blank:
Sometimes, the people that help the mum with her kids are usually from the maternal side. The kids will grow up with affection for the maternal side. To be Nwa di ana is sweet. You can do no wrong in your maternal side.

But the same women and mothers repel the husband's people from coming over because of some stup!d beliefs passed down to them from generations. So how can they help with the kids when many of you folks naturally don't want to relate with your husband's people?

And btw, why should anyone take on the responsibility of training your kids? Why should that influence your relationship with your family? So my brother or sister should abandon their families and come look after mine? And when they fail to do that (sometimes owing to distance issues), they should be disliked?

Really??

Stop getting married so we can have less of these threads.

CareerBegger:
Funny enough I dislike both because they always act too kind and caring... No freedom..

Mother side will be quoting the Bible for you because they heard you are smoking
Father side will be quoting the Bible for you because of NBM

At times, they make me feel like the world revolves around me and I have a huge responsibility to meet up. But fvuk it! I just want to live my youth out

Lol. But are you smoking, really? Even tobacco companies warn against smoking.

Enjoy.

genq:
What's happening here

You don cause wahala here

Preshy561:

It's always the women's fault.

But it is!

The man’s family often stays away because of the man’s body language which is an extension of Mrs Wife’s disposition towards his own relatives.


However, I’ll blame the man for letting his kids think his family is bad. Why? Cos He can change that narrative if he wants. He’ll just have to set his wife straight.

This is why people are doubting there were no Africans who were not happy to leave Africa.


Circular arguments and situations all the time.

We r good on both sides,very good.We relate wella
Infact my bro wanted to surprise my dad's bro(paternal uncle) with a Duplex this xmas.unfortunately,he died last wk wednesday morning

He including his wife took care of us like his own when our father died 15 yrs back;supported and encouraged my mum,came for my visiting days,monetary support,crszy rides and outings in the evenings,spiritual and moral backup.This December would have been mad fun.He loves to enjoy life to the fullest

Its been a sad week for us!Rip Dee

Father's side more often don't care and are never there. Mother's side, always there, helping, supporting, giving, instructing and loving. Nothing beats a mother's side of the family.

AfroKnight:




You don cause wahala here

cococandy:
When your aunties and uncles from your father’s side don’t give your mom the respect she deserves as an adult and equal party in the marriage, but the uncles and aunties from your mother’s side respect your father and treat him like a grown person, is it a surprise to you that you and your siblings take notice and in time prefer your mom's side of the family?
That’s the coco with most Nigerian families.

Of course there are exceptions

Very true

Jarrow:


Cultural double standards really!
And all that BS creep in when couples let others into their homes and lives

absolutely. That’s why boundaries are very necessary.

Of course without compromising on the love. They are family after all

Thank you

babyfaceafrica:

If you won’t call out a bully, don’t tell the person they are bullying how to react. It’s unfair



very true!!!

crackhaus:

Guy leave my baby alone, she's so not used to Nigerian aggression and hot-headedness.

Lol, I am tired of your people

Breaststroke:
1. Paternal relatives have a warped mentality and sense of entitlement. They believe "this is my brother's house" so they tend to act with little or no regard for the matriarch of the house.

2. They contribute nothing to the health or well being of their brother's household but want to take, take and take some more.

My maternal relatives never visited empty handed (mind you they weren't swimming in money) they would bring fruits, yam, sweet potatoes or whatever food was in season from the village. My paternal relatives would visit empty handed and still look for what they could take away, even when some of their kids lived with us already, being catered for by my dad.

3. Patriarchs hardly ever say or do anything to stop the unruly behaviour of their relatives in a home they share with their wives. When a wife tries to put an end to some of the bs, she is quickly labelled a bad or wicked wife. Some men do nothing to shield their wives from such nonsense.

4. Paternal relatives rely too heavily on that one brother who is successful in the family and want to drain him. They forget that success in life is their personal responsibility and not their brother's responsibility.

5. Paternal relatives can be a lazy brood when residing in their brother's house. To clean the compound or wash the car is just too much work for them.

Maternal relatives are more helpful with chores, being mindful of the fact that, this is my sister and her husband's house. They are respectful towards the patriarch and conduct themselves appropriately.

6. Patriarchs sort of encourage their relatives' dependency and poor attitude, by refusing to confront and end it. As a child you see this and wonder WTF is wrong with all these people? My dad inclusive.

My personal experience. Has it helped to unravel what is a mystery to you?

I'm certain you know damn well why paternal relatives are not well liked, because you must have experienced some of this as a child growing up in your father's house but you still chose to start a thread about it abi?

Some men grew up in a situation similar to mine, but then they get married and allow the same shit repeat itself in their homes. I shake my head and wonder, when will these men learn that prioritizing their siblings with their wahala, over their wives/children rarely ends well.

Thanks, you summarized it perfectly

In my sister's house her brother in law lives in their house, he does absolutely nothing. Even to wash the bathroom in his room he does not do it. All he does is eat and watch TV and gist and go out and then lock himself in the room with his girlfriend when she comes visiting. Even while my sister was pregnant the guy did not assist with housework in anyway.

In contrast those of us from my sisters side specifically her siblings, we can never ever visit her even for one week or one afternoon and then leave her to carry all the housework on her head. Even if it's to wash plates or sweep by house we must do something to relieve her burden and we always buy gifts when coming.

My sisters inlaws just pop in and relax expecting her to do every every, even the women among them unfortunately.

It goes both ways.
Besides, we represent the two so if u are good as a maternal relative and bad as a paternal, u are just hypocritical and very biased.

Acidosis:


But the same women and mothers repel the husband's people from coming over because of some stup!d beliefs passed down to them from generations. So how can they help with the kids when many of you folks naturally don't want to relate with your husband's people?

And btw, why should anyone take on the responsibility of training your kids? Why should that influence your relationship with your family? So my brother or sister should abandon their families and come look after mine? And when they fail to do that (sometimes owing to distance issues), they should be disliked?

Really??

I have said none of those things. I am speaking of a natural affinity for people who look after you. It's natural to be drawn to people who take care of you. You don't have to hate one side to love the other side.

As per training of kids, no one needs to do that even from the maternal side. I am referring to those cousins/nieces etc that stay with you while you enroll them in school. A symbiotic relationship. It's easier when the person is from the maternal side because those don't mind helping usually while those from the paternal side usually want to be waited on.

This is the reality of the Nigerian situation. Until men start taking a proactive role in taking care of their kids, it will keep happening.

Jarrow:
Lol... interesting stuff is that one person's paternal family is most times, another's maternal family.

And trust me, they adjust accordingly.

blank:


I have said none of those things. I am speaking of a natural affinity for people who look after you. It's natural to be drawn to people who take care of you. You don't have to hate one side to love the other side.

As per training of kids, no one needs to do that even from the maternal side. I am referring to those cousins/nieces etc that stay with you while you enroll them in school. A symbiotic relationship. It's easier when the person is from the maternal side because those don't mind helping usually while those from the paternal side usually want to waited on.

This is the reality of the Nigerian situation. Until men start taking a proactive role in taking care of their kids, it will keep happening.

I think often times, we know these things, we just want to be funny.

A lady who would rush to help her married sister would expect to be catered for hands and foot in her married brother's house.

LadySarah:
We r good on both sides,very good.We relate wella
Infact my bro wanted to surprise my dad's bro(paternal uncle) with a Duplex this xmas.unfortunately,he died last wk wednesday morning

He including his wife took care of us like his own when our father died 15 yrs back;supported and encouraged my mum,came for my visiting days,monetary support,crszy rides and outings in the evenings,spiritual and moral backup.This December would have been mad fun.He loves to enjoy life to the fullest

Its been a sad week for us!Rip Dee

So sorry.

May God console you and all he left behind.

crackhaus:

Of course.

Also, everyone here who has had only negative things to say about the paternal side of their family should endeavour that they themselves are more than perfect in-laws to the wives & in the homes of their own brother(s)...otherwise they are inadvertently part of a paternal family which someone else is talking shít about right now.

Circle of life

I am proud to say I have been sweet to my inlaws/relatives connected to me by marriage to a male relative.

Easy to do when you ditch culture and embrace religion + common sense.

I remember an uncle's wife who was shocked when I packed her plates in my cousin's house.

Cousin's wife put to bed and we (I & Uncle's wife) came to care for the new wife. I was done with my stay and leaving when uncle's wifey came.

She knelt totally to greet my cousin (culture which I think is bullshit) and wanted to wait on us calling us sir and ma.

We were done eating (I cooked) and packed her plates. She was reluctant and said it is her duty to pack it bla bla (culturally true). I looked at her and told her that I accorded her same respect I did her husband and I would never let him take his own plates to the sink. They are one.

Any one especially lady who hides under culture and tradition to maltreated her male relatives' wives should remember same culture is alive during her own time.

babyfaceafrica:


Bar exceptions, nobody can turn anyone against everyone for long periods of time.

I disagree,do you know the number of fathers that their wives have turn against their siblings...even step mums turn husband against children..these things happen

I still insist that there is no smoke without fire and there must be communication breakdown for someone to become a middlewoman passing the wrong info.

Breaststroke:


4. Paternal relatives rely too heavily on that one brother who is successful in the family and want to drain him. They forget that success in life is their personal responsibility and not their brother's responsibility.

Some men grew up in a situation similar to mine, but then they get married and allow the same shit repeat itself in their homes. I shake my head and wonder, when will these men learn that prioritizing their siblings with their wahala, over their wives/children rarely ends well.

I feel you on these two points and all you wrote, but particularly this two. As this has been my own predicament. I had to readjust when my siblings became too demanding, behaving like I am their new saviour, the fall out was unbelievable.

No matter how often I assisted financially it never seemed enough, I got one a job in 3 months he was fired from it for misconduct, one collected money for a professional exam and never sat for it, it was plenty money too. I put off certain things for wife/kids to make some things happen for one sibling in particular, the kind of ingratitude I saw broke my spirit.

I have been burnt now I am wiser.

Acidosis:


No one has to prove anything to me sis. I see them all as families and as people I should naturally relate with. As kids, my parents ensured we travel home (both paternal and maternal) for Christmas and New Year, so it is only natural to meet and relate with cousins.

It has nothing to do with what Mr A does or what B fails to do since I don't depend on them for survival, job, money or food.

Did I also mention that no family is 100% perfect? I've personally witnessed family issues and disagreements on both sides, but none of these is my business. My parents' fights and struggles with their brothers and sisters are not mine to take on and pass to the next generation. Others may take on that task, but I don't

Nobody has said the maternal family is perfect or needing something from them.

It is a function of how both families they relate with the wife and subsequently the kids.

bukatyne:


I am proud to say I have been sweet to my inlaws/relatives connected to me by marriage to a male relative.

Easy to do when you ditch culture and embrace religion + common sense.

I remember an uncle's wife who was shocked when I packed her plates in my cousin's house.

Cousin's wife put to bed and we (I & Uncle's wife) came to care for the new wife. I was done with my stay and leaving when uncle's wifey came.

She knelt totally to greet my cousin (culture which I think is bullshit) and wanted to wait on us calling us sir and ma.

We were done eating (I cooked) and packed her plates. She was reluctant and said it is her duty to pack it bla bla (culturally true). I looked at her and told her that I accorded her same respect I did her husband and I would never let him take his own plates to the sink. They are one.

Any one especially lady who hides under culture and tradition to maltreated her male relatives' wives should remember same culture is alive during her own time.

Cool story, but it must have escaped you that you're NOT the only one that makes up the paternal side of the family.

While you are proud in your good behaviour, the ones with bad behaviour are spoiling your good image behind your back and someone somewhere is still talking shít about the paternal (husband's or father's) side of the family to which you belong.

Have you ever seen where one or two good fruits in a basket filled with rotten fruits turns the entire basket into a basket of good fruits?

missjo:

Lol, I am tired of your people

Those freaks are not my people, you know my people ladybug.

Grasscutter:


I feel you on these two points and all you wrote, but particularly this two. As this has been my own predicament. I had to readjust when my siblings became too demanding, behaving like I am their new saviour, the fall out was unbelievable.

No matter how often I assisted financially it never seemed enough, I got one a job in 3 months he was fired from it for misconduct, one collected money for a professional exam and never sat for it, it was plenty money too. I put off certain things for wife/kids to make some things happen for one sibling in particular, the kind of ingratitude I saw broke my spirit.

I have been burnt now I am wiser.

And thank you for being sensitive enough to have learned your lesson.

Some men will keep neglecting their wives and children in the name of trying to elevate their own family until they die, no matter how much pepper they show them.

At the end they have nothing to show for all their misplaced kindness but insults from their siblings and resentment from their wives/kids who have been watching the whole thing.

Omoluabi16:
Marriage as we all know is the coming together of two families. But down the line, especially when children start coming, there seem to be this choice by default to love and and dislike one side of the family- Mother's side or Father's side.
The paternal family is most of the times disliked distrusted or actually hated. I once came upon a poll where over 90% of respondents gave a negative view about their fathers side. Some believe the 'Village people' are definitely from that side. One way or the other, we are also a paternal family too.Feeling the same negative vibe. So what could be responsible for this?

Just because of silent competition among fathers extended family

No one wants each other to rise above others

That's what we call pull him down syndrome (PhD)

Grasscutter:
They have removed my comments too it's a sad thing when people (moderators) cannot handle the truth.

Did I break any rule? By pointing out the obvious? I repeat shame on you/whoever has done so

Lol. So Breaststroke you had to create a brand new account to console yourself... Na so e pain you reach? Lmao!