hello everyone I have a pending problem there is somebody in my life who I love so much we've been together for the past one yearas friends.

He asked me out I really love him but deep down inside me I have been saying no for a reason not because he is at fault but because I have my own issues.

Now this is the issue I have, I come from a home where my dad virtually abused my mum so I've been scared always of men, I'm also scared of committing myself to him looking at what my mother went through and I wonder all the time if my mum could suffer the same fate would anyone still love me all that and it has been winding a me down I get depressed and I really don't want to put those baggage on him even though I love him so much please I need advice how do I let go of my past how do I let go off of my issues because I really can't see myself with any other person but the same time I love him too much to hurt him.

How do you intend to hurt him when you're the one afraid of being hurt like your mother? I don't get the drift of your story but all I can say is, if you're not ready for it, just let him be. Don't subject the young man to unecessary torture. He doesn't deserve it. Deal with your insecurities first before going into any relationship.

If you ask me though, there's no time you're going to get a 100% perfect relationship. Every relationship has it challenges but your ability to handle and manage it well is what matters. We are humans and we are bound to err. Its now up to you to caution yourselves and try not to always get on each others nerves. I mean, making a conscious effort to refrain from such. If and when you do, don't waste time in using the magic word, "I'm sorry" and say it like you really mean it. it melts even the hardest of hearts.

It is well with you, dear.

I am sorry about your situation but is not always the case.

Let me start from your dad who doesn't know he had poisoned your heart against all men with his attitude. However, he might have his good side too. I apologise if this may hurt you: he is a product of his own parental orientation and personal life education. That said, not all men have the same upbringing.

To your relationship. You guys have barely spent enough time to be afraid of what he will be. Take your time to know his lifestyle, his parents, vision and ambitions if at all you truly love him and want to marry him. Observe what is consistent about him over time and draw your conclusions. If you insist on leaving him, tell him straight and close all mean of him begging you or getting back to you later.

Finally, if you don't wish to marry in life, please avoid falling in love with any guy. It will hurt you more and the injury will be more devastating.

K, whenever I see posts like this, I just view the profile just to make sure it's not one stupid boy with yeye ścrotum with a new moniker trying to look for attention.

As usual I wasn't wrong.
U said no cos u dont wanna hurt him at same time u don't want him to abuse u in a relationship. Mtcheww
No go find work, stay here deh look for cheap popularity with ur wrinkled hairy ball

Anitafire:
hello everyone I have a pending problem there is somebody in my life who I love so much we've been together for the past one yearas friends.

He asked me out I really love him but deep down inside me I have been saying no for a reason not because he is at fault but because I have my own issues.

Now this is the issue I have, I come from a home where my dad virtually abused my mum so I've been scared always of men, I'm also scared of committing myself to him looking at what my mother went through and I wonder all the time if my mum could suffer the same fate would anyone still love me all that and it has been winding a me down I get depressed and I really don't want to put those baggage on him even though I love him so much please I need advice how do I let go of my past how do I let go off of my issues because I really can't see myself with any other person but the same time I love him too much to hurt him.

The first step is to have this discussion with him... Take the first step and others will follow

Anitafire:
hello everyone I have a pending problem there is somebody in my life who I love so much we've been together for the past one yearas friends.

He asked me out I really love him but deep down inside me I have been saying no for a reason not because he is at fault but because I have my own issues.

Now this is the issue I have, I come from a home where my dad virtually abused my mum so I've been scared always of men, I'm also scared of committing myself to him looking at what my mother went through and I wonder all the time if my mum could suffer the same fate would anyone still love me all that and it has been winding a me down I get depressed and I really don't want to put those baggage on him even though I love him so much please I need advice how do I let go of my past how do I let go off of my issues because I really can't see myself with any other person but the same time I love him too much to hurt him.

If you're not ready to forget the past and forge ahead... You'll be stuck.


This world na trial and error we dey take use learn.. If you date him and find out he's the type of person you're trying to avoid.. You'll back out na... But I'm not sure you will, people always ignore warning signals or red flags most of the time.

How do you get to know if he's like your father if you won't try him out first.

You have to let your guard down and try to date him. You can’t hold on to what happened to your mother and not find love for yourself or you will end up with Anxiety that will haunt you your whole life.

Eulalia:

How do you intend to hurt him when you're the one afraid of being hurt like your mother? I don't get the drift of your story but all I can say is, if you're not ready for it, just let him be. Don't subject the young man to unecessary torture. He doesn't deserve it. Deal with your insecurities first before going into any relationship.

If you ask me though, there's no time you're going to get a 100% perfect relationship. Every relationship has it challenges but your ability to handle and manage it well is what matters. We are humans and we are bound to err. Its now up to you to caution yourselves and try not to always get on each others nerves. I mean, making a conscious effort to refrain from such. If and when you do, don't waste time in using the magic word, "I'm sorry" and say it like you really mean it. it melts even the hardest of hearts.

It is well with you, dear.

It happens, some people after witnessing challenges of these sorts from their parent home can be susceptible to snapping at any time and cause the other person pain.
It's not out of wickedness, but out of fear of being treated like their mom or dad were treated.
In her case, she's scared of being with guy because she fears she'll get abused by the guy, she fears she'll go through the same stuffs her mom went through.

Dear Op, these situations. The best way out of this is to talk to the guy, let him know of your fears, the stuffs you witnessed and how it's affecting you. It should help him in identifying your worries. At least that way he'll know the stuffs he would do that'll break you, I bet if he loves you too.
He'll avoid doing all of that.
Don't lose someone you love, if he loves you as much as you do and you see something serious with him. Let him know your worries and fear

dukeprince50:
K, whenever I see posts like this, I just view the profile just to make sure it's not one stupid boy with a new moniker trying to look for attention.

As usual I wasn't wrong.
No go find work, stay here deh look for cheap popularity with ur wrinkled hairy šcrotum.

How you know it’s a Dude? .

This is serious, talk to him and see how it goes

your case is really complicated.

dairykidd:

The first step is to have this discussion with him... Take the first step and others will follow

Thanks, I opened up to him about it and he understood and offered to support me through it.

But how do I go about healing ?

kiddoiLL:
It happens, some people after witnessing challenges of these sorts from their parent home can be susceptible to snapping at any time and cause the other person pain.
It's not out of wickedness, but out of fear of being treated like their mom or dad were treated.
In her case, she's scared of being with guy because she fears she'll get abused by the guy, she fears she'll go through the same stuffs her mom went through.

Dear Op, these situations. The best way out of this is to talk to the guy, let him know of your fears, the stuffs you witnessed and how it's affecting you. It should help him in identifying your worries. At least that way he'll know the stuffs he would do that'll break you, I bet if he loves you too.
He'll avoid doing all of that.
Don't lose someone you love, if he loves you as much as you do and you see something serious with him. Let him know your worries and fear

Thank you sir

Anitafire:
Thanks, I opened up to him about it and he understood and offered to support me through it.

But how do I go about healing ?

Good. Allow time to heal u.. it wouldn't be all rosy but in the end will be worth it. Good luck

∆ People and relationship advice ∆

Anitafire:
hello everyone I have a pending problem there is somebody in my life who I love so much we've been together for the past one yearas friends.

He asked me out I really love him but deep down inside me I have been saying no for a reason not because he is at fault but because I have my own issues.

Now this is the issue I have, I come from a home where my dad virtually abused my mum so I've been scared always of men, I'm also scared of committing myself to him looking at what my mother went through and I wonder all the time if my mum could suffer the same fate would anyone still love me all that and it has been winding a me down I get depressed and I really don't want to put those baggage on him even though I love him so much please I need advice how do I let go of my past how do I let go off of my issues because I really can't see myself with any other person but the same time I love him too much to hurt him.

You are about making a mistake you may regret later and I hope you don't

Yes, your mum suffered in the hand of your dad, some men dealt with their wives just because they want her to know that he is a Lion but if you call him an animal, he gets mad

Have you ever asked your mother what led to her emotional turture

Have you watch your parents up till now to see why your dad acted so when you were small

You see, you need to know all these then use it as a guide to make your choice of man

In my first paragraph, I don't want you to loose this particular guy because you can't be afraid of what you don't wish yourself

The good guys are difficult to get like wise the good ladies

Erase that thought from your mind and accept his proposal unless you feel there are more befitting ones still coming, but that is what I will call gambling

Every marriage has its own issues but the ability to handle it, is what makes the difference

Those that are divorced or separated never wished for it, but circumstances brought it

dairykidd:


Good. Allow time to heal u.. it wouldn't be all rosy but in the end will be worth it. Good luck

Thank you

frozen70:


You are about making a mistake you may regret later and I hope you don't

Yes, your mum suffered in the hand of your dad, some men dealt with their wives just because they want her to know that he is a Lion but if you call him an animal, he gets mad

Have you ever asked your mother what led to her emotional turture

Have you watch your parents up till now to see why your dad acted so when you were small

You see, you need to know all these then use it as a guide to make your choice of man

In my first paragraph, I don't want you to loose this particular guy because you can't be afraid of what you don't wish yourself

The good guys are difficult to get like wise the good ladies

Erase that thought from your mind and accept his proposal unless you feel there are more befitting ones still coming, but that is what I will call gambling

Every marriage has its own issues but the ability to handle it, is what makes the difference

Those that are divorced or separated never wished for it, but circumstances brought it

Thanks

Your parents lives shouldn't be a blocking factors to your own life. They both made their own decisions, it's left for you to make yours.

If you really love him like you claimed, let him into your life and enjoy the good moments.
We only live once, no matter how messed up your parents love lives was/is.... they have at least one good memory of their love lives.


YOLO

You really love him?
Read all you wrote here.
Cram it.
Sit him down and tell him verbatim
Case settled

Modified:
If he loves you too, he will accept you as you are. Otherwise...

Dear Anita, That your mom suffer that fate doesn't mean you would. Erase your fears, start out afresh and give the guy a chance.

What you are going through is normal but you don't deprive yourself of love cause of what your mum went through.
Give him a chance but don't loose guard yourself until both of you are sure you really needed each other.
Do away with bitterness and feel your heart with love.

Anitafire:
hello everyone I have a pending problem there is somebody in my life who I love so much we've been together for the past one yearas friends.

He asked me out I really love him but deep down inside me I have been saying no for a reason not because he is at fault but because I have my own issues.

Now this is the issue I have, I come from a home where my dad virtually abused my mum so I've been scared always of men, I'm also scared of committing myself to him looking at what my mother went through and I wonder all the time if my mum could suffer the same fate would anyone still love me all that and it has been winding a me down I get depressed and I really don't want to put those baggage on him even though I love him so much please I need advice how do I let go of my past how do I let go off of my issues because I really can't see myself with any other person but the same time I love him too much to hurt him.

What makes you believe that you gonna hurt him?

my sister which astrological sign are you,

...sometimes you have to take a leap of faith...


... that's how you soothe your complex ...

Cholls:
my sister which astrological sign are you,

Does her fears have anything to do with her astrology? I was thinking that she has grown to never trust a man due to the way her father treats their mum.And I guess,for that reason,no matter how a man showers her with love,the pains inside her will still be there.

Justbehave:
Does her fears have anything to do with her astrology? I was thinking that she has grown to never trust a man due to the way her father treats their mum.And I guess,for that reason,no matter how a man showers her with love,the pains inside her will still be there.

my brother with that information coupled with her experience I can proffer a solution

Op,
talk to the guy. ask him enough questions about his family.
talk to him about life values and what he appreciates in his mum and dad.
then tell him about your upbringing and your fears.

things will eventually work

Cholls:
my brother with that information coupled with her experience I can proffer a solution

Ok. But just that she didn't tell us what she meant by hurting him. Is it that she want to avenge her mum's suffering on any man that she finally settles with? I'm yet to know her reasons of wanting to hurt an innocent man whom she claims loves her so much and she herself loves him so much too.

Anitafire:
Thanks

You are welcome