naija4life247:


She got pregnant out of wedlock. The guy did not beg to marry her. If he did, this story will not arise. So stop over rating your daughter.

If he refuses this your culture of marrying the dead, nothing will happen. Are you Christians or Traditionalits? Igbos cannot scare Yorubas with Juju. You no fit, and you know it. Except if the guy is not Yoruba.

And who told you this is a fight between Igbos and Yorubas? Why do you people always bring tribalism to everything.

South south does this, south east does this but you have already made this a fight between Igbo and Yoruba.

You are not even sure the lady is Igbo neither are you sure the guy is Yoruba.

Who did this to you people?

That imaginary war in your mind between you and Igbos may eat away your soul slowly if you don't change.

PastorFire:
My brother, dis one na JJC for marriage matter. He is asking for a burial arrangement.. Lol

fake pastor

PastorFire:
From your words, you are not matured enough for issues such as this. In most culture, that boy will be taken away from you until you pay her bride price. Whether dead or alive. Her family owns that boy.

na pastor dey yan okpata like this so

I have read all through the comments, suffice to say that you may be fighting a lost battle if you fail to do the burial rites. Sit down and count your loss if you would prefer to abscound with your child. "There's a saying that one's maternal home is his home" also a saying goes thus " the buttock is well shaped for a flute but who would like to volunteer his mouth. I know within you, you wish you had done it. But for money constraints you couldn't. A snail passes the thorny path with the nicest radullae(s). Make peace with your estranged inlaws. You will disagree to agree. Lesson will be learnt and bonds strengthened. You may not pay upto 10 thousand naira as dowry. You may not be present to do all but renegotiate with your conscience.

MerciMe:


Yes Pastor. My spirit also testifies he is also responsible for death and knows this truth

May your father, and mother at home be responsible for your death!

Infact your children will single handedly be responsible for your death before your Time.

saintade01:
OP, Please and please do not involve yourself in that devilish act. Those asking and threatening you to go and do it are from the same tribe you're talking about. Stand your ground and just do the necessary thing for the burial.

God be with you.

ALL THEIR WORDS ARE MERE THREAT'S!

NA TODAY.

WE STILL ON THE ISSUE, EVERYONE KNOWS SHE'S BEEN SICK SINCE FEBRUARY.

SHE WENT HOME AND THEY HAVE TRYING TRADO MEDICAL ON HER, SAYING THEY DON'T HAVE MONEY.


ME TOO DON'T HAVE, BUT I TOOK THE PAIN TO GO AS FAR AS TO TAKE SEVERAL LOANS FOR HER TREATMENTS.

THIS FOOLISH POSTERS ARE SAYING NONSENSE

PastorFire:
From your words, you are not matured enough for issues such as this. In most culture, that boy will be taken away from you until you pay her bride price. Whether dead or alive. Her family owns that boy.

According to the Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria or according to your village constitution

It happened to my sister in law, they spent money to save her but she later dead. She have 3 kids for her husband out of wedlock, the husband did the marital right b4 they let him buried her
The husband is a where of the culture cause his also an Igbo man, so he didn't fight it
So my dear for your sake and that of your son, you will have to do the need full
According to my husband,he said her spirit will not rest

Uncle, I don't see any reason asking for advice when you bluntly won't want to take it.


I could remember the case of my mom, my dad didn't pay her bride price and the likes, my dad happened to die 5 years before she did, we the children where not allowed to bury her elsewhere, and we were told to pay her bride price and the likes inorder to be called our dad's children else we still belong to our mom's people.


This is tradition my guy, even Jesus in the Bible said "give to caesar what belongs to caesar".

StilmaVsBorn2w:
Back then when my mom was warning me not to go that far when our relationship started She kept on insisting I should go for the girls in my tribe, I thought she was just been a tribalist bigot. If only I had listened

She bore me a son, he's 3years now... though her people knows me well from normal visitation..but I haven't been able to pay her bride price yet due to the hardship this regime has on us. life happened, unfortunately she got sick since February, ever since then from one hospital to another..I took several loans from people for hospital bills to the point of me looking sick myself.so sad for us we lost her last night.

I informed her elder brother who knows about all thats happening, he called me back this morning to tell me that his people told me to be prepared to marry her corpse. He went further and said if I don't pay her bride price, my boy will be taken from me and I should be ready to withstand the consequences.
I was surprised, I called for the burial arrangements not for a marriage ceremony

I blantly told him, I won't, why would I get married to her corpse. He was angry and cut the call on me.

Am more concerned about my son, please lawyer's in the house do they have any right to take my son away from me?
Even if they do am ready to give it to them, but spending money to Marry her corpse I will not.

I only brought this here, if had chance for my son whose still in my custody.

StilmaVsBorn2w:

Sorry it's not necessary, I won't let you lots to turn this to a tribal war.

StilmaVsBorn2w:

joseph,how can you claim I killed her when she's been back to the village twice this period when she was sick with several tradition medicine you all gave her still it had no effect. I had to borrow money to take to several hospitals for test and different expensive drug's, while you all were just sitting there with no monetary assistance.
I said am tired.
I can't marry your sister dead body, am expecting the worst from you

Felimax:


Some men just lack sense. Hear yourself. So if that is your sister that is how you will walk to the morgue to go and carry her? Nor worry, dey there dey smart. Your head go soon correct by the time we finish with you.

I have one simple advise for you. Hurry now to the family with either your dad or the eldest man in your family or anybody that can stand in that regard, go with some cash and schnapps.

Take this time now as a matter of urgency to go inform the family officially of the latest about their daughter most especially if this is happening around Delta State.

If you like do, you like refuse.

StilmaVsBorn2w and Felimax, I understand that everyone is on hedge right now and grieving the loss of a loved one. So, let's all calm down and take a step back while looking at this from everyone's angle.

Felimax, I might be wrong in your relationship in this whole matter but for reference sake, I will still take it that the lady is your *sister* even if by association. Firstly, you don't threaten someone who you want to be your inlaw if you indeed want him to be associated with your family by marriage. Should anything happen to either StilmaVsBorn2w or any of his family members soon either while not heeding your request or trying to do so and something happens to them en route to the village, you and your family members would be held responsible. It would also add buttress to the OP's mother's warning that people from your tribe are not marriageable. Hope you now see the picture on a larger national level. This is the internet, let's be guided. His only crime would be loving your sister.

Furthermore Felimax, understand that we are all of different cultures and beliefs and as such, not all that is okay with us is okay with other people and tribes. But somehow, if we take the time, we can always find a way to meet one another halfway and come to a conclusion that would be acceptable to all parties.

Let me give you an analogy.

Russia announced an attack on Ukraine using the term 'Special Operation' and not War. This was necessary to make the rest of the world perceive Russia not as an aggressor but 'liberator'. How does this apply to our situation here? The term corpse is not something everyone would be easy to accept in this situation. Recall I said we are all different. Using a narrative of marrying 'the girl' instead of 'the girl's corpse' has a totally different mental imagery to the whole thing.

Another thing that could be resolved is to what extent is the marriage rites expected of the OP?

What steps and in what sequence is he expected to proceed with them?
What is the total breakdown of bills?
What other activities?
Is he sleeping with the lady's dead body?

A breakdown would help the OP in what he could or won't do. Somehow along the line, you could come to terms.

Now StilmaVsBorn2w, I just called an Igbo lawyer in my town who has an equivalent title of an Eze Ndigbo (not coronated) of the town I stay. So this gives you the answers you sought by opening this thread. Your major fear of probably sleeping with your lady's corpse can never come to be. He termed it as barbaric and from his experience of post-deceased marriages, he has never come across such. Also, acts like widows being head shaven and asked to drink the water used in washing the bodies of their late husbands have been outlawed and anyone trying to revive such could end up in prison. However, the aspect of marrying your lady is necessary for you as a prerequisite to claiming your son. Try to know the scope of what is actually being required of you from your inlaws first as it differs from even village to village.

A bit of drama might take place. 'Technically', they don't even know the daughter is dead. They could first chase you away claiming anger that you did not do the right thing in the first place. You will still come back again. So expect a day or two hotel stay when you make the trip. Also, take along an Igbo friend of your father to help douse any other tensions and make negotiations smooth.

Depending on how negotiations go and how you present yourselves, you would be considerably discounted any billing. After all, they did see all the efforts you put in to see to the recovery of their daughter, and personally, I admired how you still protected the knowledge of her tribesmen to prevent tribal bashing. Shows how much you care about her and her memory. To ensure you do both steps at the same time and put it all behind you, someone should have been talking to your inlaws so your tip would be a one-time thing.

Under common law, you are both married which is why even live-in couples that want to separate are still being told to have a divorce despite not haven had any marriage ceremony. Wouldn't it be nice to complete all the steps of that marriage? One of the purposes of this is to encourage lovers to do things the proper way and in your case to give the lady that status of being buried as a married woman. This also allows both families to know their inlaws. Better late than never. Trust me, one day, you would with a smile look at your son to say the words, "I married your mother". The look on his face will tell you you did the right thing.

Wishing you well - Teemy

You're talking as if you have any option here.
A lady you didn't pay anything in her head died in your hand and you think you have a mouth to talk.we are talking about death here,chai,is like this guy don't know what he brought upon himself.pray that you survive it, because it's a serious case, that if police is involved now, you're likely going to be jailed.
If they want to pity you,the least they can do is that you will pay her bride price double.

You don kill that girl with sex na u wan run shea,u own don finish [color=#990000][/color]

I just don't understand @op you brought your problems here for advice but still don't want to listen to what people are saying na wah oh

Were the parents blind when their daughter moved in with a man without proper marriage? Now they are asking the man to marry her corpse. That is really stupid.
While she was with you, did you not feed her, clothe her, shelter her? You carried responsibilities which the parents should have borne! My friend you have overpaid the dowry!
Parents should train their daughters properly instead of encouraging them to get pregnant for men in order to trap such men.
Oga, spend money on her burial, mourn her for a few months and get yourself a good wife.

StilmaVsBorn2w:
na pastor dey yan okpata like this so

I like as you dey attack everybody here.You get guts.

If she's from Akwa Ibom, Ikot-Epkene precisely, I'd advise you do what they've asked.

E get why.

I wouldn’t have married her corpse either but I also wouldn’t have been living with a woman like that without her being my wife. So, it’s your cross, carry it. You say you are worried about your son and not for yourself but I see the opposite. Your son will always look for his father, eventually, and there’s no guarantee they’ll totally shut you out of his life for a long time. But you, if her family is bad, they can harm you. People are evil and many times unreasonable. The woman may have died whether she was with you or not. But now that it happened like this, they start looking for someone to take out their loss on, and that person is you. That’s assuming they are bad people o. I repeat, I wouldn’t have married a corpse, but I wouldn’t have been living with a woman like that. Get God, get sense.

May God super-bless you and increase your wisdom. I just wish that both OP and the other guys heed this. Even me that already commented I’d never marry a corpse, I’m moved by your presentation. She was already his wife and her people want her to go home a married woman. It would shame her memory and her family if she is buried just like that.

teemy:








StilmaVsBorn2w and Felimax, I understand that everyone is on hedge right now and grieving the loss of a loved one. So, let's all calm down and take a step back while looking at this from everyone's angle.

Felimax, I might be wrong in your relationship in this whole matter but for reference sake, I will still take it that the lady is your *sister* even if by association. Firstly, you don't threaten someone who you want to be your inlaw if you indeed want him to be associated with your family by marriage. Should anything happen to either StilmaVsBorn2w or any of his family members soon either while not heeding your request or trying to do so and something happens to them en route to the village, you and your family members would be held responsible. It would also add buttress to the OP's mother's warning that people from your tribe are not marriageable. Hope you now see the picture on a larger national level. This is the internet, let's be guided. His only crime would be loving your sister.

Furthermore Felimax, understand that we are all of different cultures and beliefs and as such, not all that is okay with us is okay with other people and tribes. But somehow, if we take the time, we can always find a way to meet one another halfway and come to a conclusion that would be acceptable to all parties.

Let me give you an analogy.

Russia announced an attack on Ukraine using the term 'Special Operation' and not War. This was necessary to make the rest of the world perceive Russia not as an aggressor but 'liberator'. How does this apply to our situation here? The term corpse is not something everyone would be easy to accept in this situation. Recall I said we are all different. Using a narrative of marrying 'the girl' instead of 'the girl's corpse' has a totally different mental imagery to the whole thing.

Another thing that could be resolved is to what extent is the marriage rites expected of the OP?

What steps and in what sequence is he expected to proceed with them?
What is the total breakdown of bills?
What other activities?
Is he sleeping with the lady's dead body?

A breakdown would help the OP in what he could or won't do. Somehow along the line, you could come to terms.

Now StilmaVsBorn2w, I just called an Igbo lawyer in my town who has an equivalent title of an Eze Ndigbo (not coronated) of the town I stay. So this gives you the answers you sought by opening this thread. Your major fear of probably sleeping with your lady's corpse can never come to be. He termed it as barbaric and from his experience of post-deceased marriages, he has never come across such. Also, acts like widows being head shaven and asked to drink the water used in washing the bodies of their late husbands have been outlawed and anyone trying to revive such could end up in prison. However, the aspect of marrying your lady is necessary for you as a prerequisite to claiming your son. Try to know the scope of what is actually being required of you from your inlaws first as it differs from even village to village.

A bit of drama might take place. 'Technically', they don't even know the daughter is dead. They could first chase you away claiming anger that you did not do the right thing in the first place. You will still come back again. So expect a day or two hotel stay when you make the trip. Also, take along an Igbo friend of your father to help douse any other tensions and make negotiations smooth.

Depending on how negotiations go and how you present yourselves, you would be considerably discounted any billing. After all, they did see all the efforts you put in to see to the recovery of their daughter, and personally, I admired how you still protected the knowledge of her tribesmen to prevent tribal bashing. Shows how much you care about her and her memory. To ensure you do both steps at the same time and put it all behind you, someone should have been talking to your inlaws so your tip would be a one-time thing.

Under common law, you are both married which is why even live-in couples that want to separate are still being told to have a divorce despite not haven had any marriage ceremony. Wouldn't it be nice to complete all the steps of that marriage? One of the purposes of this is to encourage lovers to do things the proper way and in your case to give the lady that status of being buried as a married woman. This also allows both families to know their inlaws. Better late than never. Trust me, one day, you would with a smile look at your son to say the words, "I married your mother". The look on his face will tell you you did the right thing.

Wishing you well - Teemy

You called for burial arrangements of who? Your wife? Oya carry her body to ur own village for burial lemme know which village will welcome a "stranger's" corpse in their midst. They no born u well to carry her corpse to her family for burial. If you try it, they will receive their sister's corpse while your ppl will carry your own corpse home for burial too. You are sick!

StilmaVsBorn2w:

I informed them for the burial arrangements not for marriage ceremony

This Op sef.
You don't have an option; It's either you 'marry' the corpse or you join her.

If the family are educated, they can sue you for kidnapping and murder. If they are fetish, you'll join her and "your " son becomes theirs.

You dey prove stubborn, you stubborn reach Ateke tom ..as feared and tough as Ateke is, he had to 'marry' his late mother on behalf of his father before he was allowed.

You can't fight tradition, not when a life is involved.
Were you expecting a standing ovation or a chieftaincy title or probably a gift after impregnating and 'killing ' their daughter?

Stay on naira land and be shouting "I WON'T, I CAN'T" until you die like the goat you are .
You're even 'lucky', the girl's family/community seems peaceful, if they had arrested you or burnt down your family house, you won't be here writing this nonsense. .

DeBiafran:
You called for burial arrangements of who? Your wife? Oya carry her body to ur own village for burial lemme know which village will welcome a "stranger's" corpse in their midst. They no born u well to carry her corpse to her family for burial. If you try it, they will receive their sister's corpse while your ppl will carry your own corpse home for burial too. You are sick!

You dey mind am?
The girl family sef calm .He harbour,impregnate woman wey him no marry , she still die under him...

StilmaVsBorn2w:
Back then when my mom was warning me not to go that far when our relationship started She kept on insisting I should go for the girls in my tribe, I thought she was just been a tribalist bigot. If only I had listened

She bore me a son, he's 3years now... though her people knows me well from normal visitation..but I haven't been able to pay her bride price yet due to the hardship this regime has on us. life happened, unfortunately she got sick since February, ever since then from one hospital to another..I took several loans from people for hospital bills to the point of me looking sick myself.so sad for us we lost her last night.

I informed her elder brother who knows about all thats happening, he called me back this morning to tell me that his people told me to be prepared to marry her corpse. He went further and said if I don't pay her bride price, my boy will be taken from me and I should be ready to withstand the consequences.
I was surprised, I called for the burial arrangements not for a marriage ceremony

I blantly told him, I won't, why would I get married to her corpse. He was angry and cut the call on me.

Am more concerned about my son, please lawyer's in the house do they have any right to take my son away from me?
Even if they do am ready to give it to them, but spending money to Marry her corpse I will not.

I only brought this here, if had chance for my son whose still in my custody.

I can see say na stoborness kie u wen ur mama dey worn u na still d syoborn go still kie u now...they were asking u her tribe u said u can’t say it and they u should go ahead u said u can’t do it . Then go and die nah

[quote author=joyandfaith post=112399961]

Did he kill the woman? Useless tradition. Why did you see in your bible that living persons can marry


Yes he did kill her

StilmaVsBorn2w:

ALL THEIR WORDS ARE MERE THREAT'S!

NA TODAY.

WE STILL ON THE ISSUE, EVERYONE KNOWS SHE'S BEEN SICK SINCE FEBRUARY.

SHE WENT HOME AND THEY HAVE TRYING TRADO MEDICAL ON HER, SAYING THEY DON'T HAVE MONEY.


ME TOO DON'T HAVE, BUT I TOOK THE PAIN TO GO AS FAR AS TO TAKE SEVERAL LOANS FOR HER TREATMENTS.

THIS FOOLISH POSTERS ARE SAYING NONSENSE

The day or moment you realise that your stubbornness is the cause of your problems is the day you will be free. Its stubbornness that prevented you from paying her bride price with 5k and a bottle of hot drink.
Better go and do the needful. By rhe way wetin concern us.

OP was advised by his mom to avoid the girl and marry from his tribe but he refused, and instead, nacked the girl without marriage, now people are advising OP on what to do and he is fighting back. OP, you dey ment



Advice wey mama give you, you no collect, na social media you go collect am

StilmaVsBorn2w:

I informed them for the burial arrangements not for marriage ceremony

It's honestly sad that you both co-habited and even had a child and no attempt was made to honour her while she was alive.

Marrying her at death is not completely right but the family is trying to honour her as that is their understanding of the best way to honour her according to their culture . It's a way of removing shame and dignifying her even in death , so history wouldn't remember her as that good for nothing woman who lived with a man she wasn't married to .

Your action depends on the level of love you had for her . Marrying her corpse does not mean that you will wine and dine with it , the body would be in the mortuary and you just meet her people on a low key and give them the bride price to appeal her spirit ...that settles it.


If you have made up your mind to not pay the bride price , then know the following...

1. You have no legal right to call the family to talk of burial arrangements cuz you have no traditional or legal binding over the body of that lady . So if you go on to bury a lady you didn't marry either traditionally or legally , you will be dealt with in many ways .

- You can be accused of Murder and actually sued to court for living with a woman who was never your wife and who died in your custody

- Traditionally ,you must exhume that body and my dear , you don't want to go there .


Finally , under this idea of not paying the bride price , equally make up your mind to leave your Son for them with your wife's dead body .
In the nearest future , your son will look for his father .

And do not try to fight these people . Do not burry their daughter cuz you are simply a baby -daddy and not a husband . So know the difference.

[quote author=AdaAwka1 post=112416604][/quote]

He should be arrested and charged to court then

ibinaboonline:
May God super-bless you and increase your wisdom. I just wish that both OP and the other guys heed this. Even me that already commented I’d never marry a corpse, I’m moved by your presentation. She was already his wife and her people want her to go home a married woman. It would shame her memory and her family if she is buried just like that.

Amen bro. Bless you too!

poshestmina:
This Op sef.
You don't have an option; It's either you 'marry' the corpse or you join her.

If the family are educated, they can sue you for kidnapping and murder. If they are fetish, you'll join her and "your " son becomes theirs.

You dey prove stubborn, you stubborn reach Ateke tom ..as feared and tough as Ateke is, he had to 'marry' his late mother on behalf of his father before he was allowed.

You can't fight tradition, not when a life is involved.
Were you expecting a standing ovation or a chieftaincy title or probably a gift after impregnating and 'killing ' their daughter?

Stay on naira land and be shouting "I WON'T, I CAN'T" until you die like the goat you are .
You're even 'lucky', the girl's family/community seems peaceful, if they had arrested you or burnt down your family house, you won't be here writing this nonsense. .


You dey mind am?
The girl family sef calm .He harbour,impregnate woman wey him no marry , she still die under him...

okay

StilmaVsBorn2w:

before I touch ground, your body go don turn sand for years to come.
I fear not your customs, not your traditions.
I fear you not

This guy na big ode aka mumu..... So you bring issue come here and people start giving you advice but you come de form rubbish. I guess you expected to be praised but opposite is the case .. hand go touch you