Annabelle12344:
I just created this account to post this.
I'm really Disturbed.

My wedding is approaching and I'm so excited about it.
Before I met my husband to be, there's this married man I know. Right from day one he told me who was married but his family based in a different state. I told him I'm single and I can't marry a married man nor date a married man. We both laughed about it.

Years passed, he became so close to my family and everybody around me. He comes to my house, gist with my mum, siblings and my family members are very accommodating.
I had my boyfriend whom everyone knows, that I have nothing with this man.
he support me financially some times. I have been helpful as well in my own ways. most times, I helped him out with cooking, even followed him to supper market to pick beautiful clothes (wears) for his wife and children. I have known this man for about 4 yrs now, but never have I had intimat.e relationship with him. He's like a big brother to me although he deeply loved me and have asked me out severally, but i have never involved myself with him s.exuallly.

This man have been so good to me, but now, I want to get married and he's so angry with me, he appears so hurt and heartbroken. He's behaving as if I betray his love. He's acting as if nothing mean anything to him any more. He almost lost his job last week due to lack of concentration. He takes his job carelessly now,

How can I help him heal emotionally, without distracting my own marriage?

Is ignoring him at this point the best option?


How should I handle this? Pls advice

he’s only hurt because he didn’t get to chop your toto and his investment is going down the drain… give him chop before you get married, he will leave you then face your marriage… face front and don’t that stupid again. Ps if you no give am chop this man no go leave you aje and e fit do the unthinkable gbabe

A man is in lust/love with you but you still kept him close because you didn't feel the same way. You don't have sense.

Foodqueen:
You dated him.

There's no way he could feel emotional betrayed if u weren't having sexual relationship.

And your family welcomed him all along.

Maybe she didn’t had any intimacy with him. But she definitely told the guy to give him some time to think about his proposal hence the reason for the cash gifts etc!

She was stringing the married man along until she met this her husband to be, and she wants to end everything.

For me, good for the married man, should have channeled all these cash gifts etc to his wife and kids, how can a married man be emotionally involved with a so called side chick to a point of almost losing his source of livelihood? This man is crazy..

Annabelle12344:

I'm just worried. That he's going through pain emotionally.
I wish he could be fine and happy as usual. because I'm happy with my man whom I'm getting married to.

he will be fine. His emotional pain at this point is not your problem except you haven’t told us everything. Focus on who you want to marry and pick best friends from your gender in future. Kapish

Annabelle12344:

I'm just worried. That he's going through pain emotionally.
I wish he could be fine and happy as usual. because I'm happy with my man whom I'm getting married to.

he will be fine. His emotional pain at this point is not your problem except you haven’t told us everything. Focus on who you want to marry and pick best friends from your gender in future. Kapish

give him sex and he will leave you for good. thats just it

Pootle:
jus one round will solve it all

I swear down

My dear I must advise you to focus on your marriage and leave that man to heal himself.
The only thing that man need from you now is his reward which I know, will not end well.
Anything you try do with him now, might destroy your marriage. Family level you will become a disappointment. Society level a shame.

Annabelle12344:
I just created this account to post this.
I'm really Disturbed.

My wedding is approaching and I'm so excited about it.
Before I met my husband to be, there's this married man I know. Right from day one he told me who was married but his family based in a different state. I told him I'm single and I can't marry a married man nor date a married man. We both laughed about it.

Years passed, he became so close to my family and everybody around me. He comes to my house, gist with my mum, siblings and my family members are very accommodating.
I had my boyfriend whom everyone knows, that I have nothing with this man.
he support me financially some times. I have been helpful as well in my own ways. most times, I helped him out with cooking, even followed him to supper market to pick beautiful clothes (wears) for his wife and children. I have known this man for about 4 yrs now, but never have I had intimat.e relationship with him. He's like a big brother to me although he deeply loved me and have asked me out severally, but i have never involved myself with him s.exuallly.

This man have been so good to me, but now, I want to get married and he's so angry with me, he appears so hurt and heartbroken. He's behaving as if I betray his love. He's acting as if nothing mean anything to him any more. He almost lost his job last week due to lack of concentration. He takes his job carelessly now,

How can I help him heal emotionally, without distracting my own marriage?

Is ignoring him at this point the best option?


How should I handle this? Pls advice

U caused everything my dear, from the onset he said he was married was when u should have distanced urself,but u wanted the friendship u kept it, feeling cool in ur mind ur not dating him, but in his mind hes looking for something else, he has grown to love u , nothing more, u made the mistake,it's normal for him to feel hurt, if ur supposed husband do same to u by having a female bestie outside I'm sure u won't be happy, u can't heal him, just distance urself completely,so he can find peace and learn to forget u n focus on his wife n kids, ..... that's all I can say ..

Annabelle12344:
I just created this account to post this.
I'm really Disturbed.

My wedding is approaching and I'm so excited about it.
Before I met my husband to be, there's this married man I know. Right from day one he told me who was married but his family based in a different state. I told him I'm single and I can't marry a married man nor date a married man. We both laughed about it.

Years passed, he became so close to my family and everybody around me. He comes to my house, gist with my mum, siblings and my family members are very accommodating.
I had my boyfriend whom everyone knows, that I have nothing with this man.
he support me financially some times. I have been helpful as well in my own ways. most times, I helped him out with cooking, even followed him to supper market to pick beautiful clothes (wears) for his wife and children. I have known this man for about 4 yrs now, but never have I had intimat.e relationship with him. He's like a big brother to me although he deeply loved me and have asked me out severally, but i have never involved myself with him s.exuallly.

This man have been so good to me, but now, I want to get married and he's so angry with me, he appears so hurt and heartbroken. He's behaving as if I betray his love. He's acting as if nothing mean anything to him any more. He almost lost his job last week due to lack of concentration. He takes his job carelessly now,

How can I help him heal emotionally, without distracting my own marriage?

Is ignoring him at this point the best option?


How should I handle this? Pls advice

You're just an unfaithful lady looking for cheap validation online.

You can't eat your cake and have it

Your intention is to keep enjoying Financial benefit from the married man in guise of helping him heal

We aren't babies here, you have had sex with the man already, you are just looking for validation from fellow people like you to continue juggling both men even after getting married.

I see another Boma/Tega scenario taking place here.

This I have seen

Annabelle12344:
I just created this account to post this.
I'm really Disturbed.

My wedding is approaching and I'm so excited about it.
Before I met my husband to be, there's this married man I know. Right from day one he told me who was married but his family based in a different state. I told him I'm single and I can't marry a married man nor date a married man. We both laughed about it.

Years passed, he became so close to my family and everybody around me. He comes to my house, gist with my mum, siblings and my family members are very accommodating.
I had my boyfriend whom everyone knows, that I have nothing with this man.
he support me financially some times. I have been helpful as well in my own ways. most times, I helped him out with cooking, even followed him to supper market to pick beautiful clothes (wears) for his wife and children. I have known this man for about 4 yrs now, but never have I had intimat.e relationship with him. He's like a big brother to me although he deeply loved me and have asked me out severally, but i have never involved myself with him s.exuallly.

This man have been so good to me, but now, I want to get married and he's so angry with me, he appears so hurt and heartbroken. He's behaving as if I betray his love. He's acting as if nothing mean anything to him any more. He almost lost his job last week due to lack of concentration. He takes his job carelessly now,

How can I help him heal emotionally, without distracting my own marriage?

Is ignoring him at this point the best option?


How should I handle this? Pls advice

[i]Aunty give am chop now so e go be win win situation on both sides,but i am afraid once debẹ Una go still dey debẹ[/i]

thorpido:
You said he asked you out.That already defined the relationship.

Don't mind these ladies
They always decide to keep men that ask them out as friends

oladayo63:


Well thought out!

I think this is what happened:

1. Married man wooed her
2. She didn't want anything to do with him because he's married
3. Man persisted, remained close, showered love, attention, gift and what not (This is where the man dug his own grave)
4. Lady loves it. Financial gain, attention, career development, connection, job offer on a platter
4. Lady leads him on, but no sex (arguable)
5. Lady became his +1 (cooking, shopping, cleaning, weekend sleepovers**, etc). Technically, the relationship became romantic (why did no one in her family object to the relationship between their single daughter and a married man?)
5. Man became full time maga, possibly considering upgrading her to become a second wife.
6. On the side, lady got a BF
7. BF isn't aware of Man. Man isn't aware of BF.
8. Marriage time came. Man became aware. Man is not happy.
9. BF yet to know about Man-lady relationship.
10. The family? Our daughter got a new man for marriage. The world moves on.
11. Lady's conscience is tormenting her.
12. Lady knows man can burn her, destroy her career. Lady's afraid.
13. Lady still wants to maintain status quo i.e. benefits of the previous relationship arrangement.
14. Lady runs to a faceless forum to manipulate the public while redacting her role in the problem.

Here we have fiercely manipulative lady. She manipulates man, family, BF, and now the public.

Hands down.

You're the most brilliant guy I have encountered on this platform.

You write like Albert Eistein man

You pretty summed everything up

Kobojunkie
cococandy
Thorpido
Mercy
Ishilove

God bless you all for saying it as it is. Nothing to add. May her conscience judge her. "Heal" a married man Kwa!

Annabelle12344:
I just created this account to post this.
I'm really Disturbed.

My wedding is approaching and I'm so excited about it.
Before I met my husband to be, there's this married man I know. Right from day one he told me who was married but his family based in a different state. I told him I'm single and I can't marry a married man nor date a married man. We both laughed about it.

Years passed, he became so close to my family and everybody around me. He comes to my house, gist with my mum, siblings and my family members are very accommodating.
I had my boyfriend whom everyone knows, that I have nothing with this man.
he support me financially some times. I have been helpful as well in my own ways. most times, I helped him out with cooking, even followed him to supper market to pick beautiful clothes (wears) for his wife and children. I have known this man for about 4 yrs now, but never have I had intimat.e relationship with him. He's like a big brother to me although he deeply loved me and have asked me out severally, but i have never involved myself with him s.exuallly.

This man have been so good to me, but now, I want to get married and he's so angry with me, he appears so hurt and heartbroken. He's behaving as if I betray his love. He's acting as if nothing mean anything to him any more. He almost lost his job last week due to lack of concentration. He takes his job carelessly now,

How can I help him heal emotionally, without distracting my own marriage?

Is ignoring him at this point the best option?


How should I handle this? Pls advice

Guilty conscience.. U kept a man u know u can't Mary so close for good 4 years because of material gains, if not that u want to get married u would have still keep him and collecting money from him..

Nigerian females have a very strange way of thinking. Never makes sense.

advanceDNA:



Women..u are always funny....You like to eat your cake and have it..
You will say ...shebi i told him i wasnt interested??
Shebi i told him i cant sleep with a married man..??


So you mean all this while, this man knows you have a boyfrined...
you pick your boyfriend's calls in front of him..say i love you to your boyfriend in from of this man..
do you tell him on some occassion he wants to see you that you have plans to go and fvck your boyfriend??
has he ever called you and you told him you are busy cooking for your boyfrined??
i doubt all of these

you stylishly led him on...you string him along, because the relationship was convinient for you..
You are now here trying to paint a non-guilty picture...

How re u bestie friends with a married man,
cooking for him,
coming to your house,
going to his house
your parents even know him,
you collect money from him
you go like make your own husband get that kind female friend ??

Niggaa ...pleeeeeeseeeeeeee
you women think you are wise.....[/b]

Another intelligent Nairaland man spotted.

One cold Heineken for you

Don't mind the greedy daughter of Jezebel.

She wants to eat her cake and have it

You dated him, no dey disguise.

If you cooked for him how come u did not fk him? Stop lying ! Just give him d pkekus the last time

Thank you my brother..you hit the nail on its head...Na dodo she come give us here...make she turn the dodo and come our clean

Bonjovi13:
Hmmmmn. As much as I'd like to believe that you didn't sleep with the man, it's hard not to think that you did.
Can you honestly say that you guys did not kiss or do some light or heavy petting over the years?
I find it hard to believe that a married man would keep up a relationship with a single lady and he is not getting anything in return. Cooking and shopping for him doesn't quite do it. Lots of ladies out there wouldn't mind cooking, shopping and sleeping with him.
You said he has several tried to make your relationship sexual and you refused. Did he stop making attempts?
So where did this bond come from? This emotional bond that has made him heartbroken? He got used to you? Meaning you guys spent a lot of time together! Did he know about your boyfriend? Did you boyfriend know about him? Was your boyfriend cool with your relationship with the man? What was his reaction?
One thing you shouldn't do in a faceless online media platform like this is twist the narrative in order to make yourself look good and influence the advice people are going to give you. That's shooting yourself in the foot and crying wolf. Come clean and let people condemn you but at least you would be rewarded with the truth. The truth that can actually help you deal with your situation.
Well,as it is except you have feelings for him too and can't stand to see him suffering,you have got to let him go through the breakup. He will suffer emotionally but he will be fine.
Don't just deceive yourself that he was a big bro bla bla bla...you guys were in a relationship and this is the fall out of unmet expectations

Aganju849:


You're both idiots lolz

Why you no call yourself anabelle04-044-0214... olosho werey

If the man wife pour you acid now e go be like say she do bad thing

Guy

I swear na clown you be

Reminds of Naira Marley line in Mafo

+44
04
14

But Iwo Mafo
Oba ni Kobaje mafo

You must be a learner if you don't know that the man is putting up that emotional nonsense because he wants to sleep with you, that's if he hasn't *side eyes*
Did you follow him to work to know he wasn't performing well there or you're just so gullible to believe a man?
Men would play all kinds of prank just to sleep with a woman, if you fall, na you use your puna do saara by yourself.
Married men and cheating are 5 & 6, they even cheat more than single guys.

I was supposed to cut him off from the beginning if he's intention was defined. But he came in as a friend. Like a big bro Who is already married and happy. Who only wanted to guide and help me secure a job and a good life.
Listen to urself. Wetin goat dey fine for lion house, if no be wahala

mastermaestro:
You want to help him heal? Healer! Face your marriage, madam! The only healing he needs now is to focus on his family, while you focus on yours.

Wait, how do singles (male and female) even manage to keep married people this intimately close? It's unhealthy!

Madam, leave him alone for his wife to heal him!

Annabelle12344:
I just created this account to post this.
I'm really Disturbed.

My wedding is approaching and I'm so excited about it.
Before I met my husband to be, there's this married man I know. Right from day one he told me who was married but his family based in a different state. I told him I'm single and I can't marry a married man nor date a married man. We both laughed about it.

Years passed, he became so close to my family and everybody around me. He comes to my house, gist with my mum, siblings and my family members are very accommodating.
I had my boyfriend whom everyone knows, that I have nothing with this man.
he support me financially some times. I have been helpful as well in my own ways. most times, I helped him out with cooking, even followed him to supper market to pick beautiful clothes (wears) for his wife and children. I have known this man for about 4 yrs now, but never have I had intimat.e relationship with him. He's like a big brother to me although he deeply loved me and have asked me out severally, but i have never involved myself with him s.exuallly.

This man have been so good to me, but now, I want to get married and he's so angry with me, he appears so hurt and heartbroken. He's behaving as if I betray his love. He's acting as if nothing mean anything to him any more. He almost lost his job last week due to lack of concentration. He takes his job carelessly now,

How can I help him heal emotionally, without distracting my own marriage?

Is ignoring him at this point the best option?


How should I handle this? Pls advice

Story story!!! Story

Abeg make we hear word... Nu be only bestie na beastly..

Some ladies can be Soo disillusioned that it's unbelievable.

Konji dey worry alaye as he neva chop yur puna ����

emmyN:


What you are feeling is guilt. You led him on for four good years and now you want to drop him hot. You know what you did and it's just evil. He asked you out, why wouldn't you marry him? At least he didn't hide the fact he already had a wife. You could have accepted his proposal from the outset and all of this wouldn't have happened. It would have been a journey of marital bliss for you all. But alas, the one man one wife hogwash blinded you from rational thinking.

Accepted what proposal?

Only 3 questions
Does his wife know about you? Does she take you as her sister? Is she appreciative of all your efforts in keeping her man comfy in her absence?

Fear Female, Fearing Females, Feared Women. They can go to the grave with secrets, not like Men.


The kind secrets wey this people get ehnnnnnnnnnnnn

Don't say you were not intimate with him. Being intimate doesn't have to involve sexual intercourse. Yes, it's okay for him to be heartbroken as he fears the intimacy will be lost when you get married. His mistake is not thinking about the future and you not probably bringing up marriage plans, goals and future in your constant conversations with him. Hence, the shock and consequently, anger. I feel that if he heard it often, it'd be easier to come to terms with the news of your wedding. There's not much you can do at this point. Just plan your wedding! Bringing it to this forum makes it look like you're scared of losing your so-called bestie when at this point your boyfriend should be your bestie. If you can, involve his wife. Tell her everything, it'll probably bring the man back to his senses.

Wait. My goodness! You probably actually kept whatever it is between you two, a secret from his wife. It's more complicated than I thought. Still thinking…if you introduced him to your family, he should have introduced you to his wife. If he didn't, that was a red flag you didn't see. If he did, then you should tell her. And of course it's not gonna portray you in a good light because you betrayed her trust (leaving you with her husband).

Anyway, either tell him that you'll involve his wife or tell her yourself. If he's bored of his wife, it's not your job to make him happy. In fact, as the friend you claimed to be, give him tips to spice up his marriage!

Annabelle12344:
I just created this account to post this.
I'm really Disturbed.

My wedding is approaching and I'm so excited about it.
Before I met my husband to be, there's this married man I know. Right from day one he told me who was married but his family based in a different state. I told him I'm single and I can't marry a married man nor date a married man. We both laughed about it.

Years passed, he became so close to my family and everybody around me. He comes to my house, gist with my mum, siblings and my family members are very accommodating.
I had my boyfriend whom everyone knows, that I have nothing with this man.
he support me financially some times. I have been helpful as well in my own ways. most times, I helped him out with cooking, even followed him to supper market to pick beautiful clothes (wears) for his wife and children. I have known this man for about 4 yrs now, but never have I had intimat.e relationship with him. He's like a big brother to me although he deeply loved me and have asked me out severally, but i have never involved myself with him s.exuallly.

This man have been so good to me, but now, I want to get married and he's so angry with me, he appears so hurt and heartbroken. He's behaving as if I betray his love. He's acting as if nothing mean anything to him any more. He almost lost his job last week due to lack of concentration. He takes his job carelessly now,

How can I help him heal emotionally, without distracting my own marriage?

Is ignoring him at this point the best option?


How should I handle this? Pls advice

Annabelle12344:
No. Not at all

Girl, you have to move on with your life. Make it clear to him in a gentle and respectful manner and move on. If you stay close more than this, you would out of pity for him, ruin your marriage, his marriage too and everything.
How did you ever manage to stay in such a relationship in the first place. You strong sha. Please move on now. Don't stay a minute longer or you ruin it all.