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My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by Undilutedme: 12:18am On May 12, 2020
Hello nairaland family.
I trust you guys are doing fine.
I have a little problem and I need a piece of advise on how to handle it.

I have a very wonderful mother. She's caring, sweet, compassionate, name all the good characteristics of a good woman, she's got all but there's this problem I'm still having with her. SHE NEVER APPRECIATES ME, NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY. My mom will never appreciate me for anything I do, even if she does, she does it nonchalantly like it doesn't matter. She compares me with friends at every slight opportunity she gets.

There was something that happened. Momsy travelled sometime around this year and stayed for close to two months and she has a shop that she manages. The shop's generator has been bad for sometime and it's really stressful for her selling with dim lights but she refused repairing it again because according to her, the generator is consuming her money because of too much repairs every time. So I wanted to surprise her, I called a friend that fixes generator to come help me fix it so when she comes she'll see that it has been fixed. My friend came and fixed it. When momsy came back and I told her that I fixed the generator for her, she told me that, she didn't send me to fix generator for her and that she is not going to use it. According to her "I send you make you fix gen?. I say I nor wan use the gen again". I swear I was really hurt.

On another occasion was during the just concluded UTME exam. My friends wrote before me, a friend of mine had 330 so I told her, she was very happy. She was like, I pray you get something like this. Fast forward, 3 days later, I wrote mine and result came out. I scored 314, when she came, just happily told her, instead of being happy, she just hissed and said "You nor fit get reach 330?". My spirit just died immediately. She likes comparing me with my friends.

There are many occasions things have happened but I'll not bore you with unnecessary talks. It's really eating me up emotionally and psychologically. How well can I make my mom appreciate me more?. How can I please her?.

Ps: Please nobody should throw insults at her. I beg you in the name of whoever you serve. Thanks.

50 Likes 2 Shares

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by eleko1: 12:20am On May 12, 2020
sad your momma isn’t trying to mar I U but to make u.Dnt be offend u’ll be a big boy in 5/6 yrs time.Endure it.There is none like parents

26 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by Judybash93(m): 12:26am On May 12, 2020
Since you've figured it out, It's time for you to appreciate yourself.

140 Likes 8 Shares

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by bukatyne(f): 12:26am On May 12, 2020
Undilutedme:
Hello nairaland family.
I trust you guys are doing fine.
I have a little problem and I need a piece of advise on how to handle it.

I have a very wonderful mother. She's caring, sweet, compassionate, name all the good characteristics of a good woman, she's got all but there's this problem I'm still having with her. SHE NEVER APPRECIATES ME, NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY. My mom will never appreciate me for anything I do, even if she does, she does it nonchalantly like it doesn't matter. She compares me with friends at every slight opportunity she gets.

There was something that happened. Momsy travelled sometime around this year and stayed for close to two months and she has a shop that she manages. The shop's generator has been bad for sometime and it's really stressful for her selling with dim lights but she refused repairing it again because according to her, the generator is consuming her money because of too much repairs every time. So I wanted to surprise her, I called a friend that fixes generator to come help me fix it so when she comes she'll see that it has been fixed. My friend came and fixed it. When momsy came back and I told her that I fixed the generator for her, she told me that, she didn't send me to fix generator for her and that she is not going to use it. According to her "I send you make you fix gen?. I say I nor wan use the gen again". I swear I was really hurt.

On another occasion was during the just concluded UTME exam. My friends wrote before me, a friend of mine had 330 so I told her, she was very happy. She was like, I pray you get something like this. Fast forward, 3 days later, I wrote mine and result came out. I scored 314, when she came, just happily told her, instead of being happy, she just hissed and said "You nor fit get reach 330?". My spirit just died immediately. She likes comparing me with my friends.

There are many occasions things have happened but I'll not bore you with unnecessary talks. It's really eating me up emotionally and psychologically. How well can I make my mom appreciate me more?. How can I please her?.

Ps: Please nobody should throw insults at her. I beg you in the name of whoever you serve. Thanks.

Sorry for the feeling. sad

Call her and engage her in dialogue as to your feelings respectfully especially the comparison part.

You can ask her what she expects of you so you know what you are up against (you might not be able to meet everything; you are not God).

What about your dad?

5 Likes

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by Mstick: 12:27am On May 12, 2020
Here's an idea why don't you send your mum a text about this or talk to her?

You don't have to listen to me tho....

I am just a yaba left escapee with Daddy issues.


cool

13 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by Undilutedme: 12:30am On May 12, 2020
bukatyne:


Sorry for the feeling. sad

Call her and engage her in dialogue as to your feelings respectfully especially the comparison part.

You can ask her what she expects of you so you know what you are up against (you might not be able to meet everything; you are not God).

What about your dad?
If you engage her in a dialogue, she'll pick offense. I've tried many times. And to add too, she complains virtually about everything. She'll hardly see what you do as good.

My dad is late.

15 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by Tocynone(m): 12:31am On May 12, 2020
If I tell you I understand what you are going through, trust me I do.
Some parents are just like that. Also don’t forget that she’s human and we are not perfect.
Don’t let anything weigh you down as a man. Trust and believe in nobody else in your life journey except God.
Lastly, always believe you don’t need anyone to sing your praise

35 Likes 3 Shares

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by Undilutedme: 12:32am On May 12, 2020
eleko1:
sad your momma isn’t trying to mar I U but to make u.Dnt be offend u’ll be a big boy in 5/6 yrs time.Endure it.There is none like parents
Thanks bro. My mom is actually a very nice woman. This is the only part I have problem with.

6 Likes

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by Hypnotise: 12:32am On May 12, 2020
Why don't you do the same and see how she reacts?

14 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by bukatyne(f): 12:34am On May 12, 2020
Undilutedme:
If you engage her in a dialogue, she'll pick offense. I've tried many times.

My dad is late.

When did you notice this unappreciative attitude towards you? When did your dad become late? What was their relationship like? What about your other siblings?
Do you look like your dad?

1 Like

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by eleko1: 12:38am On May 12, 2020
Women do taunt that first mean she hate u,Just get a slight headache/fever and watch her runz up/down,She want the best for u,Never stop being a nice son.Respect her and u’ll enjoy her
Undilutedme:
Thanks bro. My mom is actually a very nice woman. This is the only part I have problem with.

5 Likes

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by Undilutedme: 12:39am On May 12, 2020
bukatyne:


When did you notice this unappreciative attitude towards you? When did your dad become late? What was their relationship like? What about your other siblings?
Do you look like your dad?
Its been long she started but became worse lately. My dad died when I wasn't even big enough to know what dad was. I know nothing about him or his relationship with mom. I'm the only one left with momsy. Other kids have left.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by bukatyne(f): 12:47am On May 12, 2020
Undilutedme:
Its been long she started but became worse lately. My dad died when I wasn't even big enough to know what dad was. I know nothing about him or his relationship with mom. I'm the only one left with momsy. Other kids have left.

@bold:

Perhaps you should engage your elder ones to get better perspective.

Sorry for the feeling of been unappreciated especially when you take initiatives to make the person happy.

16 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by Shinny1: 1:22am On May 12, 2020
My dear if you have tried going through dialogue with her and it didn't produce any results..why don't you try taking it to God and talk to God about it and pray for God to touch her heart to start loving you
Please keep showing her love no matter what cos one day, you will be shocked that deep down in her heart she really appreciate everything...
And also I think she has a high expectations from you but you need to focus on God to be able to achieve it cos by strength shall no man prevail
Please keep loving her cos love covert all things

10 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by HarunaWest(m): 1:25am On May 12, 2020
Stop waiting for your mum to appreciate you..Lock up and appreciate yourself...Me and my mum grew like cat and rat, she no send me, I no send her but now we are best of friends.. Whatever my mum did back then was to make me a better person, she didn't hate me and she doesn't hate me. Whenever I speak with Mumc and she I about to end the conversation, she always says I love you. If someone told me that Mumc will say such words about 10 years ago, I will send the person to Yaba left.

23 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by TheCrusader: 1:42am On May 12, 2020
.

1 Like

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by RiyaGoddess(f): 1:43am On May 12, 2020
Though it's hard, the truth is Don't ever expect appreciation from anybody even the closest person to you. Just do what you gat to do (good deeds) and then leave the rest for God...

The more you wait or expect to be appreciated, the more you get hurt if you don't get it.

That's one of my secret of not having high BP and grey hair hehehehehehe. I expect nothing from people...

5 Likes

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by MoneyMindset(m): 2:06am On May 12, 2020
You said she is sweet and all, i guess she is trying to make you work harder, she noticed that your always trying your best to please her. But if you dont like her method when you guys are gisting playfully chip it in, because if you use seriousness en go lead to anoda thing

1 Like

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by VickyRotex(f): 2:16am On May 12, 2020
"Ps: Please nobody should throw insults at her. I beg you in the name of whoever you serve. Thanks."

OP, you're a good son. And I am sorry that you feel hurt and unappreciated.

I lean more towards the below advice from Shinny. To add to it, if you're a Christian, please pray with Ephesians 6 vs 4.
The Bible also says in Proverbs 21 vs 1 that the king's heart is in the hand of the Lord and He directs it whichever way He wills. Pray that God will continue to work in your mum's heart and in yours. Pray for the blind spots that you probably don't see and she sees.

Make conscious effort to love her irrespective of what she does. Tell yourself each day what you want to see, how you want her to act towards it. As you imagine it, you begin to live it.
Our mothers love us deeply and at times they just chose to show it in different ways, and because they're humans too they sometimes make mistakes. Sometimes it can lead to brokenness like this but I pray that all that needs healing in your bond will be made perfect.

If it helps, talk to your siblings as well. You can find encouragement and strength by talking to them.

I look forward to reading a new thread from you on how appreciative of you, your mum has become. Take care.



Shinny1:
My dear if you have tried going through dialogue with her and it didn't produce any results..why don't you try taking it to God and talk to God about it and pray for God to touch her heart to start loving you
Please keep showing her love no matter what cos one day, you will be shocked that deep down in her heart she really appreciate everything...
And also I think she has a high expectations from you but you need to focus on God to be able to achieve it cos by strength shall no man prevail
Please keep loving her cos love covert all things

2 Likes

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by Nobody: 3:11am On May 12, 2020
Funny..think shes trying to mould you into someone independent emotionally and intellectually. Maybe uve always had things relatively easier and wants you to have a taste of the other side.
Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by igbowoman: 3:57am On May 12, 2020
Undilutedme:
Hello nairaland family.
I trust you guys are doing fine.
I have a little problem and I need a piece of advise on how to handle it.

I have a very wonderful mother. She's caring, sweet, compassionate, name all the good characteristics of a good woman, she's got all but there's this problem I'm still having with her. SHE NEVER APPRECIATES ME, NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY. My mom will never appreciate me for anything I do, even if she does, she does it nonchalantly like it doesn't matter. She compares me with friends at every slight opportunity she gets.

There was something that happened. Momsy travelled sometime around this year and stayed for close to two months and she has a shop that she manages. The shop's generator has been bad for sometime and it's really stressful for her selling with dim lights but she refused repairing it again because according to her, the generator is consuming her money because of too much repairs every time. So I wanted to surprise her, I called a friend that fixes generator to come help me fix it so when she comes she'll see that it has been fixed. My friend came and fixed it. When momsy came back and I told her that I fixed the generator for her, she told me that, she didn't send me to fix generator for her and that she is not going to use it. According to her "I send you make you fix gen?. I say I nor wan use the gen again". I swear I was really hurt.

On another occasion was during the just concluded UTME exam. My friends wrote before me, a friend of mine had 330 so I told her, she was very happy. She was like, I pray you get something like this. Fast forward, 3 days later, I wrote mine and result came out. I scored 314, when she came, just happily told her, instead of being happy, she just hissed and said "You nor fit get reach 330?". My spirit just died immediately. She likes comparing me with my friends.

There are many occasions things have happened but I'll not bore you with unnecessary talks. It's really eating me up emotionally and psychologically. How well can I make my mom appreciate me more?. How can I please her?.

Ps: Please nobody should throw insults at her. I beg you in the name of whoever you serve. Thanks.

It's obvious you love your mom despite her flaws.Moms are humans. They are not perfect .Maybe she grew up not being acknowledged and appreciated so she didn't learn that.Did she lose her mom early, was she raised by a stepmom?
Since you've spoken to her and it didnt help do you have an older aunty that mom respects a lot that could help you pass on the message.Tell the aunt how you feel and what you would like mom to know,stressing how much you love her and the aunt may relay that to mom in a way to make her listen.
Continue to do the right thing by mom.From your post it's obvious she has raised a good son

6 Likes

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by usj(m): 7:56am On May 12, 2020
OP sorry for what you're going through with your mum, but I must tell you this. Your mum is a perfectionist and they are the hardest people to try and please. Such people hardly appreciate their own achievement, they hardly accept compliment and the set target so high that they can't even attained.
You love your mum and her approval means so much to you, and that's okay but its the easiest way to living a frustrated life.
Today it's your mum, but tomorrow it's going to be someone else i.e wife/husband, boss etc
Do what is right and move on.

Set your priorities right. Do what you can, things that are right for anybody not just your mum and be happy that you've met a need and not to seek approval/appreciations/compliment in return for your effort.
your mum may be treating you the same way she was treated by her own parents, she may not her liked it then but unfortunately that's the only way she knows how to deal with you.

She loves you and she just wish you're perfect which is an impossible wish for anyone. Its all up to you to come to the realization that no matter what you do not everyone will appreciate you and your mum is no exception because she is dealing with herself and not you, the earlier you realize this the better for you.

7 Likes

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by frozen70(f): 5:30pm On May 12, 2020
Undilutedme:
Hello nairaland family.
I trust you guys are doing fine.
I have a little problem and I need a piece of advise on how to handle it.

I have a very wonderful mother. She's caring, sweet, compassionate, name all the good characteristics of a good woman, she's got all but there's this problem I'm still having with her. SHE NEVER APPRECIATES ME, NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY. My mom will never appreciate me for anything I do, even if she does, she does it nonchalantly like it doesn't matter. She compares me with friends at every slight opportunity she gets.

There was something that happened. Momsy travelled sometime around this year and stayed for close to two months and she has a shop that she manages. The shop's generator has been bad for sometime and it's really stressful for her selling with dim lights but she refused repairing it again because according to her, the generator is consuming her money because of too much repairs every time. So I wanted to surprise her, I called a friend that fixes generator to come help me fix it so when she comes she'll see that it has been fixed. My friend came and fixed it. When momsy came back and I told her that I fixed the generator for her, she told me that, she didn't send me to fix generator for her and that she is not going to use it. According to her "I send you make you fix gen?. I say I nor wan use the gen again". I swear I was really hurt.

On another occasion was during the just concluded UTME exam. My friends wrote before me, a friend of mine had 330 so I told her, she was very happy. She was like, I pray you get something like this. Fast forward, 3 days later, I wrote mine and result came out. I scored 314, when she came, just happily told her, instead of being happy, she just hissed and said "You nor fit get reach 330?". My spirit just died immediately. She likes comparing me with my friends.

There are many occasions things have happened but I'll not bore you with unnecessary talks. It's really eating me up emotionally and psychologically. How well can I make my mom appreciate me more?. How can I please her?.

Ps: Please nobody should throw insults at her. I beg you in the name of whoever you serve. Thanks.

Am glad you said your mother is caring and loving, good

You want her to appreciate all you do but she doesn't do that.

Forget that aspect because am going to tell you why she doesn't appreciate it

She wants you to be strong and work harder

She doesn't want to spoon feed you

She doesn't want to pet or praise you and you expect that all the time

Just keep doing wonderful and your end results will make her proud

1 Like

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by seunlayi(m): 5:37pm On May 12, 2020
usj:
OP sorry for what you're going through with your mum, but I must tell you this. Your mum is a perfectionist and they are the hardest people to try and please. Such people hardly appreciate their own achievement, they hardly accept compliment and the set target so high that they can't even attained.
You love your mum and her approval means so much to you, and that's okay but its the easiest way to living a frustrated life.
Today it's your mum, but tomorrow it's going to be someone else i.e wife/husband, boss etc
Do what is right and move on.

Set your priorities right. Do what you can, things that are right for anybody not just your mum and be happy that you've met a need and not to seek approval/appreciations/compliment in return for your effort.
your mum may be treating you the same way she was treated by her own parents, she may not her liked it then but unfortunately that's the only way she knows how to deal with you.

She loves you and she just wish you're perfect which is an impossible wish for anyone. Its all up to you to come to the realization that no matter what you do not everyone will appreciate you and your mum is no exception because she is dealing with herself and not you, the earlier you realize this the better for you.


Yea, op can also help the situation my smoother communication with with the mum, let her understand you better, your plan, your action, your success, your failure, let her know all about you including your weakness. All these will help her to know how unique you are and she will blend who you are into her desires for you presently and future

2 Likes

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by jidamsel43(m): 7:54pm On May 12, 2020
Make sure you do your best for her and leave the rest for God. Nobody is perfect

1 Like

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by Bola146(f): 8:39pm On May 12, 2020
Judybash93:
Since you've figured it out, It's time for you to appreciate yourself.

Exactly.. your happiness must come first. I don't know what to call your mother, or maybe you did something wrong to her? Just be very prayerful please

1 Like

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by Lamanii22(f): 11:30pm On May 12, 2020
My mom does the same thing lol... I'm used to it.. I simply do everything for her as a good girl that I am... Even if I try not to do the things I do for her, I'd start feeling guilty... So OP keep doing you, she probably appreciates you but doesn't wanna show it....

1 Like

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by Mindlog: 11:42pm On May 12, 2020
Undilutedme:
If you engage her in a dialogue, she'll pick offense. I've tried many times. And to add too, she complains virtually about everything. She'll hardly see what you do as good.

My dad is late.

How was your relationship with her when your dad was still around?
Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by Mizwisdom(f): 2:47am On May 13, 2020
She's not the stereotypical doting mum. She's simply herself. The type that will use turning spoon to break your head if possible. Yea, they exist. Learn to live with her, that's all

1 Like

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by truespeak: 6:51am On May 13, 2020
You can't. Not in the way you would like anyway!

You are her punching bag, she uses you to let of her fustrations and pain, and this is what pleases her.

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by DyingFetus: 2:12am On Sep 21, 2023
one day your mom will be dead and you will miss spending time with her.
Re: My Mom Doesn't Appreciate Me. How Do I Handle This? by Wisidomilo9297: 3:56pm On Sep 21, 2023
I no know

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