See let me tell u. All the guys who believe that it is a must that women change their last names are truly misguided. Because this is just a tradition that was brought to us by our colonial masters. We africans never had to adhere to such a thing. Even Muslim women, under Islamic law are allowed to keep their family names after getting married. You can confirm the latter statement if you want. So I don't see why a woman must change her name after getting married.

^^^ . . .KUDOS!!!

Mrs.Chima:

Good for you. No one said you couldn't change your name. We said women have a choice to change their name or not and you made it.

You are still the same person even with a new surname.

I dont believe that I said anyone said that I couldnt and yes I agree I am the same person with the new surname.

w

Deep_Sight:

1. What's wrong with wikipedia as a reference for information only. I hope you know everything there is contested and reviewed.

2. The reference to that article is simply to show that there are different traditions in differen parts of the world. Once that is reconised, we can appreciate that it is not "nature" that determines this thing, but tradition.

Tradition can be flexible, and needn't be cast in stone.

I wonder if you noted the contradiction within your post. You point out that that Icelandic tradition was formerly used in much of Scandinavia, but you then insinuate that we should retain a system which has its roots in the past? Come on.

Induvidual like me and you have access to edit and do anything on wikipedia.

and pls who told you tradition is a flexible thing ( Go tell Igbo people that won)

I will like you to google the same wikipedia and check what they meant by tradition.

is scandinavia a part of nigeria cus i find it hard to understand yu that every country has her own and cultures and moral values.

Classic case of substance vs form (facade).

It is more important to fight for the substance of equality, than to fret over the facade of equality.

Having said that, in the original post, it seems strange to call off a wedding because the woman doesn't want to change her name.

seedord247:


Induvidual like me and you have access to edit and do anything on wikipedia.

That's only partially true. You don't understand wiki's system. When you edit info on wiki, if you refresh your brwoser, you will see that that info does not appear immediately on the site. The editted text only shows on your laptop and not on the server. Other users cannot see it.

It is only published to the common server after it has gone through wikipedia's quality checks.

Wiki is quite reliable because every article provides references and those that do not have a warning at the top of the article indicating that wiki cannot confirm the article because it has no references. Articles may also be contested based on facts. There is also a warning at the top of contested articles stating that such articles are contested. Most of the contributors to wiki are seasoned professors and advanced academics who are authourities in their various fields. It is thus a really great resource. Any way, aside from all this grammar, you needn't challenge wiki information in basics such as that which I posted, ubless you are stating that such information is false.

and pls who told you tradition is a flexible thing ( Go tell Igbo people that won)

Yes indeed, tradition evolves. Once upon a time women were viewed as property: that is no longer the case: that is just one example of evolving tradition.

is scandinavia a part of nigeria cus i find it hard to understand yu that every country has her own and cultures and moral values.

Is the thread discussion limited to Nigerian traditions? Even at that there is absolutely no reason examples from around the world cannot be deployed, is there?

For those women  clamoring  to keep their father's surname name after wedding.

I will like to know whose surname they are going to give their children.

If they have a joint transaction e.g Bank account or property, how will they be addressed. for example Mr&Mrs Joan.

Though there are no laws that says "a woman must use her husband' surname", but it is done to avoid unnecessary confusion and identity crisis.

HD62:

See let me tell u. All the guys who believe that it is a must that women change their last names are truly misguided. Because this is just a tradition that was brought to us by our colonial masters. We africans never had to adhere to such a thing. Even Muslim women, under Islamic law are allowed to keep their family names after getting married. You can confirm the latter statement if you want. So I don't see why a woman must change her name after getting married.

Good point. A lot of people arguing that it is "tradition" do not even know that African women never had to change their names after marriage before colonialism. I made that point in an earlier post. In most parts of Asia and the Middle East, married women keep their names too. I don't see the big deal in this. Does changing her name make an uncaring, irresponsible, selfish woman a good wife and mother?

emmatok:

For those women  clamoring  to keep their father's surname name after wedding.

I will like to know whose surname they are going to give their children.

If they have a joint transaction e.g Bank account or property, how will they be addressed. for example Mr&Mrs Joan.

Though there are no laws that says "a woman must use her husband' surname", but it is done to avoid unnecessary confusion and identity crisis.

Even people who are unrelated have joint accounts or property, that defeats your argument already. Same surname doesn't make joint ownership any easier.

Like i said earlier, i know a marriage where the man insisted that his kids bear the surnames of both he and his wife. She didn't change her own name and the kids bear both surnames. They have been married for 15 years now, so apparently the confusion and identity crisis you talk about is not as big an issue as you would expect in an organised society with good recordkeeping systems and all. Like i keep saying, whatever works for a couple should be what they do. There's no right or wrong way about this issue. Neither the Bible nor the Quran say a woman must change her name. The African tradition doesn't either (at least not where i come from).

hello fellow nairalander, this issue is very important,reasons that most of u guys are not married if not u will know what it take 4 u to be married and d woman who is living under your proof still bearing or using her maidan name, it signify that u have not pay her bride price. at the sametime it does not brings sense of belong, she is simply telling u that u are not d right person 4 her. guys be warn!!.

naijangel7:

Good point. A lot of people arguing that it is "tradition" do not even know that African women never had to change their names after marriage before colonialism. I made that point in an earlier post. In most parts of Asia and the Middle East, married women keep their names too. I don't see the big deal in this. Does changing her name make an uncaring, irresponsible, selfish woman a good wife and mother?





Even people who are unrelated have joint accounts or property, that defeats your argument already. Same surname doesn't make joint ownership any easier.

Like i said earlier, i know a marriage where the man insisted that his kids bear the surnames of both he and his wife. She didn't change her own name and the kids bear both surnames. They have been married for 15 years now, so apparently the confusion and identity crisis you talk about is not as big an issue as you would expect in an organised society with good recordkeeping systems and all. Like i keep saying, whatever works for a couple should be what they do. There's no right or wrong way about this issue. Neither the Bible nor the Quran say a woman must change her name. The African tradition doesn't either (at least not where i come from).

Hey please tell me that Birth-certificate in the world that indicate a child has two surname .Every human being is supposed to have one surname and not two .

It is either the father's surname or mother' surname, the innocent child should never be come into the politics of surnames.

emmatok:

Hey please tell me that Birth-certificate in the world that indicate a child has two surname .Every human being is supposed to have one surname and not two .

It is either the father's surname or mother' surname, the innocent child should never be come into the politics of surnames.

Excuse me, you never heard of a hyphenated surname made up of two surnames all your life?

And how is the child "poor" or caught up in "politics" if both parents decide on what s/he should bear? The child is entitled to a change of name as soon as s/he's an adult too. afterall, there are families where kids of the same parents bear different surnames. You go say you never see that one before too abi?

As i stated earlier uniform surname  is given to families in other avoid unnecessary confusion and identity crisis.

Imagine husband and wife being address as Mr Emeka and Mrs Chibuzo. When they are supposed to be Mr & Mrs ,

emmatok:

As i stated earlier uniform surname  is given to families in other avoid unnecessary confusion and identity crisis.

Imagine[b] husband and wife being address as Mr Emeka and Mrs Chibuzo[/b]. When they are supposed to be Mr & Mrs ,

naijangel7:

Excuse me, you never heard of a hyphenated surname made up of two surnames all your life?

And how is the child "poor" or caught up in "politics" if both parents decide on what s/he should bear? The child is entitled to a change of name as soon as s/he's an adult too. afterall, there are families where kids of the same parents bear different surnames. You go say you never see that one before too abi?

And how would you give your so called "hyphenated surname" to a child. Is da hubby also using hyphenated surname.

The hyphenated surname is the invention of the woman(since she wants to keep her father's name ) it is not the official family name.

emmatok:


And how would you give your so called "hyphenated surname" to a child. Is da hubby also using hyphenated surname.

The hyphenated surname is the invention of the woman(since she wants to keep her father's name ) it is not the official family name.

Fail. It's actually the man's idea. Both of them are my friends and neighbours. The woman says she was against it at first as she thought her exotic-sounding name might be negative for the kids as in bullying and all that. But they are teenagers now and still no problem.

Na wa o

Obviously it's a matter of preference, and a decision to be made together before the wedding.

Personally, I would not want a different surname from my children, if I am so blessed.  Therefore, taking HIS name or at the least, hyphenating my name, would be the way to go.  It's all about the bambinos.  

omo_to_dun:

Like I asked Professor Chima earlier, if both parents also have hyphenated surnames, what then will be surname of the children? It is funny how Africans always consistently and conveniently bring up the fact some, or most of, our current traditions were handed unto us by our colonial masters; if our traditions were better, why did we adopt foreign ones? However, as an individualist who firmly believes that people should do whatever they wish as long as they are not hurting anyone, I am at ease with women choosing whatever name they want to.

Scenario 1: To address your concern, let's look at scenario 1, where an Ibo woman whose surname is hyphenated marries a Yoruba man whose surname is also hyphenated.
[size=14pt]
Okonkwo-Okajifor-Fashola-Akeredolu[/size]



Scenario 2, where a woman keeps her maiden name and both husband and wife attend a fundraising event in which they are being introduced along with Mr. and Mrs. Obama.

Ladies and gentlemen we now welcome Mr and Mrs Obama. Response from crowd: Hooray!

Ladies and gentlemen, we now welcome Mr. Fashola and Mrs. Chibuzor. Response from crowd: why are they not married? Who is that jump off he is bringing to this gathering?



Scenario 3, where a woman keeps her maiden name and has three kids for the husband.
Father/Husband: Babatunde Raji Fashola     Mother/Wife: Ronke Oyenuga

Child 1: Dele Fashola
Child 2: Bisi Fashola
Child 3: Tope Fashola

I can see the children saying, mommy, why are you not part of us? Are you really our mother? Did you adopt us? We want to meet our real mother?

Princek12:

[size=14pt]
Okonkwo-Okajifor-Fashola-Akeredolu[/size]

LWKMD. 

Some people are complicating a very simple concept. All women are asking for is the right to personal choice. Is that too much to ask?

There's objection when she's considering doing other than tradition, but there's no problem if she goes by Ashley rather than Ijeoma, if she studies medicine rather than staying and bearing children at age 16, or if she wears a white dress on her wedding day. For those of you who didn't know, white wedding dresses are not only a part of the same western tradition some of you lambast, they're also supposed to be for virgins only. That's some food for thought isn't it? According to tradition, men and women should be virgins at the time of marriage: no be so. According to tradition, men can marry many wives: no be so. According to tradition, women have three main roles in life: cleaner, child bearer, and head chef. Again, no be so. Don't tell me open-minded women can't have their cake and eat it too if you're not telling yourself the exact same thing. If you want tradition? Fine, but don't be selective about it and then regard women as inferior, dumb, feminists, westernized, etc. I can give too many instances of both Nigerian men and women doing away with tradition so don't try to mention it like it's something sacred.

Personal choice. That's all. Whether she takes her husband's name or not is not the issue. The issue is that she has the right to make a rational decision before starting a new chapter in her life. I think that's fair considering whichever decision is made, the couple will have to live with it onward.

I know for a fact a woman should keep her family name in order to not lost her family Identity down the line. The woman should keep her family name hyphenated by her husband name plan and simply. A name is very importand in life.

LOL @ imagine husband & wife being address as mr.emeka and mrs.chibuzo

Husband & wife as Mr.smith & Mrs.goldberg, does this apply any sense to those ones with the good sense?

If i try this with any lady after my marriage, my kid might wake up one morning to ask me:

Dad, is there any problem in this family? why you & mummy are not sharing the same surname?

I'll end up regretting the kind of silly marriage i involve myself into lol

ogugua88:

Some people are complicating a very simple concept. All women are asking for is the right to personal choice. Is that too much to ask?

There's objection when she's considering doing other than tradition, but there's no problem if she goes by Ashley rather than Ijeoma, if she studies medicine rather than staying and bearing children at age 16, or if she wears a white dress on her wedding day. For those of you who didn't know, white wedding dresses are not only a part of the same western tradition some of you lambast, they're also supposed to be for virgins only. That's some food for thought isn't it? According to tradition, men and women should be virgins at the time of marriage: no be so. According to tradition, men can marry many wives: no be so. According to tradition, women have three main roles in life: cleaner, child bearer, and head chef. Again, no be so. Don't tell me open-minded women can't have their cake and eat it too if you're not telling yourself the exact same thing. If you want tradition? Fine, but don't be selective about it and then regard women as inferior, dumb, feminists, westernized, etc. I can give too many instances of both Nigerian men and women doing away with tradition so don't try to mention it like it's something sacred.

Personal choice. That's all. Whether she takes her husband's name or not is not the issue. The issue is that she has the right to make a rational decision before starting a new chapter in her life. I think that's fair considering whichever decision is made, the couple will have to live with it onward.

No one is saying women do not have the right to exercise their choice of keeping their name, but the practicalities of exercising that choice:

(1) First, she cannot exercise that choice to keep her name after marriage unless the husband consents to it. Because if he does not consent to it, then they will either not marry or get a divorce if they can't resolve that issue.

(2) Second, as a practical matter, what are the effects if the woman exercises her choice.

Anyone can presumably exercise their power to do something, but the main issue is the consequences that flow when that power is exercised.

The only choice the woman has when it comes to this name issue is to

(1) stay single OR
(2) find a husband who will consent to her keeping her last name.
That is what you call reasoning.

If a woman wants to keep her last name she shouldnt bother getting married or look for a guy who has the same last name as her

Princek12:

To address your concern, let's look at scenario 1, where an Ibo woman whose surname is hyphenated marries a Yoruba man whose surname is also hyphenated.
[size=14pt]
Okonkwo-Okajifor-Fashola-Akeredolu[/size]  

While the above is made for laughs, such a union - intertribal - is actually just the sort that screams out for the hyphenated surname.  You can miss out and get passed up for success if you are perceived to be something you are not.  Let's face it, some people are still prejudiced about that.  For example, if you reside and do business in Lagos, and you are a Yoruba woman from an "old" Lagos family, you are not going to use only your Igbo husband's last name, and get treated like an interloper, because someone thinks you haven't paid your dues.  I know of such a couple, and I don't think the husband cries over it.  If he did, I'm sure he got over it real quick.  I mean, let's start getting real!  Some things are a no-brainer.  People may have valid reasons for doing things.  It's not always black or white.  Similarly, an Anglo co-worker in the U.S. married a Mexican.  You think she changed her name?  The hubby didnt care.  To him, a green card was more important than having his wife answer to "Perez."

That is what worked for them.  It wouldn't necessarily be my choice.

One of the most important woman in Global history

Margareth Roberts adopted the last name of her Husband Thatcher and she is known Globally as Margareth Thatcher

I rememba same thing like diz happens wit a white connecticut school boy of 17yrs old in 2001 by shooting his parent & committin suicide @ d same time

He stated in his note dat his fam were not unite at all, no love, they always hv lil feud wit each oda to d extent that they dnt share d same surname as a family. He says his teachers had 2 use diff names to address his parent, his colleagues ridiculous him bout it 2 make his life luk miserable