Your death is very near. You better run away from that woman before you die untimely

OP there is time for everything.
A time to laugh and time to cry
A time to eat and time to work
A time to be calm and time to be restless
A time to be soft. and hard
Display sanity and madness
be Loving and xtremely terrible

Pray for divine wisdom only yu know all corners are ur life.

Lessons123:
I have a wife and blessed with a daughter, I earn extremely high and I am in a debt of over 2m monthly as a result of paying for a loan monthly to set up a business for my wife which has gulped over 30m and still a failure though this is the second failure of business opened.

I decided to open the business as we both agreed she should resign as her salary as a teacher was the same salary with

The issue is despite doing very well financially, my wife always gives me issues and there doesn't seem to be any love apart from me being her daily ATM.

There was actually a phase when I had challenges financially and she was the only person to mock me.

I need your advice as the quarrels are becoming too constant and the severe quarrels are majorly related to my brother in laws and sister in laws. Mind you my brother in law has been living with us and disrespects me and she defends him. Also before the marriage she was a very humble and tolerating lady until the business was opened. Sometimes I feel guilty as my dad had to sell his house in lekki and is in the process of buying a house in Ajah because he needed only 10m to complete his house in the village, which I could have easily provided if it wasn't for my indebtedness through my wife.

Mature advise please.

You can’t function well in a toxic environment. Take a break and reorganize yourself and thoughts. Then come back home and set things right the way it ought to be. Give her a chance to also express herself. All in all, protect your little girl from all form of toxicity. May be the Wisdom of God guide you.

Take a sudden vac. Like a week.
Comeback and be determined she sees a new you.

However I don't think you two can age well together.

Kobojunkie:
[s]1. Stop feeling guilty over your Dad's issue.... the moment you left home to live with your own family, your father's plans became your father's plans and not yours. You now have bigger fish to fry of your own.... your family. It is brutal but the truth.

2. You say your brother-in-law lives with you, but you never mentioned how old he is and if he pays rent to live with you. What exactly do you feel disrespected by him for?

3. Does your sister-in-law also live with you? What is the quarrel about her?

4. As for your wife, you want her to be grateful, can you please be more specific as to what it is your quarrel with her is? [/s]

Delete this nonsense abeg. It reeks of entitlement.

OP should finance the loan in peace but that brother in-law has to go. Simple.

Lessons123:
I have a wife and blessed with a daughter, I earn extremely high and I am in a debt of over 2m monthly as a result of paying for a loan monthly to set up a business for my wife which has gulped over 30m and still a failure though this is the second failure of business opened.

I decided to open the business as we both agreed she should resign as her salary as a teacher was the same salary with one of our two maids.

The issue is despite doing very well financially, my wife always gives me issues and there doesn't seem to be any love apart from me being her daily ATM.

There was actually a phase when I had challenges financially and she was the only person to mock me.

I need your advice as the quarrels are becoming too constant and the severe quarrels are majorly related to my brother in laws and sister in laws. Mind you my brother in law has been living with us and disrespects me and she defends him. Also before the marriage she was a very humble and tolerating lady until the business was opened. Sometimes I feel guilty as my dad had to sell his house in lekki and is in the process of buying a house in Ajah because he needed only 10m to complete his house in the village, which I could have easily provided if it wasn't for my indebtedness through my wife.

Mature advise please.

Chai. YOU NEED TO STAMP YOUR AUTHORITY IN YOUR HOUSE, IN YOUR MARRIAGE.
Personal advice, CLOSE THAT BUSINESS AND BLOCK EVERY FORM OF FINANCIAL LEAKAGES. FORCE THAT INLAW OR WHATEVER OUT OF YOUR HOME. You may decide to use a bit of force or use the instruments of the law to effectively achieve that. Unfortunately, YOU URGENTLY NEED TO BLOCK ALL SORT OF COMMUNICATION BETWEEN YOUR WIFE AND HER SIBLINGS folks will criticise me here but truth is thru your wife, they're milking you of your hard earned income and also disrespecting you.

greenie77:
Another tales by moonlight!

Created an account today to tell the story of how he set up a business for his wife which has gulped over 30 million naira and has failed.

"My dad had to sell his house in lekki and is in the process of buying a house in Ajah because he needed only 10m to complete his house in the village which I could have easily provided if it wasn't for my indebtedness through my wife"......Who sells prime property in Lekki because he needed to complete a village house?

Thank u jare. See as e dey even call money anyhow. Which woman will act like that? The story looks fake to me. And as usual, people have already started fuming

PlayMaker14:
If you cannot read the handwriting on the wall and advise yourself, then you're not fit to be called a MAN.


You're already facilitating your leap to death, Use your head.


A word for the wise is enough.

The "you are not fit to be called a man" is highly unnecessary to be honest. Its a very toxic statement.

Lessons123:
I have a wife and blessed with a daughter, I earn extremely high and I am in a debt of over 2m monthly as a result of paying for a loan monthly to set up a business for my wife which has gulped over 30m and still a failure though this is the second failure of business opened.

I decided to open the business as we both agreed she should resign as her salary as a teacher was the same salary with one of our two maids.

The issue is despite doing very well financially, my wife always gives me issues and there doesn't seem to be any love apart from me being her daily ATM.

There was actually a phase when I had challenges financially and she was the only person to mock me.

I need your advice as the quarrels are becoming too constant and the severe quarrels are majorly related to my brother in laws and sister in laws. Mind you my brother in law has been living with us and disrespects me and she defends him. Also before the marriage she was a very humble and tolerating lady until the business was opened. Sometimes I feel guilty as my dad had to sell his house in lekki and is in the process of buying a house in Ajah because he needed only 10m to complete his house in the village, which I could have easily provided if it wasn't for my indebtedness through my wife.

Mature advise please.

my brother you have try your best from the look of things your wife is not an entrepreneur let her hustle ,find job for her and let her feel it herself let her make the money from her sweat and see how est she can manage that ,dont fight with her just be your self and let her know you cant keep funding her cos you are in debt ....your brother inlaw issue,,humm you re the man be the man in the house control your home with peace and maturity give some bill indirectly to the boys if he doesnt wanna have sense he will and if he cant he should find his way..i repeat enough of your debt oooooo

Blacks, particularly Africans confuse the cultural necessity for marriage with the practical realities of that institution. Our culture requires us to marry and stick it out regardless of what happens in the marriage inorder to procreate and take our place within an outdated and ireelevant social strata. Practical realities demand that we realise that this relationship is no different from any other type of relationship. If your side of the story is to be believed, you have an enemy combatant at home, someone who does not have your interest at heart and someone who does not have your back. You just happen to call her your wife. There is no where God encouraged you to continue to expose yourself to an enemy who will likely take your life if the price is right or put you in the way of serious harm. Cheating on her will not even begin to address your problem. When you marry, you put your entire life into the hands of someone else. From the story you have told, it seems to me that right now, your life is worth a mere few tens of millions. If there is someone out there who wants to stop you from walking this earth, the enemy combatant you have at home may likely be a very willing ally. If and when you realise these, you should run for your life. Then next time, only put your life in the hands of someone who has earned your trust over time. Our history is littered with the stories of men sent to their early graves for putting their lives into the hands of the wrong woman. There is nothing like it is time to get married or you are old enough. Everyman should wait until you find the woman to whom you can entrust your life. The woman in your life is the greatest single concentration of good or bad in your life.

Hahahah! My guy! You've never been married before, have you? You think marriage is office work abi?

Kobojunkie:
Rather that lump all issues as one, believing your wife is to blame for them all, start taking responsibility for the parts you played in creating them.

See each individual problem for what it is and begin tackling them each making sure to take everyone along with you.

take ur daughter(child) away from her...ur wife and her brother should go to hell

Simpleton,weak,impressionable,pussy boy,gullible,not man enough etc add yours.

Antidotte:


The "you are not fit to be called a man" is highly unnecessary to be honest. Its a very toxic statement.

Message passed across to who needs it.

Don't bother yourself about it.


Thanks.

TenQ:

I'm sure there are more matured way of registering the thoughts of your mind.

I have registered mine the best way I can....


Do well to register yours.

PlayMaker14:
I have registered mine the best way I can....


Do well to register yours.

Caustic heart!

Lessons123:
I have a wife and blessed with a daughter, I earn extremely high and I am in a debt of over 2m monthly as a result of paying for a loan monthly to set up a business for my wife which has gulped over 30m and still a failure though this is the second failure of business opened.

I decided to open the business as we both agreed she should resign as her salary as a teacher was the same salary with one of our two maids.

The issue is despite doing very well financially, my wife always gives me issues and there doesn't seem to be any love apart from me being her daily ATM.

There was actually a phase when I had challenges financially and she was the only person to mock me.

I need your advice as the quarrels are becoming too constant and the severe quarrels are majorly related to my brother in laws and sister in laws. Mind you my brother in law has been living with us and disrespects me and she defends him. Also before the marriage she was a very humble and tolerating lady until the business was opened. Sometimes I feel guilty as my dad had to sell his house in lekki and is in the process of buying a house in Ajah because he needed only 10m to complete his house in the village, which I could have easily provided if it wasn't for my indebtedness through my wife.

Mature advise please.

Which advice do you need again

You are her ATM

If money no dey, she dey mock you

You don marry Yahoo wife, you better run

rajiedreez:
Did you read the post please, where did the issue of rent from the brother in-law come from please
Yes he left his fathers house and has his family. So if he's capable of building a house for his father he should not abi. But you can't see anything wrong with his brother in-law staying with his but there's a problem with him building for his Dad. Ok my own opinion is that he thought he married Manager, a business oriented partner but he was wrong. Not everyone can manage a business some people are good at working for others and not being worked for.

Ofcourse I read the OP well, something many who are here reacting didn't seem to read well.

1. The man complained of paying off debt, so suggesting that he get those who live with him to chip in their share to help offset the burden he bears is not unreasonable.
He also mentioned that the brother in law is earning entry level pay meaning he is likely not able to pay full rent at this time, but he can still pay something else.

2. He has yet to build himself a house of his own and he is to go build his own father who has had a lifetime of his own to live a house right now? Thankfully his father at least has a house of his own so he can let him handle his own thinh while he focuses on and sorts his own house and finances first. You don't, for unreasonable reasons decide to carry load that you cannot carry.

3. I don't pretend to be able to read his mind about his intentions going into marriage since all this man has laid down are complaints against everyone else leaving out details that could help in better understanding his predicament. He is married and running away from it should only happen at last resort. From the OP, he contributed to the making of the problem so it it right for him to accept responsibility for his part and then go about resolving each in the best way possible without further fracturing his home in the process.

marvellously:
Guy what you're are saying is very stupid like the man is out here pouring out his pains and that of majority of naija men who live with entitled women n you're asking irrelevant question like wtf stays with his in-laws n pays rent, this days it's becoming a norm where u get married and it's like u don buy the woman family market which is exactly wats happening and you're are saying that his own dad issues does not concern him, guy if u don't have any advice for him you for like shut up

Comprehension is a problem many of you seem to have.

I asked the OP question to better ascertain the reasons behind his rants against everyone of those he pointed out in his household, but here, not responding to any of the questions but spitting as if asking questions is wrong.

LegitLexLuthor:
Which side of the world are you from? Definitely not Nigeria lol

In the same Nigeria you speak of, my uncle who lived with us growing up contributed a share to the upkeep of the home during his stay with us. He grew up with us and when he eventually got a job, he helped out too.

So yes, definitely in Nigeria.

You don't wait for others to tell you what can work. You do what works for you in your own situation regardless of what others are doing in their own home and situation.

timefarm:
You must be a lady eith this your advice.

That is actually problem solving approach used even in businesses in resolving problems and issues. How you think gender has anything to do with that is beyond me however your response reveals a lot about level of maturity of your mind.

you will die a pauper the way you are going and your wife will leave to mock you and marry another man.
Run for your dear life

AfroKnight:

Delete this nonsense abeg. It reeks of entitlement.

OP should finance the loan in peace but that brother in-law has to go. Simple.

Entitlement?...I simply asked questions to better understand his qualms with each of those he seems to blame for his predicament, nothing more.

When a story doesn't add up, it is best to ask questions to better get more information to help you better understand the situation.

NemoDatQuod:
Hahahah! My guy! You've never been married before, have you? You think marriage is office work abi?

Many of the business ideas used in offices and businesses in fact come from ideas applied by people in their homes and marriages...

malel1:
Contribute what exactly? He should go get house

According to Op, it seems the brother in-law is not able to do that at this time and it will be unwise to drive him out and have his wife burden that cost at this time.

Tadeknkeepcalm:

You really must be high on crack

Nah! High on common sense .

vickydevoka:

Na Dem o. De de hide dere gender

Um... the man told you he is not leaving his wife so bring your head from up between your legs and you to help him with your own reasonable advise if you have them to offer based on what he has said so far.

Lessons123:
. My brother in law does not pay rent I agreed to help as he was coming for NYSC in Lagos and now he has spent two years in my house despite also having a good job for an entry level guy.

your in-laws are all matured and working,its time for them to leave and fend for themselves,man up and take the action,take all the insult but make sure they leave ,but can visit anytime.
don't ask him for any contribution as that will increase the level if insult.they should just leave,the guy can rent an apartment and take his sister along.

and then this gives u an opportunity to focus on ur family,talk with ur wife about fiances, and if things don't end up well,u don't have to be her atm,take care of the house bills,and don't pay for anything in her favor until she start behaving well.and make sure everything is accounted for.
u dont have to cheat,just give more attention to ur daughter,women and other things,jealousy will make her come around,avoid quarreling with her,make her feel ur cheating,she go behave laslas.

Yes, we had 2 beautiful children together (Boys) and I am always happy when I see them at my ex family house.
They asked why i was leaving and I explained my reason to them. I could not correct my ex on anything without her shouting at me.
Small disagreement which she caused o, she would be moody all day that I have to apologies before she would start talking with me.
On 2 occasions she was showing me something on her phone, messages from different guys came in appreciating her visits.
My phone is a open book, she had my passwords, even transfers money from my accounts before telling me she did, no issue was raised.
What broke the camels back was her bad mouthing me to my parents that I was unfaithful which she claimed she had no proof but sensed it.
And other stories to our close friend then that I hit her on several occasion which even her Dad said he doubts as there is no single scratch on her.
My delay in walking away had to do with what people told me about how kids suffer when parents are not together. That you end up getting married again and another woman treats your kids badly. However someone told me that my kids would learn how a marriage should be when they see how I leave with my wife.
I want to raise kids who would understand that despite mistakes make in relationships they could pick themselves up and move on.
That with the fact that my parents are married for 50years no issues and I looking like I had failed in marriage.
It was hell as some friends laughed at my back that I could not hold a home while they complain everyday.

I knew she lied a lot and would saying that I do not give them money for feeding even though she usually shared the outings I take her on on Facebook. She repeated same with my parents as one of the reasons she was always quarreling with me. So I told them that I would instead be paying my children school fees and giving her mom 60k monthly for the 2 boys. I would also get cloths for them whenever they needed new cloths. She should get her own money for her upkeep. Giving her the money would only finance her lifestyle.

I did not sell the house, I only told them I sold it so she would move out of the place. A colleague from work posed as the buyer. He is from another town so she does not know him. I am currently back leaving in my house now.

Marriage is something I would encourage everyone to go into. Would however advise that you open your eyes and take every little sign serious because there are lots of warning we feel that people would outgrow after sometime.
As for me, I currently am focused on raising my kids and would want to get my kids back from her parents when they are in secondary school (Boarding school) as it gets lonely sometimes.
Not considering going into marriage for now or anything serious as I want to focus on building myself to a level I feel I should be. Though her parents are still pleading on her behalf for 3 years now, she also keeps calling requesting that we talk, but the hell I passed through brings me back to earth every time.

Klass99:


This was interesting.
If you don't mind my asking did you and your wife have any kids?
Did wifey and her people come looking for you, to try and resolve things after you moved out?
Why did you delay the decision to walk away? Were you trying to work on your marriage or was it the fear of what will people say, that kept you there for much longer?
Did you actually sell your house, after you left? That part wasn't clear from your post.
Why send upkeep money to the mother in law and not the mother of the child instead, like you suggested?
If you could turn back the hands of time, would you get married ever?
Sorry about the 21 questions, I am just curious.