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Stats: 2,483,108 members, 5,622,757 topics. Date: Thursday, 28 May 2020 at 06:28 AM
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 5:06pm On May 22|
I looked to Barrister but he wasn't saying anything. He looked just as terrified as I was.
"I said what are you people doing here?"
I looked at the soldier, the joint burning slowly between my fingers - exhibit A. The soldier stepped into the room, his eyes widening in shock. I stared at Barrister, willing him to do something. Didn't he say he smoked here just yesterday?
"Give me your tag!" The soldier screamed, referring to the card tags that we all carried around our necks.
I wasn't carrying mine, but Barrister had his.
"I said give me your tag!!" He screamed, louder this time.
The Barrister was already going "Please sir..." and that was the moment when I knew we were screwed.
Perhaps this wasn't the utopia he'd described to me.
Or maybe I just had the worst luck in the world. People do something and get away with it but once I try it I'm royally fùcked. It was the story of my life.
"You don't want to give me your tag right? Just wait I'm coming," he said as he sped off with the speed of light. Barrister went after him with immediate alacrity while I sat there with my whole life flashing before my eyes. The devil had finally caught me inside his cooking pot. I put out the joint and threw it under the bunk as I went after the two of them. Everything was happening in slow motion and I was sweating like a Christmas goat who knew that his time was up. I saw Barrister holding the soldier on the staircase and begging hysterically, beads of sweat running down his face.
"Please, sir... Abeg now, abeg! (translation: please)" he begged.
"I say give me your tag!" The soldier said as Barrister handed his tag to him. He looked up at me standing at the top of the stairs, looking like I'd seen a ghost.
"You, give me your tag!"
"I don't have it."
"Go and get it," he commanded, and then he ordered Barrister to follow him.
I was like a zombie as I made my way to my room with numerous thoughts running through my head. What were my options? Could I run away? How was I going to get out of this? No ideas came to mind because even if I tried to escape the stupid Barrister would lead him straight to my room. I imagined all the people that had been paraded in front of the entire camp for numerous offenses, and I couldn't believe I would be amongst them. I never believed it could happen. I had been so careful, so eager to avoid anything that could bring me trouble, but in one moment of weakness, my whole world was unraveling before me. It took me a while to find my room due to my discombobulated state and the myriad of stairs in the hostel. After entering different rooms only to discover strange people looking at me, I finally found my room and stood beside my bed, my precarious situation turning me into a philosopher. What was I going to tell my parents? That I was decamped because I was caught smoking weed? They didn't even know their lovely son was involved in such. What of my plans and projections?
Down the toilet.
I tried to play it cool in the room and no one noticed my distraught demeanor, except for Arinze.
"Guy, you dey alright?" He asked with a look of concern.
"I'm fine," I said, smiling a fake smile.
"Wayward," a voice called behind me. I turned to see a sullen Barrister. Sure enough, he'd led the soldier to my room. The man stood by the door, staring daggers at me. "We have to go."
I quickly got my tag and followed them quietly in order not to draw unnecessary attention to myself. The soldier led us to the ground floor and straight to the OBS studio and in one heart-stopping moment, I thought they wanted to announce to the whole camp that they had caught two Corps Members smoking that illegal and delicious shit. There was another soldier seated there and a couple of male & female Corps Members. The soldier that caught us proceeded to announce to everybody in the room what he'd caught us doing. As if on cue, Barrister and I got on our knees and started begging. Ladies and gentlemen, we begged like we had never begged in our lives before. We begged. Like, we freaking begged. Tears were running down Barrister's eyes and catarrh was running down my nose.
Na that day I know say I sabi beg (translation: that was the day I knew that I knew how to beg).
I blamed everyone and everything. I blamed the devil, I blamed Buhari, I blamed the Nigerian economy, I even blamed Barrister! After all, he had been begging me for a long time to indulge against my better judgment.
"I don't know what came over me, I'm usually not like this," I said as I put on my most innocent and pitiful face, tears filling up my eyes.
"Where are you from?" One of the soldiers asked me after a while. Surely this was a sign? Please God let this be a positive sign!
I told him where I was from.
"I'm from there too," he said.
Just then, the door behind us opened. Barrister and I were still on our knees, our pride and dignity out the window. Those words didn't exist anymore.
"What did they do?" A very familiar voice behind me said. I turned around. It was the OBS diva that had refused me joining the group for reasons best known to her.
"These two were caught smoking weed. They shall be punished to the full extent of the law," the soldier replied.
"So what are you waiting for and what are they still doing here? Decamp them!" She said with so much venom. She stared into my eyeballs as she spoke, and I could see the hatred lurking within those pretty eyes as I stared at her defiantly.
What a bitch!
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Jayoficial(m): 5:09pm On May 22|
Confirm nigga, ororo dey your head
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Ayanfe29(f): 5:12pm On May 22|
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 5:27pm On May 22|
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 5:28pm On May 22|
Yes to being a ghost or being a lady?
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by biokuabdullahi(m): 5:55pm On May 22|
Nice update but too short Anyway, feeeeedd us more
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Ayanfe29(f): 5:56pm On May 22|
Yes to both
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 6:28pm On May 22|
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 6:29pm On May 22|
Wow that is a bumper package. A ghost and a lady in one. Nice to have you on board.
1 Like 1 Share
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by eloyce(f): 8:03pm On May 22|
Rotfl, I'm imagining how pitiable you looked with the catarrh running down your nose..the almighty mj crusher reduced to a sorry mucus dripping begi begi
Meanwhile that OBS babe must be the real queen bvtch...ahn ahn, the guts to ask what they were waiting for before kicking your humble asses outta camp
Hehe, how did it feel exploring the outside world after a long time indoors
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 10:13am On May 23|
Lol @ almighty mj crusher. Finish me ooo
Yea that OBS babe was something else. We just seriously disliked each other from the first meeting and we didn't hide it.
It felt weird being outside. And those face masks, they make it so difficult to breathe. Lowkey, I wonder if this COVID-19 is really in Nigeria. Everyone is going about their business as usual. No one really cares. Makes you wonder...
Good morning shugar.
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 12:00pm On May 23|
Following the OBS diva's declaration, our pleas increased with a burning intensity. Our futures were at stake for God's sake! Eventually, the soldiers told us to stand up. We did, and then they asked us to leave, that they had forgiven us. Barrister and I stood there looking at them suspiciously. They had forgiven us? Just like that? Mba (translation: no), the devil is a liar. We will remain here and face this matter to the bitter end.
"I said you people should go," the soldier said.
Barrister and I exchanged awkward glances.
"Please, sir..." I was beginning to say.
"Don't please me anything. I said all is forgiven. You are my brother. You people should go and come back tomorrow before morning drills to collect your tags."
Come back tomorrow morning before drills?
This was looking like a setup. This was because most offenders were usually paraded during the morning assembly before judgment would be meted out to them. Perhaps this is exactly how the scenario played out with all of them. Maybe they had been assured that all was well and that they should report the following morning, only to be paraded in front of their peers - haters and admirers alike - in such a humiliating manner. Barrister looked at me and I knew we were thinking the same thing.
The soldier grabbed me by the arm and led me out of the studio. I made sure I eyeballed the OBS diva as I left. What a wicked Jezebel!
If only I could just bite off her left ear...
"Believe me, all is well," the soldier said in a calm voice once we were outside. It was like he could read the doubt on our faces and in our minds. "Just come tomorrow and collect your tags. On a good day this offense is enough to get you decamped but I just like you. My spirit goes with you," he said to me.
"Tha... thank you bros," I stuttered.
"Thank you, sir," Barrister said.
"But next time never take such a risk again. For crying out loud it's just three weeks, what's so hard in waiting till the end of camp if you must smoke? Why put your futures at risk?"
We both stood there with our heads bowed. The innocent boys. In truth, I was very angry with Barrister for leading me down this path but more importantly, I was ashamed of myself for allowing myself to fall into such a predicament. It wasn't his fault, it was mine because he didn't put a gun to my head. It was entirely my decision and that was on me.
"We are sorry sir," Barrister said.
"So... we can go?" I asked hopefully.
"Yes but make sure you report back here tomorrow. Did you forget anything in that room upstairs?" The soldier asked.
I suddenly remembered the unfinished tie of igbo that I'd hurriedly thrown under the bunk.
"My handkerchief. I forgot it there," I said, searching my pockets.
"What of the igbo? Where is it?"
Oh shit! He remembers too?
"It's also there. Don't worry I'll take care of it," I replied. Barrister and I ran up the flight of stairs and into the room where I picked up the precious claro lying right where I'd left it. We turned around to see the soldier also standing there with his arm outstretched. So this man followed us?
"Give it to me," he said.
"We'll throw it away," I blurted.
"Don't worry I'll throw it away for you," he said as he reached for the spliff in my hand.
I held onto it for a few precious seconds before letting go. It was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. My precious MJ.
"You people should desist from such okay? Come and see me tomorrow morning at the OBS studio unfailingly," he said before disappearing out of sight.
Barrister stared after him suspiciously.
"That guy is a bastard, he is going to smoke the rest of our stuff," he said angrily.
"You think so?"
"I'm telling you. These men take that stuff very well. He's just acting holy."
"But Barrister, I thought you said people come here normally to smoke? What happened?
He muttered incoherently and till today I'm not sure if people really smoked there regularly as he said or he just wanted to play Russian Roulette with both our lives.
"Mehn Wayward, did you hear what that lady in the OBS studio was saying? She wanted us decamped."
"I heard her, man," I replied.
"That girl is a fucking bitch."
Indeed, she was.
The next morning I reported at the OBS studio after the morning drills to avoid stories that touch. I went in and was told to wait outside that the soldier was coming. I stayed outside with a solemn look on my face. I didn't know if Barrister had collected his own tag or not but I wanted to do this on my own terms before his hard face would make them change their minds again. As I waited, members of the OBS crew were milling around. One girl, in particular, was seated right in front of the office and for some odd reason, she seemed interested in me. She kept asking me questions and trying to start a conversation. I was responding to her and trying to keep a calm disposition to distract myself because on the inside I was a storm of raging thoughts: Will they
really let us go? Will they change their minds? Has a certain OBS diva influenced the outcome behind closed doors?
Next thing our conversation drifted to her asking me to teach her how to speak Igbo (translation: a tribe and language peculiar to Nigeria).
"You really want to learn how to speak Igbo?" I asked.
"Yes!" She said, smiling.
"Are you really sure?"
"Yes, just teach me already," she said impatiently.
"Okay... OTU. OCHA." I said calmly.
"Otuocha? What's that?"
"That's your assignment. Find out."
"Tell me now," she pleaded.
"Ask any Igbo person you know."
Just then, the OBS diva, the bane of my existence, walked past me and was about entering into the studio when the girl I was talking to stopped her.
"Amaka, you are Igbo right? What is otu... otuocha?"
"What??!! Who told you that?" She asked in shock.
"It's him," the lady said, pointing to me. OBS diva looked at me from head to toe like "I know it's you. Who else would it be? Useless human being."
"So tell me now. What does it mean?" The girl asked her.
OBS diva just stood there looking at me. I also stood there looking at her, a deadpan expression on my face.
Moments later the soldier arrived on the scene, his eyes red like those of Sango and Amadioha (translation: the Nigerian gods of thunder) put together.
"Oh, you're here for your tag right? Wait here." He went in and came out with a bunch of tags that he had most likely seized from many other Corps Members in camp. As he sorted through the tags he started chastising me once more and asked of my friend. I told him I didn't know where he was. A middle-aged woman was passing through when she stopped to greet the soldier and engage in idle banter. Then she looked at me and asked me what my name was. I told her. Like a clairvoyant, she asked the soldier what my offense was. He told her to ask me, which she did. I told her I did something really bad but I couldn't tell her what it was. She proceeded to beg the soldier to forgive me for whatever I'd done, saying that I looked so much like her younger brother that's why she's begging. The soldier eventually handed me my tag and I thanked him profusely as I looked deeply into his now-red eyes, wondering what could have happened. I could have sworn they were white just yesterday.
As I walked away to prepare for the boring SAED lecturers before they started blowing that annoying bugle, I noticed the girl I'd been talking to earlier in front of the OBS studio staring at me in shock. It seemed she had finally learned the meaning of the word otuocha.
Otuocha means pussy. Yellow or white pussy.
CHAPTER 5: KING SOLOMON
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Ayanfe29(f): 12:02pm On May 23|
Waiting for today's rice and stew o....Abeg, cook am well
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by eloyce(f): 12:03pm On May 23|
waywardpikin:Felt just as weird on my first time being outside.
I respect people I see wearing the tailor made masks tho cos na even manage I dey try manage the surgical masks which seem to be lighter to breath through.
What to do naa? People have cared for as long as they could and it just wasn't easy...life had to continue
The virus is in the country yeah but there are more manipulations to it than meets the eye.
Pleasant noon dear.
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 1:04pm On May 23|
Yes I have a ton of those surgical masks from work and even they aren't easy to breathe through and that's what I wore. Those tailor made masks are way worse lol.
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 1:05pm On May 23|
Already cooked. Don't laugh at me too much o
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by eloyce(f): 1:32pm On May 23|
waywardpikin:Basically this ninja lifestyle is just exhausting jare.
Meanwhile aren't you just the worst of the wayward kind of all you could teach a person in igbo it had to be otuocha
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Manuel69: 3:09pm On May 23|
You this man.
Nice one man. More ink
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by biokuabdullahi(m): 3:17pm On May 23|
nice update feeedd us more
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by DarkGamer(m): 4:21pm On May 23|
Thumbs up man
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Ayanfe29(f): 4:47pm On May 23|
Oya, serve it now. We all are hungry...we need the update ASAP
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Soren4(m): 11:30pm On May 23|
Keep up the real work man ...
And pls try to Bleep up that nife of a bitch
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Destinylink(m): 11:05am On May 25|
OP well done o...
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Manuel69: 12:27pm On May 25|
Waywardpikin we are hungry ooo. It's been 2 days now. Feed us plsssss
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 1:02pm On May 25|
What can I say?
Try to stay consistent with those work outs shugar. It will pay off.
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 1:03pm On May 25|
Ma nigga ma nigga
You too gbaski!
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 1:04pm On May 25|
You want more abi?
Oya am coming
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 1:05pm On May 25|
My apocalyptic brother from another mother. Wetin dey sup?
Thanks for the comment.
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 1:07pm On May 25|
Madam ghost. Update dropping shortly.
1 Like 1 Share
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 1:07pm On May 25|
I wouldn't call her that though but yeah I'm like right now
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 1:08pm On May 25|
Thank you brotherly.
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 1:09pm On May 25|
Haba... only one day you are calling it two days.
Check out the latest update below.
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