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Stats: 2,483,110 members, 5,622,761 topics. Date: Thursday, 28 May 2020 at 06:32 AM
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Lakesc(m): 6:20pm On May 18|
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by eloyce(f): 7:01pm On May 18|
Aren't we all wayward shildren in some way?
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Dybala11(m): 8:39pm On May 18|
eloyce:I'm not lol, I'm willing to get rotten little though.
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by eloyce(f): 9:44pm On May 18|
Dybala11:Oh wow...goodluck in your quest
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Dybala11(m): 10:21pm On May 18|
eloyce:Thanks, make I do quick and become one of the bad shidren too.
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 8:06am On May 19|
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 8:06am On May 19|
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 12:00pm On May 19|
The next day after morning parade, I came out of the hostel late as usual for the boring lectures. I was charging my phone at Mami market so there was no way to reach Hajia, therefore no chair to sit on. I roamed the vicinity wondering where I was gonna sit until I saw Timothy, a guy from my room. He called me over to join him and both of us had to manage his chair. My mind drifted off as usual and I was lost in thought, thinking about everything and nothing. Timothy was talking animatedly to these two girls seated beside him and I idly listened in to what they were saying and occasionally chipped in. It turns out, Timothy and the two girls all finished from the same school - Babcock University. One was fair and gorgeous, totally my spec, while the other was dark and not as pretty, but damn! - her body was banging. I spent all of that afternoon admiring her dangerous curves from behind my dark shades, sinister thoughts filling my head.
Introductions were made by Timothy, and that is how I met Toyo. My sweet, sweet Toyo...
The weekend was finally here. Meaning that my first week in camp was over. It was the longest week of my life, and so many things had happened. I was eagerly counting down to when we would all leave camp. And nothing epic had happened yet, at least not up to my expectations.
I'd made friends with a couple of soldiers and Corps Members in camp. I bought beer for one soldier I'd met at Mami market. The next time I met him again with a couple of his soldier friends at a table, I bought rounds of beer for all of them. From then on they sort of fell in love with me. Once, I was chilling at a bar in Mami feeling like Tony Montana when the bugle was blown for afternoon drills. As Corps Members left their food and drinks, I remained in my seat, conveniently deaf and dumb. Soldiers chasing Corps Members came across where I was, and one of them barked at me.
"You there, it's like you're deaf! Will you run down to the parade ground?! Idiot!"
As I reluctantly made to stand up, my soldier friend and his goons (sitting at a different table, since I'm mostly a lone ranger) called the attention of the screaming soldier.
"Leave him alone. He's with me," my soldier friend declared.
"Oh okay, I didn't know," the screaming soldier said. "You may sit down," he said to me as he sized me up from head to toe. Needless to say, we also later became friends.
I also made friends with some truly wayward and junkified Corps Members. You see, I merely bear the title, but they live a life of wanton recklessness. They embody the true meaning of the word wayward. My trouble with them began the moment I let them know I had weed, but we'll get to that later.
I needed a legitimate way of escaping the annoying morning and evening drills, and the best way to do that was by joining either OBS (Orientation Broadcast Service) or The Red Cross. This category of people could skip any camp activity by simply flashing their ID cards and running to the studio or clinic environs to hide. I've always hated anything clinics or hospitals so that wasn't even an option for me. OBS, on the other hand, was perfectly suited to my kind of person. I'm usually clueless and lackadaisical about the simplest of things, so it took me about a week before I could locate and identify the studio. I went in there and met this dude. After waiting for an eternity he referred me to this girl who thought she was the best thing since bread and akara (translation: bean cakes). She was in mufti, and I soon found out that she had served with the previous batch and was the president of the OBS or whatever. That's how she started drilling me, asking me about my qualifications, my work experience, my skill set, why I wanted to join, etc. As far as I knew, I answered everything glowingly. I was just wondering why this was looking like a job interview. Only for the girl to tell me, after the whole interview and many questions, that the OBS was full and that I would have to look somewhere else. Something about her, her smug expression, her too cool for school demeanor, her uppity-ness, really rubbed me the wrong way. See this one using OBS to feel funky o.
"You mean OBS is full? Oh my God, I'm so sad," I said dryly, looking anything but sad unless sad now had a different meaning in the dictionary.
"You don't have to be sad. We can't always get everything we want," she said, looking down on me from up there in DivasVille.
"I'm so sad. You see, all I've ever wanted to do with my life is to join OBS. Now that I've failed in my life's ambition I don't know if I'll ever recover," I said, almost crying for added effect. The sarcasm was dripping, and she caught on to it. The thing is if someone she approved of wanted to join I'm sure it would have been facilitated with immediate effect. I walked away from that conversation reinforced in my belief that she was a shitty person worthy of my naked resentment, and apparently, the feeling was more than mutual, as I was soon to find out.
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|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Sologzy(m): 1:01pm On May 19|
Enjoying this story, could u pls make the chapter a little longer, or upload 2 chapter a day.. Thank you
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Dybala11(m): 2:17pm On May 19|
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by kakadinho0880: 3:29pm On May 19|
Waywardpikin, Nice update..
Sincerely, your recent updates are too short.
Since you are dropping updates once a day, make it long so that the story doesn't drag for too long.
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 12:05pm On May 20|
Morning drill was more entertaining than I expected it would be. After the exercises, the routines, and occasionally exchanging glances with Nife who I’d been avoiding, the soldier addressing us had an important announcement to make. He called out a guy and a girl, and as they stood in front of us with their heads bowed, I knew they had committed a grievous offense. The soldier announced, with all the righteous indignation of a catholic priest, that the two of them had been found at Mami market around past 11 pm doing God knows what.
"And when we found them, they were still claiming rights. This boy here," the angry soldier explained as he pointed to the guy, "was asking the soldier who caught them that 'Do you know who I am?' He said that his father is a Major General and he was going to deal with the military personnel that caught them if he and his girlfriend were not set free. Later, when he saw that things were serious, he confessed that his father was just a businessman. Because of the impunity of his actions and that of his girlfriend here, I personally took up this matter and I’m going to see it through to the very end. Look at these faces you’re seeing here very well, this is the last time you will be seeing them in this premises as they will summarily be decamped and sent back to whatever jungle they came from so that they can continue indulging in such despicable frivolities," the soldier concluded. He went on to harp on the ills of smoking marijuana and swore that anyone that is caught would not only be decamped but handed over to the police as such a crime is far worse than what the Hot couple had perpetuated. Trouble!
I looked at the lovebirds standing in front of the assembly and I felt so sorry for them. The things love and konji (translation: horniness) caused in this world. Even the soldier that was acting angry, we knew him very well in down in Mami market. He was a chronic lover of ukwu, dragging female Corps Members with us guys with the ferocity of a bulldog that could pounce on you at any moment for attempting to take its piece of meat. Still, I was of the opinion that the guy should have begged. He should have begged like he had never begged before, with little regard whether or not there was a fine sexy babe right by his side. Even if the guy couldn’t use his brain, couldn’t the lady have been the voice of reason? But no! - They were the children of Major Generals. No wonder they said that if corper marry corper dem go born mumu (translation: If a Corps Member married another Corps Member they would give birth to a slowpoke). At least, now they could continue their camp love in the outside world without fear or restrictions. They should continue forming (translation: acting bougie) there.
The evening of that day I walked into my favorite bar and bumped into Barrister, my wayward and junkified friend with this other dude whose real name I no longer remember. He looked so rugged, his face looking like something that was carved out of stone, his eyes bloodshot, always on gorimakpa (translation: a shaved head), and always high on something. We sat there drinking and smoking as we watched an inter-platoon match underway. One thing led to another and seeing him and his friend complain about how it had been a couple of days since they last kissed Mary Jane, I casually told them I had some in the hostel. The way their eyes lit up, I should have known there was going to be a problem. They kept hounding me after that, tracking my moves, calling me on the phone; just to get a piece of the wonderful woman in my possession. They assured me that there was a place where guys used to gather round to smoke, and it was on the top floor of the boys’ hostel, in some empty rooms that no one occupied.
"Are you sure it’s safe?" I asked skeptically. One of my prayer points this year was that all stories that touch would remain far away from me, and God had been faithful so far.
"My guy why you acting so scared? I say men gather there to smoke and nothing happens. I'll take you there this night if you want," he said as we both walked down to my room to get the goods. My heart started to beat.
Gbi-gbim… gbi-gbim… gbi-gbim…
I entered my room with the wayward Barrister and everyone was involved in some mindless argument as usual. I got the goods from where I usually kept them and held the parcel in my hand as a part of me contemplated: "This thing I’m about to do, is it worth
it? What if I’m caught and decamped? What if I’m paraded in front of the whole camp like the Hot Major General’s children from this morning? What if"’
"Be like Nike and just do it, nothing is going to happen!" The evil side of me encouraged.
"Don’t do it… Don’t!" a still, small voice cried out meekly.
With pain in my heart and sadness in my soul, I pinched out a portion of my precious MJ and handed it over to the wayward Barrister from a good home. He looked at me in surprise and shook his head in disappointment.
God, why is doing the right thing so hard?
"Guy you are fucking up," he said as he opened his hand to receive the goods. I said nothing in response before he convinced me to change my mind again. I hoped this would be a parting gift between us, and that I could now resume chewing my igbo (translation: marijuana) and coast on anonymously without attracting any problem to myself.
But what was that saying again? If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
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|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by SadiqAdnan98: 1:33pm On May 20|
wayward pikin dis last update sha small oo.. we need more pls.. cox the suspense don dey too much
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by DarkGamer(m): 8:28am On May 21|
I'm a big fan of this story, so it inspired me to start writing mine. Check out my book, [url] An Obsolete World [/url] thread. Make comments, I am open to constructive criticism. You can also find it on Wattpad. I would very much appreciate if you read it. Thank you.
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 10:49am On May 21|
Guys, the last update was over 1,100 words (yes, I counted). I understand we are all eager to know what happens next or to finish up the story, but as long as updates are consistent and regular I really don't see what the problem is. Saying that the updates are short isn't really fair to me. Better yet, why not comment about the story, what you think is going to happen next, the cliffhangers, etc? That will make for a more interesting discourse on this thread, I should think. Good morning.
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 10:51am On May 21|
You honour me man. It's a pleasure to have you on here. I love the name of your story. It sounds post-apocalyptic. Also, the book cover is great. Did you make that yourself? Lastly, is your story completed? Saw your pm, replied.
Welcome on board.
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by DarkGamer(m): 11:48am On May 21|
Ahhh coming from the main man himself. It is a real honor. I made the cover myself yes. I won't say post apocalyptic. I would probably say the plot is occurring in the apocalypse. Your comment is duly appreciated. Thank you.
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 12:09pm On May 21|
It was evening, and I was at the ATM stand, cursing myself for my inability to handle money as I made to withdraw again. There were two ATM stands right before the parade ground belonging to Access bank and Ecobank, and another one at the entrance to the hostel just before the OBS studio, so it was never a question of "Is there an ATM available?" It was a question of how much you were willing to spend.
Well, I was spending a lot! I had been to the ATM only a day before, and I’d promised myself that the money would last at least 2 days, but here I was again – a slave to my impulses. As I punched my PIN into the machine I saw someone who looked like the curvy Toyo walking past me in all her majestic glory. Her body jiggled as she walked, and at that moment I wished I was her clothes so I could help her hold everything in place. You know it’s always good to be our sister’s keeper.
"Hi," I said, calling out to her as I flashed a dazzling smile. She looked at me with a puzzled expression on her face, not saying anything. "I’m Wayward Pikin. We met a few days ago through my roommate Timothy."
"Oh I remember you," she said, now smiling. That’s better.
"What is a pretty girl like you doing all by yourself?"
"Uh…" She was starting to say before I interrupted her with my theatrics.
"What if there is a kidnap attempt on you? What if Boko Haram (translation: a terrorist group) attacks this place? This is a great injustice. You should never be left alone. Anything can happen. Are all the boys in this camp blind?" I said, feigning annoyance.
"They probably are," she said, smiling. "Anyway, I’m just going for a walk."
"Mind if I join you?"
"Sure, it’s a free world," she said. I withdrew the money from the ATM and inhaled deeply. It smelled just the way I like it – freshly minted.
I followed her to the parade ground where there was yet another show going on. We talked and had a great time as I joked and teased her endlessly. Later, we made our way to Mami market to meet the committee of dragons (my roomies), where we had lots of drinks and pepper soup to eat amidst plenty of laughter. Soon she told me that she had to go so I followed her to the front of the hostel where she bade me goodnight and gave me this warm, destinyreformatting hug – my brain unable to function properly with those watermelon-sized boobs pressed so brazenly into my muscular chest. We exchanged numbers and I went back to Mami market, where I received a hero’s welcome.
"Holy shìt! Who was that babe?"
"Mehn her ukwu is to die for!"
‘Guy how many babes are you wooing in this camp?"
"This guy…. This guy…. You're a suspect."
"What about that Muslim babe? Are you no longer with her or are you running all the courses together?"
"Guy I really want to say that babe is hot. You tried."
As I sat there nursing my bottle of Orijin, one question rang through my head above all others:
"Could she… Could she be The One?"
My bunk in the room was centrally located such that I was sleeping directly under the only working bulb in the room. The fan on our half of the room wasn’t working, although it spun lazily, unlike the other half of the room where the fan worked perfectly. Consequently, our half of the room was referred to as Mainland (translation: the suburbs) while the other half was referred to as the Island (translation: highbrow) because of the better standard of living there. So anytime anyone wanted to argue they would congregate at the foot of my bunk, shouting at the top of their voices and adding to my discomfort. Sometimes I would enter my room and be on the verge of falling asleep when someone would come with one irrelevant gist and being the polite person that I am, I would patiently pause to listen, nodding where necessary and adding exclamations at appropriate points to show that I was a part of the conversation. Sometimes people would be arguing while I would just be watching a movie on my phone, oblivious and uninterested in whatever they were talking about, when one of them, usually Teejay, would scream in my direction.
"What are you always pressing on your phone?
Doesn't your phone battery ever die?" he wondered.
Once, I was sleeping in my boxers, legs spread wide in a peaceful state of inertia when suddenly I felt someone staring at me. I woke up with a start to see Timothy staring down my parted legs with a creepy smile on his face. He never even flinched.
"Bro, you are so hairy," he said with a chuckle. "I thought I was hairy but it's nothing compared to you. You might be the hairiest guy I've ever seen in my life."
I looked at him with an expression of shock on my face. Seriously? Funny enough, he still stood there with that creepy smile on his face, looking for what I didn’t know. I quietly closed my legs.
On this particular day, I was sleeping on my bed when I suddenly woke up to see the wayward Barrister standing there staring up at me. I groaned inwardly.
"Bro, what’s up?" I said, smiling.
"I'm okay. Just wanted to drop by and check up on you," he said as he balanced on the empty bed beside mine. "Do you have any more of that stuff?"
I looked at him incredulously. But I just gave this guy some MJ a little while back and I also introduced him to my source so he would never bother me again. What’s this?
"I've got very little left. I thought I introduced you to someone that can get it for you."
"I know but the one he bought for me has finished and he is yet to deliver the latest one I sent him to buy," he said.
"You must be an exhaust pipe!" I exclaimed as he laughed.
"Guy just give me small. I really need to smoke. I'll give you back later or better still, let's go smoke together."
Hmmm… not this again!
"Barrister, are you sure it’s safe? I really don't want any trouble," I said with hands raised in supplication.
"What are you saying? I say boys smoke steadily up there. I've even seen some of your roommates there smoking that good shit," said Barrister as he proceeded to mention names.
Some of them were members of the committee of dragons while some names shocked me because I had no idea they were into such a despicable vice in the first place. Hearing the names of people I personally knew who visited this utopia where smoking goes down freely calmed me down, sort of.
"So lots of people go there to smoke and the place hasn't been exposed?"
"Let's just go there, guy. You talk too much," he said to me, the hunger and passion for the claro (translation: marijuana) so visible in his eyes. He looked at me with baby goo-goo eyes that touched my innermost cell.
How could I say no to that strong, hard face? Besides, I was craving too.
I borrowed from his courage and quickly dressed up to go with him. It was dark - almost night, and already we could hear the loud music blaring all the way from Mami market as we went up the stairs. I felt a slight rush of adrenaline, a familiar feeling when I’m about to do something naughty or bad. We climbed all the way to the top floor and Barrister, acting as a tour guide for the Institute of Smokers, showed me around the place.
"So this is where I smoked two days ago… and this is where I and your friend Biggie smoked last week… that day there were so many of us up here."
There were empty hostel rooms, much like the one in which I stayed just a few floors below and they were in pristine condition. The fans were in good working condition and the bunks were adequately spaced. I wondered why we weren’t given these nice rooms to stay in and I also took a special timeout to curse Maintenance for his uselessness in my life. Barrister led me to a balcony at the far end and I leaned against the railing, feeling the cool evening breeze against my face.
"We smoked here just yesterday," the tour guide explained, with all the pride of a scientist who had just discovered the cure for cancer.
"So is this where we do it?" I asked.
"No. Follow me."
I followed him into one of the abandoned hostel rooms and handed him the parcel of MJ which he deftly started to mold. From up there, Mami market looked so small and beautiful, the bright lights illuminating the whole place in a way that could only be appreciated from the vantage point in which I stood. Runtown’s ‘Mad over You’ began playing, and I could have sworn I was in Miami or Dubai, the fan above me spinning with such ferocity, chilling my body just the way I liked. Quick trivia: Runtown’s ‘Mad over You’ must have been played over a million times during my stay in camp. It remains the original soundtrack underscoring my camp adventures and travails. Barrister handed me a professionally wrapped spliff which I lit and inhaled deeeeeeeeeeeply.
God, how I’d missed this.
Soon we started chatting animatedly, the music and the beautiful view of Mami market merely a backdrop to our awesome conversation. At this moment I got to know Barrister a whole lot better, as is common when two people share a spliff. Force two sworn enemies to share a spliff in an enclosed space and they could end up becoming best of friends or at least not want to kill each other anymore. I kid you not. He was from a very wealthy family, but a couple of bad decisions and wrong turns saw him graduating a few years after his mates in school. The only upside was that he finished with an excellent result as it was very easy to see that he was quite intelligent, just a wayward and rugged soul. We talked about life after camp and what our respective plans were. He told me that his family owned a house in Ikotun nobody stayed in and that he intended to stay there for the duration of his service year and I was welcome to stay with him. I was already feeling very happy that God in his infinite wisdom was guiding my path and making doors open for me. I was already thinking of all the mischief and debauchery I and he would be up to with a house all to ourselves for a whole year. I was already blessing my sweet MJ for being a facilitator of something that may prove pivotal to my service year as accommodation was another factor I would have to contend with after camp. I was thinking all of this and more when the door to the room we were in opened very slowly. A soldier just stood there looking at us for what felt like a very long moment.
"What are you people doing here?"
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|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by DarkGamer(m): 12:26pm On May 21|
Soldier!!!! These guys are done for. Nice on. Expecting next part.
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by DOAI(f): 12:44pm On May 21|
I've not read the last update yet but I'm sure it will be worth the hype I'm hyping now
Waywardpikin, you are doing well!!
Thanks for sharing this piece with us.
BTW, I can totally relate to the standing and sleeping posture, it was one skill I learnt while in camp.
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by busybrains: 3:00pm On May 21|
Waywardpikin u don enter am o tHe way wen you deY drag tHs tori like ogbono soup na decampin tHngs loading. Lalasticlala come see wHere dem deY smoke for Hia loool
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 7:37pm On May 21|
You know that moment when the last thing you ever thought could happen to you is what now actually happens. It's crazy.
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 7:40pm On May 21|
DOAI, you flatter! Today I look back with fond memories on a time not so long ago. Time flies mehn!
About the standing and sleeping posture, I picked up that habit while in camp too but dumped it soon afterward. I know that skill is still lying dormant inside of me, waiting to be unleashed whenever "I can't comman kee myself"
Where did you serve?
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 7:45pm On May 21|
Wow! To be honest, it would be really great if this story could make it to Frontpage. I don't see much there from the Literature section or is it just me? I bet Nairalanders wouldn't mind some sizzling NYSC gist wey ogbonge orishishi pack diaself full inside. Let's give people something they can relate with. It would be the perfect COVID-19 gift for me.
cc: lalasticlala, Divepen1, Obinnau
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by biokuabdullahi(m): 11:57pm On May 21|
nice story feed us more update
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Ayanfe29(f): 7:39am On May 22|
I can relate to the part where one is only seen during parade, saed programs or lectures. While I was in the camp, I spent most of the day in bed.
Nice story.. I'm enjoying the smooth ride.
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by Emeraldfynest(m): 1:58pm On May 22|
I dey feel you boss, ride on!
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by eloyce(f): 4:14pm On May 22|
Waywardpikin hope you're fine. No update today?
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 4:53pm On May 22|
More to come shortly.
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 4:54pm On May 22|
So you were a ghost in camp bah? Are you a lady?
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 4:54pm On May 22|
Ma nigga ma nigga
|Re: All The Women I Ever Dated - NYSC Chronicles by waywardpikin(m): 4:55pm On May 22|
I went out into the world today, face mask and every. Just getting back. Gimme a sec.
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