You seem to be stumbling a lot. Obviously you have a habit of checking your husband's phone. But I don't blame you, it's because of how he has behaved in the past.

It's glaring...he has no respect for you and the marriage, and even for himself. Really nothing you can do about this except to pray that he changes on his own. That's if you want to remain married to him.

lagosrd:
1. My dear, that marriage has not failed. There are bound to be issues in marriage and the party ability to mange it is the key to the success here. Wise ladies end up enjoying their marriage. A man is born to stray and eventually go home but if wisdom and patience is not applied by the woman she will be the greatest loser.

2. If she is dying of seeing dirty chats in the husband's phone what if she catches the husband nake*d on her matrimonial bed with another lady? Will she kill herself. Where she wants to go to is not a sure paradise. They may be worse with other stuffs she may not be able to cope with.

3. It's important we balance things up and support same in prayers. See I have a case in my hand now . The wife is just feed up cos the husband sold virtually everything he has and got himself grounded without carrying the lady along. We don't even know if he is gambling or so . Patience and prayer is the key

1. Marriage is an agreement/a contract even between a man and woman even, and and that contract is broken, it means the union has failed. Some ofcourse continue even after that supposing they can revive that which has failed but so long as that problem continues in existence, it remains a failed union under the original contract/agreement.

---

You mention prayer, well even God who we are told hates divorce concedes to cheating in marriage being a sign of failure this since even He permits divorce only under those circumstances.

---

Why again is a man born from the same womb as woman born to stray? Since they both come from the same loins and womb then we should also claim a woman is also born to stray, right?,

2. So what you are saying is so long as a man only catches his wife sexting other men, he should be wise and patient with her this since paradise is also not sure for him where he is going, right?

3. I agree with balance but what do you pray for in a case where you refuse to accept the failure of the union in ignorance? Does God really answer prayers offered Him in ignorance or feigning of it?,

Kobojunkie:


P.S. I have never come across an individual in a relationship where he/she is being cheated on that is not damaged (emotionally, mentally and sometimes physically) by it.

Oh wow, preach!

nighter:
Oh wow, preach!

It is reality. Look all around at Nigerians, from Women damaged in marriage to children damaged by it and repeating the mistakes of their parents now now believing the damage it a way of life. The damage has almost been normalized at this point.

frozen70:


Thanks dear, I accepted my faith because there are much things to chase with my strength than chasing to know who my spouse sleeps with

The children always look up to mum because they know that mum understands more than dad

And they expect the mum to keep a smiling face at all time

So I have to brace up

And if you find out that he cheats, will you do same to pay him back? Just curious.

Kobojunkie:
It is reality. Look all around at Nigerians, from Women damaged in marriage to children damaged by it and repeating the mistakes of their parents now now believing the damage it a way of life. The damage has almost been normalized at this point.

I believe people who feel hurt by their cheating spouses have never had the experience of being cheated on before in their relationships, otherwise, they would have learnt their lesson that forming attachments with people is really not worth it.

nighter:
I believe people who feel hurt by their cheating spouses have never had the experience of being cheated on before in their relationships, otherwise, they would have learnt their lesson that forming attachments with people is really not worth it.

Are you under the notion that it is possible to get used to being stabbed in the back, even in relationship?

You believe it is possible to normalize such damage without consequnce to one's mental, physical or emotional well being?

Maybe I don't understand your response.

Ginomel:


And if you find out that he cheats, will you do same to pay him back? Just curious.

Wetin concern me, me that will focus on my children and Win their heart that they will be so loyal to me

I can't loose at both ends

frozen70:


Wetin concern me, me that will focus on my children and Win their heart that they will be so loyal to me

I can't loose at both ends

Beautiful answer, I asked the question because I know some women that said they will cheat to balance the cheating.

Told them you are loosing still because the man you cheated with ended up using you even as a married woman. Far far degrading.

Cheerycherry:


This is not the first time! I'm very open! I'm not an SU, I'm not a wrapper tying wife, I've talked to him, done all sorts even when I'm dead tired I give in to sex in different forms! Is there anything else?

I'm sure you're all that and more. Maybe it just helps his ego to aggressively flirt with other women to see if he's still game. Some men and mostly women seek validation especiallyoutside their relationship.

Josephamstrong1:

Finally, pray!
Nothing breaks a man to see that his wife is getting the attention outside. We would do all to salvage the situation. Fake it or create a script. Find a buddy, brother that can disguise as your bestie or friend. Recharge him to always call you whenever he's around and chat you naughty, too. Make sure he sees the chat. And use better profile of all these Black African male models as profile pics and wallpaper. Sis, e go shock you. He gets paranoids, don't answer him or just tell him...he pushed you into it. That you're also catching cruise and fun, too. That you he has some class and taste. Tell him to upgrade his games and not with small small lousy girls.
Do you know he enjoys seeing you getting jealous over girls on his phone? He keeps those chats on purpose. So...nothing is spoilt yet. You don't leave your home for anything. That's your home. Instead he leaves naa.

You are actually advising her to pray and then seek ways to deceive him into believing she is doing the very same as he is to the marriage?

Rhozabeth:
Much as i do not support cheating, I don't know what u are looking for in your husband's phone! Stop invading his privacy. What u don't know cannot kill u!

I don't understand you lot.

What she doesn't know cannot kill her? Are you certain all the women who were infected with HIV or some other STD by a cheating partner will agree with you?

Are you sure the many ignorant women who were eventually abandoned for the other women, with absolutely not even a kobo to their name will agree with you?

In the case, the OP already knows, but somehow you want her to unknow it so she can instead live with a deluded sense of peace and happiness that is much of married life for the many MRS titled women out there, am I right?

IamGreen1:
Keep praying for him indeed as if he's mentally deranged.

ROFLMAO

Cheerycherry:
Good evening family landers, I created this account because of this and I need advice from people that have been married for a while.

I've been married for almost 3 years now and we were in a relationship for more than 6 years before then.

Since I married my husband, I've noticed that he's an emotional cheat so to speak. One time I stumbled upon a chat with a girl saying things like if I catch you I will wound you with d ick.

When I bring it up he will tell me he was joking and even swear with his life that he will never cheat on me he's just joking.

Earlier this year, I stumbled upon his chat with a girl who I happened to know as well, a very young girl sending his shirtless pics and asking her if she knows how to ride d ick well if she can kiss and suck his whatever well.

Asides this, he sent her money up to 13,000 in the space of a week while he kept telling me he had no money and I was managing my personal money to run stuff.

He apologised and said its because I don't kiss him when we have s ex and he didn't even intend meeting the girl that it was him catching cruise.

This week again I stumbled upon his chat with another girl, he has known this girl for a while tho and I've met her too. He sent her a message saying Je ki n do e kara e bale in yoruba which means let me f uck you let your body calm down. I've been mad since I saw this one cos he apologised and afterwards said he was just joking.

I'm tired of the disrespect the whole nonsense brings to me and I'm considering leaving. I have a well paying job, I take care of my personal expenses and send money to my parents and siblings myself and we have a child together.

It's not s ex cos we have sex not less than 2-3 times a week; very satisfying s ex.

I need inputs from married people please.
We have an ongoing building project together which we are both sponsoring 50:50. I'm not an uptight person at all, I talk, I make jokes, I'm not boring!

At a time he will mess up, that's if he isn't already.


You on your part, them use checking his phone swear for you? you will wound yourself soon..Or score an own goal.

If he has sex with you, then you are still very much attracted to him..And calls for no suspicion..He is a flirt but you are his queen..If he stops touching you, that is when you will know say water don pass garri.

lacidi:
Severally is wrong English in this context. The correct phrase is 'several times'.

Severally is correct now in modern usage. Update yourself.

lacidi:
Severally is wrong English in this context. The correct phrase is 'several times'.

Pay attention to the second definition below.

Kobojunkie:
1. Marriage is an agreement/a contract even between a man and woman even, and and that contract is broken, it means the union has failed. Some ofcourse continue even after that supposing they can revive that which has failed but so long as that problem continues in existence, it remains a failed union under the original contract/agreement.

---

You mention prayer, well even God who we are told hates divorce concedes to cheating in marriage being a sign of failure this since even He permits divorce only under those circumstances.

---

Why again is a man born from the same womb as woman born to stray? Since they both come from the same loins and womb then we should also claim a woman is also born to stray, right?,

2. So what you are saying is so long as a man only catches his wife sexting other men, he should be wise and patient with her this since paradise is also not sure for him where he is going, right?

3. I agree with balance but what do you pray for in a case where you refuse to accept the failure of the union in ignorance? Does God really answer prayers offered Him in ignorance or feigning of it?,

Well am taking from experience and whatever it is that happens in any marriage is not new anywhere under the sun. A man's promiscuous lifestyle in early marriage should not lead to divorce. Likewise foe the woman. Women naturally may not cheat but may be carried away with fantacies and attention given to them by an outside which may lead to other things if care is not taken.

Equality in marriage is the bedrock of divorce. A women is mean to be submissive to her husband's authority while a man is mean to be reasonable, responsible and care for the same family which includes respect for you wife and children.

Majority of the anomalies witnessed in families today is largely caused by inability of both parties to move away from being single to married lifestyle. Yes I said men are naturally polygamous , which is true. Do you think men don't know that other men make advances to their wives? They do, but cannot complain in all situations. However no matter how promiscuous a man is he will never allow any man be it rich or old , young or poor to tamper with his wife.
They are both polygamous band envious.

The earlier a man knows that he is married and such responsibility of married man is to first respect himself and respect his family and his wife , he has crossed the first bridge of marriage.

However, we are in a world of fantacies and also where youthful exuberance goes with many till old age. Most don't know what takes to be a married person.

Culturally, it doesn't favour a woman to keep hoping from one man to the other and sleeping around in revenge in the name of equality. The children will be affected and the lady will end up being a laughing stock in the society. It will soon be clear to our dear lady actress who left her husband and later got her sext video circulated showing all her rivates . Psychological warfare may await the child when he grows up to aspire foe moral positions in life. So a lady needs to be extremely careful and patient in her marriage.

I made bold to tell you that I have no experience in managing marital issues but the ones I have solved myself is more than 5 which also keeps me on my toes that marriage is not like a bed to roses. I sometimes tell them that I also quarrel with my wife and we trash it out almost immediately. However I notice that her prayers did the magic because I couldn't imagine me , but well am enjoying peace of mind now in my marriage. We are not growing younger everyday and before you know the kids will start asking questions.

If our parents tells us what they went through in marriage , you will shiver to your pines. It's only an abusive marriage that I will not tolerate. Once it's getting to beating, hitting , violence, I don't want to be part of that. The man needs to reset his brain. Other things are redeemable. Those that are telling you not to accept those things in your marriage are the first to connect your husband and replace you within a week when you leave. So stay where you are cos no guarantee from the other side you may intends to run to.

Kobojunkie:
You are actually advising her to pray and then seek ways to deceive him into believing she is doing the very same as he is to the marriage?

Pray!
Pray it works!
She has no evidence as to whether her hubby is actually cheating. All these are mere speculations based on what she sees on his phone. What if he was leaving those chats on purpose?
A chronic cheat won't leave any trace. Trust me.

Kobojunkie:
Are you under the notion that it is possible to get used to being stabbed in the back, even in relationship?

You believe it is possible to normalize such damage without consequnce to one's mental, physical or emotional well being?

Maybe I don't understand your response.

My point is clear. That anyone stabbed in the back by a cheating partner ought to have learnt their lesson and know how to handle themselves better in their future relationships.

Expectations from their current partner, 0. Emotional investment/attachment, 0. Just respect them, be fond of them, be contented, open and honest in all your dealings. Unless time has proven that your current partner is highly monogamous as you, even so, attaching yourself to anyone is risky.

Also, don't shut down other men all because you're in a relationship.

Don't give your body too cos that's where the pain comes. And if you must, perhaps once or twice throughout the duration of the relationship, I mean it. If he wants to have sex, let him go hire prostitutes and pay them, they need the money. Nobody owes anybody anything.

ChoCho54:
You are too emotional for your own good. Grow up mahn.
This is the kind of paranoia that drives people to commit murder in a marriage.

Provided he is not a street dog, chasing everything on skirts, don't crucify him for that.

Not all men cheat.

Pimine:

Aswearugaaad

Like I said earlier, your first mistake is thinking that men and women are the same.
Be a woman and quit trying to act like a man. If you fụck around, you're a slụt and no man's gonna keep you. But if you insist, Go get a cat and marry your job.

I'm done even answering this one

dalass:


I'm done even answering this one

Aswearugaaad

I was only trying to help you unlearn some really damaging things you've learnt over time - things others are scared of telling you for fear of being labeled misogynists. Peace

dannex4adx:


Are you married at all?

No I'm not

Saintmary:




Is your name on the land documents?




If not, you have been played dear.



Stop spending on anything that has to do with him, home expenses, building project, every single thing.



You have spoilt him by rising up to financial challenges, now he's using your money to spoil small small girls.



Sorry ehn.

Person wey never maintain her relationship dey gv advice to married woman, inside life

emmanuelbrown26:

Person wey never maintain her relationship dey gv advice to married woman, inside life

That is how you advice women to maintain their relationships and marriages.


Look at them all, suffering everyday, dealing with cheats and crooks, liars and horrible husbands and boyfriends in the name of maintenance.



That is how your type will drive them into the ground with evil advise, make them spend all their life savings on people who have the same character like you.




At the end, you will call them old cargo, the same name you called your own mother after they have spent their youthfulness on worthless men.





Any woman who listens to your type will only waste themselves over nothing.





From your post you think you know anything.






Mr Maintenance.

CheeryCherry, I know how heartbroken you must have been by now.Just don't think of divorcing him, it may end in regret.Just take it to God in prayers and God will really solve your problems.
I can tell you that over 70% of men cheats on their partners so it's not a new think.
Divorcing your 'only'
husband on the grounds that he cheats will be a grave mistake.Don't forget that your husband loves you and wants to be with you.Some hurbands cheats and are not sorry for that. You can meet your pastors for counselling and everything will be alright.

IamGreen1:



No I'm not

Ohk. God will give you a good husband.

Saintmary:




That is how you advice women to maintain their relationships and marriages.


Look at them all, suffering everyday, dealing with cheats and crooks, liars and horrible husbands and boyfriends in the name of maintenance.



That is how your type will drive them into the ground with evil advise, make them spend all their life savings on people who have the same character like you.




At the end, you will call them old cargo, the same name you called your own mother after they have spent their youthfulness on worthless men.





Any woman who listens to your type will only waste themselves over nothing.





From your post you think you know anything.






Mr Maintenance.

I don't gv daughters of eve any advice, and I still maintain that person wey never maintain relationship dey gv married woman advice. Inside life

Josephamstrong1:

Pray!
Pray it works!
She has no evidence as to whether her hubby is actually cheating. All these are mere speculations based on what she sees on his phone. What if he was leaving those chats on purpose?
A chronic cheat won't leave any trace. Trust me.

Prayer works when you are deceiving/being dishonest with the one you are praying for? Many of you take God for a fool, it seems.

She has no evidence her husband is cheating even with the sext messages on his own phone that confirm cheating?,

What if he was leaving those chats on purpose- sexting with various women who are not his wife - , breaking his marriage vow and disrespecting his wife as well?

I see the level of depravity is deep with some..

nighter:
1. My point is clear. That anyone stabbed in the back by a cheating partner ought to have learnt their lesson and know how to handle themselves better in their future relationships.

2. Expectations from their current partner, 0. Emotional investment/attachment, 0. Just respect them, be fond of them, be contented, open and honest in all your dealings. Unless time has proven that your current partner is highly monogamous as you, even so, attaching yourself to anyone is risky.

Also, don't shut down other men all because you're in a relationship.

3. Don't give your body too cos that's where the pain comes. And if you must, perhaps once or twice throughout the duration of the relationship, I mean it. If he wants to have sex, let him go hire prostitutes and pay them, they need the money. Nobody owes anybody anything.

Then I am afraid you didn't understand what I had stated in my previous comment is what.

1. What you call a "lesson" is in fact damage from being stabbed in the back... there is a reason why it is viciously described. The only lesson one can learn from such is that it can happen to one, and the only way to handle such is to let go of past hurts in new relationships or carry that pain around like a medal .I.e. damage. And nothing good comes comes walking around with that kind of damage.

2. What you described sounds a lot like a business partnership than an intimate relationship that takes heart and mind.

3. What a mechanical approach to what ought to be intimate union of two minds. I mean why enter into relationship at all?,