Ladies, what will be your next step of action if you discovered after your marriage that your husband is not man enough, he is impotent. Because both of you were practicing total abstinence while courting. No way to discover earlier than after you have tied the nuptial knot.

Meaningful contributions are highly welcome.

Such a marriage can be declared null and void in court.  Only a wicked man will marry a woman knowing that he is incapable of fathering a child.  The law of Nigeria provides for 'voiding' (annulment) of a marriage under circumstances like the one you've described. 

[I]Lawyers in the house please shed more light on this issue of voiding or annulment of a marriage[/I].

UPDATE: There are so many cases of impotence that are due to psychological and similar factors. Those ones are curable, and you cannot annul the marriage unless it's an incurable case. I apologize for ignoring this factor in my post.

Seun, what of if you are born again Xtian who do not share the idea of divorce. You know God is agaist divorce.

This is not divorce; it's annulment. There is a difference between the two. [I]"Annulment is a legal procedure for declaring a marriage null and void. Annulment differs from divorce where the court ends an otherwise legal marriage on a specific date."[/I]

What we are saying is that since the marriage is [I]contracted[/I] based on certain [I]basic expectations[/I] and you know that you are not able to satisfy those [I]basic expectations[/I], and you go ahead and deceive your partner in order to get married, then the marriage [I]contract[/I] can be declared null and void.

This is just like what happens when you get married to someone and the person is discovered to be married to someone else! In that situation, will you say that since you "don't believe in divorce" both of you must remain married to the same man?

If, unknown to you but known to him/herat the time of the marriage:
[list][li]Your husband or wife was incapable of consummating the marriage[/li]
[li]He or she is suffering from a venereal disease in communicable form[/li]
[li]Your wife is pregnant by another man (remember, we now have DNA analysis).[/li]
[li]He/she is of unsound mind, a 'mental defective', or subject to recurrent attacks of insanity or epilepsy[/li][/list]
... then the marriage can be cancelled (annulled, voided) by a court in Nigeria.

This is different from divorce, and your lawyer is in a better position to discuss the various conditions. But it is an option that you should be aware of ([url=http://www.nigeria-law.org/Matrimonial%20Causes%20Act.htm]reference[/url])

seun but it is not as cut and dried as you seem to think the lady would have invested a lot of emotion into the relationship not to mention the high level of anticipation she must have been subject to

if i find out that the man i married is impotent (God forbid though), i would still love the guy for who he is. i mean he did not decide to make himself impotent is was biological. there are other ways to get pregnant. i will still help the guy but it would be good for a guy to tell the lady if he suspects that he is impotent before they venture into marriage then is it up to her to decide if she loves him as a person or his dick only. i mean there was a case where a guy fell in love with a HIV patient. she told him he knew it but he loved her and they got married and had a child. well of course he is infected and so is the child. i think it is a bizzare case but love is bizzare and strange at times. people will do anything when they are in love...

If the man really loves you, he will tell you he is impotent before you get married. Anyway, young people planning to get married should check for STDs, HIV, ability to consumate the marriage, et cetera before getting married.

A lot of problems can be prevented by doing due diligence. People should do their homework before allowing love to 'carry them away!'

I didn;t read other people's reply, so i don't know if anyone has said this. But if i should find out that the guy i married is impotent, the first thing on my mind would be divorce, BUT if the guy is someone I LOVE to death, I am down with adopting kids.

Hi, 
If the man did not know before (since he has not been playing around), he should not be blamed but supported. It will depend on the lady, if she wants to leave him, OK...... Let him allow her to go.....   but she should also know that she herself has not actually had a child, although medically she is OK.

So there is NO ABSOLUTE GUARANTEE she will have a child....... or worse still, live to have a child  . There are thousand of men & women who are OK but still do not have children.

Thanks.

If he's a normal guy then there are things he must have done in private that will make him to know if he's capable or not.  So how will the guy not know?  Or is your idea of impotence different from mine?  We're not talking about infertility here, you know.

Let's ask Greatpeter: Do you actually mean infertility or the man's inability to get his thingy up? When you say impotence what exactly do you mean?

To add a twist in the tale, consider the following:

Now if the guy is impotent,and you annull the marriage as suggested above, that means technically, you are still a virgin. So when the next rship comes along, are you going to test the waters before you dive in, or wait till wedding night? Since you say you want to reserve it for your husband.

So jogego has brought out another issue for us to discuss while waiting for Greatpeter's answer.

Lady X abstains from sex till your wedding night, and discovers that her husband is 'incapable' and the situation is incurable. So she decides to annul and the courts grant her the annulment on this basis. Will Lady X still be able to practice "no sex before marriage" with the next fiance? What if you are Lady X?

(personally, I think this scenario is far-fetched but it's worth some minutes of thought)

Seun:

A lot of problems can be prevented by doing due diligence. People should do their homework [I]before[/I] allowing love to 'carry them away!'

due diligence ke? seun abeg what kind of due diligence & homework does not involve pre-marital sex which you have been consistently preaching against?

Now you guys are all waking up to what I have been saying from day one. Greatpeter must have gotten this idea from my last post. Great work man.

Ya for those of you that preach no pre-marital sex why divorce the man afterall sex is not important to you. So his not being able to get it up makes no difference. Surgically some extracts can be made from him and fertilise the woman with, so you can still have kids without sex. What more do you want

Rolling on the floor with laughter

This no-sex-before-marriage issue go kill me o. Jogego you are a menta case; maybe she would give herself self medication .

legry:

Rolling on the floor with laughter

This no-sex-before-marriage issue go kill me o. Jogego you are a menta case; maybe she would give herself self medication .

Legry why u dey take style abuse me na No be wetin una talk? Say una go buy motor una no go test am?

Meanwhile all the virgins and advocates against pre-marital sex, make una talk. Am still expecting an answer to ma Q

Will you marry someone you don't love?

Angelgal:

Let's ask Greatpeter: Do you actually mean infertility or the man's inability to get his thingy up? When you say impotence what exactly do you mean?

   I mean Impotence here, Inability of the man to get his "thing" errected.So ride on.

Greatpeter:

hot-angel link=topic=612.msg8216#msg8216 date=1119929367:

I didn;t read other people's reply, so I don't know if anyone has said this. But if I should find out that the guy I married is impotent, the first thing on my mind would be divorce, BUT if the guy is someone I LOVE to death, I am down with adopting kids.

Will you marry someone you don't love?

nope...But Love has stages. If the love i have for him was just small love, i could leave him.

hot-angel:

Greatpeter link=topic=612.msg8447#msg8447 date=1119995662:

[quote author=hot-angel link=topic=612.msg8216#msg8216 date=1119929367]
I didn;t read other people's reply, so I don't know if anyone has said this. But if I should find out that the guy I married is impotent, the first thing on my mind would be divorce, BUT if the guy is someone I LOVE to death, I am down with adopting kids.

  Will you marry someone you don't love?

nope...But Love has stages. If the love I have for him was just small love, I could leave him.
[/quote]


baby girl.. there's no such thing as "small love"...

CimonJorr:

hot-angel link=topic=612.msg8452#msg8452 date=1119996351:

[quote author=Greatpeter link=topic=612.msg8447#msg8447 date=1119995662]
[quote author=hot-angel link=topic=612.msg8216#msg8216 date=1119929367]
I didn;t read other people's reply, so I don't know if anyone has said this. But if I should find out that the guy I married is impotent, the first thing on my mind would be divorce, BUT if the guy is someone I LOVE to death, I am down with adopting kids.

Will you marry someone you don't love?

nope...But Love has stages. If the love I have for him was just small love, I could leave him.
[/quote]


baby girl.. there's no such thing as "small love"...
[/quote]

okay i give up.

jogego:

To add a twist in the tale, consider the following:

Now if the guy is impotent,and you annull the marriage as suggested above, that means technically, you are still a virgin. So when the next rship comes along, are you going to test the waters before you dive in, or wait till wedding night? Since you say you want to reserve it for your husband.

How can she practice "no sex before marriage" again? Once bitten, twice shy. If she decides to wait till her wedding night for the second time, then she must be really stupid and I won't be surprised if she now ends up with a man who is not only impotent but does not even have a dick at all! Though I am on the side of "Virgins Rule" but in this case, the lady needs to test the waters.

God where are you see many sinful advice and opinions on nairaland.
God forgive us ooooo. Premarital sex is nothing but sin I am not claimimg Holiness here ooo. But God's word can't be altered.
I am a xtian and I will always remain one.
Pray for an active partner and God will guide you don't use your own judgement and understanding to pick your partner.

hot-angel:

BUT if the guy is someone I LOVE to death, I am down with adopting kids.

hot-angel, sure you would adopt kids and at the same time indulge in extra-marital affairs. Take it or leave it. You can't tell me you intend living for 30, 40, 50 years without having sex cos your husband is impotent. You would surely satisfy yourself else where.

So it's better to know before getting married so you don't destroy your home.

tayotina:

hot-angel link=topic=612.msg8216#msg8216 date=1119929367:

BUT if the guy is someone I LOVE to death, I am down with adopting kids.

hot-angel, sure you would adopt kids and at the same time indulge in extra-marital affairs. Take it or leave it. You can't tell me you intend living for 30, 40, 50 years without having sex because your husband is impotent. You would surely satisfy yourself else where.

So it's better to know before getting married so you don't destroy your home.

We will have sex, just that he can't impregnate me.

@seun, you're absolutely right, just a little addition. A marriage without consummation is annulled by the court and pronounced void ab initio... meaning void from the beginning. It was never a marriage because there can be no consummation. A man who neglects to tell his intended bride that he is impotent is beyond forgiveness, I plead forgiveness for saying that but it's just the truth.

tayotina:

hot-angel link=topic=612.msg8216#msg8216 date=1119929367:

BUT if the guy is someone I LOVE to death, I am down with adopting kids.

hot-angel, sure you would adopt kids and at the same time indulge in extra-marital affairs. Take it or leave it. You can't tell me you intend living for 30, 40, 50 years without having sex because your husband is impotent. You would surely satisfy yourself else where.

So it's better to know before getting married so you don't destroy your home.

Tayobaby, i give you 20 gbosa. You are absolutely correct. Na your side I dey.

tayotina:


hot-angel, sure you would adopt kids and at the same time indulge in extra-marital affairs. Take it or leave it.  You can't tell me you intend living for 30, 40, 50 years without having sex because your husband is impotent.  You would surely satisfy yourself else where.

So it's better to know before getting married so you don't destroy your home.

It is very possible for her not to have sex. We still have men and women of God who never married and therefore, did not have sex till they died. Sex is not unavoidable (though it's unavoidable for me as an individual ).

IAH, is hot-angel a woman of God?

On a more serious note IAH, it is not possible. She's human for crying out loud. Abeg let's get real here and stop deceiving ourselves.

It is VERY possible. There are people who make a decision to stay chaste all their lives. Yes, we have such people. Mother Theresa was a virgin till she died, Pope John Paul and many other priests and nuns and even people who are neither priests nor nuns are doing without sex. It is POSSIBLE to live without sex till you die. (But not for ME sha)

This is not a matter of remaining chaste.  All those whose names you mentioned never got married IAH. She is married and cannot have sex because her husband is impotent.  Her husband cannot perform.  If she had any intention of remaining chaste, she wouldn't have gotten married in the first place.