man and not to turn a liability... "build a career with him and bleach his life even if his life is not fair" or what is d essence of ur Masters degree self if u can't salvage ur man's life!!! pls leave him and go and marry a reach dude whom u doesn't knw his real source of income... sheybi na una pant dem still dey use, na ur own whole body go disappear... mtcheeew. dis gold digger discontented bitch

From my xp your mindset and perspective of the guy has not helped him either as you are not ready to sow with him but just to reap from him... I bet he would be better off with someone that can contribute and support him mentally to be a great man but not you. So you ain't doing him no favours as such.
Go find your self a money bag but remember what goes around comes around, karma is life!

Because of ordinary master she has attain, she feels she is better than the guy. At first, I thought she has a job but I never knew she is hoping to be a lecturer soon "nearest future ". You still keep on hoping and before you know age will catch up on you. Instead of you to appreciate someone who has a job, you are there comparing him with your girlfriends boyfriends. Do you think it is easy to get a job in this country? Go to Lagos and other states in Nigeria and she millions of people who have masters and even doctorate degree but they don't have a job. Appreciate the one who has a job even if it is peanut he receives as salary. Instead of you to support him, you are criticizing him. It shows how poor you are..

You think your educational qualifications will make you a wealthy woman! Op you are wrong.. Ask professors and they will tell you the real answer.

Instead of you to empower yourself with skills before you get the lecturing job, you are there doing busy body..

It is girl like you that end up with the wrong man...

Yoshy:


Unambitious is bad, here is the thing, with the amount of love he has for you, it's easy to influence him to make a conscious effort to change and be more ambitious, you will be even surprised.

When a man truly loves a woman, especially a quality woman, he will put enough effort to change his life, if you let him with a little push.

Being unambitious is a learned lifestyle due to disappointments in life, it takes the right amount of friends, books and exposure to reset that.

This reminds me of 2017, during my service year, I was head over heels with my friend, but was nothing financially, didn't even have a direction, only HOPE, well, I was ambitious but not loud about it, but you couldn't think I was due to my circumstances.

She left and married a gentleman, right now, I am not the same again, my silent ambition is bringing in tangible results that even the girl is surprised how I was able to do it.

Take time to understand the guy first, you can't make tangible conclusions from afar.

A lot of people we write off, maybe silent but doesn't mean they are empty.

You're Absolutely Right Bro...

If You Don't Love That Guy Just Leave Him and Let Him Be He Doesn't Deserve You Likewise You..

My darling, ur concerns are good, doesn't make u a bad person at all. But I'm only going to say, you can't eat ur cake and have it. That he is not as ambitious as you are doesn't mean he is going to be poor. All you just have to do is FOLLOW YOUR HEART. You can't go into marriage based on only Love. You must consider a lot of things. Sit down and discuss, communication is key.

While I was dating my husband (then boyfriend) I had other cool guys who were after me, one of them was even a white guy. They had more money than my boyfriend did. He earned 50k monthly and as at the say he proposed, he had only 6k in his account(that I knew of)
I knew the other guys were rich, but none loved me like he did. So I had to ask myself, do I want a man dat will cherish me and not treat me like trash or do I want a wealthy man even if he doesn't love me that much.
I knew wat my answer was from my heart. I chose the less wealthy guy, cos I believed in his future. He always told me about APOTHEOSIS, I believed him. I knew slowly but steadily we would get there. We sat down, discussed abt everything, children, when we would have them, my job, his job and all.

My dear, he got a better job where he now earns 3times his former salary, he started getting all his equipment for his own biz. The month before our wedding he asked me to resign, and gave me money to set up my biz. He did all this for me out of what he had, that is Love.
Mind u, our wedding was fantastic and we didn't borrow a dime. He doesn't drink, smoke and all day so all he earns he puts into the family.

That's the kind of husband I wanted, and I know he will make it.
I am more educationally intelligent than he is, but he is still the best teacher I have. Submission.

Now you have to be sure what you want but know that you can't have it all at once.
It will come finally, but you have to trust the process.

Search ur hearts, the answer is right there. U don't need the opinion of anyone here. Just follow ur instincts

U neva get work sef u don dae yarn like dis " d guy is unambitious bla bla bla" jst because u wer privileged to further ur education.
Sister abeg my bros alone oooo b4 u go get work con turn am to dirty