Testimony1988:
Maybe he didn't marry your mum legally that's why he does not want to introduce you to your mum, mind you all those activities she was forcing you to do then was to make you a better person but to her, she will think she was making you to suffer.

That her biological parents were not legally married is clearly not enough reason for her father to continue to hide the identity or whereabouts of her real mother from her until now. There seems to be more to the story. And in my opinion, harsh life experiences really do not guarantee that one becomes a "better person" as you put it, however it is noteworthy that she sustained through her ordeal.

richie240:






You really have a good imagination.
Thanks for stringing nairalanders along

#Fake story

It may not be a fake story..

Women are known to always contradict themselves. That is why it is often said that most women don't know what they want..

What a cross. But since you have survived all these years and the quest us burning in your heart, I believe you are nearing your closure.
But from your source, encourage her to reach out to your real mum if she knows her link (or her blood relations) and explain your desire to be complete. In order not to be seen as having revealed what incidentally your family didn't want to tell you (probably as a face/name saving action), your mum's people can also initiate moves from their end.
Gods grace

What if your mother was/is a Rev. Sister?

Ishilove:

Then you are likely a product of away match.

whaaaat!

private investigator ko....Same person that told u, should be able to tell u everytn or bttr still go to ur fathers village the root and start the tracing from there.

Somethings are better kept unknown

Godlovesyou28:
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum (everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I grew up being hated by my mum's (now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum (now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum (step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special (and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief (I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum (step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

YES, U NEED HER. RICH OR POOR UR MOTHER IS UR MOTHER. DON'T MIND UR SELFISH VINDICTIVE FATHER. May God help U discuss her. Ur Father may be Responsible for her Flight. Keep on Searching and Let God grant You Favour to her Discovery... Happy Sunday Girl. U are not alone.

Godlovesyou28:


My father will kill if I go that public.

ah....which kind papa be that. U need to police protection . Is he a well connected person? And hope ure financially independent

I believe you are going through so much right now. Pls don't take every advise given to you on this forum. Most of tthem may have side effect that wil taunt you later.

My take is this : fist of all, the person revealing the secret to you, find out the clue given to you were you true from someone else. Story like., is it true my cousin is the same mother as mine.

If you can get that from someone else, the person will surely give you another clue. It must be step by step.

You have to calm down, like you lost the hope already. Live a normal life.

Once again take it slowly......

Godlovesyou28:
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum (everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I grew up being hated by my mum's (now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum (now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum (step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special (and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief (I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum (step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

YES, U NEED HER. RICH OR POOR UR MOTHER IS UR MOTHER. DON'T MIND UR SELFISH VINDICTIVE FATHER. May God help U discover her. Ur Father may be Responsible for her Flight. Keep on Searching and Let God grant You Favour to her Discovery... Happy Sunday Girl. U are not alone. Be Guided Pl.

Godlovesyou28:


Please how do I locate a private investigator. Am loosing my mind.

. The first thing to do is to calm down ok, try and summon courage from your inner being and you will triumph. something happened to me and I contemplated suicide but that night I couldn't but before I slept off, I told God that if I woke up the next morning; it means that He loves me and have a great plan for me and by His grace, I woke up the next morning and I'm good now. Please be calm first, don't kill yourself. have you finished high institution? are you working or into business? build yourself and be strong first, your mom where about will surely be a thing of the past soon. Don't go public but I private investigator or someone who knows your family very well can help you but first be calm and explore other means than contemplating suicide ok, thank you.

I have read your post and all the replies. Based on the information you provided on dowry. I believe you are from the south east or south south.

My advise to you is to be very careful with your quest. Let it not drown you. Your finding your mum should be a secret only you knows. Don't ask your Dad about it any more, don't sue him, don't ask your siblings. This is inother not block any trace of you finding out who your mum is by your dad and relatives. I think a blood covenant must have been involved in the secrecy. In these region's I mentioned, returning of bride price is regarded as a bad omen sometimes.
By keeping it a secret from your people, they will think you got tired and no longer interested in finding your mum. You will be doing the finding secretly. I don't know how old you are, I would suggest you take a surprise visit to your village. But you will stay in hotel in the town. Before you travel, find out about the King or traditional ruler of your village and their wives. Also get information on who the women leader is. There is always an elderly woman who controls women affairs in these villages. Your best bet is to go through the king's wife or the women leader. Buy a gift while going, like wrapper or perfume etc. Your first trip will be to meet with the women I mentioned above. Tell them you are writing a project or thesis about your family geology or family or family tree. They are women, they won't harm you. It might involve you taken several trips to your village depending on the outcome of the first visit. Go with a book and something you can record with. You will be shocked the amount information you will get. You might be lucky and get the information on your first visit. I you get information on these people e.g their contacts. You can start the communication from Abuja. Note: it's project you doing.
Keep your plan and story away from social media until you find your mum. Your siblings might be reading your post for all know. Including your step mum. Then you can share the story. I pray it will be a happy ending. I don't know if you have watched the movie. Catch me if you can.(Leonardo DiCaprio). Play that role in this your quest. I wish you luck.

Godlovesyou28:


I don't know what the story is; and I clearly do not care how I came... Am here now, and need to know who my mother is.
But for the record, the relative told me that my father paid my real mother's dowry when he Briefly separated from my step mum but returned it afterward after sending her out to bring my step mum back. I do not care what the history is; I just want to know my real mum.

So your real mum was the usurper who wanted to destroy the marriage between your step mum and your dad?

No wonder they tried to erase every detail about her.

Maybe your step mum sister is your real mum

Godlovesyou28:
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum (everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I grew up being hated by my mum's (now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum (now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum (step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special (and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief (I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum (step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

Onyi22:

Thunder fire you

It will fire you first before it gets to me.

Listen to me and make sure you do this.

Go back to the person that told you the truth.

Plead with the person to divulge the information and promise it will be a secret between the both of you and that your on you will never tell your dad no matter what.

If possible make a monetary pledge and fulfill it after you're told.

If and when she tells you and you find the woman. Before you fully accept her as your mother, be sure to run a DNA test for confirmation first.

That's because i watched a documentary where a woman falsely claimed to be the mother of a long lost child but dna proved she wasn't the mother.

Godlovesyou28:
I just told my dad I was going to kill myself if he fails to tell me who my mum is and he told me not to mention his name on my death note and Hung up

Emrixx:
Dem don use juju for your dad
Stepmum dey control that man

that step mum did her Dad a huge favor that year. It's no juju. He owes her.

[quote author=Godlovesyou28 post=89786879]

I have been to my village twice (my grandpa's burial and sisters traditional wedding)since I was born and we never spent up to 48hours on both visit. We were also lucked up in my dads house (especially me), we only come out supervised and closely watched since my dad say everyone there is a witch or wizard. Come to think about it; I should trace that village. Please are you private investigator? If yes please may I know how you can assist and the financial implications.[/quote

Please be careful in your quest so that you don't fall into the hands of fraudstewrs, ritualists and the likes. Look for help from that area you are. U don't know who is who on nairaland. May you find love you are looking for and may God soften your heart on your decision on marriage

Godlovesyou28:


I don't know what the story is; and I clearly do not care how I came... Am here now, and need to know who my mother is.
But for the record, the relative told me that my father paid my real mother's dowry when he Briefly separated from my step mum but returned it afterward after sending her out to bring my step mum back. I do not care what the history is; I just want to know my real mum.

if you got all this info from someone, I don't know what else you want on NL. That informant has every answer you want.

Always show your step mom gratitude for bringing you up in the right way

Are you not better than your step siblings today?

Look you today, you have good home training. You can manage your home well unlike your step siblings who where pampered.

Though she hated you, but she really helped you to become a better person today.

God may have designed it that way in order to help you.

Godlovesyou28:


My father will kill if I go that public.

Is your dad a politician?

Is he a former governor of a state in the south west?

I'm my pen opinion, I think you should;


1. Know the exact place and your real date of birth, the house address of your parent when you were born

2. Go to the neighborhood in a stealth mode, as anyone that would be nice enough to tell you anything about your dad... I suggest a long time enemy/friend

3. Try to be diplomatic as much as possible in what whatever you want to ask or engage some expert

4. Make sure you are nice to those people

5. If you are a Christian pray for God's direction, this should be no one but I don't know if you are an atheist.

6. Know who to ask
Or

1. Take them to community elders forum( I don't like this though)

2. Get him drunk and ask him ( not suitable)

3. Visit shrine, I got a good location for you.


As real nigga, you don't ask the modest guy where they sell kush when you first enter the town.
Best of luck

Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!


Well my sister, I am have carefully read your episode and the directive comments over your predicament seeking for help.
All I can comment here is this

1. You are seeking for your mum and your Dad has never allowed you to have an access over your mum that is very sad and an eyes opening after some many ago. It is an eyes opening that all is not well, your mum too might have been seeking for a way to have an access on you but she never been allowed or maybe your Dad might have put her in a precarious circumstances and you say '' your Dad can kill over the matter'' my dear you need to be careful otherwise your Dad and your step mum can decide to silent you in other to inherit of give your property to your siblings

2. You have have talked, begged, cried and incessantly pleaded for access to see your mum but nothing has happened. All those you have consulted have refused to shew you or helped you out rather they keep refer you back to your Dad that is to open your eyes that the people know the kind of person your father is. So you need to thread with caution.

3. There are situations we handle with radical and though hand while some others we handle emotions so I suggest that if you want to unleash hidden secrets over your circumstances and get your mum, consider sue your Dad after arrested but she doing that still consult private investigator for more chiidn truth

4. An above all, don't hesitate to pray because prayer is everything

sinaj:
Put up your picture(especially baby pictures), your dad's picture and your step mum's picture on different social media page.

Many people have reconnected with their family this way, Im sure you will reconnect with your mum too if she is still alive and sane.

I wish you plenty of luck.

sense plenty for ur head

Godlovesyou28:


My father will kill if I go that public.

why hasnt ur dad killed the relative who told you abt your mum?it's like you aren't serious

Godlovesyou28:


Please how do I locate a private investigator. Am loosing my mind.

You need a close-knit relationship with Jesus. He will comfort you and you won't despair. If you know how to sing,go into a moment of worshipping God in your closet. Seek out Jesus personally and he will come to you with the answers you need. He will come through for you if you will do what I ask you to. And when you finally see your mum, you will be glad you did.

Godlovesyou28:
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum (everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).

I grew up being hated by my mum's (now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum (now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum (step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special (and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief (I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum (step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

You might be a product of incest and that makes revealing your mum will be very difficult.

Cos if it's so difficult for your dad to reveal to you at your age, their is more to it beyond hate.

Daisythof:


So your real mum was the usurper who wanted to destroy the marriage between your step mum and your dad?

No wonder they tried to erase every detail about her.

How is that the child's fault?

Or how on earth does that justify the identity theft?

How would your line of thought proffer solutions to her present predicaments?

Godlovesyou28:


My father will kill if I go that public.

Oh! He doesn't even want you search and get it to public space.

Trust me their is more it. You might even go more depressed if you finally get to know.

I believe he is protecting you. He has nothing to lose if all things are being equal.

Therapyken:
That her biological parents were not legally married is clearly not enough reason for her father to continue to hide the identity or whereabouts of her real mother from her until now. There seems to be more to the story. And in my opinion, harsh life experiences really do not guarantee that one becomes a "better person" as you put it, however it is noteworthy that she sustained through her ordeal.

Hahahaha, in this case case her experience was not that harsh.