From my observation from happy homes and marriages.. claiming right and wrongs in little issue is alone a time bombs that is about to blow.. if you are a foody make your wife understand how it is to you.. these are your in-laws.. show some respect.... Claiming rights will only lead you to the fast way for divorce

SayAsSeen:
Hello friends, I'd like to ask intelligent and older minds for advise about an issue before I react.

My wife's elder brother is visiting my house and my wife has been serving his food first before serving and bringing my good, in my own house.


Please I just want to ask if this is wrong or right or even just normal?

I worked all through the night and was famished by the time the day broke this morning. I gave her some dough and told her to prepare me noodles and sardine, emphasizing on the fact that I was very hungry.

NOTE: Her Brother was still asleep at this time.

She prepared the meal, split it into two. Woke up and served her brother first in my guest room before coming to my room to give her hungry husband his food.

I was so mad, I ignored the food, went out to smoke a cigarette. While I was doing that it occured to me ask for advice here, because I didn't want to ask anybody I knew personally.

I still don't know whether to be mad, or to just ignore it.

I am a strong believer of common sense and respect and her actions this morning lack both! It would have take her less than 30 seconds to give me my food then go wake and serve her brother!

Is she told me she needed money for something and I put my younger sister's need over her's-no matter how tribal her's might be-i know how she'd react and the amount of making up I'd have to do.

I am trying to be very mature about this, that's why I keeping things anonymous?

Besides I'd like to know, I possibly can't be the only person who has experienced this sort of situation because they say there's nothing new under the sun. Please who has ever felt this way, I am very understanding and if something irks me, it would irk every body else too.


Wish I could explain better

It's wrong anyway, but you can sit her down when your in-law leaves to correct her. It's just a difference in reasoning. She might not have any bad intention.

Baba OP if truly the brother is her real blood brother I see no issue in it after her brother is in your house for a visit as he will soon go back from where he can from then the situation will return to normal on the other side of that is not her blood brother that you know then you are a mugu in your house

lexy2014:


pls check the topic again. u seem to be commenting on the wrong topic

Wonders shall never end

SayAsSeen:
Hello friends, I'd like to ask intelligent and older minds for advise about an issue before I react.

My wife's elder brother is visiting my house and my wife has been serving his food first before serving and bringing my good, in my own house.


Please I just want to ask if this is wrong or right or even just normal?

I worked all through the night and was famished by the time the day broke this morning. I gave her some dough and told her to prepare me noodles and sardine, emphasizing on the fact that I was very hungry.

NOTE: Her Brother was still asleep at this time.

She prepared the meal, split it into two. Woke up and served her brother first in my guest room before coming to my room to give her hungry husband his food.

I was so mad, I ignored the food, went out to smoke a cigarette. While I was doing that it occured to me ask for advice here, because I didn't want to ask anybody I knew personally.

I still don't know whether to be mad, or to just ignore it.

I am a strong believer of common sense and respect and her actions this morning lack both! It would have take her less than 30 seconds to give me my food then go wake and serve her brother!

Is she told me she needed money for something and I put my younger sister's need over her's-no matter how tribal her's might be-i know how she'd react and the amount of making up I'd have to do.

I am trying to be very mature about this, that's why I keeping things anonymous?

Besides I'd like to know, I possibly can't be the only person who has experienced this sort of situation because they say there's nothing new under the sun. Please who has ever felt this way, I am very understanding and if something irks me, it would irk every body else too.


Wish I could explain better

You actually made a mistake. That mistake is coming to Nairaland to seek advice from intelligent and older minds.

You must have realized your mistake before now though if you took the time to read through your thread. What you seek is in very short supply here on Nairaland.

In fact, the shortage pass government palliative sef. This joint here is populated with adolescents, a huge dosage of feminists, and their accompanying sadist, and of course, jokers.

Keep your thoughts with you next time, and intensively chew over them first. The solutions will come. That's how we learn.

As for your wife. Call her into the bedroom, and quietly advise her to the effect that you're not comfortable playing second fiddle in your own home, then let it die.

Na so nonsense dey take start

ibechris:
Calm down jor.

In my house,anytime my brother in law Comes into town,we serve him food like a king. In fact,I see him as my father in law.

And it does not remove anything from us...learn not to pokenose into everything.

He is just 5 years my senior yet,we cherished him as our senior.

Learn to behave brother...u too love food.

You are blessed with wisdom

donbachi:
Old family tradition...unknowingly,carried out in her marital home.

Bola146:
As for me I don't see anything bad in that, it's a way to show honour and respect to him, it's just a visit not forever, he will soon go to his house.

NB If you truly want a happy home, don't seek advice on social media, those kids who can't maintain a week relationship will advise you astray. What works for A might not work for B.

Even with your modifications, it's the same thing!!! Is the man living forever in your house? Why come here to rant instead of telling your wife directly that she did something wrong?! You see why I always said good communication with intimacy are good in every home especially with this teens getting married everyday. I know he will still come back to ask if it's good for his wife to be greeting him every morning or late in the night orishirishi Dear Lord have mercy on us all

You took the words right out of my mouth.
The golden word here is "visitor". If one doesn't want it, just tell your woman but I honestly don't see the big deal. It wasn't as if the brother's portion was more than his own , Na there wahala for start .
Everyone ate at the end of the day so.....

Mariangeles:


If it matters that much to you, open up and tell your wife that she serves you first before her brother.
If it were a one time thing, it wouldn’t have mattered.
She should respect you in front of her brother because I doubt she’d like it if you constantly put your sister first before her.

Some feelings might seem irrational, but we can’t help but feel them.

when the feeling.is ego driven without any sense behind it - then it should be disregarded!
Is he a child ? He doesn't have leg to.enter.kitchen.and.dish his.own.food if he was.so hungry.

SayAsSeen:
Hello friends, I'd like to ask intelligent and older minds for advise about an issue before I react.

My wife's elder brother is visiting my house and my wife has been serving his food first before serving and bringing my good, in my own house.


Please I just want to ask if this is wrong or right or even just normal?

I worked all through the night and was famished by the time the day broke this morning. I gave her some dough and told her to prepare me noodles and sardine, emphasizing on the fact that I was very hungry.

NOTE: Her Brother was still asleep at this time.

She prepared the meal, split it into two. Woke up and served her brother first in my guest room before coming to my room to give her hungry husband his food.

I was so mad, I ignored the food, went out to smoke a cigarette. While I was doing that it occured to me ask for advice here, because I didn't want to ask anybody I knew personally.

I still don't know whether to be mad, or to just ignore it.

I am a strong believer of common sense and respect and her actions this morning lack both! It would have take her less than 30 seconds to give me my food then go wake and serve her brother!

Is she told me she needed money for something and I put my younger sister's need over her's-no matter how tribal her's might be-i know how she'd react and the amount of making up I'd have to do.

I am trying to be very mature about this, that's why I keeping things anonymous?

Besides I'd like to know, I possibly can't be the only person who has experienced this sort of situation because they say there's nothing new under the sun. Please who has ever felt this way, I am very understanding and if something irks me, it would irk every body else too.


Wish I could explain better

Chief, you should tell her to serve you first always. There's no big deal here. Lack of communication is one major problem in marriage. She doesn't know that you are offended by that and instead of you to tell her, you left the food in anger. Come onn

Just relax Sir, she still served you, as long as you Love her, there is nothing really in it, i just hope that when you visit your sisters family they will also honor you.

This shouldn't be an issue that should even cross the door or threshold of your bedroom na...

How can you bring such to Nairaland of all places?!! You out of your mind or something?!!!

Una get problem for this generation o!!!

elantraceey:
What happened to going to the kitchen to get your own food?

You are mad.

SayAsSeen:
Hello friends, I'd like to ask intelligent and older minds for advise about an issue before I react.

My wife's elder brother is visiting my house and my wife has been serving his food first before serving and bringing my good, in my own house.


Please I just want to ask if this is wrong or right or even just normal?

I worked all through the night and was famished by the time the day broke this morning. I gave her some dough and told her to prepare me noodles and sardine, emphasizing on the fact that I was very hungry.

NOTE: Her Brother was still asleep at this time.

She prepared the meal, split it into two. Woke up and served her brother first in my guest room before coming to my room to give her hungry husband his food.

I was so mad, I ignored the food, went out to smoke a cigarette. While I was doing that it occured to me ask for advice here, because I didn't want to ask anybody I knew personally.

I still don't know whether to be mad, or to just ignore it.

I am a strong believer of common sense and respect and her actions this morning lack both! It would have take her less than 30 seconds to give me my food then go wake and serve her brother!

Is she told me she needed money for something and I put my younger sister's need over her's-no matter how tribal her's might be-i know how she'd react and the amount of making up I'd have to do.

I am trying to be very mature about this, that's why I keeping things anonymous?

Besides I'd like to know, I possibly can't be the only person who has experienced this sort of situation because they say there's nothing new under the sun. Please who has ever felt this way, I am very understanding and if something irks me, it would irk every body else too.


Wish I could explain better

The only two points of benefit (and I say this with serious doubt) I may give her is the culture of serving visitors first and possibly the fact that the fellow maybe older than you.
But in all common sense it appears she has not 'left father and mother' and is 'clinging' to you.
This is more likely the case and it is prevalent in most cases of this kind.
Once again in my experience it is an indication of inadequate or absent courtship where sensibilities are settled.

My advice is: mention it in passing and seek to correct that error of judgement kindly as there may be no malice intended. As a first time action assume it was done out of ignorance. I fully understand your feelings.

ibechris:
Calm down jor.

In my house,anytime my brother in law Comes into town,we serve him food like a king. In fact,I see him as my father in law.

And it does not remove anything from us...learn not to pokenose into everything.

He is just 5 years my senior yet,we cherished him as our senior.

Learn to behave brother...u too love food.

5 years older than you or your senior, Baba you have every reason to respect him no bi say he's like,na your father in-law in the absence of your father in-law EXCEPT if he's EFULEFU MAN.

Op don't get upset over common issues, I don't see anything wrong in what ur wife did. she may not even realize or have it in mind that she first serve her brother the food before u. U are a man, u don't need to take action over everything, u need to overlook some certain things in ur home.

ibechris:
Calm down jor.

In my house,anytime my brother in law Comes into town,we serve him food like a king. In fact,I see him as my father in law.

And it does not remove anything from us...learn not to pokenose into everything.

He is just 5 years my senior yet,we cherished him as our senior.

Learn to behave brother...u
too love food.

God bless you.....

Bola146:
As for me I don't see anything bad in that, it's a way to show honour and respect to him, it's just a visit not forever, he will soon go to his house.

NB If you truly want a happy home, don't seek advice on social media, those kids who can't maintain a week relationship will advise you astray. What works for A might not work for B.

Even with your modifications, it's the same thing!!! Is the man living forever in your house? Why come here to rant instead of telling your wife directly that she did something wrong?! You see why I always said good communication with intimacy are good in every home especially with this teens getting married everyday. I know he will still come back to ask if it's good for his wife to be greeting him every morning or late in the night orishirishi Dear Lord have mercy on us all

I guess you are not married. An advice, when you are married, please don't try this kind of thing with your husband. At OP, it is not right, but it is not something that will get you very angry, quietly call her and talk to her calmly about it.

Since you were famished and requested for food even when your brother-in-law was yet to wake up, it was wrong for your wife to serve him first and even had to go and wake him up.

However, you need to calm down and have a discussion with your wife. Let her know that what she did was offensive to you but it shouldn’t result into a fight. The journey before you and your wife is still long and you need loads of patience and maturity to navigate this journey.

Favfables1:


The most sensible comment I've seen so far...

Personally if it's just a one time thing, I won't be bothered buh it happening consistently is something that'll make me raise eyebrows...

OP talk to your wife and tell her exactly how this makes you feel...
She may be doing it without meaning to upset or disrespect you...

I know this may seem like something "not worth talking about", buh if it hurts you enough for you to open a thread on nairaland, then it's better you communicate with her rather than allow it grow into resentment...

And please leave all those folks up there insulting you for whatever reason, if you do your investigations they're probably not married and thus won't know *exactly* how it feels...

Good luck Chief...

oga , I'm married and I do exactly the same thing - I serve guests first - my husband is not disabled that he can't enter kitchen and dish out his own food if necessary.
There is nothing I detest like ego driven decisions - they usually lack sense and they open the door for entitlement and further unreasonable behaviour.

A hungry man is indeed an angry man. Oga smoke then go back inside to eat. There's no big deal as long as food reach everyone.

nesgeeek:
Op don't get upset over common issues, I don't see anything wrong in what ur wife did. she may not even realize or have it in mind that she first serve her brother the food before u. U are a man, u don't need to take action over everything, u need to overlook some certain things in ur home.

It is better to discuss sensibilities.
Marriage is a RELATIONSHIP. A deep one for that matter involving emotions, love and trust.
It is a journey to unite behaviour so communication towards solidarity is important.
You must get to understand yourselves in ALL THINGS so it is dangerous to gloss over and sweep under issues that can pressurize the marriage.
The most successful couples are not those that cover things up but those who have quick and efficient conflict resolution mechanisms going on in their homes constantly.

SayAsSeen:
Hello friends, I'd like to ask intelligent and older minds for advise about an issue before I react.

My wife's elder brother is visiting my house and my wife has been serving his food first before serving and bringing my good, in my own house.


Please I just want to ask if this is wrong or right or even just normal?

I worked all through the night and was famished by the time the day broke this morning. I gave her some dough and told her to prepare me noodles and sardine, emphasizing on the fact that I was very hungry.

NOTE: Her Brother was still asleep at this time.

She prepared the meal, split it into two. Woke up and served her brother first in my guest room before coming to my room to give her hungry husband his food.

I was so mad, I ignored the food, went out to smoke a cigarette. While I was doing that it occured to me ask for advice here, because I didn't want to ask anybody I knew personally.

I still don't know whether to be mad, or to just ignore it.

I am a strong believer of common sense and respect and her actions this morning lack both! It would have take her less than 30 seconds to give me my food then go wake and serve her brother!

Is she told me she needed money for something and I put my younger sister's need over her's-no matter how tribal her's might be-i know how she'd react and the amount of making up I'd have to do.

I am trying to be very mature about this, that's why I keeping things anonymous?

Besides I'd like to know, I possibly can't be the only person who has experienced this sort of situation because they say there's nothing new under the sun. Please who has ever felt this way, I am very understanding and if something irks me, it would irk every body else too.


Wish I could explain better

Why are everybody not seeing any wrong in the woman's doing?

This woman was called by her husband, given money to make food because he returned hungry and tired.
She opted to serve her brother first BY WAKING HIM UP, before her own husband.
There is everything wrong with this abeg.
It shows the wife cares more about her sleeping brother than her hungry husband.
For Respect sake serve the man who provided the money for the food and was MORE IN NEED of the food than someone who didn't even know there was something cooking.
All these woke people these days sef.

Divorce the bitch! She no get respect for her hubby and she doesn't know what a husband means. Husband means MASTER, LORD.
Divorce the idiot, my wife won't and can't try that nonsense. I hate nonsense.
Mtcheeeeeeew �

SayAsSeen:
Hello friends, I'd like to ask intelligent and older minds for advise about an issue before I react.

My wife's elder brother is visiting my house and my wife has been serving his food first before serving and bringing my good, in my own house.


Please I just want to ask if this is wrong or right or even just normal?

I worked all through the night and was famished by the time the day broke this morning. I gave her some dough and told her to prepare me noodles and sardine, emphasizing on the fact that I was very hungry.

NOTE: Her Brother was still asleep at this time.

She prepared the meal, split it into two. Woke up and served her brother first in my guest room before coming to my room to give her hungry husband his food.

I was so mad, I ignored the food, went out to smoke a cigarette. While I was doing that it occured to me ask for advice here, because I didn't want to ask anybody I knew personally.

I still don't know whether to be mad, or to just ignore it.

I am a strong believer of common sense and respect and her actions this morning lack both! It would have take her less than 30 seconds to give me my food then go wake and serve her brother!

Is she told me she needed money for something and I put my younger sister's need over her's-no matter how tribal her's might be-i know how she'd react and the amount of making up I'd have to do.

I am trying to be very mature about this, that's why I keeping things anonymous?

Besides I'd like to know, I possibly can't be the only person who has experienced this sort of situation because they say there's nothing new under the sun. Please who has ever felt this way, I am very understanding and if something irks me, it would irk every body else too.


Wish I could explain better

i think the cigar belleful you pass the indomie

Maybe the in law no get money... If na me, i go bullshit you and your cheap food... Nonsense!!

A few years ago Abramovich the owner of Chelsea was worried
He had a BIG PROBLEM

When he came to the UK with his yacht he had to drive through traffic in London to go to Stamford Bridge and once he missed a game

The Problem was his helicopter could not land or take off from his yacht.


This is a really terrible problem for a man to have .

Eventually he bought another yacht that could accommodate helicopters

.

Everyone has his OWN SIZE of problem



I want to have that kind of problem

SayAsSeen:
Hello friends, I'd like to ask intelligent and older minds for advise about an issue before I react.

My wife's elder brother is visiting my house and my wife has been serving his food first before serving and bringing my good, in my own house.


Please I just want to ask if this is wrong or right or even just normal?

I worked all through the night and was famished by the time the day broke this morning. I gave her some dough and told her to prepare me noodles and sardine, emphasizing on the fact that I was very hungry.

NOTE: Her Brother was still asleep at this time.

She prepared the meal, split it into two. Woke up and served her brother first in my guest room before coming to my room to give her hungry husband his food.

I was so mad, I ignored the food, went out to smoke a cigarette. While I was doing that it occured to me ask for advice here, because I didn't want to ask anybody I knew personally.

I still don't know whether to be mad, or to just ignore it.

I am a strong believer of common sense and respect and her actions this morning lack both! It would have take her less than 30 seconds to give me my food then go wake and serve her brother!

Is she told me she needed money for something and I put my younger sister's need over her's-no matter how tribal her's might be-i know how she'd react and the amount of making up I'd have to do.

I am trying to be very mature about this, that's why I keeping things anonymous?

Besides I'd like to know, I possibly can't be the only person who has experienced this sort of situation because they say there's nothing new under the sun. Please who has ever felt this way, I am very understanding and if something irks me, it would irk every body else too.


Wish I could explain better

I hope you have not done something to your wife that is making her give you attitude because that na the future's way bro. Please search well and either make amends if you are wrong or stand your ground if you are right.

Pataricatering:
oga , I'm married and I do exactly the same thing - I serve guests first - my husband is not disabled that he can't enter kitchen and dish out his own food if necessary.
There is nothing I detest like ego driven decisions - they usually lack sense and they open the door for entitlement and further unreasonable behaviour.

neither are your guests disabled. nothing wrong in serving your guests first. its damn good courtesy but to say because your husband isnt disabled hence he should go serve himself, u carry your own cross road

Bola146:
As for me I don't see anything bad in that, it's a way to show honour and respect to him, it's just a visit not forever, he will soon go to his house.

NB If you truly want a happy home, don't seek advice on social media, those kids who can't maintain a week relationship will advise you astray. What works for A might not work for B.

Even with your modifications, it's the same thing!!! Is the man living forever in your house? Why come here to rant instead of telling your wife directly that she did something wrong?! You see why I always said good communication with intimacy are good in every home especially with this teens getting married everyday. I know he will still come back to ask if it's good for his wife to be greeting him every morning or late in the night orishirishi Dear Lord have mercy on us all

10/10

Nothing more to add.

Alabo7978:

You are mad.

It your mindset that makes it right or wrong