janejjjjj5000:
Please, I don't want to be judged. My husband is a good man. We have been married for 14 years. I am 33 years old. He is 39 years old. We have 4 kids - 3 girls and 1 boy. He has never cheated on me. Right from day 1, he has been very open. He is not the type of husband that locks phone and all of that. But I am tired. He has the habit of flaring up around the children and I don't like it. I don't want my kids to be damaged. I know some will say no marriage is perfect but at this point, I don't even want marriage again. I just want to be free and single and look after my kids. I am tired.

Anytime we have an argument, he always talks about how he did this and that for me. In front of the children. I don't want this kind of life. He hardly gets angry, maybe twice or thrice in a year but when he does, he does not have the sense to know he should not be doing it in front of the kids. He apologizes to them and to me but I am done.

He has no other issue apart from this. He has never beaten me or anything but I am tired. Overall he is a good husband to be fair and honest but I can no longer deal with this. I prefer to be single and free than deal with this rubbish.

I feel like pouring out my heart.

Lol

He is probably frustrated and the occasional outburst is as a result of pent up anger.
Besides therapy, you also have a role to play to prevent this. Perhaps you guys aren't open enough to discuss certain issues.

janejjjjj5000:
Please, I don't want to be judged. My husband is a good man. We have been married for 14 years. I am 33 years old. He is 39 years old. We have 4 kids - 3 girls and 1 boy. He has never cheated on me. Right from day 1, he has been very open. He is not the type of husband that locks phone and all of that. But I am tired. He has the habit of flaring up around the children and I don't like it. I don't want my kids to be damaged. I know some will say no marriage is perfect but at this point, I don't even want marriage again. I just want to be free and single and look after my kids. I am tired.

Anytime we have an argument, he always talks about how he did this and that for me. In front of the children. I don't want this kind of life. He hardly gets angry, maybe twice or thrice in a year but when he does, he does not have the sense to know he should not be doing it in front of the kids. He apologizes to them and to me but I am done.

He has no other issue apart from this. He has never beaten me or anything but I am tired. Overall he is a good husband to be fair and honest but I can no longer deal with this. I prefer to be single and free than deal with this rubbish.

I feel like pouring out my heart.

You married too young and never enjoyed dating, so now you want to play catch up when you got a lot to lose

janejjjjj5000:
No. I grew up in Winners Chapel and Papa and Mama always say they have never argued in their marriage. Even last year, Papa still said that he and mama have not had their first argument almost 40 years later. That is the kind of marriage I always wanted but now, I feel bad because I cannot boast of the same thing. Shouting at your wife is abuse. And worse is that our children see it. I have read that it can affect children psychologically. I feel that I have failed.

So you expected not to have any disagreements with your spouse like your Papa and Mama automatically? You have a very faulty mindset about marriage then.
I do not in anyway support his shouting at you in the presence of the children but he seems to be sincerely sorry seeing he agreed to go for counseling.
Work on your marriage. Arguments happen. Disagreements happen. The bonding happens too when both of you are able to work through them. In this case, you need help from a third party which is okay. Go through the process together.
Your children might need counseling too.

Also take time to pray for your family. Your prayers will go a long way. Divorce should not be your first point of call in this issue.

I have a similar issue with you but yours is better in the sense that mine will moderate our feeding pattern just to make sure his family is comfortable but this does not happen always, all these I have seen and experienced but I will stay to make sure my children gets a better life since I know he has the resources to train them because if I leave now his family will take over and start advicing him, for now my presence is scaring them away from the look on my face,they don't normally come around but will be sending account number here and there and he will be crediting it with money because they have sworn not to be useful to themselves since he always gives them money to solve their problem and also pays their rent.
Iam sad each time I see them because I discovered they're the problem I have but I won't leave for the sake of my children

janejjjjj5000:
Please, I don't want to be judged. My husband is a good man. We have been married for 14 years. I am 33 years old. He is 39 years old. We have 4 kids - 3 girls and 1 boy. He has never cheated on me. Right from day 1, he has been very open. He is not the type of husband that locks phone and all of that. But I am tired. He has the habit of flaring up around the children and I don't like it. I don't want my kids to be damaged. I know some will say no marriage is perfect but at this point, I don't even want marriage again. I just want to be free and single and look after my kids. I am tired.

Anytime we have an argument, he always talks about how he did this and that for me. In front of the children. I don't want this kind of life. He hardly gets angry, maybe twice or thrice in a year but when he does, he does not have the sense to know he should not be doing it in front of the kids. He apologizes to them and to me but I am done.

He has no other issue apart from this. He has never beaten me or anything but I am tired. Overall he is a good husband to be fair and honest but I can no longer deal with this. I prefer to be single and free than deal with this rubbish.

I feel like pouring out my heart.

I'll like to talk to you personally.

Jane dont mind all these people jare, get your lawyers and divorce. Marriage is not by force you would meet other men in the long run maybe the men you would meet would flare up 4 times a week, or probably 4 times a month or 20 times a quarter or 200 times a year. all i know is that they are much better than this useless man who takes care of his family and provides for his home, does not cheat and gets angry only 3 times in 365 days a year. what a useless man. see there are plenty men out there that you deserve maybe the one you find might not get angry but would cheat or might beat you or might be lazy and not provide for you and your kids who knows all i know is make sure you leave your husband cause he's the DEVIL!!!!!!! you deserve better my dear jane I'm also available to mingle and I'm sure i can make you happy hit me up

One more thing u failed/forgot to tell us: seems his 'Gbola, Oko, Amu, etc' is too small for your Big, wide and Oceania 'Pvssy, Obo, Tooth, Anu,etc'.
I guess this shld be d problem.
You are f*cking a sweeter prickkk outside.

janejjjjj5000:
Please, I don't want to be judged. My husband is a good man. We have been married for 14 years. I am 33 years old. He is 39 years old. We have 4 kids - 3 girls and 1 boy. He has never cheated on me. Right from day 1, he has been very open. He is not the type of husband that locks phone and all of that. But I am tired. He has the habit of flaring up around the children and I don't like it. I don't want my kids to be damaged. I know some will say no marriage is perfect but at this point, I don't even want marriage again. I just want to be free and single and look after my kids. I am tired.

Anytime we have an argument, he always talks about how he did this and that for me. In front of the children. I don't want this kind of life. He hardly gets angry, maybe twice or thrice in a year but when he does, he does not have the sense to know he should not be doing it in front of the kids. He apologizes to them and to me but I am done.

He has no other issue apart from this. He has never beaten me or anything but I am tired. Overall he is a good husband to be fair and honest but I can no longer deal with this. I prefer to be single and free than deal with this rubbish.

I feel like pouring out my heart.

One more thing u failed/forgot to tell us: seems his 'Gbola, Oko, Amu, etc' is too small for your Big, wide and Oceania 'Pvssy, Obo, Tooth, Anu,etc'.
I guess this shld be d problem.
You are f*cking a sweeter prickkk outside.

janejjjjj5000:
I am tired. I have a better view of marriage. He is not meeting up. My children are saying that the way he talks when upsets affects them. The children cry and he apologizes to all of us. I know I sound confused but I am just tired. I feel that my children will not be seeing this when we divorce. That is why I don't want the marriage anymore. I just want all round peace. I am tired.

Then train yourself and the children to learn prompt obedience to their fathers instructions.
It is only disobedience that could cause a man to flare at his children

janejjjjj5000:
No. I grew up in Winners Chapel and Papa and Mama always say they have never argued in their marriage. Even last year, Papa still said that he and mama have not had their first argument almost 40 years later. That is the kind of marriage I always wanted but now, I feel bad because I cannot boast of the same thing. Shouting at your wife is abuse. And worse is that our children see it. I have read that it can affect children psychologically. I feel that I have failed.

Sister

When i was in Nigeria i attend winners.. Even still attend online service..

Please i respect and adore oyedepo.. But please use your head.. Hes a man like me and you.. Its very very foolish to compare yourself to another.. The Bible even says it... Am sure what oyedepo means is, no quarrel has ever led to the considering divorce.. Anyways any man and woman that follow bible principles will have a blissful union.

You have a good husband, your truly confused.. When you get outside and feel the cold, youd remember the warmth you left behind...

I mean the man vexs only 3 times.. I swear that man is a demi god.. Do you know how many times he vexes at work etc.. Did you tell us how many times you annoy him, he flares up SIMPLY BECAUSE HES DOING AND MAKING SACRIFICES YOU ARE NOT APPRECIATING,... i know because i see my self in this your husband.also you confirmed it by saying he talks of all hes been doing for you.. Let your conscience be a judge what contributions are you making to help as a partner.. Not much am sure.

He adores and even apologizes to you.. You're even turning the children against him, No wahala leave him alone, you will find plenty peace/deek you seek outside..with time even your children will hate you... You don't deserve your treasure.

THIS WOMAN IS SATANIC. ONE OF THE BORN AGAIN CHRISTIANS wuruwuru.... Maybe she is from The Apostolic Church where such trends as she is manifesting thrives like rain water. Devilish people allowed to have homes but nothing good changes them.... Only complaints and complacency, hypocrisy and greed run their life....and churches. Possessive of the children she is now to destroy them and donate them to evil spirits and witches she belongs.... Yeye woman.

Onye police etie m ife ogaa.

Please go if you want to go so that he can also have peace, because to me, if feels like you are even the one that is a burden to him by caging him and not making him feel free to express himself naturally. Is he a mad man that will just get angry without you provoking him,
if you do not want his provocation, why can you not use your own calmness too to make peace. You don't even want to know if he has frustrations and if there is anything that has been bothering his mind, thereby building a cluster of depression in him which could result to those moments once in a while. If you are a good woman that always takes burden off his chests by encouraging him with words often, probably, his anger would have reduced to once in a year than 3. It is more than this, Maybe you are just tired of his Gboola and presence and you want to change to another one, so just come out straight to him and quit pretending. I am officially tired of women.

janejjjjj5000:
Please, I don't want to be judged. My husband is a good man. We have been married for 14 years. I am 33 years old. He is 39 years old. We have 4 kids - 3 girls and 1 boy. He has never cheated on me. Right from day 1, he has been very open. He is not the type of husband that locks phone and all of that. But I am tired. He has the habit of flaring up around the children and I don't like it. I don't want my kids to be damaged. I know some will say no marriage is perfect but at this point, I don't even want marriage again. I just want to be free and single and look after my kids. I am tired.

Anytime we have an argument, he always talks about how he did this and that for me. In front of the children. I don't want this kind of life. He hardly gets angry, maybe twice or thrice in a year but when he does, he does not have the sense to know he should not be doing it in front of the kids. He apologizes to them and to me but I am done.

He has no other issue apart from this. He has never beaten me or anything but I am tired. Overall he is a good husband to be fair and honest but I can no longer deal with this. I prefer to be single and free than deal with this rubbish.

I feel like pouring out my heart.

janejjjjj5000:
I am tired. I have a better view of marriage. He is not meeting up. My children are saying that the way he talks when upsets affects them. The children cry and he apologizes to all of us. I know I sound confused but I am just tired. I feel that my children will not be seeing this when we divorce. That is why I don't want the marriage anymore. I just want all round peace. I am tired.

Madam make we face the truth...u don go nack a 19yr old boy and you enjoyed the long gbola now you are confused.

Thank you to everyone who made out time to respond. The good, the bad, the insults... I am grateful.

We have decided to go for therapy. My husband is very sorry. Right now, he is researching good therapists we can contact to help. He wants us to work on the issue together.

I started this thread earlier today because I was feeling lost. We had the issue three days back and it's been bothering me even though he apologized immediately. Like I said, I have never discussed my marriage with anyone. This is the first time in 14 years but opening up here has really helped. It is good to hear different views. I thank all of you. All your comments (even the insults) have been helpful. Thank you all for giving me counsel.

janejjjjj5000:
Please, I don't want to be judged. My husband is a good man. We have been married for 14 years. I am 33 years old. He is 39 years old. We have 4 kids - 3 girls and 1 boy. He has never cheated on me. Right from day 1, he has been very open. He is not the type of husband that locks phone and all of that. But I am tired. He has the habit of flaring up around the children and I don't like it. I don't want my kids to be damaged. I know some will say no marriage is perfect but at this point, I don't even want marriage again. I just want to be free and single and look after my kids. I am tired.

Anytime we have an argument, he always talks about how he did this and that for me. In front of the children. I don't want this kind of life. He hardly gets angry, maybe twice or thrice in a year but when he does, he does not have the sense to know he should not be doing it in front of the kids. He apologizes to them and to me but I am done.

He has no other issue apart from this. He has never beaten me or anything but I am tired. Overall he is a good husband to be fair and honest but I can no longer deal with this. I prefer to be single and free than deal with this rubbish.

I feel like pouring out my heart.

Your case is what Yoruba people will call
"Eni lori koni fila"

janejjjjj5000:
Please, I don't want to be judged. My husband is a good man. We have been married for 14 years. I am 33 years old. He is 39 years old. We have 4 kids - 3 girls and 1 boy. He has never cheated on me. Right from day 1, he has been very open. He is not the type of husband that locks phone and all of that. But I am tired. He has the habit of flaring up around the children and I don't like it. I don't want my kids to be damaged. I know some will say no marriage is perfect but at this point, I don't even want marriage again. I just want to be free and single and look after my kids. I am tired.

Anytime we have an argument, he always talks about how he did this and that for me. In front of the children. I don't want this kind of life. He hardly gets angry, maybe twice or thrice in a year but when he does, he does not have the sense to know he should not be doing it in front of the kids. He apologizes to them and to me but I am done.

He has no other issue apart from this. He has never beaten me or anything but I am tired. Overall he is a good husband to be fair and honest but I can no longer deal with this. I prefer to be single and free than deal with this rubbish.

I feel like pouring out my heart.

For a weakness that he exhibits three or four times a year, its not a enough to quit.

If there are other underlying factors you've not stated maybe you should try to trash it out with him.

At 33 you're still young and active and could still attract another spouse, so good luck to you.

janejjjjj5000:
No. I grew up in Winners Chapel and Papa and Mama always say they have never argued in their marriage. Even last year, Papa still said that he and mama have not had their first argument almost 40 years later. That is the kind of marriage I always wanted but now, I feel bad because I cannot boast of the same thing. Shouting at your wife is abuse. And worse is that our children see it. I have read that it can affect children psychologically. I feel that I have failed.

OP,

Who is mama and papa that has never argued in 40 years?

My sister, that's an obvious lie from the pit of hell especially from the so called Christian leaders.

Who religion epp?

Anyway, back to the topic...OP, you are the worst married woman ever.

It seems you don't know what you want in life as a married woman, right? It seems you are being brain washed by your friends who are feminists or by the social media, ba?

You have an awesome husband who loves and adores your family and you are misbehaving like this, ba? Your shakara too much.

You have even reduced your oga to a simp so that he can be begging you not to leave the marriage, ba?

You are so wicked and trying to destroy the effort of your oga...In short, you are a marriage and dreams destroyer.

You are not worth an advice from me, old hag like you with worn out TOTO.

Please, get outta of Nairaland...We don't need time wasters.

Foolish woman!

janejjjjj5000:
Thank you, sir.

I think I will go for counseling. He has told me he is willing to go for counseling. He is begging me not to end the marriage.

If truly it is for only those stipulated period of time, then you have very little problem to bother you to the extent of divorce.. Many are finding it worst. Whatever it is that will make him rage for those few periods of time should also be avoided by you, he can't just rant for no reasons na... And with time your children will develop a coping mechanism since it's once in a long while. You also have to talk to him about it on all those long period of him being calm...

Issue that happens just twice in a year...
Pls divorce him let someone that knows his value rush home and marry him..
Tonto said more than you.. look at Churchill and her now..

See mumu, u see a man who does not cheat nor beat u, and he hardly gets angry, and u say u are tired

janejjjjj5000:
Please, I don't want to be judged. My husband is a good man. We have been married for 14 years. I am 33 years old. He is 39 years old. We have 4 kids - 3 girls and 1 boy. He has never cheated on me. Right from day 1, he has been very open. He is not the type of husband that locks phone and all of that. But I am tired. He has the habit of flaring up around the children and I don't like it. I don't want my kids to be damaged. I know some will say no marriage is perfect but at this point, I don't even want marriage again. I just want to be free and single and look after my kids. I am tired.

Anytime we have an argument, he always talks about how he did this and that for me. In front of the children. I don't want this kind of life. He hardly gets angry, maybe twice or thrice in a year but when he does, he does not have the sense to know he should not be doing it in front of the kids. He apologizes to them and to me but I am done.

He has no other issue apart from this. He has never beaten me or anything but I am tired. Overall he is a good husband to be fair and honest but I can no longer deal with this. I prefer to be single and free than deal with this rubbish.

I feel like pouring out my heart.

If this story is true(which I doubt) then one thing is clear, as much as it may affect the kids and all, If you think this is enough reason to leave your marriage, then my sister, leave! You would be be doing everyone a good deal honestly. Cos this makes no SENSE to me. I can only imagine the insults if the situation was turned around and it was your husband writing this .. it’s very laughable����. Please leave the marriage anty.. T for thanks �

janejjjjj5000:
I am tired. I have a better view of marriage. He is not meeting up. My children are saying that the way he talks when upsets affects them. The children cry and he apologizes to all of us. I know I sound confused but I am just tired. I feel that my children will not be seeing this when we divorce. That is why I don't want the marriage anymore. I just want all round peace. I am tired.

Pls don't listen to any pleas here or from him..
Divorce him and enjoy your life peacefully...
Remember your mental health is most important..

DoctorOlasDesk:



We stayed together in some years before marriage. Saw ourselves daily. How about my blood relations who stayed together two decades plus before marriage?

Are they also tired of the marriage?

Why

Titaniumental:

Your case is what Yoruba people will call
"Eni lori koni fila"

In her case "o ni ori, o tun ni fila" she just want to do away with either of the Fila or Ori.

Ayo ju tii baa ję...

OlawaleBammie:


U re very selfish and insensitive, u disgust me. Once again u re very selfish to the core.

Sebi u have gained wat u want, ur retirement plan(the kids) that is how most of ur mates are doing na. Congratulations ma.

Now u can divorce him after u have used him to gain wat u want.

Am pretty sure u had nothing wen u guys married, at 19, u were practically a burden to him, what a poor man he is...

Now after carrying ur burden all these years this is what u have to pay him in return abi.

The young man laboured to put u in, take care of u and am sure ur family would have bn beneficiaries of his benevolence but wen its tym for u to build the great future u guys needed, wen its tym for u to join hands with him to build the empire for your children u suddenly want to back out just for the freedom of receiving random dicks.

Madam u can go, just tell the poor man ur plan and stop maltreating him emotionally before they acuse him of domestic violence (as a result of ur maltreatment towards him)

How i wished he had turned u to baby mama from the onset, how i wished, wen he met u den in his mind he has found a future partner , future partner my foot.

Madam please file for divorce before u implicate the young ma, but am sure the universe has its way of locating everyone with his or her reward.









To be sincere, men shouldn't be marrying again, just give one or two random girls belle and drop out, if this is what they called marriage ooh, den men has no business with it, i just pity those who are kneeling down to propose

Am sure the man would have knelt down wen he wanted to propose to this deeperlife bible church goer ooh

You said my mind bro.. but let me add..
Men should opt for baby mama or if they want to marry,let them make sure they cripple the wives financially..
This Stoopid OP is financially liberated that is why she is shouting divorce up and down.. had it been that only the husband is financially able she for humble cos e go choke her to cater for the kids without him in the horizon..

BigBashiru:


Not at 33...she doesn't hv time..... 35 is expiry....

You say 35 is expiry? Some women in 40 still get boyfriends

michael1508:

When she said her children,she might be right,the children might not be for the man, they might be another product of DNA gone wrong.

If this is true, there is nothing to be said again

nedekid:

Hmmmm, at just 33 or 35?
See you, the women that have time the most sef are the over 40. It's as if they installed turbo charger in their engine

You are speaking from experience, but they most have money no sensible man will look at a woman in her 40s

janejjjjj5000:
Please, I don't want to be judged. My husband is a good man. We have been married for 14 years. I am 33 years old. He is 39 years old. We have 4 kids - 3 girls and 1 boy. He has never cheated on me. Right from day 1, he has been very open. He is not the type of husband that locks phone and all of that. But I am tired. He has the habit of flaring up around the children and I don't like it. I don't want my kids to be damaged. I know some will say no marriage is perfect but at this point, I don't even want marriage again. I just want to be free and single and look after my kids. I am tired.

Anytime we have an argument, he always talks about how he did this and that for me. In front of the children. I don't want this kind of life. He hardly gets angry, maybe twice or thrice in a year but when he does, he does not have the sense to know he should not be doing it in front of the kids. He apologizes to them and to me but I am done.

He has no other issue apart from this. He has never beaten me or anything but I am tired. Overall he is a good husband to be fair and honest but I can no longer deal with this. I prefer to be single and free than deal with this rubbish.

I feel like pouring out my heart.

na ashawo dey your eyes.

ABANGWABOI:


You said my mind bro.. but let me add..
Men should opt for baby mama or if they want to marry,let them make sure they cripple the wives financially..
This Stoopid OP is financially liberated that is why she is shouting divorce up and down.. had it been that only the husband is financially able she for humble cos e go choke her to cater for the kids without him in the horizon..

that is just it, reason some men don't want there women to be working, and i don't blame dose men.

What is the essence when u allow ur woman to work, support her financially and wen she's stable she turn back at u, that is wen she would be finding some vague fault in u as uf she's perfect hersef.