For goodness sake, how can my husband's brother deep hand into my Pot? give him a stern warning if he trursvgjhfffkng

I don't know why woman will continue with this behaviour ,let's me ask you this if he is your own blood brother will you complain ?

so what?

Op, in fact you sound like someone that got much problem by saying 'my kitchen'. Because the young man goes to get food for himself, you become angry. I know your type. Your husband for not saying anything after you reported to him goes to show that he knows you better.

Octopusssy:

Oh yes I am. What you see is what you get. I don't give shit_, so I don't accept it. I'm very easygoing until you invade my territory.

The reason why some people have problems in their marriage is they pretend to be who they aren't. Let everyone know you and what you're capable of so that all of creation will bear witness that you never hid your true nature.

This is exactly my problem with this girl, she saw what the brother in law used to do before she married his brother, she did not see any wrong in it only for her to starts seeing wrong after marrying his brother. Honestly she is evil to me.
I will gladly convince my brother not to marry you or stay away from his family if my brother decided to marry a woman that is so petty to complain about me eating food in my brother's house.

If she had complained from the begginging, they would have known what she can tolerates and what she can't. Her husband would have evaluate himself to see if he can cope or not before marriage. Honestly I feel sorry for the husband, the brother in law and her entire in laws because this complain will not only ends with brother in law, it will move onto mother and eventually father.

bukatyne:


Same God who told men to leave their families and cleave to their wives?

I don’t know how u read u Bible, but that scripture of cleaving to wife is not an interpretation that the man or the woman’s family should stay away.....that’s why there’s are further saying “to become one flesh” : meaning, when a man finds a woman it’s time to start having sex which is where the “one flesh” is coming from.... that was why Paul used this same scripture warn us about illicit sexual behaviors saying “will you go and cleave ur body and become one with prostitutess??

You women always want marriage to mean ur husbands car, home, money and everything that belongs to him automatically bcomes urs but his family is not part of it...

pocohantas:


Not only akwa Iboms, growing I knew a lot of aunties that you dare not enter their kitchen and they were not from Akwa Ibom. Come be to dish from their pot. I don't know why some people are acting woke here, whereas their mothers dished for them and they picked from the eldest to the youngest- in that order.

Some women don't care, some do. Their different sentiments to kitchen and private places shouldn't be discarded.

OP should simply tell him her kitchen is personal to her. Not too late to address issues.

The issue for me is not about dishing food or eating, I see op has serious problem and dishing is just the first lame excuse. From her story, the brother in law has been doing this even b4 they married which means that is how they do in thier family. Why did she not correct that before marriage, atleast both husband and his brother would know who they are dealing with and everybody will adjust accordingly.

I got married first before most of my friends and they see how happy I'm in my marriage so they always come to me for advice when they were dating, they will tell me characters of each of their babes and seek my opinion about it. What I normally tells them is that, their is no perfect human bieng, just highlight their strength and weaknesses, check if their strength complement your weakness and if you can cope with their weakness. Imagine a woman that hide something as critical as dishing food, she has really mislead the husband to think she is friendly type. That is why I feel she will bring out more excuse against the mother in law, father in law and her husband in the future.

Foodqueen:
What this
U tolerated it during courtship and it becomes a norm when u married his brother.

U are one of those people that don't like husband relative. Madam, be more tolerance. At one time or the other I av my bro and sister in-law live with me though separate times.
I respect them alot and at the same time send them errand I will send my younger ones... All u have to do is just apply wisdom. They are no longer with me but the respect we av for each other is topnotch.

He won't be with you forever. So chillax.

Exactly, sis pls just take relax your mind so that you can enjoy your marriage, your marriage is still young so don't create unnecessary drama for yourself. i want you to see your in laws as your family so that you can have peace of mind because if the guy is your blood brother i know you will not see anything wrong in what he has done but he's your brother in law he now an outsider just remember it him and your husband before you . Blood is thicker than water o apply wisdom pls.

Iwantpeace:
Sorry its a bit long. Its just that I don't like anything that will disturb the peace of my mind. And again I have been to their family house and I know he can't do that there then why is he doing it in my place here

From your story, there is every indication that you are a bad woman. You are just coming to the life on this man, yet you are dictating to hime how much the others that have been there all this life should spend in his house. Food na gold? I am 29 and I hate it, when I have food and have no one to share it.
My sister in-law is 17yrs older than myself, but I go to her fridge, pot and room... I definitely know my boundary without her having to spell it out to me.
You don't want to tell yourself the fact, you are a terrible human being. I hope none of your family member will need your help and you will still get the same husband of yours to consider your own family member.
It is true the house rent and the food is from your sweat and your husband's sweat, but that is life, your children will spend time with that their uncle, he might turn out from out of the blue and become the biggest star in the family by then you'll be regretting all this rubbish you are doing.
In my opinion, your husband is a very weak man. He let you to start having control over him even before marrying you. Do you have the faintest idea how much price family pays for us to go far in life? How much sweat of the young man that has helped your so called weak husband?
Please stop treating food like gold cuz it is no, of all the terrible things you will do in life, let it never be said that you were holding food from the needy ones, if worse comes to worst your husband should be selling him food stuffs and money. He can talk to him as his brother and let you the wicked wife remain in the house. if I was your brother-in-law I will never spend an hour with you people in the house, or if I was your husband I'll rent a place for my brother and spend a day or two with him at times.
Don't let your fellow feminist mislead you o, there are lots of ways to talk to him, if a heart to heart chat fails, talk to him politely in your husband presence, that is if you are older than the guy in question.

Let me help you, if you are Yoruba oo.. since you have discussed with your husband, give him two weeks and you will see changes. We don't correct our family in front of our wives. (A kin ti oju elero kaa). During the two weeks, if he does it again, still calmly tell your husband oo.

After two weeks and no change... Tell him yourself jokingly. "Uncle, we don't enter married woman kitchen anyhow".. you can always call on me if you need anything, I am your wife and I'm responsible to serve you anytime... We both know it's a lie.. but correct him without hurting his ego.

Iwantpeace:
I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude

Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account.

I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays.

I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful.

Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own, he ate and slept off when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal.

Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning.

This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me.

Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me?

bukatyne:


Thank you.

We do not speak the same language, how can we have a meeting point?

My 'textbook' is for Christians.

Not Nigerian Christians, not Christians by filling forms.

Christians in the actual sense of it.

So you are a real christian who always fellow the rules of Bible and Christ? But you husband didn't met you as a virgin which Bible is against? You are making reference to Christian because you want the particular topic on your side but you never knew about christians when you started funicating before you actually got married which is against the rules of christians ..

Meeyankee:

So you are a real christian who always fellow the rules of Bible and Christ? But you husband didn't met you as a virgin which Bible is against? You are making reference to Christian because you want the particular topic on your side but you never knew about christians when you started funicating before you actually got married which is against the rules of christians ..

The next time you quote me with nonsense, I might be forced to report you.

I don't know you, you don't know me, you have your opinion, I have mine yet you keep quoting me saying nonsense.

I don't remember discussing my marriage or sex life or lack of with you.

Meeyankee, the play is over.

bukatyne:


The next time you quote me with nonsense, I might be forced to report you.

I don't know you, you don't know me, you have your opinion, I have mine yet you keep quoting me saying nonsense.

I don't remember discussing my marriage or sex life or lack of with you.

Meeyankee, the play is over.

Well the truth is always bitter she don hear the truth now she don dey vex.. abeg no report me we no dey fight,you are my sister.not that serious the way you are taken it just for fun.

sassysure:

This is where we all get it wrong in Nigeria.
The kitchen is not the woman's exclusive right.
So many grew up with that notion.

Some BIL cook, do u know that?
Some husbands cook too?
Anybody can cook so why is it the wife's exclusive right?
As anybody can cook, so anybody aside kids have the right to dish out food and eat. U don't eat in a tensed up environment. Ordinary food?

After cooking, some are dished into plastics and stored in the fridge or freezer.
Don't she have fridge or freezer in her house.
Dish out her husband's in food flask and leave the remaining in the pot.
Why will I dish out food for a grown up living with me?
I will also wash his plate after eating too.

Very unnecessary. Where women should apply sense, they won't. It's only inside food matter.
As if the guy will live with them forever and her kids wont visit their uncle in the future.

Apply these statements in your own home that's where it will be of use

The only problem I see here is poverty mentality from your side,you need to pray to God to bless your husband to enlarge ur coast and this problem will be over,personally my wife will be more than glad if it ever happens any of my family members dip their hands to get food they want longs as it’s not wasted,all the excuses u gave are inconsequential,by the time u meet the BIL that won’t touch ur food with a yard pole then u will be grateful for this kind of BIL who in my opinion is open minded,however if u think they are boundaries to be set talk to ur husband and y’all can discuss together as grown ups.Only gluttonous and highly intolerant ladies make a mountain out of a molehill over such petty issues.

Octopusssy:

Oh yes I am. What you see is what you get. I don't give shit_, so I don't accept it. I'm very easygoing until you invade my territory.

The reason why some people have problems in their marriage is they pretend to be who they aren't. Let everyone know you and what you're capable of so that all of creation will bear witness that you never hid your true nature.

Fair enough
Your last paragraph is so true
Cheers

Chop off any dipping hand naah.

Each time I sée this topic, I laugh.

Brother in-law be careful o

1StopRudeness:
Mehn these are shallow, infinitesimal issues I personally feel if u ain’t the the classic “me and my husband alone kinda woman” this isn’t worth loosing ur peace over let alone creating a thread to rant

He went to the kitchen he ddnt tell me, ordinary food, did he eat everything and not leave any for u and ur husband??

he put the spoon somehow, the spoon is bend, it’s broken..... Spoon... as in ordinary 100naira spoon!!!

He wants me to greet him first..did he say so??...oh please! This is the lamest one...
what’s the big deal about saying hello and chatting when u see a person.

see, don’t get me wrong, I know we have different tolerance and organizing style as humans...and sometimes it sort of bothers some people more than normal when outsiders invade their space.....but these issues are so unimportant people will just say u are not accommodating at the end of the day.....

Madam let it go....a little accommodating spirit will make the issues u raised unimportant to you

Unless it’s really not about the spoons and pot of soup...if it’s probably because the guy isn’t allowing u moan as loud as u want or feel free in ur house with short skimpy clothes...just tell ur husband... I trust my guy.......

I swear to my living God, Naija women has the biggest kind of wahala. Like seriously is this an issue? Chai.

This is why most guys don't marry again. How can a woman be comparing her BIL entering her kitchen to restaurant?

Consequences of marrying a sidetolotolo or runs babes.

seunfly:


This is exactly my problem with this girl, she saw what the brother in law used to do before she married his brother, she did not see any wrong in it only for her to starts seeing wrong after marrying his brother. Honestly she is evil to me.
I will gladly convince my brother not to marry you or stay away from his family if my brother decided to marry a woman that is so petty to complain about me eating food in my brother's house.

If she had complained from the begginging, they would have known what she can tolerates and what she can't. Her husband would have evaluate himself to see if he can cope or not before marriage. Honestly I feel sorry for the husband, the brother in law and her entire in laws because this complain will not only ends with brother in law, it will move onto mother and eventually father.

She is not complaining that he is eating food. Her grouse is he is going to the pot at will without her permission.

Octopusssy:

She is not complaining that he is eating food. Her grouse is he is going to the pot at will without her permission.

So what can will call that?
How many times will I seek permission to eat from the pot?
Anty I want to go to the pot kindly permit me? How many times in a day, week and so on? Just tell me you don't want me in that house, that is all.

Like I v said before, it seems the op does not have job otherwise you wont even have time for permission to eat.
Like somebody said, she needs wisdom otherwise she is stylishly dividing the brothers and with little time the mother and father too will follow.

Honestly this is the least thing someone should complain about in laws especially brother in law, it is just too petty for me.
To add, any family that sees food or pot as a special place that nobody can go without specially permit is suffering from poverty mentality and needs to grow up, in this day you don't need that old poor thinking where everybody have to wait to serve everybody and people will queue to take their food. Common who still does that? People should enter kitchen to prepare what ever they think suite them provided they are not wasteful and over doing whatever they are doing.

Imagine, she still said she perseved smoke when she came back from market, that the boy has fried yam and washed the yam plate. Does that not ring a bell to you that someone is monitoring brother inlaw's action and brother inlaw's was also trying to cover up his actions so that she would not know he has eaten.
What kind of person does that for God's sake? I don't blame her, I blame the brother in law who can't borrow himself sense and move to his father's house or the husband who can't put a stop to that nonsense.

The question is, will she be happy with her thinking and actions 50 years from now when she is more muture, wise and expose? I really don't think so.

Stillthebest:

J
The problems most people have were caused by inability to reject what they don't like. If you don't stand for something you would fall for everything.

Let people know what you hate and what you like.

The attitude of your BIL is disgusting and it is testing your already exhausted patience.

Your solution: reject whatever he does that you hate immediately you see it. But do it with seriousness then with respect.
Do not show any attitude that you want him leave.

Still be respectful to him at home all the time.

Most BIL or ILs are rude and always taking territories where they shouldn't.

But, for you to do all these, your attitude must make you indispensable.

I had always believed that only a pretender will accept what he or she doesn't like.

If you are a good person, u wil reject what you don't like. If the person you rejected his or her attitudes want to get mad, they would remember that your goodness outweighs the chastity thus they will simply know that you are good, but just hate what you don't like. Simple!

*** And erase the thinking from your head that you and your husband had agreed on people spending just two weeks or less while visiting you.

U na never want your husband to be successful? Ppl will look for and want to with a successful man!

You know why children like going to their grannies?

It's because the grannies are often more tolerant, having seen how small and meaningless the many things younger folks bicker about are.

Madam wifey will soon have her business. She'd be leaving in the morning and returning home at night. She will willingly hand the kitchen over to brother in-law if the guy offers to help her care for her kids without payment.

It's a matter of time. Madam new wife will soon rather beg brother in-law to help her and hubby cook, than enter the kitchen herself after such a long day/week.

That's why this issue of stating your mind once and for all is not always so straight as it seems.

FrLukas:


How much is a pot of soup indeed. Give her the money if you will.

If the younger brother wants to hurt his brother and his family out of jealousy, it's as simple as mixing rat poison in the soup he always has access to.

You set think am.

your wickedness pass buhari own.but God will still forgive you

Ikpongiton:
your wickedness pass buhari own.but God will still forgive you

How?

Foodqueen:
What this
U tolerated it during courtship and it becomes a norm when u married his brother.

U are one of those people that don't like husband relative. Madam, be more tolerance. At one time or the other I av my bro and sister in-law live with me though separate times.
I respect them alot and at the same time send them errand I will send my younger ones... All u have to do is just apply wisdom. They are no longer with me but the respect we av for each other is topnotch.

He won't be with you forever. So chillax.

you took the words right out of my mouth..one of the greatest fears my mum has, is me marrying a woman that will not want my brothers in my house...

Sis be calm nothing last forever he will soon find his way out before then get carpenter to get your kitchen cabinet a lock

Hustle oo
Make you no come open thread for Nairaland to lament how your BIL chop the only meat in that pot of soup.

A little accommodating spirit will help. What is food that your BIL living with you will have to seek permission ALL the time before he can eat?

If finance is an issue, you can dish your husband's food and your own food in a food flask and leave his own in the pot. If there's a choice meat you are reserving for your husband, you can remove it from the pot. That is, if finance is an issue.
I have a cousin whose appetite is out of this world. He contributes the least amount in preparing the food, but he will be the one to consume the most.
I would have let it slide but since I was low on cash, I will simply share everything at once. He knows better not to ask me for anymore food when he exhausts his portion almost immediately.

ran out of the house half naked and scream!!

o fe do mi oo! ashewoooo, I'm not your wife but your broda wife.




but this seem like you forced your way in and he knows it all.
you are one smallish lady and he's big