Shayron:
I have been on this forum for quite sometime, I have been a guest all this while but my friend is in desperate need of help so I figure out it would be better if I seek you guys opinion.

I have a friend who's uncle is a well to do man works in a big organization and can use is influence to secure jobs or loans for my freind.

My freind has been at his Mercy for quite some time now, she is very hard-working though but she has witnessed the man help those who ain't even family members secure jobs in great places.

This is someone she calls family and uncle. This is not the first time of seeing this, I have seen this quite a lot it's very common amongst our people here in the south.



My question is why do family members turn your backs on you even though they have the power to help you out of your current situation. Blood they say is Thicke than water if I can't help my cousin or nephew then why are we family. She has been begging this man, and this man clearly can work things out.
She has a work herself but it's not self sustaining coupled with the act that she has younger ones to look after.

I have told her to look elsewhere that sometimes our helpers are not close as we think? What kinda advie would you give her

ultimateprof:
First of all, your friend could have spiritual problem, let her go and remove the blockage first. Secondly, your friend should know that legally that her uncle own her nothing, if her uncle decided to help her, that is a privilege not a right.

SeriouslySense:
That is good, if any family needs your assistance, and if you can help, help them.


But don't expect anything from anyone, and i pray i never have to ask anyone for help, i rather help others.


Family in Nigeria has turn to only family, when you need money. For me money is not even what is important. Its the togetherness and kindness and good relationship, that you can count on. Lol everyone in Nigeria is all about money . And how they can benefit quickly .

Some requests are annoying, they think you are a bank, and they ask for huge money, they know, they cannot pay back, and they are not transparent. This family, the way they do it now in Nigeria, one has to be cautious

Lebronjames23:
lol u re absolutely right, I don't expect anything in return when I render assistance the Lil way I can. Right now sef. Im dead broke, but to ask now ehn dey do me somehow.. But what can we do? Family is family. God help us

SeriouslySense:
Normally if a family have a quality relationship, if there is kindness in spirit, understanding and they are very thoughtful, then you will always get help, when you are really down, but to me, the way family is taken in Nigeria, is superficial, no good relationship, or kindness or respect, its all about money request, and how to play smart.

I really hate that.

Lebronjames23:
my guy I've asked and asked for help, even when I was shivering due to hunger, but none of them helped. A friend of mine called me that same day and asked how I was doing .. I was like ur guy wan die of hunger o, immediately he asked for my details and sent 5k to me. I cried sef while thanking him. So u see its not until u re related by blood.. !! And funny enough I call to check up on my uncles ,aunties..not until I need money b4 i remember them

SeriouslySense:
Its sad that your family was not bothered tat you are hungry, and they could have discuss how you can stand on your two feet, any family member of mine must not go hungry, as long as i can help. They should have asked if you have any idea on how you can stand on your two feet and how they can help you stand on your two feet.
Thats the kind of talk i usually have with any relative that is such urgency.

Shayron:
I have been on this forum for quite sometime, I have been a guest all this while but my friend is in desperate need of help so I figure out it would be better if I seek you guys opinion.

I have a friend who's uncle is a well to do man works in a big organization and can use is influence to secure jobs or loans for my freind.

My freind has been at his Mercy for quite some time now, she is very hard-working though but she has witnessed the man help those who ain't even family members secure jobs in great places.

This is someone she calls family and uncle. This is not the first time of seeing this, I have seen this quite a lot it's very common amongst our people here in the south.

My question is why do family members turn your backs on you even though they have the power to help you out of your current situation. Blood they say is Thicke than water if I can't help my cousin or nephew then why are we family. She has been begging this man, and this man clearly can work things out.
She has a work herself but it's not self sustaining coupled with the act that she has younger ones to look after.

I have told her to look elsewhere that sometimes our helpers are not close as we think? What kinda advie would you give her

Lebronjames23:
my guy I'm just really tired, they won't ask.. Okay I asked for a capital to start a small business. They ignored, I locked up. Went to do menial jobs to support myself and Mum.. E no easy walahi. There was a time I saw my mum crying . my guy I weak. As at now!! Im just tired of everything! Did u know I even tried to end everything? Most times I wish I wasn't born sef. Lol . I'm 27 and I don't have a source of income, I don't have a degree too.. Doing menial jobs to survive.

yemi1504:


Welcome to Nigeria, especially the South. I also have rich uncles my Dad helped when he was rich but no help whatsoever from them and you wonder why we as a people except the Igbos are not affluent societies. I rest my case.

NovusHomo:


No one owes you a living. Sort yourself out. That was what most of us did. Everyone wants their relatives to help them. They ask for help all of them at the same time. What do you want those folks to do about their own children? If Nigerian parents know how to make many children, they should have a plan on how they want to raise those children. When you have ten children, you should stop bothering the man who chose to have only two. We all know how to have sex; some just control the urge, plan their family, or better still, plan ahead. Now, go back to watching BBNaija while your uncles and aunts keep making money.

slawormiir:
Damnnn niggar
Just normal for Africans


They don't want to help their loved ones

Not knowing that the easiest way to become a Billionaire is to ensure that you help people around you to become a millionaire first....

And I have noticed something...it seems the uncles from our mother side are more caring and assisting than those moda fuckkking uncles from our fathers family .....and the most annoying thing is that we always share the same ancestral surname with those fuckkking uncles from the fathers family....still they will not be willing to help

So op...if that your friend's uncle is from the father's family....your friend should not rely on him...
Anyway....what do I know....am just a weed smoker, a pussy banger and a drunkard

SeriouslySense:
One of my relative is like you he has no degree, so its more challenging to know what he can do to stand on his two feet, but he told me that he will learn how to repair phones, but he is not sure how strong his brain can be to obtain this knowledge within a short time, he is not sure that he can learn fast, so i gave him capital to start learning how to repair phones, he is getting old, and hard labor is not sustainable.

My advise is is find something to do or learn, it can be simple things like cooking, or fishery, or anything you are good at, or you have talent in, or it can be making shoes, making something, you know yourself. Now you have to brain storm ask yourself what is good for you to do, even if is small small, or gradually, somethings take time.

SeriouslySense:
Not all southerners are like that, the Igbo Model of bringing people up is really good, something to adopt, so people around one, can stand on their two feet

Shayron:
I have been on this forum for quite sometime, I have been a guest all this while but my friend is in desperate need of help so I figure out it would be better if I seek you guys opinion.

I have a friend who's uncle is a well to do man works in a big organization and can use is influence to secure jobs or loans for my freind.

My freind has been at his Mercy for quite some time now, she is very hard-working though but she has witnessed the man help those who ain't even family members secure jobs in great places.

This is someone she calls family and uncle. This is not the first time of seeing this, I have seen this quite a lot it's very common amongst our people here in the south.

My question is why do family members turn your backs on you even though they have the power to help you out of your current situation. Blood they say is Thicke than water if I can't help my cousin or nephew then why are we family. She has been begging this man, and this man clearly can work things out.
She has a work herself but it's not self sustaining coupled with the act that she has younger ones to look after.

I have told her to look elsewhere that sometimes our helpers are not close as we think? What kinda advie would you give her

yemi1504:


I already mentioned that in my comment sir that except the Igbos, other Southern tribes are nothing as regards this issue!

SeriouslySense:
I do help my fellow tribe get on their feet, even though i am not Igbo. Once i know they are serious or have planned to become independent, we as other tribe in the south have to copy this attitude of helping others establish, it should be encouraged.

1MILLIONLiGHTS:
Family? I don't believe in that concept again.

yemi1504:


Same here sir unfortunately, I don't think my tribe of Y0rubas will ever change concerning this! I don't need family's help anyways, I will do fine even though it might take longer without them! But nobody should say I am vindictive when I pay them back in their own coins by not giving a damn about them too! I am already doing that anyways!

yemi1504:


That is nonsense! We pride ourselves as Africans on community living and now behaving like the whites we deride. Unlike the whites, we don't have opportunities here, so how do you expect the person to sort himself out? I thought the Obi Cubana case and the Igbos in general helping their people to become affluent should be a lesson but other Southern tribes are not willing to learn that lesson! It is just unfortunate that the people we refuse to help show up at family functions, if they were vindictive like me and don't show up, we will see we really have a problem!

SeriouslySense:
Sadly, when you are doing fine, that is when they'll remember that you are family.

NovusHomo:


Your reference to Obi Cubana almost stopped me from responding to your submission. But please note the following:
1. Count me out of communal living in which most members are parasites who think having many wives and children is an accomplishment.
2. God did not favor the whites over blacks. White folks created opportunities for themselves.
3. There is no lesson to learn from obi Cubana. He has only succeeded in taking profligacy to another level. It has to be a record, really, one at which the white man will forever marvel. The next few years will bring out copious writings on this topic (Cubana) by those whose job is to do so. They have started already. I read a column on the topic in Tribune sometime last week or so.
4. I remember Charles Darwin's Theory of Evolution (the change in the characteristics of a species over several generations) which essentially talks about what he referred to as "natural selection". Simply put, it is that all human have natural gifts and capabilities. Those who can't or won't develop these will be phased out by nature. "Racist" as this theory is, because his research was carried out in Madagascar (in Africa), Africa and Africans are proving the theory to be correct and on point.
I hope you did not find this to be nonsense.

Vivov21e:
nobody owes you shiiitttttt
U heard me right?

yemi1504:


Once again, I ask , do we have the opportunities to become someone here unlike abroad? I can bet a billion dollars that you will not answer that question.

Awolowo once said "those children you refused to train...", Complete it yourself! And you now wonder why kidnapping is on a rise in the country!

If we don't have a communal living spirit, the kidnapping cases will soon become something else where someone can make it here and not sleep with two eyes closed because of your and such mindset!

I rest my case.

I hope I schooled you here and you are welcome. Atimes, it is not everybody you reply. There are people that have experiences, you will not experience even in 10 lifetimes and I am not even bragging!

ume1000:
you owe your family everything

You share some blocks of dna

If u cannot help your flesh and blood who would you help

NovusHomo:


Now its insults. Typical, when logic is too much to grasp. You schooled me . If only you knew! I told you already: white people create opportunities for themselves and their societies. Its nice to cite Obafemi Awolowo. Everybody does without putting his sayings in context. Awo was referring to the larger society and the role of leaders, especially political leaders. Apply that to parents (leaders in each household), and the implication is huge. Eventually, it is society that pays the price of their laziness and carelessness. Why not ask your "communal living" members to stop having children like rabbits. Tell them to come together and clean up all the unoccupied land in the neighborhoods to plant vegetables instead of whinnying about rising cost of food items? In places with better economies, people grow their own food as a hobby. Shouldn't that be a necessity to poorer economies? But they wont, they expect their uncles and aunties to give them money for food. How do you expect someone with two children to help someone with ten? What is going to remain for him to raise his own children? In the end they drag you to their own level. Helping such folks eventually leads to your own poverty. I refuse to be made poor because of some family members who do not understand what life entails. It is the feeling of entitlement that you attempt to cloak in the garment of morality. I DO NOT CARE. Let each carry his own responsibility. Thank you teacher. I stop here. There is no need for you to respond.

Beancounter94:


Because in Nigeria, when you use your influence to get loans for family members, that loan won't get paid back. Attempts to get that money would be met with 'but we are family now?'

Because in Nigeria, when you get a job for a family member, that job won't be well done, because 'i am related to the big person, no one can touch me'

The concept of family in Nigeria is 'taking advantage of someone because that someone is related to me'. Better to help stangers than to help family.

P.S The job your firend may be going for,....she might not be qualified.

oyeb15:
Inborn rivalry. If the eldest child is the first millionaire in the family, he/she won't want the younger ones to reach that feat so that they will remain at his/her mercy as the leader.

But,If the younger or youngest child is the first millionaire, the family will balance like the case of the Obi cubanas , emoney etc

Shayron:
I have been on this forum for quite sometime, I have been a guest all this while but my friend is in desperate need of help so I figure out it would be better if I seek you guys opinion.

I have a friend who's uncle is a well to do man works in a big organization and can use is influence to secure jobs or loans for my freind.

My freind has been at his Mercy for quite some time now, she is very hard-working though but she has witnessed the man help those who ain't even family members secure jobs in great places.

This is someone she calls family and uncle. This is not the first time of seeing this, I have seen this quite a lot it's very common amongst our people here in the south.

My question is why do family members turn your backs on you even though they have the power to help you out of your current situation. Blood they say is Thicke than water if I can't help my cousin or nephew then why are we family. She has been begging this man, and this man clearly can work things out.
She has a work herself but it's not self sustaining coupled with the act that she has younger ones to look after.

I have told her to look elsewhere that sometimes our helpers are not close as we think? What kinda advie would you give her