cococandy:
I’m sorry I don’t know what to tell you. I’m trying to be sympathetic because you must be troubled to have brought it here.

The question is: Can he not eat when he’s hungry? Does he have to ask you first? If finance is the problem, Maybe ask your husband to discuss with him on how he can contribute. If he’s not in a financial position to contribute then that means you and your husband must provide for him while he’s there. In which case, only have guests that you can afford to care for.

I don’t think it’s nice to expect him to ask permission every time he’s hungry. Unless he’s a minor. And even then I wouldn’t do that. But it would be a bit more understandable since a minor might not be very hygienic in the kitchen and stuff like that.

Food is such an important aspect of life that I’d hate to restrict anyone’s access to it. I think he’d be more comfortable and at home if he can eat whenever he’s hungry without asking permission

Exodora:
He will find his way out of the house and tries it else where.Guuussssh I feel I like slapping somebody already!!!!!

Charleys:
You are still another girlfriend to his brother and when your time comes you will leave.

Your husband needs to talk to him and tell him that you are a different person that you are not his other girlfriends that he brings to the house, maybe he still has that mentality.

I stayed in my brother's house for two years I no even behave like this. I dey look for how to impress make madam no vex influence brother (through sex) make him comot me for house

I saw ladies come and go but when this particular one came no be person tell me to behave. Now they're married. If I want to go stay there for two weeks they'll still beg me not to go home because my record there no one has broken. Not even her relatives.

crackkhaus:

You want him to send his brother away so that you can be happy?

Exodora:
I wonder where you left your sense , what will she gain if her husband send his own brother away .Don't you think is more to the one she is already facing .That guy needs to be called to order my friend .
My sister stays with my cousin but she doesn't go to her pot for the sake of the husband .That is called Respect even she is way to older than her yet she gives her that respect. People like you are the major problem of Nigeria cos they don't see with their eyes

seunfly:


May be they way u were brought up, in our house anybody can cook and you dish yourselves. Infact my wife and mother in law are happy with this and wished they had done that in their family because I go to kitchen anytime I'm hungry and I cook my meal while my younger brother also do thesame thing, infact my wife and mother in law love my younger brother's food more and told me behind my wife's back that he is a better cook than my wife.
I really don't see any problem in this thing, I guess op is jobless and domineering kind of person who always want unnecessary attention and reference. Like I said before op is the one with problem here, you saw him do it before marriage and u did not talk but u want to change it just 3 months after marriage. You lure the man and his family to accept u before showing her colour. Who is next, mother in law abi?

1StopRudeness:


so because I submitted my opinion that this wife shouldn’t lose her peace because of an unimportant issue like who’s greeting who first, spoon and food makes me the same with the brother inlaw....?? You are drama queen...if u will drag with ur own inlaw over this kinda issue that’s ur cup of tea....they are too little for me to loose my own peace...
I have younger ones.. .if they do this it won’t bug me...so if my inlaw does the same kíní big deal?? The problem with people like u don’t see ur in laws as family...there presence creeps the hell out of u that’s why food and spoon and greeting is a level red matter to you

Iwantpeace:
Sorry its a bit long. Its just that I don't like anything that will disturb the peace of my mind. And again I have been to their family house and I know he can't do that there then why is he doing it in my place here

cococandy:
I’m sorry I don’t know what to tell you. I’m trying to be sympathetic because you must be troubled to have brought it here.

The question is: Can he not eat when he’s hungry? Does he have to ask you first? If finance is the problem, Maybe ask your husband to discuss with him on how he can contribute. If he’s not in a financial position to contribute then that means you and your husband must provide for him while he’s there. In which case, only have guests that you can afford to care for.

I don’t think it’s nice to expect him to ask permission every time he’s hungry. Unless he’s a minor. And even then I wouldn’t do that. But it would be a bit more understandable since a minor might not be very hygienic in the kitchen and stuff like that.

Food is such an important aspect of life that I’d hate to restrict anyone’s access to it. I think he’d be more comfortable and at home if he can eat whenever he’s hungry without asking permission

Ginaz:


That aspect you said it’s not nice to ask permission before he dishes food for himself is wrong . As big as I am, when I go out to visit my aunts or friends I do ask for permission to serve myself .

It’s totally wrong to be in someone’s house and not take permission to serve yourself no matter how familiar you are with the person . It’s called manner!!! cos you don’t know if the person hasn’t eaten or that is the last meal in the house at the moment or the food is being monitored so I could last some days.

It’s very disrespectful. What’s wrong in saying “can I serve something to eat?” When you go to a restaurant, you just don’t walk in there and go to the kitchen to pick whatever you want . You first of all make an order.

When you’re In someone’s house , coordinate yourself very well. Haba!!! The brother-in-law have bad manners. She should have corrected them earlier on than now .

bukatyne:


If a husband is not ready to leave his family and cleave to his wife, he should not bother getting married.

Iwantpeace:
I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude

Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account.

I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays.

I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful.

Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own, he ate and slept off when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal.

Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning.

This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me.

Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me?

cococandy:
Well then let’s agree to disagree.

If someone lives with me, I want them to feel free enough to eat whenever they are hungry.

In her case, if it’s about finances she and her husband can ask him to contribute or only agree to host when they can afford to.

About feeling too much at home, lol. That’s the whole point. If someone lives with you, they should be able to feel very very at home. Otherwise they shouldn’t come.

That’s why opening your home to long term visitors is not a small decision. Weigh it well, decide and plan how you’re going to finance it, consider if you can stand living with said person for the amount of time they need or want to stay. And then when the decision is made, it’s made. Everyone should be able to live comfortably without walking on egg shells.

Iwantpeace:


it's not because something has been done or not and please I m older than him my younger sis and him are age mates. I m just saying he should respect the fact that he's brother is no longer single.do u know he can come into our room to pick his brother's stuff even wen am inside without excuse or something.

Shallypop:
It's not about being tolerant but showing a sense of responsibility. How can a man dip his hand into his brother's wife cooking pot. When I'm pregnant, my hubby cooks at times but tell me to dish it cos he can put his hand in d pot.If it was a SIL, I could tolerate but a man, tufiaka. Let's call a spade a spade, It is all shades of wrong. Some soup get sour if different hands gets into it. Eg Egusi soup. @ OP, just be patient cos I know u are very upset in order no to overreact. Inlaw wahala can actually break a marriage. If u love your marriage, just tolerate him for the time being.

Iwantpeace:

no pls it's not all about that! do u know when I am not around this guy does whatever he likes at home.finish everything he sees. I just came back from the market now to look for what to cook later in the afternoon. I perceived smoke in the whole house, this guy has fried yam n ate all of it, washed the plate and left the others the way I saw it. as in from 8am -12pm he has eaten 2times not even minding if I have eaten once or not. haba!!

Timileyin1234:

Ask the woman fess whether the husband met her as a virgin. Do u know how much pussy cost these days bro

congo4ka:


Run away from dogs like this, caution, never wife a biitchhh that reason like this dog ^^

merahki:




I agree that you can do this
I want to believe you would be badas.s enough to do same while dating? That’s how real people behave
Cos that’s the genesis of this issue- she was pretending to be easygoing before “she became lucky”
Cheers

Ginaz:


Nothing is the same sis. You may be very free and open cos that is you but with other people , you may need to use 6th sense without being told .

Timileyin1234:

Women narrate something for u and u take it to heart. They are destruction if one is not careful
She doesn’t even say the good part of the BIL
If u register on inmessage, u see different girls that want to get laid by men for shikini amount. I only have respect for virgin

Etiyeokwe:
Op, you are not far from a bad woman. From agreeing with your husband that no visitor will stay beyond two weeks in your house to your brother-in law should not go to the kitchen to scoop food when he is hungry. You noticed this when you were still dating but pretended to endure it in order not to lose out. Three months into the marriage, you want him to stop.
Op, what are you?
Do you have parents? What about siblings? If your mother comes to your house, she should not stay beyond two weeks? What about your mother -in -law?
I used to visit my elder brother when I was in school. She would always ask me to go to the kitchen and take food. Today, I am married. I have a cousin brother who usually comes to our house. Sometimes my wife will be in the store when he visits. She usually releases the house key to him and asks him to go the house and eat.
Sorry Op, are you from Mbaise? Those people? Dem sabi only me and my husband.

Iwantpeace:


thank you very much.I have read all through the comments here and for the first time I admire the courage of celebrities for how they have been able to survive online trolls, whenever he goes wrong especially the aspect of 'BADGING' Into our room without knocking. once again thank u

Papanwamaikpe:
First time you're making sense. Nice one

chihes:
well said

Nnemuka:

you need a job