U have d answers already if u want to be truthful to yourself. 1, are u ready to settle down as a man? 2, while growing at your teen days i believe u would have a particular goal and settings how u want your home to be? 3, does the lady in question have such qualities if yes go ahead, if no let the sleeping whatsoever lie to avoid stories that touch. Shalom

Cogs:
Hi guys, I need help with what to do.

I recently just met a lady, we seem to connect on a major level. I am interested in her and intend to take things to the next.

While the thing is still unfolding and we are learning about ourselves. She opened up to me that she has a child.

I am getting to love her, but how do you think I should approach this matter?


Can I continue

bro my advice if truly deep down in ur heart u truly love i we advice u guys to seat down 2 iron ds matter cos 2 me i see knw wrong settlin down with lady that already gotten a child if truly u care about her tell her ur mind n if not set the goals straight

Cogs:


Can please throw more light on this?
You may just be saving Someone's future

I’ll be using myself as a case study
All the guys that comes my way are mostly single fathers, and I’ve never thought of that been an issue for me, in fact my present fiancée got this little boy of 5 and I see the both of them as my sons,, I always wanna have my little son around me( his son)....

We’ve been dating for two years until recently when he started seeing my kid sis of which I’m older than with 10 years taking my look so closely, coupled with the fact that she’s our last born and I’m her immediate elder sis, she runs to me for everything even till her school fee and blab last bla...

The love I have for my kid sis is massive, then this day I was telling him my plans for my sister studying abroad immediately she’s done with her secondary school, that was when my BF unleashed the question he had always wanna ask...
“Tell me the truth is angel your daughter?”
I laughed and replied no, but I realize he wasn’t convinced, then this night I was sleeping I just felt him examining my breast, I asked him what’s happening, he said he wanna confirm if I’ve breastfed before lol

I laughed and pulled him closer to sleep, he couldn’t sleep, he asked again are you sure you’re not the one that gave birth to Angel, that was how I got interested in his question and I asked, if I was the one that gave birth to her, what will happen

I got shocked when he replied me he’s gonna back off lol at this point when we planning marriage... wow, he said he can’t marry a woman and have her bring a kid in the house...

If you’re a lady reading this don’t ever fall a victim if he says he can cope with the child, that’s a cajole.... the fair truth is men of nowadays really can’t manage a woman and her child, there will always be issues....

Das1mama:
U have d answers already if u want to be truthful to yourself. 1, are u ready to settle down as a man? 2, while growing at your teen days i believe u would have a particular goal and settings how u want your home to be? 3, does the lady in question have such qualities if yes go ahead, if no let the sleeping whatsoever lie to avoid stories that touch. Shalom

You own na straight to the point.
You seem to have everything figured out right from the begining.

Sadly, the imagination of the home that I had was just how big and how luxury it will be. I never bring wife and kids to the picture.

Now, I need to define what I really want and see if it align. As many people here has advised. It is supposed to be more logical than an emotional decision.

Thank you for your suggestion and counsel.

makavellidon:
bro my advice if truly deep down in ur heart u truly love i we advice u guys to seat down 2 iron ds matter cos 2 me i see knw wrong settlin down with lady that already gotten a child if truly u care about her tell her ur mind n if not set the goals straight

If it is in terms of financial capability, that is not my issue. I can take care of the lady, her child and two other children self.

What I am more concerned about is the long term effect on the home, my sanity, our own children when they come and any other thing that may occur.

If anyone has married a single mother. Please I will appreciate your counsel.

Eyinju112:


I’ll be using myself as a case study
All the guys that comes my way are mostly single fathers, and I’ve never thought of that been an issue for me, in fact my present fiancée got this little boy of 5 and I see the both of them as my sons,, I always wanna have my little son around me( his son)....

We’ve been dating for two years until recently when he started seeing my kid sis of which I’m older than with 10 years taking my look so closely, coupled with the fact that she’s our last born and I’m her immediate elder sis, she runs to me for everything even till her school fee and blab last bla...

The love I have for my kid sis is massive, then this day I was telling him my plans for my sister studying abroad immediately she’s done with her secondary school, that was when my BF unleashed the question he had always wanna ask...
“Tell me the truth is angel your daughter?”
I laughed and replied no, but I realize he wasn’t convinced, then this night I was sleeping I just felt him examining my breast, I asked him what’s happening, he said he wanna confirm if I’ve breastfed before lol

I laughed and pulled him closer to sleep, he couldn’t sleep, he asked again are you sure you’re not the one that gave birth to Angel, that was how I got interested in his question and I asked, if I was the one that gave birth to her, what will happen

I got shocked when he replied me he’s gonna back off lol at this point when we planning marriage... wow, he said he can’t marry a woman and have her bring a kid in the house...

If you’re a lady reading this don’t ever fall a victim if he says he can cope with the child, that’s a cajole.... the fair truth is men of nowadays really can’t manage a woman and her child, there will always be issues....

The case of this your man seem more like selfishness.
Like how you accept him with his child and he will reject you with your daughter?

Cogs:


The case of this your man seem more like selfishness.
Like how you accept him with his child and he will reject you with your daughter?

Men are selfish in nature....
Men don’t see anything wrong in cheating but when a woman cheats they feel like she’s done a terrible thing

Eyinju112:


I’ll be using myself as a case study
All the guys that comes my way are mostly single fathers, and I’ve never thought of that been an issue for me, in fact my present fiancée got this little boy of 5 and I see the both of them as my sons,, I always wanna have my little son around me( his son)....

We’ve been dating for two years until recently when he started seeing my kid sis of which I’m older than with 10 years taking my look so closely, coupled with the fact that she’s our last born and I’m her immediate elder sis, she runs to me for everything even till her school fee and blab last bla...

The love I have for my kid sis is massive, then this day I was telling him my plans for my sister studying abroad immediately she’s done with her secondary school, that was when my BF unleashed the question he had always wanna ask...
“Tell me the truth is angel your daughter?”
I laughed and replied no, but I realize he wasn’t convinced, then this night I was sleeping I just felt him examining my breast, I asked him what’s happening, he said he wanna confirm if I’ve breastfed before lol

I laughed and pulled him closer to sleep, he couldn’t sleep, he asked again are you sure you’re not the one that gave birth to Angel, that was how I got interested in his question and I asked, if I was the one that gave birth to her, what will happen

I got shocked when he replied me he’s gonna back off lol at this point when we planning marriage... wow, he said he can’t marry a woman and have her bring a kid in the house...

If you’re a lady reading this don’t ever fall a victim if he says he can cope with the child, that’s a cajole.... the fair truth is men of nowadays really can’t manage a woman and her child, there will always be issues....

Biko, u can't generalize based on ur isolated experience. In this life, there's nothing like TRUTH, but perspective of it. That's ur own perspective.
There are men who despite knowing their suppose lady got kid (s), still went on 2 marry them while there are ladies too, after knownin their suppose men had kid(s) already, declined marriage with them. D act isn't gender specific, but individual principle, most times, circumstances are what shape or determine such stand.
One thing I just know 4 such trying 2 see things from where u are coming from is that, there is no GENDER EQUALITY, and can never be, as nature already doesn't mk us equal. There are situation that favour the male over their female counterparts while others that favour the female over their male counterparts. A situation like this just in most cases favour the male more.
Just like when a man froclick with numerous ladies, d society would even hail him and romantically tagged him PLAYBOY, but when a woman do same, d society frown at her and tag her all sort of names. Likewise when we hear about issue of RAPE, what came 2 our mind first is a man sexually assaulting a woman, leaving out d possibilities of d man being d victim in such case. It would even tk God intervention 2 get a man who was accused of rape, vindicated, even when it was him that was d victim.
It is what it is.

You’re right and you talk content...
Yes lot of men can marry a woman who got kids, but my point is the issue will always arise when they become family, the man might feel the wife is caring and loving her child more than their kids...
The woman on the other hand might feel like the husband is passing hatred on her child when he disciplines her...
lot of cases I have seen, there is always an issue one way or the other and last last the woman will be left with no better choice than to take the child out of the house to make peace reign once more

oazeez1991:

Biko, u can't generalize based on ur isolated experience. In this life, there's nothing like TRUTH, but perspective of it. That's ur own perspective.
There are men who despite knowing their suppose lady got kid (s), still went on 2 marry them while there are ladies too, after knownin their suppose men had kid(s) already, declined marriage with them. D act isn't gender specific, but individual principle, most times, circumstances are what shape or determine such stand.
One thing I just know 4 such trying 2 see things from where u are coming from is that, there is no GENDER EQUALITY, and can never be, as nature already doesn't mk us equal. There are situation that favour the male over their female counterparts while others that favour the female over their male counterparts. A situation like this just in most cases favour the male more.
Just like when a man froclick with numerous ladies, d society would even hail him and romantically tagged him PLAYBOY, but when a woman do same, d society frown at her and tag her all sort of names. Likewise when we hear about issue of RAPE, what came 2 our mind first is a man sexually assaulting a woman, leaving out d possibilities of d man being d victim in such case. It would even tk God intervention 2 get a man who was accused of rape, vindicated, even when it was him that was d victim.
It is what it is.

Raalsalghul:


Please confirm: very important.

Why is it important?

Cogs:


If it is in terms of financial capability, that is not my issue. I can take care of the lady, her child and two other children self.

What I am more concerned about is the long term effect on the home, my sanity, our own children when they come and any other thing that may occur.

If anyone has married a single mother. Please I will appreciate your counsel.

Married a single mother is not a problem, all single mother holding sole custody of their child it is clear she must give up that child to the family or the father of the child once she does that i see no reason why you guys cannot get along. Since you claim you love her

Lakadastickla:


Why is it important?

So he knows what he's getting into: with the father alive/around, there's usually much drama.

Raalsalghul:


So he knows what he's getting into: with the father alive/around, there's usually much drama.

Then the woman should take the child to her father for peace to reign or what you think?

Raalsalghul:


So he knows what he's getting into: with the father alive/around, there's usually much drama.

Now, it is clearer.

But, can we do a court agreement or bring in a lawyer to make it legal to adopt the child with the agreement of his father?

Such that in the future, there is a legal binding?

Cogs:


Now, it is clearer.

But, can we do a court agreement or bring in a lawyer to make it legal to adopt the child with the agreement of his father?

Such that in the future, there is a legal binding?

Yes!

Lakadastickla:


Then the woman should take the child to her father for peace to reign or what you think?

It's not that easy: what if the father has another family or is irresponsible?

You wanna be with someone with a baggage? Run!

Eyinju112:


I’ll be using myself as a case study
All the guys that comes my way are mostly single fathers, and I’ve never thought of that been an issue for me, in fact my present fiancée got this little boy of 5 and I see the both of them as my sons,, I always wanna have my little son around me( his son)....

We’ve been dating for two years until recently when he started seeing my kid sis of which I’m older than with 10 years taking my look so closely, coupled with the fact that she’s our last born and I’m her immediate elder sis, she runs to me for everything even till her school fee and blab last bla...

The love I have for my kid sis is massive, then this day I was telling him my plans for my sister studying abroad immediately she’s done with her secondary school, that was when my BF unleashed the question he had always wanna ask...
“Tell me the truth is angel your daughter?”
I laughed and replied no, but I realize he wasn’t convinced, then this night I was sleeping I just felt him examining my breast, I asked him what’s happening, he said he wanna confirm if I’ve breastfed before lol

I laughed and pulled him closer to sleep, he couldn’t sleep, he asked again are you sure you’re not the one that gave birth to Angel, that was how I got interested in his question and I asked, if I was the one that gave birth to her, what will happen

I got shocked when he replied me he’s gonna back off lol at this point when we planning marriage... wow, he said he can’t marry a woman and have her bring a kid in the house...

If you’re a lady reading this don’t ever fall a victim if he says he can cope with the child, that’s a cajole.... the fair truth is men of nowadays really can’t manage a woman and her child, there will always be issues....

He was sincere.

Cogs:


The case of this your man seem more like selfishness.
Like how you accept him with his child and he will reject you with your daughter?

He's not selfish. He's definitely gonna get another woman that's gonna love his son if that lady decides to break up. Him having a son and being accepted shouldn't subject him to be with a single mother.

It's choice.

Das1mama:
Bro i reason d matter o.

Sis you mean

Cogs:


Now, it is clearer.

But, can we do a court agreement or bring in a lawyer to make it legal to adopt the child with the agreement of his father?

Such that in the future, there is a legal binding?

Perfect idea but be sure the father ain't actively in the lady's life though or got easy access to her.

Cogs:
Hi guys, I need help with what to do.

I recently just met a lady, we seem to connect on a major level. I am interested in her and intend to take things to the next.

While the thing is still unfolding and we are learning about ourselves. She opened up to me that she has a child.

I am getting to love her, but how do you think I should approach this matter?


Can I continue

Which of the matter is an issue.?

Loving her or her child.?

Her child is not a barrier, just ask her to explain what brought about that child

From her response, you will pick what will guide you

Raalsalghul:


Please confirm: very important.

This should have been your next question after she told you about the child...Think through before making any actions, have a personal discussion with her and express your fears,don't pretend.

Cogs:
Hi guys, I need help with what to do.

I recently just met a lady, we seem to connect on a major level. I am interested in her and intend to take things to the next.

While the thing is still unfolding and we are learning about ourselves. She opened up to me that she has a child.

I am getting to love her, but how do you think I should approach this matter?


Can I continue

Gerat from here ,are you a baby?

BadRadio:
just decide what u want to achieve with her... if you want to explore her sexually ... let her know quickly... do not lead her on with uneccessary lies. Go straight to the point and tell her what you want. Dont waste her time. Most single mothers are already bitter and broken withing and can be dangerously cold blooded if you try to do anything stupid. Dont be in a hurry to start shouting the "I love you" crap... your approach must be logically rational rather than emotional.

You're very very extremely correct.
Op learn from this master

I am using this reply to appreciate every one of you for your feedback, suggestion, advice, and counsel.

At least, now I know what to do right and what options I have.

Cheers �

dacblogger:
Sis you mean

Yh so sorry