crackhaus:

The writeup is the wife relating the incident in first person.
So I state it again, you don't know if the wife actually "asked".

I assume she asked him but even if she didn't, he overreacted.

Glad you now divided people into groups instead of just proclaiming that anyone who depends on approval or disapproval is weak.

The person I directed my comment at is. It is the kind of man who will try to impress his buddies at all cost and embarrass himself in the course of it.

It's okay to think that. He didn't, still doesn't.

Perception here means how people perceive you, ergo, their approval or disapproval.
Again, perception is everything in a social world.

And nothing without a healthy self-esteem.

Mindfulness:


I assume she asked him but even if she didn't, he overreacted.




The person I directed my comment at is. It is the kind of man who will try to impress his buddies at all cost and embarrass himself in the course of it.




And nothing without a healthy self-esteem.

Would you "ask" your husband to do dishes right in front & to the hearing of strangers in a public place, or would you call him aside to a private corner before making the request?

crackhaus:

Would you "ask" your husband to do dishes right in front & to the hearing of strangers in a public place, or would you call him aside to a private corner before making the request?

Dear Crackhaus,

in my world we don't have such issues. It would be a luxury to have them.

efefemi:
A mother of two who pleaded anonymity has taken to social media to ask members of the public whether it was wrong to ask her husband to wash the dishes.
According to her, her husband lost his business to scam and she has been the one catering for the family with the little she earns from her restaurant business. She said: “Truly, My husband was the one who opened the restaurant for me, I cook very well and I still do my cooking by myself as I only direct my staffs on what to do.
“My husband lost his business to scam and since then it’s been me carrying the responsibilities, most of my staffs left because I could not pay them and at some point, all of them left and I had to do everything by myself.
“My husband is doing nothing yet, he just sits at home and maybe go pick the kids from school and all, so yesterday I had lots of customers in the shop, I was doing everything by myself, so as soon as my husband walked in, I asked him to help me rush to wash a few plates while I serve, and he looked at me in some strange way, I repeated myself and he slapped me in public, and walked out.
“I ignored the embarrassment and even most of my customers left, when I got home I noticed that he moved his things, I called his phone and he said he is in his friends place till he gets a job he will come home, that I should take care of the kids.
“He cut the call I tried to call and the next he blocked me.
“What did I do wrong, who is supposed to be upset? I just need to clear my conscience.”


https://efefemisblog.com.ng/2019/05/25/man-slaps-wife-for-asking-him-to-wash-plate/

both are victims of their own tradition and culture

let me explain

Am 42 years old the time i grow up, boys were not allowed to do kitchen related chores, hence most people of my generation both gender were by default raised knowing cooking or any house chores are for women.

i was lucky that me and my cousin being the 1st sons were taught to do all the house chores, where families that had mixed kids, boy stayed off kitchen, there was even names for boys that loved hanging around kitchen and they would be bullied for that


so on this couple if the guy was raised to believe that its women job to do the dishes and he never changed as eg now he is married he can actually help wife in doing the dishes and these aint even house dishes but for business, so generally he cant help wife in doing bits for business, no wonder the business is not returning profit

then i think its a Nigerian thing i hear it alot, "I OPENED BUSINESS FOR HER" its more like husbands open business for wife and they got nothing to do with the business. Whereas in my world once you are married there is nothing like business for HER, it should be OUR BUSINESS but run by wife, so in the slapping of the wife if he knew the runnings of the "wife's business " he wouldnt have slapped her becoz it meant that she is busy doing something else serving customers

this couple are trouble becoz of culture and tradition upbringing and not moving with time, since he is not working, why cant he help ie running around to cut business cost so that the remaining income source makes more profit


his slapping is both anger from being conned and also culture and tradition values, that he thinks that it was wrong for wife to ask him to do dishes, nigga its your "wife's business" help her, you shouldnt be ashamed with what bring food on the table

Made up story of course

But it doesn’t fail to expose every time the foolishness that is at the core of strict gender roles without exceptions.

As for the male commenters. Nothing new to see.

I think she didn't apply wisdom in this situation... Like she was expecting him before to come wash the plates.. She should had allow the man come in and settle down first, the man isn't blind and he might even ask the wife how he might be of help to her since she's the only one serving people or she go to meet him secretly and asked in a cooler tone or a romantic way.. I'm sure, he'd wanna help. He shouldn't have slapped her though, he should have just left instead.

Mindfulness:


Dear Crackhaus,

in my world we don't have such issues. It would be a luxury to have them.

Dear Mindfulness,
Thanks for deflecting, it was 100% expected as you never fail to be predictable.
I was not expecting any answer from you, an idealist.
'Yes' would put a hole on your character, 'No' would invalidate everything you typed earlier.
You have a reputation to maintain here.



By the way, you suddenly don't have such issues in your world. Earlier, you were busy giving opinions on matters you have no experience or reality on, things totally alien to your world eh?

This is how you always end up indicting yourself once you're backed into a corner, every damn time...and it's so funny you're still completely oblivious to how I string you up.

crackhaus:

Dear Mindfulness,
Thanks for deflecting, it was 100% expected as you never fail to be predictable.
I was not expecting any answer from you, an idealist.
'Yes' would put a hole on your character, 'No' would invalidate everything you typed earlier.
You have a reputation to maintain here.



By the way, you suddenly you don't have such issues in your world. Earlier, you were busy giving opinions on matters you have no experience or reality on, things totally alien to your world eh?

This is how you always end up indicting yourself once you're backed into a corner, every damn time...and it's so funny you're still completely oblivious to how I string you up.

As if you ever answer personal questions.

Admitting to asking my husband to do the dishes in public would put a hole on my character? ROFL
This is why I said I don't have such issues. And I put it as politely as possible but you didn't get the message as you were busy polishing your ego with my help.

You're welcome.

ZIMDRILL:



both are victims of their own tradition and culture

let me explain

Am 42 years old the time i grow up, boys were not allowed to do kitchen related chores, hence most people of my generation both gender were by default raised knowing cooking or any house chores are for women.

i was lucky that me and my cousin being the 1st sons were taught to do all the house chores, where families that had mixed kids, boy stayed off kitchen, there was even names for boys that loved hanging around kitchen and they would be bullied for that


so on this couple if the guy was raised to believe that its women job to do the dishes and he never changed as eg now he is married he can actually help wife in doing the dishes and this aint even house dishes but for business, so generally he cant help wife in doing bits for business, no wonder the business is not returning profit

then i think its a Nigerian thing i hear it alot, "I OPENED BUSINESS FOR HER" its more like husbands open business for wife and they got nothing to do with the business. Whereas in my world once you are married there is nothing like business for HER, it should be our business but run by wife, so in the slapping of the wife if he knew the runnings of the "wife's business " he wouldnt have slapped her becoz it meant that she is busy doing something else serving customers

this couple are trouble becoz of culture and tradition upbringing and not moving with time, since he is not working, why cant he help ie running around to cut business cost so that the remaining income source makes more profit


his slapping is both anger from conned and also culture and tradition values, that he thinks that it was wrong for wife to ask him to do dishes, nigga its your "wife's business" help her, you be ashamed with what bring food on the table

Very insightful perspective. nice!

Why couldn't he help he help his wife in the business funding their family?
Wonders shall never end.
Your wife is busy serving customers food, and had run out of plates. Why couldn't he help her?
He is a very selfish man.
Isn't it their business?
Meanwhile, why do we look down on people who do menial jobs like dishwashing etc?
Even abroad, you will find medical drs/professors owning pubs/relaxation joints, curry houses and still cleaning up after their customers.
Has that reduced their value? Has that stopped them from operating on the Queen the next day?

Mindfulness:


As if you ever answer personal questions.

Admitting to asking my husband to do the dishes in public would put a hole on my character? ROFL
This is why I said I don't have such issues. And I put it as politely as possible but you didn't get the message as you were busy polishing your ego with my help.

You're welcome.

You're the one not getting it. Whether you have such issues or whether it happens in your world was totally irrelevant and a diversion.

The question is not a personal one, it is hypothetical.
The idea behind it, is to place you in a similar situation while accessing how best you would have handled it.

His reaction is overboard, but how do you mitigate such things in the first place is the point.

mikezuruki:
The man should have slapped her like 3 times. What insolence. Could she have dared when the man still had his business? How could she think the man suddenly has low self esteem? And having 'repeated' yourself (in public) is a pointer on the manner that she used in asking such. mumu. I like that man

If the man hadn't been stupid enough to lose his business, to scammers, she would still have her staff intact, and his help wouldn't have been required in the restaurant.
He lost his business, she became fully responsible for the affairs of the home and subsequently her own business starts to suffer. If she loses all her customers because she cant afford to pay her staff, hasn't the man lost too?
A responsible man would ensure that bird in the hand (her business) doesn't suffer at all, because it's worth 2 birds (grandiose ideas which hasn't come into fruition like a new business/job) in the bush.

crackhaus:

You're the one not getting it. Whether you have such issues or whether it happens in your world was totally irrelevant and a diversion.

The question is not a personal one, it is hypothetical.
The idea behind it is to place you in a similar situation while accessing how you would best handle it.

There you are.

I don't have to handle such men situations in the first place. Got it?

I can't even think of it hypothetically. Makes my head hurt. More than your wannabe 50 shades of Grey games where you try to string me up.

Mindfulness:


There you are.

I don't have to handle such men situations in the first place. Got it?

I can't even think of it hypothetically. Makes my head hurt. More than your wannabe 50 shades of Grey games where you try to string me up.

Lol, why did you have an opinion on the subject in the first place if that's the case?

crackhaus:

Lol, why did you have an opinion on the subject in the first place if that's the case?

Because you have opinions on abortion.

Mindfulness:


Because you have opinions on abortion.

You claim you don't have to handle such situations and you can't think of it hypothetically, yet you had an opinion.

On abortion, I have had to handle a situation with a woman who is considering/not considering abortion..I can absolutely have an opinion on that.


Now let's start again:
Would you "ask" your husband to do dishes right in front & to the hearing of strangers in a public place, or would you call him aside to a private corner before making the request?

crackhaus:

You claim you don't have to handle such situations and you can't think of it hypothetically, yet you had an opinion.
On abortion, I have had to handle a situation with a woman who is considering/not considering abortion..I can absolutely have an opinion on that.

Now let's start again:
Would you "ask" your husband to do dishes right in front & to the hearing of strangers in a public place, or would you call him aside to a private corner before making the request?

I wouldn't even have to ask him.

Slap ... Hell No!


If that’s what put food on our table,I will wash with tears. Am sure she will be the one to beg me to stop.


To all the Men in the house,may God not test us above our power,amennnnn.

If we really have good time with our Papa for house,he go relate tire.

To be a man,no be day Job= means a lot that we think of.

Papa Dey always die fast pass Mama,you think say Na mistake..... emotional pains kills faster.

The woman still try,Na food she dey sell,what of the ones wey dey sel Phekus and still go come back and command the Man,you never clean house,u never cook??

Go Desert,and some African countries... once you hear ..... Daddy .... Na dem be that oh.

Mummy brings the money,daddy does the house chores.
Make God no make any man go to the extent of washing plates for Madam,even if Na love.... make we wash am together!

**

BlackSaints:
See your mouth like why couldn't he help his wife in the family business.

Nigeria women, you all are something else

What More annoying is that, we are all stuck with you. No thanks to Yahoo Yahoo boys.

Does it make sense not to help in the restaurant feeding him and his family? Why is it seen as shameful for a man to wash plates? Or serve in his wife's restaurant?
Yahoo Yahoo only thrives with such mentality. There is dignity in labour and only a lazy person will say washing plates is beneath him when the same business feeds his ass, fuels his car, pays his rent and children's school fees. Such a venture should be protected.
There's serious money in food business as people must eat. You hardly ever make losses from such ventures. This is a business idea for those looking for what to do, and who can cook. Start small, and you can at least pay your bills and feed from it.

..

You told your husband to wash plate at your restaurant for everyone to see you are the one feeding his jobless as.s abi.

Don't worry he will be back when he gets a job

SweetCunt97:
Please shut up! The woman asked for help! She's the only one in the restaurant. So both couple can't work together in the restaurant? Men and silly ego. When he had a job, she wasn't burdened by bills to not b able to pay her staffs. U men should think with ur brains

Kids like u should stay mute when elders are discussing than messing up yourself publicly

ogawisdom:


Kids like u should stay mute when elders are discussing than messing up yourself publicly

Oga haven't you seen couples working together in a restaurant before? D only fault she had was telling him in public. No respect for a jobless man in this society sha

PrinceCharmings:

Not in this case, she didn't ask for his help, she ordered him Now there are ways she should have addressed the issue.
Eg like calling him aside, whispering to his ears, like see my husband Customer plenty and nobody they to assist me.
habeg help me wash the dishes. her husband will see reasons with her and assist her, waiting they there to wash plate?
But Nooooooo she wants to feel like she's the boss, she wants the world to know that she's the one feeding him. that's why she asked him to wash plate in public.

Are you the husband?

Mindfulness:
Men who lose their jobs and are unable to cater for their families suffer from low self-esteem. The husband in this case felt humiliated by the request due to the insecurities gnawing away at his self-esteem. I think that he moved out because he understood that he went too far and is afraid that it might repeat itself in his condition.

I think he should apologize and then be useful supporting his wife's business but I also feel sorry for him. This immature behavior is the result of his upbringing.

The nail has been hit dexterously by the head of the hammer! The only reason he was at the restaurant was def coz he lost his biz. His wife might be aware he has self esteem issues, but due to the pressure - loosing her staff & all - still gone ahead to ask him to do dishes in the presence of her customers. The strange stare should've been enough if she were a wise woman. Guess who got slapped and lost some customers in the end?

Boyslick:

The nail has been hit dexterously by the head of the hammer! The only reason he was at the restaurant was def coz he lost his biz. His wife might be aware he has self esteem issues, but due to the pressure - loosing her staff & all - still gone ahead to ask him to do dishes in the presence of her customers. The strange stare should've been enough if she were a wise woman. Guess who got slapped and lost some customers in the end?

Your bias won't let you reason like an intelligent person.

eyinjuege:


If the man hadn't been stupid enough to lose his business, to scammers, she would still have her staff intact, and his help wouldn't have been required in the restaurant.
He lost his business, she became fully responsible for the affairs of the home and subsequently her own business starts to suffer. If she loses all her customers because she cant afford to pay her staff, hasn't the man lost too?
A responsible man would ensure that bird in the hand (her business) doesn't suffer at all, because it's worth 2 birds (grandiose ideas which hasn't come into fruition like a new business/job) in the bush.

I don't get you...so the wife telling him to wash the plate in public is his punishment for losing his business?

Hope you read the part where the woman said the man funded her business...with the same business he has done businesses with people! He lost it and of a sudden he's not responsible.

I don't see the point you're making

Mindfulness:


Are you the husband?

So You can order your husband to wash plate in public?

I was right to ignored your other mention.lol

BornagainThief:
So You can order your husband to wash plate in public?

I was right to ignored your other mention.lol

Sorry you can't read properly. It's not your fault.

Mindfulness:


I wouldn't even have to ask him.

Lol, idealist...

Mindfulness:


Sorry you can't read properly. It's not your fault.

i don't need your approved!

bye