Undilutedme:
Hello nairaland family.
I trust you guys are doing fine.
I have a little problem and I need a piece of advise on how to handle it.

I have a very wonderful mother. She's caring, sweet, compassionate, name all the good characteristics of a good woman, she's got all but there's this problem I'm still having with her. SHE NEVER APPRECIATES ME, NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY. My mom will never appreciate me for anything I do, even if she does, she does it nonchalantly like it doesn't matter. She compares me with friends at every slight opportunity she gets.

There was something that happened. Momsy travelled sometime around this year and stayed for close to two months and she has a shop that she manages. The shop's generator has been bad for sometime and it's really stressful for her selling with dim lights but she refused repairing it again because according to her, the generator is consuming her money because of too much repairs every time. So I wanted to surprise her, I called a friend that fixes generator to come help me fix it so when she comes she'll see that it has been fixed. My friend came and fixed it. When momsy came back and I told her that I fixed the generator for her, she told me that, she didn't send me to fix generator for her and that she is not going to use it. According to her "I send you make you fix gen?. I say I nor wan use the gen again". I swear I was really hurt.

On another occasion was during the just concluded UTME exam. My friends wrote before me, a friend of mine had 330 so I told her, she was very happy. She was like, I pray you get something like this. Fast forward, 3 days later, I wrote mine and result came out. I scored 314, when she came, just happily told her, instead of being happy, she just hissed and said "You nor fit get reach 330?". My spirit just died immediately. She likes comparing me with my friends.

There are many occasions things have happened but I'll not bore you with unnecessary talks. It's really eating me up emotionally and psychologically. How well can I make my mom appreciate me more?. How can I please her?.

Ps: Please nobody should throw insults at her. I beg you in the name of whoever you serve. Thanks.

bukatyne:


Sorry for the feeling.

Call her and engage her in dialogue as to your feelings respectfully especially the comparison part.

You can ask her what she expects of you so you know what you are up against (you might not be able to meet everything; you are not God).

What about your dad?

eleko1:
your momma isn’t trying to mar I U but to make u.Dnt be offend u’ll be a big boy in 5/6 yrs time.Endure it.There is none like parents

Undilutedme:
If you engage her in a dialogue, she'll pick offense. I've tried many times.

My dad is late.

Undilutedme:
Thanks bro. My mom is actually a very nice woman. This is the only part I have problem with.

bukatyne:


When did you notice this unappreciative attitude towards you? When did your dad become late? What was their relationship like? What about your other siblings?
Do you look like your dad?

Undilutedme:
Its been long she started but became worse lately. My dad died when I wasn't even big enough to know what dad was. I know nothing about him or his relationship with mom. I'm the only one left with momsy. Other kids have left.

Shinny1:
My dear if you have tried going through dialogue with her and it didn't produce any results..why don't you try taking it to God and talk to God about it and pray for God to touch her heart to start loving you
Please keep showing her love no matter what cos one day, you will be shocked that deep down in her heart she really appreciate everything...
And also I think she has a high expectations from you but you need to focus on God to be able to achieve it cos by strength shall no man prevail
Please keep loving her cos love covert all things

Undilutedme:
Hello nairaland family.
I trust you guys are doing fine.
I have a little problem and I need a piece of advise on how to handle it.

I have a very wonderful mother. She's caring, sweet, compassionate, name all the good characteristics of a good woman, she's got all but there's this problem I'm still having with her. SHE NEVER APPRECIATES ME, NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY. My mom will never appreciate me for anything I do, even if she does, she does it nonchalantly like it doesn't matter. She compares me with friends at every slight opportunity she gets.

There was something that happened. Momsy travelled sometime around this year and stayed for close to two months and she has a shop that she manages. The shop's generator has been bad for sometime and it's really stressful for her selling with dim lights but she refused repairing it again because according to her, the generator is consuming her money because of too much repairs every time. So I wanted to surprise her, I called a friend that fixes generator to come help me fix it so when she comes she'll see that it has been fixed. My friend came and fixed it. When momsy came back and I told her that I fixed the generator for her, she told me that, she didn't send me to fix generator for her and that she is not going to use it. According to her "I send you make you fix gen?. I say I nor wan use the gen again". I swear I was really hurt.

On another occasion was during the just concluded UTME exam. My friends wrote before me, a friend of mine had 330 so I told her, she was very happy. She was like, I pray you get something like this. Fast forward, 3 days later, I wrote mine and result came out. I scored 314, when she came, just happily told her, instead of being happy, she just hissed and said "You nor fit get reach 330?". My spirit just died immediately. She likes comparing me with my friends.

There are many occasions things have happened but I'll not bore you with unnecessary talks. It's really eating me up emotionally and psychologically. How well can I make my mom appreciate me more?. How can I please her?.

Ps: Please nobody should throw insults at her. I beg you in the name of whoever you serve. Thanks.

Undilutedme:
Hello nairaland family.
I trust you guys are doing fine.
I have a little problem and I need a piece of advise on how to handle it.

I have a very wonderful mother. She's caring, sweet, compassionate, name all the good characteristics of a good woman, she's got all but there's this problem I'm still having with her. SHE NEVER APPRECIATES ME, NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY. My mom will never appreciate me for anything I do, even if she does, she does it nonchalantly like it doesn't matter. She compares me with friends at every slight opportunity she gets.

There was something that happened. Momsy travelled sometime around this year and stayed for close to two months and she has a shop that she manages. The shop's generator has been bad for sometime and it's really stressful for her selling with dim lights but she refused repairing it again because according to her, the generator is consuming her money because of too much repairs every time. So I wanted to surprise her, I called a friend that fixes generator to come help me fix it so when she comes she'll see that it has been fixed. My friend came and fixed it. When momsy came back and I told her that I fixed the generator for her, she told me that, she didn't send me to fix generator for her and that she is not going to use it. According to her "I send you make you fix gen?. I say I nor wan use the gen again". I swear I was really hurt.

On another occasion was during the just concluded UTME exam. My friends wrote before me, a friend of mine had 330 so I told her, she was very happy. She was like, I pray you get something like this. Fast forward, 3 days later, I wrote mine and result came out. I scored 314, when she came, just happily told her, instead of being happy, she just hissed and said "You nor fit get reach 330?". My spirit just died immediately. She likes comparing me with my friends.

There are many occasions things have happened but I'll not bore you with unnecessary talks. It's really eating me up emotionally and psychologically. How well can I make my mom appreciate me more?. How can I please her?.

Ps: Please nobody should throw insults at her. I beg you in the name of whoever you serve. Thanks.

usj:
OP sorry for what you're going through with your mum, but I must tell you this. Your mum is a perfectionist and they are the hardest people to try and please. Such people hardly appreciate their own achievement, they hardly accept compliment and the set target so high that they can't even attained.
You love your mum and her approval means so much to you, and that's okay but its the easiest way to living a frustrated life.
Today it's your mum, but tomorrow it's going to be someone else i.e wife/husband, boss etc
Do what is right and move on.

Set your priorities right. Do what you can, things that are right for anybody not just your mum and be happy that you've met a need and not to seek approval/appreciations/compliment in return for your effort.
your mum may be treating you the same way she was treated by her own parents, she may not her liked it then but unfortunately that's the only way she knows how to deal with you.

She loves you and she just wish you're perfect which is an impossible wish for anyone. Its all up to you to come to the realization that no matter what you do not everyone will appreciate you and your mum is no exception because she is dealing with herself and not you, the earlier you realize this the better for you.

Judybash93:
Since you've figured it out, It's time for you to appreciate yourself.

Undilutedme:
If you engage her in a dialogue, she'll pick offense. I've tried many times. And to add too, she complains virtually about everything. She'll hardly see what you do as good.

My dad is late.