Lessons123:
I agree I as well have a bit of a temper sometimes when frustrated.

Inform us of your other flaws, so that you don't come in here painting your wife black while you pretend to be a saint, and receive advice from small boys.

If you're looking to do things for people so that they will be indebted or grateful to you, you've missed the point of doing good. With your own wife you're still looking for how to count what you did in the back of your head, so that you can demand gratefulness?

Do what is right and responsible by your family and leave the rest to God. Your issue is debt, not her gratefulness. What made you open a business without proper research?

Lessons123:
I have a wife and blessed with a daughter, I earn extremely high and I am in a debt of over 2m monthly as a result of paying for a loan monthly to set up a business for my wife which has gulped over 30m and still a failure though this is the second failure of business opened.

I decided to open the business as we both agreed she should resign as her salary as a teacher was the same salary with one of our two maids.

The issue is despite doing very well financially, my wife always gives me issues and there doesn't seem to be any love apart from me being her daily ATM.

There was actually a phase when I had challenges financially and she was the only person to mock me.

I need your advice as the quarrels are becoming too constant and the severe quarrels are majorly related to my brother in laws and sister in laws. Mind you my brother in law has been living with us and disrespects me and she defends him. Also before the marriage she was a very humble and tolerating lady until the business was opened. Sometimes I feel guilty as my dad had to sell his house in lekki and is in the process of buying a house in Ajah because he needed only 10m to complete his house in the village, which I could have easily provided if it wasn't for my indebtedness through my wife.

Mature advise please.

if you cannot send the idiot and her brother away then you're a simp.



Also you don't need to come online for advise. If I were you I'd raise hell and show her craze

TenQ:

You are moving too fast, slow down bro and think
1. Focus on paying off your debt
2. Build a comfortable savings
As for your wife,
You need to go back to the foundation because it seems all along your marriage had been built on nothing but your finances.

But step by step Bro!
1. Spoil her silly with your availability to her
2. Spoil her silly with the little things like words of appreciation, snacks, dinners outings, vacation BUT not money
3. After six months of daily doing the above, arrange a special 4-5 days of vacation between the two of you in a resort and initiate a special DISCUSSION based on the themes below

1. Do you have the same mindset of the purpose of you marrying each other?
2. What attracted you both to each other in the first place?
3. What is tearing you apart now in your marriage?
4. What are you willing to overlook about the weaknesses of your wife?
5. What are the things you are not willing to overlook about her behaviours?


Do both of you have any spiritual values? Pray and bind every spiritual influence.

Note:
1. If your wife cannot manage a business, set her up with a good school around you while you discreetly pay her salary through the Principal until she is ready again.
2. The condition of reopening a business for her should be that the does apprenticeship for ONE solid successful year with someone who is in her line of business.

Shalom

Too many unmarried people giving you advise. Watch out please.

Money cannot buy Love and Honour.
Your Time and Availability
Your Positive Words
Your Care

These are the things that do the magic.

Dear Special Adviser,


Kindly be informed that I am not the Op and I will appreciate if you learn how to quote the right person instead of giving me unsolicited mention.

Thank you and may God bless you.

Lessons123:
I do not want to think divorce or cheat on her as I have strong moral values against cheating.

Are you seriously saying this sir? No divorce? Even when it is obvious she is choking you? With all due respect bro...you need to man up, grow some balls down there. Like seriously.

Let me give you an example. I don't know what that brother inlaw of yours have done, but when next it repeats itself, slap the OMG outta him. That will be before you set him packing, if he gets too violent, call the police or bouncers on him.

And if your wife does the usual by trying to defend him, lock her up in one of the rooms for the whole day and threaten to deal with any fool that tries letting her out (no beating). Finally, never spend any more dime on the woman until you are done with the said debt. As for your sister in law, I don't know what she has done, but I doubt she will try anything stupid after she'd seen how you handled the sister. But stay away from her cooking hence.

See bro...it's time you man up. You are an African man for Christ sake, act like one. Let them know you have kept quiet for too long. And if you have a gun or machete, it's time to use it and scare the fuvk outta them. No go shot or cut anybody oo...but do it in such a way that your kinsmen go hear the story. Enough of the nonsense!

But if you continue with this your gentle man nonsense, read my lips "you-will-die!" And those bitches will proudly possess those riches you think you have, ripping where they did not sow. I rest my case.

Kobojunkie:
1. Stop feeling guilty over your Dad's issue.... the moment you left home to live with your own family, your father's plans became your father's plans and not yours. You now have bigger fish to fry of your own.... your family. It is brutal but the truth.

2. You say your brother-in-law lives with you, but you never mentioned how old he is and if he pays rent to live with you. What exactly do you feel disrespected by him for?

3. Does your sister-in-law also live with you? What is the quarrel about her?

4. As for your wife, you want her to be grateful, can you please be more specific as to what it is your quarrel with her is?

Guy what you're are saying is very stupid like the man is out here pouring out his pains and that of majority of naija men who live with entitled women n you're asking irrelevant question like wtf stays with his in-laws n pays rent, this days it's becoming a norm where u get married and it's like u don buy the woman family market which is exactly wats happening and you're are saying that his own dad issues does not concern him, guy if u don't have any advice for him you for like shut up

mariahAngel:


Most times, mischievous people create new accounts just to post controversial hate inducing stories (especially towards women).

At first, they'd engage contributors for a short while, then before you know it, they're nowhere to be seen to answer questions.
Before you know it, it turns into a war of ugly words between males and females, next thing you, it hits front-page.
That's why!

Did you create yours with an old account or a new one? It determines the authenticity of the story.

They create new account if their main is known to avoid stigma. I thought you even had a strong evidence as to why it is a fake story, nawa for Nigerians o no wonder efcc and police de always label any young successful person as a yahoo boy or criminal, the police and efcc are a replica of the people, tueh!

ibechris:




The way and manner u slander women is abhoring and totally unacceptable. There are so many good women out there who are both beautiful in mind.

Stop this slander and extreme criticisms as it would do u no good. I remember how many times my wife contributed to my business without me asking her a dime and she never collected all those millions back till this day until my work and business got back to where it is today. And as a pay back for her good intentions,I had to gift her a car.

Pls,I hate it when it seems as though women are our problems in marriage and in our work places. Every woman deserves to be respected.

Stop this hate.

You are still young , you can't drag me along as you pay back your debt.

Xilsbridalhouse:

You concluded it is a Fake story how ?

This was how I uploaded a true life story of how I was scammed and one FBI wannabe lady was shouting it is fake it is fake !


If you have no solid evidence of how true or false a story is, don’t go about nullifying it.

Don't mind her

They create new account if their main is known to avoid stigma. I thought you even had a strong evidence as to why it is a fake story, nawa for Nigerians o no wonder efcc and police de always label any young successful person as a yahoo boy or criminal, the police and efcc are a replica of the people, tueh!

This is a fake story. Go and live with your fake life please

Lessons123:
I have a wife and blessed with a daughter, I earn extremely high and I am in a debt of over 2m monthly as a result of paying for a loan monthly to set up a business for my wife which has gulped over 30m and still a failure though this is the second failure of business opened.

I decided to open the business as we both agreed she should resign as her salary as a teacher was the same salary with one of our two maids.

The issue is despite doing very well financially, my wife always gives me issues and there doesn't seem to be any love apart from me being her daily ATM.

There was actually a phase when I had challenges financially and she was the only person to mock me.

I need your advice as the quarrels are becoming too constant and the severe quarrels are majorly related to my brother in laws and sister in laws. Mind you my brother in law has been living with us and disrespects me and she defends him. Also before the marriage she was a very humble and tolerating lady until the business was opened. Sometimes I feel guilty as my dad had to sell his house in lekki and is in the process of buying a house in Ajah because he needed only 10m to complete his house in the village, which I could have easily provided if it wasn't for my indebtedness through my wife.

Mature advise please.

Start by exiting non members of your nuclear family from your house. Let your wife go back to work. As u said the business is a failure so why continue?

EmptyGarden:
All women have this extreme sense of entitlement after marriage.

Some not all. Based on what OP wrote, he used money to win her over. She never loved him. She's using him for money. OP also has low self esteem

Born2conquer:

That’s how Nairaland is, they believe everybody is jobless to create a fake story

My story entered front page on how Car dealer scammed me and everybody was shouting FAKE story.

Why would i compose a fake story on Nairaland?? Will I be paid per view?

Exactly, truth be told...it takes a lot to create a new account just to post fake story, unless the person is a regular troll and those stories would easily be detected as being false.

Lessons123:
I do not want to think divorce or cheat on her as I have strong moral values against cheating.

First of all, you have low self esteem. Be honest with yourself. You used money to win her over right? Your wife doesn't truly love you or respect you. She only loves and respects your money

Since you don't want to divorce, accept the above truth and learn to live with it.

Now, as for her bad behaviour, you're enabling it. By not setting boundaries and asserting them with consequences, you're allowing her to mistreat and disrespect you. I'm guessing that you lack self confidence

It will take time to build your self esteem and self confidence. Take it one step at a time and start standing up to her misbehaviour. Start setting boundaries with consequences and asserting them. Please don't be passive aggressive. Don't do stonewalling or silent treatment. Be open, honest, and direct

When you lack self confidence, women like her can see it and they take advantage of it

She is not a good woman so you cannot be vulnerable with her. She will just use your vulnerability against you

If you should have a son, please advice him to never use money to win over a woman. Money can NEVER buy love and respect. NEVER

HRHQueenPhil:



Simple issue
Do Tuface style and leave d home without telling her...find a small place to stay..,take leave and don't say a word to her only ur friend or child shld tell her
U will see how she will humble herself and sort out d issues u are having with her
God is ur strength, just go to Abuja and listen to apostle Joshua Selman, if he can pray for u, good
Listen to dunsin everyday and apostle messages or Bishop David Oyedepo
Congratulations, u will return with good news

That's a coward move

A woman will never appreciate your help no matter what unless the sensible ones

Lessons123:
I have a wife and blessed with a daughter, I earn extremely high and I am in a debt of over 2m monthly as a result of paying for a loan monthly to set up a business for my wife which has gulped over 30m and still a failure though this is the second failure of business opened.

I decided to open the business as we both agreed she should resign as her salary as a teacher was the same salary with one of our two maids.

The issue is despite doing very well financially, my wife always gives me issues and there doesn't seem to be any love apart from me being her daily ATM.

There was actually a phase when I had challenges financially and she was the only person to mock me.

I need your advice as the quarrels are becoming too constant and the severe quarrels are majorly related to my brother in laws and sister in laws. Mind you my brother in law has been living with us and disrespects me and she defends him. Also before the marriage she was a very humble and tolerating lady until the business was opened. Sometimes I feel guilty as my dad had to sell his house in lekki and is in the process of buying a house in Ajah because he needed only 10m to complete his house in the village, which I could have easily provided if it wasn't for my indebtedness through my wife.

Mature advise please.

. Divorce her and move on. SIMPLE AND HONEST AND STRAIGHT TO THE POINT.

Ogaaa , send all of them away.
Na by force?

PlayMaker14:
Dear Special Adviser,


Kindly be informed that I am not the Op and I will appreciate if you learn how to quote the right person instead of giving me unsolicited mention.

Thank you and may God bless you.

I'm sure there are more matured way of registering the thoughts of your mind.

EmptyGarden:
All women have this extreme sense of entitlement after marriage.

Only this your statement can spend me from getting married, you mean after working hard

Kobojunkie:
So how does he disrespect you?

You can always ask for a new arrangement since he has a job. You can ask that he begin contributing to the grocery bill, or pay electricity bill or something if it is the case that he does not respect the cost of running the household. You get him to sign a contract stating he will pay his share.

Which side of the world are you from? Definitely not Nigeria lol

Lessons123:
I have a wife and blessed with a daughter, I earn extremely high and I am in a debt of over 2m monthly as a result of paying for a loan monthly to set up a business for my wife which has gulped over 30m and still a failure though this is the second failure of business opened.

I decided to open the business as we both agreed she should resign as her salary as a teacher was the same salary with one of our two maids.

The issue is despite doing very well financially, my wife always gives me issues and there doesn't seem to be any love apart from me being her daily ATM.

There was actually a phase when I had challenges financially and she was the only person to mock me.

I need your advice as the quarrels are becoming too constant and the severe quarrels are majorly related to my brother in laws and sister in laws. Mind you my brother in law has been living with us and disrespects me and she defends him. Also before the marriage she was a very humble and tolerating lady until the business was opened. Sometimes I feel guilty as my dad had to sell his house in lekki and is in the process of buying a house in Ajah because he needed only 10m to complete his house in the village, which I could have easily provided if it wasn't for my indebtedness through my wife.

Mature advise please.

Sadly, I don't give SIMPs advice.

It's of no use to them.

Your brother in law is disrespecting in your own house and you don't know what to do about it?

SIMPs have no shame, aswear.

Nonsense.

Kobojunkie:
Rather that lump all issues as one, believing your wife is to blame for them all, start taking responsibility for the parts you played in creating them.

See each individual problem for what it is and begin tackling them each making sure to take everyone along with you.

You must be a lady eith this your advice.

teeste:


Let her go back to her teaching job. The more you invested in a woman, the more the regrets. That money could have been used for a life insurance for your children. Women don't deserve this treatment you guys are giving them. That gender wasn't created to give, so putting so much in their custody is a wrong move!

hmmm, word!!!

teeste:


You are still young , you can't drag me along as you pay back your debt.

U are u just spreading ur stupidity every where.
Any talk about women,u will stretch ur tiny neck talking as if u created women.

U talk and responds like a frustrated man. Ur hate over women will surely keep u in regretful mood except u change ur barbaric thinking.

teeste:


Let her go back to her teaching job. The more you invested in a woman, the more the regrets. That money could have been used for a life insurance for your children. Women don't deserve this treatment you guys are giving them. That gender wasn't created to give, so putting so much in their custody is a wrong move!

Be calming down bro

This una hatred for women is becoming too much!

How exactly do we offend you people?

Read the book called "Anatomy of female power" by the Nigerian author, Chinweizu. You will understand everything that is going on with you.

I feel very sorry for you because you have already entered the trap.

You can download and read the book below:

https://b-ok.cc/book/2329793/349711

Lessons123:
I have a wife and blessed with a daughter, I earn extremely high and I am in a debt of over 2m monthly as a result of paying for a loan monthly to set up a business for my wife which has gulped over 30m and still a failure though this is the second failure of business opened.

I decided to open the business as we both agreed she should resign as her salary as a teacher was the same salary with one of our two maids.

The issue is despite doing very well financially, my wife always gives me issues and there doesn't seem to be any love apart from me being her daily ATM.

There was actually a phase when I had challenges financially and she was the only person to mock me.

I need your advice as the quarrels are becoming too constant and the severe quarrels are majorly related to my brother in laws and sister in laws. Mind you my brother in law has been living with us and disrespects me and she defends him. Also before the marriage she was a very humble and tolerating lady until the business was opened. Sometimes I feel guilty as my dad had to sell his house in lekki and is in the process of buying a house in Ajah because he needed only 10m to complete his house in the village, which I could have easily provided if it wasn't for my indebtedness through my wife.

Mature advise please.

You seek mature advise, but are you ready, are you man enough to heed a seemingly difficult advise?

Ok, here's an advise from someone who appreciates what you are going through, for the fact that I am married and been through similar situation:
Nothing will make your wife change. NOTHING
She will keep on being herself, to your chagrin, and she's gonna do worse things.
If you expect her to change, then you're living in a fool's paradise.
With this in mind, it is up to you to do what you believe is best. Nobody will tell you what. You get to that phase when you're thoroughly frustrated and at your wit's end.

God speed.

HRHQueenPhil:



Simple issue
Do Tuface style and leave d home without telling her...find a small place to stay..,take leave and don't say a word to her only ur friend or child shld tell her
U will see how she will humble herself and sort out d issues u are having with her
God is ur strength, just go to Abuja and listen to apostle Joshua Selman, if he can pray for u, good
Listen to dunsin everyday and apostle messages or Bishop David Oyedepo
Congratulations, u will return with good news

you are just a tool in the hands of pastorpreneurs. Who do una gender like this. Kai.

My brother, you have to be a MAN. The following suggestions might be of help to you:
Send your brother inlaw packing with 3 months notice.
Be assertive and firm with your wife going forward.
Do not disclose your earnings to your wife.
Don't give room for any un necessary demands from her.
Starve her of luxury for a while so she can appreciate you.

Note: I am married and I am speaking from experience.

Above all pray for her to succeed in her business but don't pamper her when she goes wrong.

Lessons123:
I have a wife and blessed with a daughter, I earn extremely high and I am in a debt of over 2m monthly as a result of paying for a loan monthly to set up a business for my wife which has gulped over 30m and still a failure though this is the second failure of business opened.

I decided to open the business as we both agreed she should resign as her salary as a teacher was the same salary with one of our two maids.

The issue is despite doing very well financially, my wife always gives me issues and there doesn't seem to be any love apart from me being her daily ATM.

There was actually a phase when I had challenges financially and she was the only person to mock me.

I need your advice as the quarrels are becoming too constant and the severe quarrels are majorly related to my brother in laws and sister in laws. Mind you my brother in law has been living with us and disrespects me and she defends him. Also before the marriage she was a very humble and tolerating lady until the business was opened. Sometimes I feel guilty as my dad had to sell his house in lekki and is in the process of buying a house in Ajah because he needed only 10m to complete his house in the village, which I could have easily provided if it wasn't for my indebtedness through my wife.

Mature advise please.

You are just being a gentleman and and she is just being the wild cat

It's time to make up your mind on how best to deal with her

Draw a line that for now, you don't want your inlaws visits or stay in your house

Next move, once it's now your family alone, give her the attitude that will humble her, make her to change from bad to good or she is free to leave the home

Take only action follow her, don't talk because any negative statements from you is a weapon against you

Stop whatever business you are setting up for her, if the business hasn't been yielding any profit, so that you can clear your debt

Her income is not even enough to feed the family so let her go back to teaching if possible, since her character changed after you set up the business

Reduce your domestic staff to just one and she will be forced to do some house chores that will keep her busy

You can go into plan B of any business to support the family or hold on and clear your loan debt hanging on you

Time will tell you what next to do, after thinking about all I mentioned

I think you are spoiling her but you were actually building her as a future back up

Some women don't know how to treasure a gold simply because they didn't sweat to have it

Leave her!!!!!!!!

Love and business shouldn't mix .. my father's words. I'm a married woman also and my husband invested in my business so did my father but there's a written agreement on how their money would be paid which was signed by 4 witnesses two from my side two from my husband side . To God be the glory I haven't defaulted even though my husband tells me to forget about the money but still pay and I have a record for it. I have earned both my father's and my husband respect by honoring our agreement.