Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot - Romance (3) - Nairaland
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| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by follypimpi(m): 11:47am On Oct 10, 2010 |
It's a Man's World,I love that song. |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by ladej(m): 11:56am On Oct 10, 2010 |
life sha, we learn everyday |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by Specialist900(m): 12:12pm On Oct 10, 2010 |
follypimpi:I Like the sound of that. Inked_Nerd:there is a word called repentance, the fellow could repent and then you forgive, forget and move on. |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by InkedNerd(f): 12:57pm On Oct 10, 2010 |
Specialist900:  |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by IyaBasira: 2:16pm On Oct 10, 2010 |
I have a friend who is dating this girl he is supposedly in love with. We were talking on yahoo ms gr one day when he told me he had friends with benefits on the side. And I couldn't help telling him how interesting it was that he didn't think that what he was doing was actually cheating. Now I am what a lot of people call "naive" which tends to mean that I see things only in black and white. So most of the time, I may see something that someone does and label them a bad person while others would try to identify with the person. Well, because the person I just mentioned is my friend, I didn't go so far as to tell him that he was a bad person , of course, but I was not amused when he called those girls providing him with benefits "bitches". It showed me a little about a boy's point of view anyway. Firstly they can cheat on the girl and think that it isn't cheating. I also read the thread about the girl who saw condoms in her boyfriends car and how a lot of the guys said it wasn't cheating because they weren't married, and it only made me realize that guys seem to like living in denial. It could also explain why they take it so hard when a woman cheats on them - because they never think the game can turn against them. I once read a blog where a guy tried to explain men cheating as an escapist sort of behaviour, by which he meant that men who cheat try to dissociate themselves from reality. That I agree with. But then he also said that "The fact that a dog often runs away from home doesn't mean it isn't a good dog". Now if only men would think the same way about women who cheated on them. Secondly, they cheat on the girl and then begin to hate the other woman. Supposedly for complying to their wish? Like I said, my friend called the other girls he was sleeping with "bitches". Why? Why insult the other woman when you know yourself that if it wasn't her, it would have been someone else? I think it's a form of self- loathing, but in which they refuse to see the part they played and then blame the other woman. A guy may dislike what he has done or is doing but will not admit any fault. It is the fault of his dad, because his dad was always cheating on his mom, or the fault of his friends for influencing him, or the fault of the other woman. Why? Because she was there, she was available, and she took part in it. I think women are partly to blame for this. Some women spoil their sons rotten, not with clothes or flashy cars, but with lack of moral training which eventually deadens their consciences. They make them believe that they can do no wrong and they grow up with superiority complexes that turn them into their own worst enemies as they grow older. The effect it has on me; I read a lot of blogs and stuff so to me this is a never-ending question. It's like the question of "Why is there so much evil in the world?" and we all know that is one question that can't really be answered. This is one of those questions. It's like some sort of unspoken code amongst guys that you don't really become a man in the true sense of the word until you've cheated on at least one of your girlfriends. I cannot count how many guys I know who have cheated on their girlfriends. And it makes me extremely paranoid, to the extent that I have realized that I feel happy when I hear of a girl who cheats on a guy, just because I'm tired of hearing how many guys cheat on their girlfriends. |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by omohwunmmy: 5:54pm On Oct 10, 2010 |
@iyabasira well said. ' the fact dat a dog often runs away from home doesnt mean he isnt a good dog'. Sounds like a logical reasoning. @topic: If my bf cheats,I wont walk out of my relationship if it is a one time thing and it wasn't deliberate. But if d man feels its his right to cheat;then he can go date a hooker. |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by InkedNerd(f): 8:29pm On Oct 10, 2010 |
omohwunmmy: Wow, interesting. Hmmm, i'm startrting to notice that some girls would let it slide just as long as there was not emotion attached to the cheating partner IyaBasira:. IyaBasira, you bring up some very interesting points in your comments especially with the part where you mentioned feeling happy when you hear about a girl who has cheated on her boyfriend. It reminds me of an episode on ABC's "20/20" where they were exploring various scenarios in a social setting and how people reacted to it. In episode that you reminded me of, it was an episode about abusive couples. They showed couples in a park arguing and fighting. Every once in a while, they'd switch it up based on race and gender. What I noticed was that when the male actors in the experiment would hit and berate the women, people came to the women's rescue but when roles were reversed and the woman was causing major damage to the men, many people seemed to turn a blind eye. As a matter of fact, there was actually a woman that walked by and kinda egged them woman on with a supportive yet silent gesture. Anyway, please don't let the idiotic ways of some men interfere [in a negative manner] with you how you perceive and interact with men. As for women enabling their sons to think that they're rulers of the world, that one on its own is a whole different issue/discussion. Hmmm, you've given me an idea for my next topic. |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by adagz01(m): 10:05pm On Oct 10, 2010 |
@inked, from your comments so far i have come to see that you are (or will be) an extreme feminist,which i think will not be good for you because whether you like it or not almost ALL nigerian men cheat and they will continue to, besides men are the rockers.And by going with your statement that you will just kick everyman away that cheats on you then i guess u'll really have alot of heartbreak to deal with except you are dealing with the yankees. I dont also think we should copy word for word the western ways. |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by InkedNerd(f): 10:15pm On Oct 10, 2010 |
adagz 01: Ok, once again keywords here are ALMOST ALL. How am I being an "extreme" feminist when I have defended some of these men? Its not like I went around bashing my brothers. Yes, some men cheat but I don't allow that to cloud my feelings for the remaining individuals who don't. My post was based on an observation I noted on Nairaland. I never said that you or anyone else needs so emulate the western ways of dating. So because I don't want to put up with rubbish its a bad thing? |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by adagz01(m): 10:41pm On Oct 10, 2010 |
Its not a "rubbish" rather than an acustomed act just like the westerners(women in focus) can marry and divorced and re-marry up till 20x in their entire life. |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by IyaBasira: 1:43am On Oct 11, 2010 |
adagz 01: Can we focus on the main problem here which is "NIGERIAN MEN who cheat"and not "WESTERN WOMEN who marry and divorce as many times as they like". omohwunmmy: Ermmmmm . . . I was NOT supporting the blogger's statement. I was being sarcastic when I mentioned it but maybe I didnt make that clear. I personally thought it was a very stupid analogy for the main reason that men are not dogs, even though they seem to have a lot in common with the species. Lol. Inked_Nerd: Inked - Nerd ; Thanks. I'm trying not to let it affect me. But its extremely hard. I know its bad to feel that way, especially if the guy was faithful. If he was then I feel sorry for him, but most of the time I'm just glad that there is one less guy to say "African Men, not women are programmed to spread their seed and so it is acceptable when a man cheats but abominable when a woman does." |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by InkedNerd(f): 9:14am On Oct 11, 2010 |
IyaBasira: Hehehe, I didn't even realize the topic was kinda going wayward. IyaBasira: No problem, just keep ya head up. You'll be fine  . |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by kaygenx123(m): 10:31am On Oct 11, 2010 |
@adagz. U are correct in a way. There is something i noticed about the western women. Whites per say. They dont sacrifice 2 safe their marriage. All they are mostly interested is in enjoying their lives to d fullest and if their husband gets in d way, den there would be trouble unlike the true african women who would do anything 2 save her marriage. No offense 2 any whites reading this. |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by chinedumo(m): 11:14am On Oct 11, 2010 |
@Inked_Nerd (f) Friend request is not about Social networking on facebook Friend request someone notices you and asks to be friends |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by InkedNerd(f): 11:24am On Oct 11, 2010 |
chinedumo: lol, sorry had to ask. The way it was written didn't make sense to me. Ok, so what's wrong with being friends with someone?  |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by chinedumo(m): 11:41am On Oct 11, 2010 |
@Inked_Nerd of course u can ask if u dont understand there is no offense there i dont support or subscribe to cheating in any way but the thing i am trying to point out is A man plays the role of approaching while the woman plays the role of accommodating the guy u are dating approached u for friendship(requested friendship) while u accommodated him as a friend(accepted friendship request) so after he has approached u and he approaches another while the first deal is on it is some how u who accommodated him while u were still accommodating him and the dating was in progress did u/will u accommodate another (accept another friendship request) Inked_Nerd: notice your exact words to you it is just friends an nothing more this is the same thing that boys tell u when they see another girl we are not married yet just dating that is to say the relationship is not serious enough just like u may be trying to say that making friends with another guy as just friends and nothing more should not be a problem |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by yme1(f): 11:42am On Oct 11, 2010 |
It's just another double standard. It's like how a woman who sleeps around is a slut while a man who sleeps around is a stud.the truth is if your relationship isn't working out stop the cheating act and get a divorce PERIOD cheating is damn too stressful for moi,so i don't see the reason going into it but again IT IS A MAN'S WORLD so they say |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by InkedNerd(f): 11:54am On Oct 11, 2010 |
chinedumo: Hmmm, I think I see what you're saying. . . But the terminology is throwing me off a bit. Please bear with me. . . What you may be referring to as friendship is kinda translating to something else when I read this. Are you talking about friendship as in a guy toasting a girl or are you only talking about just wanting to be friends as is a non-romantic kind of way? Once again, please bear with me. I just want complete clarification before I can give you a proper answer . |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by chinedumo(m): 12:07pm On Oct 11, 2010 |
am trying to translate my thoughts to Terminologies too LOL dont try to fool me A relationship that starts Platonic may end romantic "Just friends" may end up "only friends(with themselves)" friendship between opposite sex can lead to something How do u determine that the guys relationship with the other girl is a romantic one? is it copulation? what makes relationship between a man and a woman in the eyes of a woman romantic? what makes relationship between a man and a woman romantic in the eyes of a man? Toasting is a about being nice I can toast without being sexually explicit Marriage experts advice that relationship with the opposite sex should start platonic so make friends with more than one b4 u start going intimate with one(u and i alone relationship) |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by InkedNerd(f): 12:23pm On Oct 11, 2010 |
chinedumo: When did I try to fool you? Anyway, as for your questions: (1) How do you determine that the guys relationship with the other girl is a romantic one? is it copulation? There really is no way to determine unless you find out the man in question is indeed cheating on his girlfriend [if we're speaking of a guy who currently has a girlfriend]. (2) What makes a relationship between a man and a woman in the eyes of a woman romantic? I don't believe there is one specific answer for that given the fact that that can vary depending on the woman. I can speak for myself personally and say that for me, I determine that a relationship is romantic if/when I have an idea or feeling that the guy and I have some sort of mutual feeling for one anther. It then gives me the green light to try and go further with things. Even if I can't determine if a guy is romantically interested, I don't mind putting myself out there in order to find out. (3) What makes a relationship between a man and a woman romantic in the eyes of a man? I am not a man so I don't really think I can answer that one for you. Perhaps that is a question for you to throw in your personal opinion and two cents. And as for that word 'toasting'. I had no idea what the word meant till I came to NL. The way the word is used her is in mind mind the equivalent to saying 'flirting' |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by chinedumo(m): 12:43pm On Oct 11, 2010 |
neva mind my comment of fooling sorry it was a joke There really is no way to determine unless you find out the man in question is indeed cheating on his girlfriend [if we're speaking of a guy who currently has a girlfriend].what classifies cheating? I felt that if u are in a romantic relationship with ur girl and u enter another romantic relationship with another girl that could classify as cheating but now u are saying that determining the romanticness is impossible, i wonder I don't believe there is one specific answer for that given the fact that that can vary depending on the woman. I can speak for myself personally and say that for me, I determine that a relationship is romantic if/when I have an idea or feeling that the guy and I have some sort of mutual feeling for one anther. It then gives me the green light to try and go further with things. Even if I can't determine if a guy is romantically interested, I don't mind putting myself out there in order to find out. the question i asked from which u answered was referring to the other "cheating" relationship but can still be applicable I dont find a specific answer to ur own determination of what warrants romantic relationship between ur man and u or ur man with another girl I am not a man so I don't really think I can answer that one for you. Perhaps that is a question for you to throw in your personal opinion and two cents. i was thinking that as a relationship expert u will have an answer from multiple observations and comments from men or about men for even this thread u open is in response to comment made by men even in other pages |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by InkedNerd(f): 12:56pm On Oct 11, 2010 |
chinedumo, would you mind if I sent you my response to your questions to this thread or in an e-mail? At the moment, I am about to head out of the house so it may take me a while to respond. I have nothing to hide in terms of my response to your questions. . . This isn't an attempt to weasel out of the question. And as for your joke, ummm I think that was kinda my fault. I tend to take certain things a bit too seriously sometimes. Ya know internet humor doesn't always translate well . |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by chinedumo(m): 1:12pm On Oct 11, 2010 |
the question are not to u alone but to other females the more i think the better if they dont respond to this i will wonder what kind of Girl u are @Inked_Nerd u must be special!! Response which eva that suits u better here or email my email is visible better still we can hook up on facebook i need some secret code to know it is u on my email Humor I have learnt that the hard way the abbreviation "LOL" sometimes it the saving grace |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by chinedumo(m): 2:52pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
@Inked_Nerd i think justice will be better served if ur replies are public here cos my questions are related to this thread's topic |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by queeneve: 3:02pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
Somebody said it the man's world, WELL, we need to change the world because it fugged up! Women are viewed as subservant to men because MOST MEN follow that Adam first Eve second bullchit, when it specifically state that Adam and Eve were equal NOT BENEATH EACH OTHER, but of course Dense headed azz men will misinterpret that, I have always said what good for the goose is good for the gander, D-Sense said it right when he said that he is a jealous man, MOST MEN ARE, It okay for them to creep around and glide about and be called men, but the moment a woman do the same thing, SHE A LovePeddler, I find that upsetting and disgusted, I don't condone any SLEEPING AROUND when it not an open relationship, NOW THERE ANOTHER SIDE I WANT to introduce, Many black women who are in relationship with men who are creeping around AND DOES NOT TELL THEIR wives or girlfriend, BUT WHAT THE WOMEN dont know is that SOME OF THEse men are sleeping with OTHER MEN unprotected! Therefore bringing diseases to the woman who is remaining faithful not saying ALL WOMEN ARE FAITHFUL cos they are not, BUT THESE WOMEN HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW her man can't keep his dick in his pants, SO TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION INKIE, as long as we live, MEN WILL ALWAYS THINK WITH THEIR THIRD HEAD, their dikk |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by chinedumo(m): 3:19pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
@queeneve i hope u have not been pissed off by a male? what has he done to u? u know men thinking with their phallus is sometimes beneficial to a woman (if not most times) u get some things form men because of their phallus |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by queeneve: 3:25pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
A typical CAVE MEN'S RESPONSE, "I hope you are not hurt or pissed off by a man" When did opinions merit experience? I know for a fact that ALOT OF OPINIONS that is shared on Nairaland is MERELY statement that has no experience, So why do YOU ASSUMED because I stated MY OPINION that I am pissed off at men? Did I STATE that I was pissed off at men? A hit dog will holler, and one just did, |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by chinedumo(m): 3:32pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
ok sorry for misunderstanding u @queeneve |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by queeneve: 3:36pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
Next time READ CAREFUL AND COMPREHEND before responding, |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by oniema(m): 3:54pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
Well its just the way things are mostly in African setting, if it happens to be me its the end of the road 4 the lady in question. Though sometimes you ave to still consider some certain things, are men not the one that gave the ladies the permission to try such, seeing you (men) are not sincere enough to commit themselves to the r/ship? There are more to it than meet the eyes my sister |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by chinedumo(m): 4:04pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
women are also beneficiaries of the "dicke thinking" men |
| Re: Switching Roles/Shoe On The Other Foot by XkeRoss7(m): 12:14am On Oct 20, 2010 |
Inky, I am a big advocate of equality, All dat talk of a "man's world" jst dy make me laff 'cos I fink virtually all male actions are informed by d need 2 please or hurt a woman (so who's d "boss"??), Imagine a world wiv no women (abeg, no wound urself imaginin' how "kept" we wud luk), But after all dats been said n done, 'tis ok 4 a woman 2 live off a man but if a guy does same??, Aha, I didn't fink so, Shoe on d other foot?? Equality, any1??, |
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