Hi everyone, i need your candid opinion on what i should do.

I am in love with a man who is in his late 40's and i am just in my early 20's. he loves me madly and does all he can to make me happy and keep me. he is divorced with no kids and i feel that i will be happy with him, HE WANTS TO MARRY ME

My parents may not accept him and my friends think that he is too old but i believe that in life, one has to do what make one happy. They feel that he may die anytime but i try to make them understand that even a younger man may die anything to GOD knows what, accident, sickness etc.

What should i do? leave him and look for a  younger guy or be happy with him even if it is for one day, i don't know, whatever decision i make wherther positive or negative will still affect me in the sense that if i marry him, anything can happen and if i don't what gives me the assurance that it is greener on the other side,

Please people,  help a sister,

My advice for you is that u should try and pray about it, dont think because the man is doing or giving u evrything u want so that means he love you, what is good need prayer and what is not good also need prayer. Thanks

@ Poster.

Like 'Funmi said, you need to pray about it. Aside that, please try as much as possible to find out if the guy is hiding something from you. You know questions just keep popping out of my mind.

How long was his first marriage?
Why did he divorce his ex wife? (though you will have to consider the ex's reason too) You can't just believe him without hearing the ex's side of the story.
Very importantly, why are there no kids while his first marriage lasted?

Friend, get him to answer some important questions and pray seriously. there's nothing marrying an older person.

yea, sillyboy is right

Thanks for you reply guys. I have asked him all these things, they were married for 12 years with no kids and i think they had some other personality problem that let to communication break. one thing led to another and she left after which they got a divorce.

One more thing i 4got to say, HE IS MY FIRST AND ONLY GUY I HAVE EVER SLEPT WITH and we have been going out for 4years.

I have been praying and i really dont know what i should do.

elizyous:

Thanks for you reply guys. I have asked him all these things, they were married for 12 years with no kids and i think they had some other personality problem that let to communication break. one thing led to another and she left after which they got a divorce.

One more thing i 4got to say, HE IS MY FIRST AND ONLY GUY I HAVE EVER SLEPT WITH and we have been going out for 4years.

I have been praying and i really don't know what i should do.

i think since you've gone deep into it (the sleeping part) and he's your fist honey, deep emotion has set in and you cant think logically about him. You know he has personality problem?? Wait until you become his wife, then you see the REAL PERSONALITY PROBLEM IN ITS FULL FLEDGE, because right now he's trying to do all to please you.

But my advice is try and talk with those that know him well (definitely not his former wife) and get their unbiased views about him. if you can STILL LIVE with all those facts, then go ahead. If you pray and fast till next year, you will only hear WHAT YOUR HEART WANTS TO HEAR !! Believe me !!

Wishing you the best !!!

@ Poster.

Considering the fact that you gus have been seeing each other for 4 years now, I'd say it's been quite long.

But the questions keep coming up

-Their childlessness for twelve years, was is intentional? As in, was it as a result of family planning?

-What are the personality problems he had with his ex? we need to be very carefull and detailed about what really happened between them. this will help a lot in having an idea of what it's going to be like if you get married to him.

- If he is in his late forty's now, and you guys have been going out for like 4 years, then, that strongly suggest that there was a period he was alone or with someone else. Except if he married in his early thirties. If there was a lady before you after his marriage collapsed, then what happened between himself and the lady? And if there isn't a lady, then, was he just keeping to himself?

My dear, am just trying to use logics and reasoning in trying to analyse and really know what is it with this guy since you said you've prayed about it and you are still confused. And believe me, we need to ask questions and answer them as honest as possible.

I strongly believe there is something he is hiding from you. It could be something(s) about his personality or his biological being! Please don't be surprise. Please answer the questions above and we continue from there.

There is nothing wrong in getting married to an older person, but make sure he is not hiding anything from you that could jeopardise your future fufillment.

My parents may not accept him
@poster,
Here lies the problem
the first u need to do is pray and after that make ur parents accept him.They feel that he may die anytime but i try to make them understand that even a younger man may die anytime,God knows what, accident, sickness etc.
For crying out loud why on planet earth will u accept a negative thought about the person
u want to spend the rest of ur life with. My dear sister let me give u a personal definition of faith:
Faith is not a denial of fact but it is denying the fact over ur existence, what im saying is bcus he is older than u
there are tendencies that he might leave  this world b4 u, that is the fact but u deny it immediately bcus there pple on
earth who are 120 yrs and they are still living even doing very well, so if u haven't concieve him in ur mind dying i can sure bet that he won't die, nothing on planet earth will kill him except when God says its high time for him to go.

Personal opinion
There is nothing wrong with marrying an older man, if u find love and peace with him plz go ahead and have fun.
Best of luck sis.

Just be careful n be wise

Please pray about it you ca n say he may be the one for you but first know the mind of God about it through ptayer

hi guys, thanks a lot for all the advice.

What i mean by personality problem is that his wife was a very proud person and as you know, u men also have your pride. She did some things that he disliked such as going to different churches, bringing in so called men of GOD and so on, it later turned out that she was the problem cuz she had a problem with her womb, with the hurt and all, communication broke.

For his fertility, he is fertile, i know, we are all adults so you should understand.

It was shortly after the breakup that we met, we didnt go out immediately, he gave me (and maybe himself) time and my respect for 1 year before anything happened between us and he still respects me till today.

It's good to know that he still respect you. I want you to know that verility is not the same thing as fertility. Now, do you mean that his fertilty was confirmed at a hospital? If yes, then that's so good to hear.

The issue of the ex's pride is absolutely something else. You can't just believe his side of the story alone. At times people give excuses for their inadequacy you know. I'm not against him as I said earlier on, I just want you to be sure that he's not trying to play smart with you.

You know what elders say about seeing something a child cant see while on a tree and the elder seeing it while sitting down? I just keep believing something is wrong somewhere. I don't want your parents to say something like: "we warned you then" to you.

Be good and be honest to yourself. Use your head and not your heart in this particular issue.

why are you using different handles?

If you love him, then go for it. But if your parents do not support it, then don't go through with it. That is my opinion. In many ways, age is only a number. But he is old, And I'm assuming at least 25 years older than you. If you have children, they may not have their father around. Then you may be left to raise your children alone. Sometimes. . .other factors besides love are involved in a relationship.

The concern that I also have though, is that he is already divorced, and now going for someone so young? Maybe it's because he wants kids. . .but I don't know. Just a little weird to me.

But if your parents do not support it, then don't go through with it.

Why not?

Seun:

Why not?

Because for me, sometimes your parents know what is best. My parents have never steered me wrong, I can't say the same for everyone. But I highly value the opinion of my parents. Sometimes they might know somethings or have foresight that I don't because they have been there or may know people who are/have been in similar situations. It could be so possible that someone could be so "blinded by love" that they miss important things that they need to take note of. And then that's when your parents come in and say "I told you so" or "didn't I say it."

PTBNaija:

Because for me, sometimes your parents know what is best. My parents have never steered me wrong, I can't say the same for everyone. But I highly value the opinion of my parents. Sometimes they might know somethings or have foresight that I don't because they have been there or may know people who are/have been in similar situations. It could be so possible that someone could be so "blinded by love" that they miss important things that they need to take note of. And then that's when your parents come in and say "I told you so" or "didn't I say it."

I agree. The things that people do for love is incredible these days. Though their are situations where you don't really need parental advice.

elizyous:

Hi everyone, i need your candid opinion on what i should do.

I am in love with a man who is in his late 40's and i am just in my early 20's. he loves me madly and does all he can to make me happy and keep me. he is divorced with no kids and i feel that i will be happy with him, HE WANTS TO MARRY ME

My parents may not accept him and my friends think that he is too old but i believe that in life, one has to do what make one happy. They feel that he may die anytime but i try to make them understand that even a younger man may die anything to GOD knows what, accident, sickness etc.

What should i do? leave him and look for a  younger guy or be happy with him even if it is for one day, i don't know, whatever decision i make wherther positive or negative will still affect me in the sense that if i marry him, anything can happen and if i don't what gives me the assurance that it is greener on the other side,

Please people,  help a sister,

my dear,like I always say,true love is hard to find and when you find it,you must let it go.
Age is nothing but a number so your man's age is no big deal,forget those friends of yours,soon they'll be begging you to hook them up with his unmarried friends and if you leave him,they'll be jumping all over him,girls can be like that.

Your post suggests you haven't even asked your parents opinion so why are you speculating?
If he's asked you to marry him and you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him,say yes then take him home and introduce him to your parents.
Sometimes it's better to have him meet with your mom first before he meets both mom and dad.

Before this introduction,you must first tell your mom about him and that you love him,tell her why you think he's the one.

Most parents only want the best for their children and when you present this man as the best for you,they are unlikely to say no.
I wish you the best.

hi guys,

its more complicated than that, my mom is dead from when i was a little girl. i have a step mother that i dont get along with very well and my father is very biased, he only wants me to marry someone from my state which is almost impossible cuz i cant stand them.

I say my family may not accept him, because they already know him very well but not as someone i am going out with but as someone who leave on thesame street with my fathers younger sister. They even know him and his ex-wife before she travelled out after the divorce but they have not said anything about them because they are very private people. They only raised an eyebrow once when they suspected that something was going on between us.

@elizyous

My dear, please think hard very well. It's not wrong to marry someonle older, but something is not right somewhere! The bad thing about it is that I feel people who know what this stuff is are not telling you anything.

Okay, I believe this is a possible way out. Just make sure all the people you think will oppose to you marrying him know that you have a serious relationship going on with him! they will definately raise hell, but they might just come out with what they've been hiding. Moreover, your man's action to the commotion will go a long way to tell you what he is made of.

B easy girl. I really smell sumtin fishy about this your man.but all il do is advice.just don't be too busy thinking about how much he spoils you, but smart to know wat u r getting into.there's this saying that goes like when you're too close you never get to see a lot of things.just draw back a lil bit you might be suprised wat you'll get to find.

elizyous:

hi guys,

its more complicated than that, my mom is dead from when i was a little girl. i have a step mother that i don't get along with very well and my father is very biased, he only wants me to marry someone from my state which is almost impossible because i can't stand them.

I say my family may not accept him, because they already know him very well but not as someone i am going out with but as someone who leave on thesame street with my fathers younger sister. They even know him and his ex-wife before she travelled out after the divorce but they have not said anything about them because they are very private people. They only raised an eyebrow once when they suspected that something was going on between us.

this your story don begin get K leg sef.
metamorphosis don begin happen.
we've quickly gone from larva to pupa stage here
hmm

babyosisi:

this your story don begin get K leg sef.
metamorphosis don begin happen.
we've quickly gone from larva to pupa stage here
hmm

Seun, please install the ROFL icon on this site because that's what I'm doing right now.

Everyone has spoken well and intelligently, well done guys!

Here's my problem with this matter: I'm a divorced man seeing a girl at least 25 years younger and definitely not as worldly as I am in such matters. With the 25 yrs age gap, I'm actually old enough to father her. And I go and sleep with her (young and inexperienced) when it's not certain I'm will marry her. What does that say of the man?

my only grouse with the man is the childlessness issue. i mean childless for 12 years? how sure are you that the guy is telling the truth that the fault was with his ex-wife.

now my advice is this , (this is what i will do if i happened to be in your shoes and i am madly in love with the guy,

a) get pregnant for the guy before you get married to him or commit yourslef legally.

this advice may shock many people but it kinda sorts a lot of things,
1) whether the guy is fertile or not, if after about 6months of hot sex and you no 'take in', the guy probably has a problem. just leave him ASAP as move on with your life.
2) your parents will be forced to accept your union. they will just talk and talk and talk, after sometime, they will relax. am saying this giving the way you explained the relationship between you and your step mum as well as your father's attitude.

AGE IS JUST A NUMBER

ALL U NEED DO IS PRAY TO GOD

IF HE IS UR OWN, HE'LL STAY, BUT IT HE IS NOT, GOD WILL GIVE U UR OWN HUSBAND

Yes, Pray to God for more enlightment because "WE GUYZ ARE dangerous WICKED".I mean we are not so easy to understand by ladies.

Let me tell U something from what i do,"I'M A PLAYER" and i can get any woman i desire by saying those sweet things that ladies like to hear. , .Like you are my last bus stop,You have everything i need in a woman,You may think I'm older that you but i can put myself down to your levels,I will die if you dont marry me. . . etc

My advice for you is that you should pray to God to show you if he's your man. . .I mean PRAYER !!!

KOMA LO JE PE WON FE GBA E NI O. . .

I dont like giving advice to one who in "MADLY IN LOVE", they hardly heed to such advice but in your onw case, i would only say WAKE UP FROM UR SLUMBER girl. u think she loves u cos he "SEEKS UR HAPPINES" by giving u gift i presume, well u will be a widow when ur 45, or even less, that man will not live for the next 30 yrs. qoute me

be careful,take ur tyme n pray.dats al ive got to say

aik.mamah:

I don't like giving advice to one who in "MADLY IN LOVE", they hardly heed to such advice but in your onw case, i would only say WAKE UP FROM UR SLUMBER girl. u think she loves u because he "SEEKS UR HAPPINES" by giving u gift i presume, well u will be a widow when your 45, or even less[/color][color=#990000][/color][color=#990000][color=#990000][/color], that man will not live for the next 30 years. qoute me

nna i di  kwa very harsh!
pray,tell,do you plan on killing him?

Le me say it this way
1. he has been dating u for the past 4 years, which means u were about 17 or 18 then and he already 40 ! ( child abuse !)

2. he is the first and the only man u ve known, which means (a) he took advantage of an innocent inexperienced, underaged young girl (that is a crime that can fetch him 6 years improsonment) that man is harthless (b) u think he is the best because u ve not sampled any other, try some younger and more careing guy and u will know the different, ( u don't know what your missing)

3. he is divoced after 12 years of friutless marrage without issue, let me warn you, the first wife left because he is IMPOTENT,( tell him i said so), go on with the marrage if (a) u don't want to nurse your own kids, or (b) if u want to have extra marital affair in order to have your own issues


BOTTOM LINE: HE IS TAKING ADVERTANGE OF U, AND IF I CATCH HIM, GOD HELP THE BOTH OF US

@AIK.MAMAH, CHEI, U TOUGH OO!!

u WAN KILL AM?? WETIN COME CONCERN YOU WEY YOU WAN FIGHT NOW??
I FEAR TO VEX YOU OO !!