Iwantpeace:
To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancée, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it.

Iwantpeace:
, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first.

cococandy:
Well then let’s agree to disagree.

If someone lives with me, I want them to feel free enough to eat whenever they are hungry.

In her case, if it’s about finances she and her husband can ask him to contribute or only agree to host when they can afford to.

About feeling too much at home, lol. That’s the whole point. If someone lives with you, they should be able to feel very very at home. Otherwise they shouldn’t come.

That’s why opening your home to long term visitors is not a small decision. Weigh it well, decide and plan how you’re going to finance it, consider if you can stand living with said person for the amount of time they need or want to stay. And then when the decision is made, it’s made. Everyone should be able to live comfortably without walking on egg shells.

Iwantpeace:

like I said before I spent the yuletide season in their family house and never will he do that. i m very positive about that . how comes he is doing this now??

1StopRudeness:
Mehn these are shallow, infinitesimal issues I personally feel if u ain’t the the classic “me and my husband alone kinda woman” this isn’t worth loosing ur peace over let alone creating a thread to rant

He went to the kitchen he ddnt tell me, ordinary food, did he eat everything and not leave any for u and ur husband??

he put the spoon somehow, the spoon is bend, it’s broken..... Spoon... as in ordinary 100naira spoon!!!

He wants me to greet him first..did he say so??...oh please! This is the lamest one...
what’s the big deal about saying hello and chatting when u see a person.

see, don’t get me wrong, I know we have different tolerance and organizing style as humans...and sometimes it sort of bothers some people more than normal when outsiders invade their space.....but these issues are so unimportant people will just say u are not accommodating at the end of the day.....

Madam let it go....a little accommodating spirit will make the issues u raised unimportant to you

Unless it’s really not about the spoons and pot of soup...if it’s probably because the guy isn’t allowing u moan as loud as u want or feel free in ur house with short skimpy clothes...just tell ur husband... I trust my guy.......

Foodqueen:
What this
U tolerated it during courtship and it becomes a norm when u married his brother.

U are one of those people that don't like husband relative. Madam, be more tolerance. At one time or the other I av my bro and sister in-law live with me though separate times.
I respect them alot and at the same time send them errand I will send my younger ones... All u have to do is just apply wisdom. They are no longer with me but the respect we av for each other is topnotch.

He won't be with you forever. So chillax.

Iwantpeace:

no pls it's not all about that! do u know when I am not around this guy does whatever he likes at home.finish everything he sees. I just came back from the market now to look for what to cook later in the afternoon. I perceived smoke in the whole house, this guy has fried yam n ate all of it, washed the plate and left the others the way I saw it. as in from 8am -12pm he has eaten 2times not even minding if I have eaten once or not. haba!!

Iwantpeace:

like I said before I spent the yuletide season in their family house and never will he do that. i m very positive about that . how comes he is doing this now??

Iwantpeace:
Hello good morning nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account .
I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months . Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays. I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign.He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancée, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as somethnig disrespectful. Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude' , now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own he ate and slept off when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal. Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband told him that i am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning . This morning , the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes , whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of its my brothers house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen n trying to flex muscles with me. Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because uptill now he hasn't said anything and its bothering me.

Ginaz:
remember that he has been there before before her & you all seems to forget that she said his immediate younger brother whom would definitely be her senior

That aspect you said it’s not nice to ask permission before he dishes food for himself is wrong . As big as I am, when I go out to visit my aunts or friends I do ask for permission to serve myself .

It’s totally wrong to be in someone’s house and not take permission to serve yourself no matter how familiar you are with the person . It’s called manner!!! cos you don’t know if the person hasn’t eaten or that is the last meal in the house at the moment or the food is being monitored so I could last some days.

It’s very disrespectful. What’s wrong in saying “can I serve something to eat?” When you go to a restaurant, you just don’t walk in there and go to the kitchen to pick whatever you want . You first of all make an order.

When you’re In someone’s house , coordinate yourself very well. Haba!!! The brother-in-law have bad manners. She should have corrected them earlier on than now .

Iwantpeace:

no pls it's not all about that! do u know when I am not around this guy does whatever he likes at home.finish everything he sees. I just came back from the market now to look for what to cook later in the afternoon. I perceived smoke in the whole house, this guy has fried yam n ate all of it, washed the plate and left the others the way I saw it. as in from 8am -12pm he has eaten 2times not even minding if I have eaten once or not. haba!!

Iwantpeace:

like I said before I spent the yuletide season in their family house and never will he do that. i m very positive about that . how comes he is doing this now??

Charleys:
You are still another girlfriend to his brother and when your time comes you will leave.

Your husband needs to talk to him and tell him that you are a different person that you are not his other girlfriends that he brings to the house, maybe he still has that mentality.

I stayed in my brother's house for two years I no even behave like this. I dey look for how to impress make madam no vex influence brother (through sex) make him comot me for house

I saw ladies come and go but when this particular one came no be person tell me to behave. Now they're married. If I want to go stay there for two weeks they'll still beg me not to go home because my record there no one has broken. Not even her relatives.

Amanee:
You are obviously the architect of your problem


Women always get this wrong during relationships, whatever you don't like, express it! Don't bottle it up and wait till marriage to address it. I don't know why you'll be having ulcer over issues in your relationship that you're waiting to address in marriage, it won't work. This is why plenty men feel like their wives have changed in marriage.

Speak your mind and speak it loud, stop hiding your dis-ease in the relationship because you want to please one man and trap him. It back fires in the end.


So sister op, you have no choice but to keep complaining while everyone starts saying that you've changed and your brother-in-law ostracizes you. You caused it by not speaking out from the beginning.

Marley147:
get out you're only trying to create problems for your self in your new marriage keep it up make sure you will get a very strong juju for to be able to dance the drum you're about to start cos marriage no be sugar time shall come when you & your hubby will also have issues just chase the people that can speak for you at that moment you think your people alone can do that. When they say get home training some of will refuse rather you receive friends training

Charleys:
You are still another girlfriend to his brother and when your time comes you will leave.

Your husband needs to talk to him and tell him that you are a different person that you are not his other girlfriends that he brings to the house, maybe he still has that mentality.

I stayed in my brother's house for two years I no even behave like this. I dey look for how to impress make madam no vex influence brother (through sex) make him comot me for house

I saw ladies come and go but when this particular one came no be person tell me to behave. Now they're married. If I want to go stay there for two weeks they'll still beg me not to go home because my record there no one has broken. Not even her relatives.

1StopRudeness:
Mehn these are shallow, infinitesimal issues I personally feel if u ain’t the the classic “me and my husband alone kinda woman” this isn’t worth loosing ur peace over let alone creating a thread to rant

He went to the kitchen he ddnt tell me, ordinary food, did he eat everything and not leave any for u and ur husband??

he put the spoon somehow, the spoon is bend, it’s broken..... Spoon... as in ordinary 100naira spoon!!!

He wants me to greet him first..did he say so??...oh please! This is the lamest one...
what’s the big deal about saying hello and chatting when u see a person.

see, don’t get me wrong, I know we have different tolerance and organizing style as humans...and sometimes it sort of bothers some people more than normal when outsiders invade their space.....but these issues are so unimportant people will just say u are not accommodating at the end of the day.....

Madam let it go....a little accommodating spirit will make the issues u raised unimportant to you

Unless it’s really not about the spoons and pot of soup...if it’s probably because the guy isn’t allowing u moan as loud as u want or feel free in ur house with short skimpy clothes...just tell ur husband... I trust my guy.......

alexmakaay:


will you shut the f**k up.. why is it that among the 12 there must be Judas?? you go worse pass that stupid lazy brother in law of hers

Iwantpeace:
Sorry its a bit long. Its just that I don't like anything that will disturb the peace of my mind. And again I have been to their family house and I know he can't do that there then why is he doing it in my place here

ireneidiva:

Tell him not to dish food by himself. Tell him you will dish it for him. After cooking, store some in the fridge and keep your husbands own aside and give him his. If you are going out, make sure you keep food for him to eat when he is hungry and tell him. Example: I kept beans for you, you can eat it if you are hungry. Remind him to wash his dishes after eating. Wash your own yourself because it is your duty not his except he offers. Also try to be more tolerant and stop reporting him, he wont be there forever.

Meeyankee:

With all this your advice, I guess the best thing for the guy to leave this house for you and who you are telling to treat him like a baby boy.

ireneidiva:

When you live in peoples houses, follow their rules. He should go back to his father's house if he can't. Some people will tell you to go and dish your own food or cook whatever you like in their houses. So their house, their rules. Since this is what she wants, he has to comply.

Meeyankee:

Their house,their house,keep on saying their house. are you sure you understand the story at all? Just note that the lady’s husband and his brother are coming from somewhere. This how some of your girls treat their in-laws like strangers.she for understand the relationship between his husband and his brother or better still leave the relationship back then. Come no be only wife get husband ok. The husband get parents and siblings too.

ireneidiva:

Nobody is dragging the ownership of the grown man. He is now starting up his own nuclear family which comprises of him, his wife and kids. So any other person is a visitor to that home. It is not his house. It is the husband and wife's home.

ireneidiva:

Nobody is dragging the ownership of the grown man. He is now starting up his own nuclear family which comprises of him, his wife and kids. So any other person is a visitor to that home. It is not his house. It is the husband and wife's home.