From what I know ... that trauma does not go away. As some suggested ... it may be a made up story ... part of a hidden agenda. Possible. If true.... she first have to have a whole lot of trust in you for her to even bring it out. You will see the trauma.... as if it happened yesterday... it is very difficult to relive the ordeal... and you will know that part of her life is not up for discussion. She most likely warned you not to raise it again. From experience... never raise the topic... nor mention anything that will make her have flashbacks. If you're watching a movie... and rape is involved... say nothing. If you know the uncle... confront him... it is very possible she was not the only one molested... he is a pedophile... on the loose. Maybe she'll get some inner satisfaction if he is arrested or beaten down. There are a whole lot of rape victims ... silent... even here on Nairaland... they live with that trauma buried behind smiles. Just don't raise the topic. Look around... when you see young girls behaving recklessly... drinking... smoking... behaving anyhow.... most times the root cause is not bad parenting but rape. I'm trying hard to help one such now... doesn't care if she lives or die... said it is better if she is dead...victim of rape.. can't deal with the trauma. Know guys... went to prison... got raped.. back out on the street... traumatized... lost.. all spaces out. Again.... do not raise the topic with her... ever.
Spiritfun: I have a wonderful relationship with an amazing woman. She's a complete spec of all I ever wanted in a woman. She's extremely beautiful, kind, supportive... She doesn't hesitate to buy me gifts even in her moment of lack.
I'm convinced beyond all doubts that we're SOULMATES. Our love story is very interesting and we're truly in love. Time will fail me to discuss US in this thread.
However, we both agreed mutually to have sex only after we're married but she has a very ugly memory that's hunting and hurting her emotions so much that we really need find a solution to it before it causes us a great damage.
MY FIANCÉE WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED AT A VERY TENDER AGE BY A RELATIVE WHO LIVED WITH THEM. She was molested uncountably by this monter of an Uncle who took advantage of her who found pleasure in defiling a primary school pupil.
I've tried so much to counsel her but somehow, I still believe she's not totally free from that trauma. I was a victim of sexual abuse, as well but I found the courage to heal on time but my Fiancée is still battling with this horrible experience.
I hate to see my woman in pains cos I truly and genuinely love her.
I Need help urgently on how best to help my woman heal from this ugly encounter. Please, anyone with practical experience should advise me on how to handle this situation and save my fiancée from this trauma.
Mods, kindly help me reach a wider audience.
1. What stage of life are you guys? University, working, NYSC, Job seekers etc?
2. Where did you meet? What age did you meet?
3. Are you saying she has not had sex or been in a relationship since the abuse?
3b: if no, why her decision to abstain before marriage in your relationship?
She needs a mental health professional. First step is to speak out Then follow the healing process. Check out "Unviel Mental health" they handle issues like this.
What r u talking about, a girl of 22 is holding on to a memory of what happened at say 6,7 or even 15. Just an excuse for the unfortunate guy not to determine her body count, blaming d uncle who has forgotten he did so in his teenage years, manipulating him till marriage, you r saying rape claims
My guy, if u r reading, see my wise advice for you, the antedote for snake bite is a powerful anti poison. Just think about it.
If you are matured enough, you should know that people react to situations differently. Most of us are being held back by what happened in our childhood and was supressed to the subconscious only to resurfaced in our adult stage to torment us. Some people don't ever get to remember it at all while some remember. Some of those who remember just smile and move in while some hold on tight to it unconsciously. What makes you think some people commit suicide after heart break, some break things, some fight while some just weep and walk away. Life is not all about sex man. 80% of files out there were molested at childhood by either family member of family friend. Some don't even remember it while some like the the babe in question live with that trauma.
Originalsly: From what I know ... that trauma does not go away. As some suggested ... it may be a made up story ... part of a hidden agenda. Possible. If true.... she first have to have a whole lot of trust in you for her to even bring it out. You will see the trauma.... as if it happened yesterday... it is very difficult to relive the ordeal... and you will know that part of her life is not up for discussion. She most likely warned you not to raise it again. From experience... never raise the topic... nor mention anything that will make her have flashbacks. If you're watching a movie... and rape is involved... say nothing. If you know the uncle... confront him... it is very possible she was not the only one molested... he is a pedophile... on the loose. Maybe she'll get some inner satisfaction if he is arrested or beaten down. There are a whole lot of rape victims ... silent... even here on Nairaland... they live with that trauma buried behind smiles. Just don't raise the topic. Look around... when you see young girls behaving recklessly... drinking... smoking... behaving anyhow.... most times the root cause is not bad parenting but rape. I'm trying hard to help one such now... doesn't care if she lives or die... said it is better if she is dead...victim of rape.. can't deal with the trauma. Know guys... went to prison... got raped.. back out on the street... traumatized... lost.. all spaces out. Again.... do not raise the topic with her... ever.
Most People here won't understand this. They don't know people reach differently to rape or molestation. Some go into full time prostitution even later in life without even remember they ever got raped. Some commit suicide while some avoid men like plague. Some even end up as lesbians and we don't understand why they ended up like that. Some become very hotel to men even when th man is nice to them.
Spiritfun: I have a wonderful relationship with an amazing woman. She's a complete spec of all I ever wanted in a woman. She's extremely beautiful, kind, supportive... She doesn't hesitate to buy me gifts even in her moment of lack.
I'm convinced beyond all doubts that we're SOULMATES. Our love story is very interesting and we're truly in love. Time will fail me to discuss US in this thread.
However, we both agreed mutually to have sex only after we're married but she has a very ugly memory that's hunting and hurting her emotions so much that we really need find a solution to it before it causes us a great damage.
MY FIANCÉE WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED AT A VERY TENDER AGE BY A RELATIVE WHO LIVED WITH THEM. She was molested uncountably by this monter of an Uncle who took advantage of her who found pleasure in defiling a primary school pupil.
I've tried so much to counsel her but somehow, I still believe she's not totally free from that trauma. I was a victim of sexual abuse, as well but I found the courage to heal on time but my Fiancée is still battling with this horrible experience.
I hate to see my woman in pains cos I truly and genuinely love her.
I Need help urgently on how best to help my woman heal from this ugly encounter. Please, anyone with practical experience should advise me on how to handle this situation and save my fiancée from this trauma.
Mods, kindly help me reach a wider audience.
Sorry for what happened to your lady but I don't think this is the right place to bring such sensitive issue,most people here are insane and not give a damn, take her to see your pastor or a therapist
Spiritfun: I have a wonderful relationship with an amazing woman. She's a complete spec of all I ever wanted in a woman. She's extremely beautiful, kind, supportive... She doesn't hesitate to buy me gifts even in her moment of lack.
I'm convinced beyond all doubts that we're SOULMATES. Our love story is very interesting and we're truly in love. Time will fail me to discuss US in this thread.
However, we both agreed mutually to have sex only after we're married but she has a very ugly memory that's hunting and hurting her emotions so much that we really need find a solution to it before it causes us a great damage.
MY FIANCÉE WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED AT A VERY TENDER AGE BY A RELATIVE WHO LIVED WITH THEM. She was molested uncountably by this monter of an Uncle who took advantage of her who found pleasure in defiling a primary school pupil.
I've tried so much to counsel her but somehow, I still believe she's not totally free from that trauma. I was a victim of sexual abuse, as well but I found the courage to heal on time but my Fiancée is still battling with this horrible experience.
I hate to see my woman in pains cos I truly and genuinely love her.
I Need help urgently on how best to help my woman heal from this ugly encounter. Please, anyone with practical experience should advise me on how to handle this situation and save my fiancée from this trauma.
Mods, kindly help me reach a wider audience.
How long have u been dating?? How old is she? Use ur experience to help her though it’s differently handled in male and female bt she should have gotten over it. She needs to let the pain and betrayal go. Don’t let become an emotional burden.
CaveAdullam: The road is wide, broad and very gigantic, and all forms of manipulative rationalizations must be efficiently put in place in order not to get caught by her own tenterhooks.
Why is it that it's only women that are unable to overcome sexual abuse when they were young unlike men? How come they remember nothing from childhood except the "sexual abuse?"
I'm kind of perplexed how women can easily ride different d!cks, and never attach any real enotional energy to them, but never forget a "sexual abuse" when they were young. They can exit a relationship brusquely, and latch onto another, and every past memory is easily wiped out. Hahahaha! The game is not for the weak!
Of course, there are outliers, but on a general note, women claim victims of sexual abuse in order to ensconced their years of lasciviousness. They are trying to recuperate for their lost years, and must do whatever possible. They are done with their transactions in the sexual market place, and must cash out with a truckloads of benefits. If they lose out of the game, they are doomed! Therefore, subtle stunts must be pulled, emotions must be carefully calibrated and to sum it up: women don't allow themselves to be bounded by the strictures of logical reasoning and morality. They're more smarter than men in the intersexual dynamics.
In a culture like ours where promiscuity is shamed, women are expected to be chaste, but since they've messed up with their prime years, they will quickly develop all forms of victim syndrome to escape the unintended consequences of their prior actions. And only naive men fall such kind of scams.
If u want to marry her just do so. Stop believing does lame lies. She is trying to woe u. Forget does trash. She can still bang that dick if she wishes. So just try to pet her (as that's what she wants.) And Move on.
Ask her if she had sex after that incident. If she says no, brother, you need to check well. She's not even suppose to date you if she's truly holding to that incident.
A man I know awaited sex after marriage only to discover that the wife had 'rotten egg' between her legs! The man divorced her pronto. Man, that lady has something else she is hiding. Be on your guard and stop being emotional.
You're the toddler if you think all rape claims are lies and all relationships must involve sex.
Instead of men to be learning how to grow wealth, they are busy teaching you how to include sex in everything you do and on whoever you are with. I hope sex will save you when men come out for war.
This is the time to stay with her!!! Don’t ever entertain such discussions because u go de carry her go bad memory but rather encourage her n please don’t sleep with her till marriage! God will give u the grace to do it!
With time she would go over it. Marry her,Bleep her well and impregnate her, she would forget it. She is not the first, it would wade off once life becomes busier and engaging. Mtchww
She's indirectly telling the OP not to expect palatable puna after the marriage.. Though its very true trauma still haunt after a very long time but not too long from primary school pupil upto adulthood. After my accident, for a long time I can't just close my eye if not that I am sleeping because what I see is that accident. But now so many things don happen for person life so that one is by-the-way..
Spiritfun: I have a wonderful relationship with an amazing woman. She's a complete spec of all I ever wanted in a woman. She's extremely beautiful, kind, supportive... She doesn't hesitate to buy me gifts even in her moment of lack.
I'm convinced beyond all doubts that we're SOULMATES. Our love story is very interesting and we're truly in love. Time will fail me to discuss US in this thread.
However, we both agreed mutually to have sex only after we're married but she has a very ugly memory that's hunting and hurting her emotions so much that we really need find a solution to it before it causes us a great damage.
MY FIANCÉE WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED AT A VERY TENDER AGE BY A RELATIVE WHO LIVED WITH THEM. She was molested uncountably by this monter of an Uncle who took advantage of her who found pleasure in defiling a primary school pupil.
I've tried so much to counsel her but somehow, I still believe she's not totally free from that trauma. I was a victim of sexual abuse, as well but I found the courage to heal on time but my Fiancée is still battling with this horrible experience.
I hate to see my woman in pains cos I truly and genuinely love her.
I Need help urgently on how best to help my woman heal from this ugly encounter. Please, anyone with practical experience should advise me on how to handle this situation and save my fiancée from this trauma.
Spiritfun: I have a wonderful relationship with an amazing woman. She's a complete spec of all I ever wanted in a woman. She's extremely beautiful, kind, supportive... She doesn't hesitate to buy me gifts even in her moment of lack.
I'm convinced beyond all doubts that we're SOULMATES. Our love story is very interesting and we're truly in love. Time will fail me to discuss US in this thread.
However, we both agreed mutually to have sex only after we're married but she has a very ugly memory that's hunting and hurting her emotions so much that we really need find a solution to it before it causes us a great damage.
MY FIANCÉE WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED AT A VERY TENDER AGE BY A RELATIVE WHO LIVED WITH THEM. She was molested uncountably by this monter of an Uncle who took advantage of her who found pleasure in defiling a primary school pupil.
I've tried so much to counsel her but somehow, I still believe she's not totally free from that trauma. I was a victim of sexual abuse, as well but I found the courage to heal on time but my Fiancée is still battling with this horrible experience.
I hate to see my woman in pains cos I truly and genuinely love her.
I Need help urgently on how best to help my woman heal from this ugly encounter. Please, anyone with practical experience should advise me on how to handle this situation and save my fiancée from this trauma.
Mods, kindly help me reach a wider audience.
Tell her go see a Therapist. Its not your job to try save anyone. It will consume you.
CaveAdullam: The road is wide, broad and very gigantic, and all forms of manipulative rationalizations must be efficiently put in place in order not to get caught by her own tenterhooks.
Why is it that it's only women that are unable to overcome sexual abuse when they were young unlike men? How come they remember nothing from childhood except the "sexual abuse?"
I'm kind of perplexed how women can easily ride different d!cks, and never attach any real enotional energy to them, but never forget a "sexual abuse" when they were young. They can exit a relationship brusquely, and latch onto another, and every past memory is easily wiped out. Hahahaha! The game is not for the weak!
Of course, there are outliers, but on a general note, women claim victims of sexual abuse in order to ensconced their years of lasciviousness. They are trying to recuperate for their lost years, and must do whatever possible. They are done with their transactions in the sexual market place, and must cash out with a truckloads of benefits. If they lose out of the game, they are doomed! Therefore, subtle stunts must be pulled, emotions must be carefully calibrated and to sum it up: women don't allow themselves to be bounded by the strictures of logical reasoning and morality. They're more smarter than men in the intersexual dynamics.
In a culture like ours where promiscuity is shamed, women are expected to be chaste, but since they've messed up with their prime years, they will quickly develop all forms of victim syndrome to escape the unintended consequences of their prior actions. And only naive men fall such kind of scams.
Kings, be wise!
Thanks.
If nobody's ever told you, you got a mental problem. A serious one.
What r u talking about, a girl of 22 is holding on to a memory of what happened at say 6,7 or even 15. Just an excuse for the unfortunate guy not to determine her body count, blaming d uncle who has forgotten he did so in his teenage years, manipulating him till marriage, you r saying rape claims
My guy, if u r reading, see my wise advice for you, the antedote for snake bite is a powerful anti poison. Just think about it.
So, its ok for A TEENAGER to have sex with a baby?!?! You're sick as hell, you know that right?
Spiritfun: I have a wonderful relationship with an amazing woman. She's a complete spec of all I ever wanted in a woman. She's extremely beautiful, kind, supportive... She doesn't hesitate to buy me gifts even in her moment of lack.
I'm convinced beyond all doubts that we're SOULMATES. Our love story is very interesting and we're truly in love. Time will fail me to discuss US in this thread.
However, we both agreed mutually to have sex only after we're married but she has a very ugly memory that's hunting and hurting her emotions so much that we really need find a solution to it before it causes us a great damage.
MY FIANCÉE WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED AT A VERY TENDER AGE BY A RELATIVE WHO LIVED WITH THEM. She was molested uncountably by this monter of an Uncle who took advantage of her who found pleasure in defiling a primary school pupil.
I've tried so much to counsel her but somehow, I still believe she's not totally free from that trauma. I was a victim of sexual abuse, as well but I found the courage to heal on time but my Fiancée is still battling with this horrible experience.
I hate to see my woman in pains cos I truly and genuinely love her.
I Need help urgently on how best to help my woman heal from this ugly encounter. Please, anyone with practical experience should advise me on how to handle this situation and save my fiancée from this trauma.
Mods, kindly help me reach a wider audience.
She's psychological damaged and this will affect your marriage so bad that you will want out within one year.
Your only saving grace will be to marry more than one wife, if not, Konji will finish you. See eeh, this babe is already mentally fvcked to where sex is and it's very dangerous.
CaveAdullam: The road is wide, broad and very gigantic, and all forms of manipulative rationalizations must be efficiently put in place in order not to get caught by her own tenterhooks.
Why is it that it's only women that are unable to overcome sexual abuse when they were young unlike men? How come they remember nothing from childhood except the "sexual abuse?"
I'm kind of perplexed how women can easily ride different d!cks, and never attach any real enotional energy to them, but never forget a "sexual abuse" when they were young. They can exit a relationship brusquely, and latch onto another, and every past memory is easily wiped out. Hahahaha! The game is not for the weak!
Of course, there are outliers, but on a general note, women claim victims of sexual abuse in order to ensconced their years of lasciviousness. They are trying to recuperate for their lost years, and must do whatever possible. They are done with their transactions in the sexual market place, and must cash out with a truckloads of benefits. If they lose out of the game, they are doomed! Therefore, subtle stunts must be pulled, emotions must be carefully calibrated and to sum it up: women don't allow themselves to be bounded by the strictures of logical reasoning and morality. They're more smarter than men in the intersexual dynamics.
In a culture like ours where promiscuity is shamed, women are expected to be chaste, but since they've messed up with their prime years, they will quickly develop all forms of victim syndrome to escape the unintended consequences of their prior actions. And only naive men fall such kind of scams.
Kings, be wise!
Thanks.
Abeg I done read wetin I wan hear correct man, out of thread...
