Married at 19, no time to flex...the young wants her freedom again. Na rob he robbed you off your youthful days. Abi which kind yeye reason are you giving? It is well o

janejjjjj5000:
No. I grew up in Winners Chapel and Papa and Mama always say they have never argued in their marriage. Even last year, Papa still said that he and mama have not had their first argument almost 40 years later. That is the kind of marriage I always wanted but now, I feel bad because I cannot boast of the same thing. Shouting at your wife is abuse. And worse is that our children see it. I have read that it can affect children psychologically. I feel that I have failed.

May God never give us a wife like you. You are the toxic one in your Marriage. Using your god of men home as a yardstick for your marriage. You are a bad woman.

you never know what you have until you lose it.
a lot of women are praying just for half of that man you want to discard.
so you think bringing up the children by urself is not more damaging that what is happening now?
And you think Bishop will encourage you to divorce based on this flimsy excuse?

grass is greener on the other side till you jump in and see it was actually colored and not real green grass.

you definitely do not reflect your upbringing

janejjjjj5000:
Please, I don't want to be judged. My husband is a good man. We have been married for 14 years. I am 33 years old. He is 39 years old. We have 4 kids - 3 girls and 1 boy. He has never cheated on me. Right from day 1, he has been very open. He is not the type of husband that locks phone and all of that. But I am tired. He has the habit of flaring up around the children and I don't like it. I don't want my kids to be damaged. I know some will say no marriage is perfect but at this point, I don't even want marriage again. I just want to be free and single and look after my kids. I am tired.

Anytime we have an argument, he always talks about how he did this and that for me. In front of the children. I don't want this kind of life. He hardly gets angry, maybe twice or thrice in a year but when he does, he does not have the sense to know he should not be doing it in front of the kids. He apologizes to them and to me but I am done.

He has no other issue apart from this. He has never beaten me or anything but I am tired. Overall he is a good husband to be fair and honest but I can no longer deal with this. I prefer to be single and free than deal with this rubbish.

I feel like pouring out my heart.

you absolutely don't know what you want. You should have asked God to make a custom made husband for you to marry.

You're 33 and you don't even have sense to look beyond this? Just one flaw alone and you're tired? What of people that are getting beat every time? Or are you better than that gospel singer that died in the hands of her husband? You only have one issue to deal with and you're fed up?

You're very silly and childish!

Kobojunkie:
I didn't see worse when my parents finally got divorced..in fact I wish it had happened sooner so I and my siblings could have had more time to heal from the emotional abuse before adulthood set in.

A man that acts in a way you don't like only 3 times in a year? Is what you are comparing to your own family turmoil? Or are you saying your own family had same frequency of issues?

You look like you have made up your choice. I don't blame you cuz you are a product of the same institution. Hence it's not looking weird to you. You got married too early. That's the problem.

janejjjjj5000:
No. I grew up in Winners Chapel and Papa and Mama always say they have never argued in their marriage. Even last year, Papa still said that he and mama have not had their first argument almost 40 years later. That is the kind of marriage I always wanted but now, I feel bad because I cannot boast of the same thing. Shouting at your wife is abuse. And worse is that our children see it. I have read that it can affect children psychologically. I feel that I have failed.

This is the problem with most humans, so you are now using bishop's marriage as a yardstick for your own marriage , sorry is ur name, so u think if ur bishop is having problems with his wife he will come and tell the whole world , your husband maybe 10 times better than bishop when it comes to marriage, i am a winner also but I pity that my future wife that will compare me with bishop, she must go marry that bishop, I don talk am say my future wife no fit call bishop "Papa", she can call him bishop or pastor but not "Papa", if she call him "papa" she will go and marry him, i cannot be hustling in Lagos to cater for the family and u will be calling another man "papa" , I am the only man that my wife will be calling "Papa or Daddy".

intruder15:
1. A man that acts in a way you don't like only 3 times in a year? Is what you are comparing to your own family turmoil? Or are you saying your own family had same frequency of issues?

2. You look like you have made up your choice. I don't blame you cuz you are a product of the same institution. Hence it's not looking weird to you. You got married too early. That's the problem.

1. We don't all have the same tolerance levels as far as abuse is concerned. There are those who just that 3 a year is more than enough to screw up their minds for life. And then there are others who it would take a dose every week to achieve the same amount of damage.

My family had similar frequency as described by OP, and it screwed us all up.

2. I didn't get married early and when I mean family, I meant growing up as a child in an abusive home.

Kobojunkie:
1. We don't all have the same tolerance levels as far as abuse is concerned. There are those who just that 3 a year is more than enough to screw up their minds for life. And then there are others who it would take a dose every week to achieve the same amount of damage.

My family had similar frequency as described by OP, and it screwed us all up.

2. I didn't get married early and when I mean family, I meant growing up as a child in an abusive home.

Now that's clear. Reading through OP's statement and narrative? Don't you think a divorce is too extreme? Seems like carrying a gun to a stick fight.

intruder15:
Now that's clear. Reading through OP's statement and narrative? Don't you think a divorce is too extreme? Seems like carrying a gun to a stick fight.

I don't think divorce is too extreme this since marriage isn't really meant for everyone to begin with.

Kobojunkie:
Train herself and her kids to endure the what may amount to emotonal/verbal abuse without complaint?

Any wonder why the vast majority of Nigerians struggle with social anxiety issues and are unable to fit in well once they leave the Nigerian shores?

I blame your ancestors for teaching you that the way around abuse is to sit tight and accept it.

Which abuse are you talking about, or when as it becomes wrong to express displeasure?

The woman claimed she married a good husband but here you are twisting the narrative to mean abuse. Maybe you should read the OP again and this time around with full concentration.

He hardly gets angry, maybe twice or thrice in a year but when he does, he does not have the sense to know he should not be doing it in front of the kids. He apologizes to them and to me but I am done.

The above is a quote from the OP. If a man rarely gets angry, and when he does it, he explode, the later apologized. This show that the man don't want to get angry but the folks around him keep pushing him to do what he doesn't want to do. Yet he later apologized for getting angry, that is a sign of a good man. His mate would have pounce and give em their sizes.

The woman is 33 years, which shows that she is still a young mother. Kids complains that their father got angry once or twice a year and she could not correct the kids wrongdoing first but rather put the blame on the gentleman.

But you couldn't find any wrong with that. It's seem you've lived alone for too long. I lived in a local area and seen multiple examples of family.

SeunTheOwner:

Which abuse are you talking about, or when as it becomes wrong to express displeasure?

The woman claimed she married a good husband but here you are twisting the narrative to mean abuse. Maybe you should read the OP again and this time around with full concentration.

The above is a quote from the OP. If a man rarely gets angry, and when he does it, he explode, the later apologized. This show that the man don't want to get angry but the folks around him keep pushing him to do what he doesn't want to do. Yet he later apologized for getting angry, that is a sign of a good man. His mate would have pounce and give em their sizes.

The woman is 33 years, which shows that she is still a young mother. Kids complains that their father got angry once or twice a year and she could not correct the kids wrongdoing first but rather put the blame on the gentleman.

But you couldn't find any wrong with that. It's seem you've lived alone for too long. I lived in a local area and seen multiple examples of family.

janejjjjj5000:
I am tired. I have a better view of marriage. He is not meeting up. My children are saying that the way he talks when upsets affects them. The children cry and he apologizes to all of us. I know I sound confused but I am just tired. I feel that my children will not be seeing this when we divorce. That is why I don't want the marriage anymore. I just want all round peace. I am tired.

janejjjjj5000:
Please, I don't want to be judged. My husband is a good man. We have been married for 14 years. I am 33 years old. He is 39 years old. We have 4 kids - 3 girls and 1 boy. He has never cheated on me. Right from day 1, he has been very open. He is not the type of husband that locks phone and all of that. But I am tired. He has the habit of flaring up around the children and I don't like it. I don't want my kids to be damaged. I know some will say no marriage is perfect but at this point, I don't even want marriage again. I just want to be free and single and look after my kids. I am tired.

Anytime we have an argument, he always talks about how he did this and that for me. In front of the children. I don't want this kind of life. He hardly gets angry, maybe twice or thrice in a year but when he does, he does not have the sense to know he should not be doing it in front of the kids. He apologizes to them and to me but I am done.

He has no other issue apart from this. He has never beaten me or anything but I am tired. Overall he is a good husband to be fair and honest but I can no longer deal with this. I prefer to be single and free than deal with this rubbish.

I feel like pouring out my heart.

Just talk say ashawo dey ur eye.... May u not lose a diamond while looking for a stone. Man no dey beat u, he no dey maltreat u. Wat does dis gender really want?

If u eventually leave the marriage, u will regret sooner than u taught. ( Better still let him go for counseling) can u Say you don't have ur own flaw? Y can't u tell us that one?�

janejjjjj5000:
...flaring up around the children and I don't like it. I don't want my kids to be damaged... ...I just want to be free and single and look after my kids. I am tired.

Anytime we have an argument, he always talks about how he did this and that for me. In front of the children. I don't want this kind of life. He hardly gets angry, maybe twice or thrice in a year but when he does, he does not have the sense to know he should not be doing it in front of the kids. ...He apologizes to them and to me but I am done.
art..

janejjjjj5000:
I am tired. I have a better view of marriage. He is not meeting up. My children are saying that the way he talks when upsets affects them. The children cry and he apologizes to all of us. I know I sound confused but I am just tired. I feel that my children will not be seeing this when we divorce. That is why I don't want the marriage anymore. I just want all round peace. I am tired.

janejjjjj5000:
...Do you think the kids might be needing therapy too? ...

I hardly open up, like I'm about to, on a public forum like this:
I have bolded every single time you mentioned anything relating to the children and I think you subconsciously also have a serious problem deep down; you continuously personalized the children.

I saw your "40years old marriage of 'papa and mama'" and I strongly doubt it, because your mentality, thought process and planned action does not align with your claim of the marriage you grew up in.
I can guess that, you yourself came from a dysfunctional family, or you were probably raised alone by mum (my apologise if I'm wrong tho).

You seems quite educated; instead of seeing a therapist as a family or calling your husband out privately or even threatening him with reporting him to his family, you are already thinking of the worst case scenario-action.


I think it will be better for him if you leave now, at least he will not raise children that will later ghost him or see him like an alien in his old age while you the mother claim all the love.


#I come in peace & that's a sincere comment.

Kobojunkie:
Thankfully, what the woman wants instead is to leave with her children, she ain't a selfish mother.

Selfish? Can't you see she is on the verge of losing it? How old are the children? Who told you she can't arrange for someone to stay with them. Oga, I no get strength to argue. Bye!

janejjjjj5000:
Please, I don't want to be judged. My husband is a good man. We have been married for 14 years. I am 33 years old. He is 39 years old. We have 4 kids - 3 girls and 1 boy. He has never cheated on me. Right from day 1, he has been very open. He is not the type of husband that locks phone and all of that. But I am tired. He has the habit of flaring up around the children and I don't like it. I don't want my kids to be damaged. I know some will say no marriage is perfect but at this point, I don't even want marriage again. I just want to be free and single and look after my kids. I am tired.

Anytime we have an argument, he always talks about how he did this and that for me. In front of the children. I don't want this kind of life. He hardly gets angry, maybe twice or thrice in a year but when he does, he does not have the sense to know he should not be doing it in front of the kids. He apologizes to them and to me but I am done.

He has no other issue apart from this. He has never beaten me or anything but I am tired. Overall he is a good husband to be fair and honest but I can no longer deal with this. I prefer to be single and free than deal with this rubbish.

I feel like pouring out my heart.

Truth is you are keeping bad friends! They tell you stories of things you feel you missed out on . Grow up!

Kobojunkie:

Please, I don't want to be judged. My husband is a good man.

No be me talk this one.
That was her introductory sentence. Why would you choose to accused a good man falsely, when his wife said he was a good man.

SeunTheOwner:
No be me talk this one.
That was her introductory sentence. Why would you choose to accused a good man falsely, when his wife said he was a good man.

So because her husband is a "good man", we should turn a blind eye to the complaints also stated by the same woman against the very same "good man"?

Madam, to be candid, I couldn't find any concrete reason to leave your husband or to declare that you want freedom for yourself. For the sake of your children, endure whatever it is that he does that pisses you off.

janejjjjj5000:
No. I grew up in Winners Chapel and Papa and Mama always say they have never argued in their marriage. Even last year, Papa still said that he and mama have not had their first argument almost 40 years later. That is the kind of marriage I always wanted but now, I feel bad because I cannot boast of the same thing. Shouting at your wife is abuse. And worse is that our children see it. I have read that it can affect children psychologically. I feel that I have failed.

so because of what ya mama and papa said, you want to make a grave mistake. Anyone can say anything outside or on their pulpit. Do you live with them In their house?

All this blind gullible followers sef......better remain in that marriage and fix this minor issues. Even your so called papa is fallible....he's human, he has his ugly side too, whether you believe it or not.

janejjjjj5000:
Please, I don't want to be judged. My husband is a good man. We have been married for 14 years. I am 33 years old. He is 39 years old. We have 4 kids - 3 girls and 1 boy. He has never cheated on me. Right from day 1, he has been very open. He is not the type of husband that locks phone and all of that. But I am tired. He has the habit of flaring up around the children and I don't like it. I don't want my kids to be damaged. I know some will say no marriage is perfect but at this point, I don't even want marriage again. I just want to be free and single and look after my kids. I am tired.

Anytime we have an argument, he always talks about how he did this and that for me. In front of the children. I don't want this kind of life. He hardly gets angry, maybe twice or thrice in a year but when he does, he does not have the sense to know he should not be doing it in front of the kids. He apologizes to them and to me but I am done.

He has no other issue apart from this. He has never beaten me or anything but I am tired. Overall he is a good husband to be fair and honest but I can no longer deal with this. I prefer to be single and free than deal with this rubbish.

I feel like pouring out my heart.

You're even lucky to have this kind of man,nobody is perfect,all these you listed is not enough for divorce o,or else your eyes dey street ,and after 4kids at your age,don't go and he an option for another man out there and I bet you,the next man will even worse,he's not cheating he's not beating you,he's responsible,so you want an angel that doesn't get angry? It's impossible, just sit him down about what's bothering your mind about his once in a while anger, and you'll see changes

Kobojunkie:
So because her husband is a "good man", we should turn a blind eye to the complaints also stated by the same woman against the very same "good man"?

How about we asking the woman what did she do that warrant her good man husband to get angry at her, instead of hasty conclusions that good man husband of abuse

janejjjjj5000:
Please, I don't want to be judged. My husband is a good man. We have been married for 14 years. I am 33 years old. He is 39 years old. We have 4 kids - 3 girls and 1 boy. He has never cheated on me. Right from day 1, he has been very open. He is not the type of husband that locks phone and all of that. But I am tired. He has the habit of flaring up around the children and I don't like it. I don't want my kids to be damaged. I know some will say no marriage is perfect but at this point, I don't even want marriage again. I just want to be free and single and look after my kids. I am tired.

Anytime we have an argument, he always talks about how he did this and that for me. In front of the children. I don't want this kind of life. He hardly gets angry, maybe twice or thrice in a year but when he does, he does not have the sense to know he should not be doing it in front of the kids. He apologizes to them and to me but I am done.

He has no other issue apart from this. He has never beaten me or anything but I am tired. Overall he is a good husband to be fair and honest but I can no longer deal with this. I prefer to be single and free than deal with this rubbish.

I feel like pouring out my heart.

The excuse you just gave here is baseless and doesn't hold water....you are very annoying for sounding like a baby.

You think you are in western world,even those in western world have their own fair share.

Because he raises his voice in front of your children (na person like you dey spoil pikin,just like the chrisland girl)... people wey their husband dey beat in front of their children,no dey make pim,na spoilt brat like you want to dey leave in a fairly tale marriage.

Left for me,if my wife and children messes up,i will brutalize them,so they will learn.

SeunTheOwner:
How about we asking the woman what did she do that warrant her good man husband to get angry at her, instead of hasty conclusions that good man husband of abuse

Is there really justification to be found anywhere for emotional or verbal abuse?

Waoh, e never reach like that. Yeah he should not shout in front of children but all that can be worked on and he's open to counselling.

Now, mama Winners may not argue with her husband but the average Nigerian woman is much more assertive, at least I am. I've listened to her myself and some things she absorbed, I may not have had the maturity or inclination to.

So dear keep taking ownership of your happiness, he takes care of his temper and you guys will be fine.

janejjjjj5000:
No. I grew up in Winners Chapel and Papa and Mama always say they have never argued in their marriage. Even last year, Papa still said that he and mama have not had their first argument almost 40 years later. That is the kind of marriage I always wanted but now, I feel bad because I cannot boast of the same thing. Shouting at your wife is abuse. And worse is that our children see it. I have read that it can affect children psychologically. I feel that I have failed.

Kobojunkie:
Is there really justification to be found anywhere for emotional or verbal abuse?

There is no proof to what I crossed above, and I have asked you if it is wrong for someone to express displeasure but you avoid answering the question.

SeunTheOwner:
There is no proof to what I crossed above, and I have asked you if it is wrong for someone to express displeasure but you avoid answering the question.

Ok! I will play along then.

So, a man gets angry and verbally assaults his wife and children in the process, and you think the assault is justified by the, as you assume, the woman's actions?

The man turning to apologize to his wife and children each time at least confirms a verbal assault from his person did take place, right?

Beremx:
Comparing his wrongs to rights which is in the ratio of 1:10, Madam you have a very good husband. If you are tired of the marriage, another woman will gladly enjoy your loving husband.

If you think that is his only flaw, you are yet to interview there woman properly. Just because that's her only problem with him doesn't mean he's a very good husband. There's more to marriage than that.

You have a very good husband.

You are probably tired and just want to live single life.

One thing i tell guys is that, you have to understand the kind of woman you are with. Lots of them when they feel too comfortable tends to misbehave a lot.

They love chaos

janejjjjj5000:
No. I grew up in Winners Chapel and Papa and Mama always say they have never argued in their marriage. Even last year, Papa still said that he and mama have not had their first argument almost 40 years later. That is the kind of marriage I always wanted but now, I feel bad because I cannot boast of the same thing. Shouting at your wife is abuse. And worse is that our children see it. I have read that it can affect children psychologically. I feel that I have failed.

My dear sister let no one deceive you, no one is perfect. Don't allow anyone to deceive you because of marriage. I am married for over 10 years and I know what it takes.

Do you expect the man of God to come out and tell the whole world that he quarrel with his wife often. Do you live in their house? Of course No.

I have seen a pastor that hits his wife and both will appear in church as if nothing happens. It is all about endurance, patience, and perseverance. Lots of women are suffering silently, yet some stick to their marriage.

No one is perfect. There was.a man that went to report his wife to a pastor on a Sunday afternoon after service. When he got there, he saw the pastor sitting on a sofa and was explaining what his wife did and suddenly he heard the wife talking upstairs that "you better go and eat your before it gets cold" she said that with an angry voice because she didn't know there was a visitor downstairs with the husband (pastor). That was the end of the discussion, the pastor said you have seen what I'm managing in my house, yours is even better. Case closed and the man left and went home straight to me meet his wife that was how their rift ended.

So, let no one deceive you that all is well every time.

Hold on to your man. Lots of women out there desires your husband and the best thing is to guide and protect him genuinely.

I wish you all the best.

janejjjjj5000:
Please, I don't want to be judged. My husband is a good man. We have been married for 14 years. I am 33 years old. He is 39 years old. We have 4 kids - 3 girls and 1 boy. He has never cheated on me. Right from day 1, he has been very open. He is not the type of husband that locks phone and all of that. But I am tired. He has the habit of flaring up around the children and I don't like it. I don't want my kids to be damaged. I know some will say no marriage is perfect but at this point, I don't even want marriage again. I just want to be free and single and look after my kids. I am tired.

Anytime we have an argument, he always talks about how he did this and that for me. In front of the children. I don't want this kind of life. He hardly gets angry, maybe twice or thrice in a year but when he does, he does not have the sense to know he should not be doing it in front of the kids. He apologizes to them and to me but I am done.

He has no other issue apart from this. He has never beaten me or anything but I am tired. Overall he is a good husband to be fair and honest but I can no longer deal with this. I prefer to be single and free than deal with this rubbish.

I feel like pouring out my heart.

Your kids so said?


Tell us you have seen someone better than your husband and stop all this nonsense.

I don't even understand your point here.... that you don't want marriage again or you want to leave cos the man do flare up?


First of all those kids are not yours but his, if you want a permanent hbp try divorce... when the man collect all his kids and send you away that ur friend that's deceiving you will not help you.