Funny dude. I will be very candid with you but you cannot eat your cake and have it. She made love to you, cooked food for you, washed your clothes and bore you a son and you are questioning if you should pay her bride price now she's dead? OP I think you are very heartless, this is the least you could do in her absence. I will advise you to call her elder brother, ask how much her dowry is and also the list of things her people need and go from there. Please rent a nice bridal gown and make wedding arrangements for her even if you have to take a loan, this is the right thing to do if you don't want to face the wrath of the gods or lose custody of your son. Goodluck.

T0T0fucker:

AH joseph, if you loved your sister that much why didn't you all assist the op for the hospital bills. Instead you are trying to make money on top a dead body.
God forbid for some families

you are obviously a little kid who doesn't understand how things work.....How can you get someone's daughter pregnant and live with her for several years and now she is dead, you expect the family to negotiate with you?
For those saying he will spend less, if he proves so stubborn, he will spend more. Una think say Naija Na oyinbo land...OP dey here dey find lawyer Abi him nor know say if the matter go court, de family can come up with allegations that he kidnapped and killed their daughter....

It's not for fear of harm. I'd do this for two reasons: memory of my son's mother and what we shared, and second for my son, so I'll be at peace with my son's family. Doing this is nothing compared to a live that's lost. Moreso that it is a matter of tradition. Give unto Caesar what is Caesar's. It takes not much from you and everyone will eventually get over the grief and move on to do more great things in life. What will not be erased is the role each person played now. This is not a lawyer's issue.

You don't believe in curses? Speaks volume about you! It's no wonder you did not listen to your mum.It looks like doing the right things is not a 'value' to you. Go do the right thing for once,Bro

StilmaVsBorn2w:

I don't believe in curses, A man can not define my fate in life..I was more concerned about my son that's why I brought it here.
I fear no man

ibechris:



It is purely traditional and has nothing to do with lawyers.
As a matter of fact,he was supposed to marry the lady before now but he hid under the guise of a bad economy,now that the people are asking him to the needful,he started being arrogant and stupid.

If it were my sister how would I feel,that u lived with a woman that u haven't married knowing what the consequences were.

Whether u agree to go or not,they will perform all the rites and u will see how u will end without that child.

He is obviously looking at legalistic approach to the issue. What you're saying is immaterial in the court of law- infact, he's not from the woman's tribe so he doesn't know the provisions of their customary practice in a case like this. In furtherance to this, the deceased was not a minor as at the time of cohabitation, she should have decided on which way to go as regards traditional wedding before agreeing if to cohabit wih him or get married to him.
May her soul rest in peace. What if cases relating to stalking, intent to extort/defraud, misrepresentation of fact, threat to life or constructive possession is instituted/proven against the family? Moreover, he said he was willing to let them have the child. Op, take things easy on yourself. God be with you.

pls try and negotiate with your in-laws for peace to reign and for your son sake

StilmaVsBorn2w:

This don't scare me, I don't believe a man can harm me this way or my family.
I can't Marry her corpse

Oga go and do the necessary things and have peace of mind, the stubborn flie always end in the grave with the corpse, no dey form James bond, na so my friend take die mysteriously for accident because of same issue.

Marry YIEBO Pipu at your own peril

IF YOU PAY HER DOWRY NOW, YOU HAVE MADE COVENANT WITH THE DEAD.

DON'T TRY IT.

Africa with their devilish practice.

StilmaVsBorn2w:
Back then when my mom was warning me not to go that far when our relationship started She kept on insisting I should go for the girls in my tribe, I thought she was just been a tribalist bigot. If only I had listened

She bore me a son, he's 3years now... though her people knows me well from normal visitation..but I haven't been able to pay her bride price yet due to the hardship this regime has on us. life happened, unfortunately she got sick since February, ever since then from one hospital to another..I took several loans from people for hospital bills to the point of me looking sick myself.so sad for us we lost her last night.

I informed her elder brother who knows about all thats happening, he called me back this morning to tell me that his people told me to be prepared to marry her corpse. he went further and said if I don't pay her bride price, my boy will be taken from me and I should be ready to withstand the consequences.
I was surprised, I called for the burial arrangements not for a marriage ceremony


I blantly told him, I won't, why would I get married to her corpse. He was angry and cut the call on me.


Am more concerned about my son, please lawyer's in the house do they have any right to take my son away from me?
Even if they do am ready to give it to them, but spending money to Marry her corpse I will not.

I only brought this here, if had chance for my son whose still in my custody.


Seun
Lalasticlala
Mynd44

calmness0:
Op, most tribes act like that, you did not pay bride price and you have been with another persons daughter for years, banging morning afternoon night without paying bride price, you never knew death can knock early right? if it were your sister nko, op go and settle her family.

..

Stop deceiving yourself.

Everyone here including the OP knows that the tribe of the woman is I - G - B - O.


@ OP. Close your eyes and imagine you were a White Man.

1. Will the idiots say all these nonsense?

2. If they do, will you answer?

StilmaVsBorn2w:

I can't borrow money to marry her corpse, never
The debts I borrowed from her treatment up to a millionaire is still in my neck, haven't even paid dine from it.

Why you no borrow marry her?

StilmaVsBorn2w:

This don't scare me, I don't believe a man can harm me this way or my family.
I can't Marry her corpse

ua not marrying her corpse.
Ua paying the bride price to legalize the Union in order to take the child u both have together.

Hmmm!! This is strong oo! You have been advised to do the needful by going to the girl's family with some of your elders for a peaceful dialogue. This is for you to have claims over your son and other things according to their tradition that you were supposed to have done if you had paid her bride price. The earlier the better!

But op which kin wahala be this one

Op, get a lawyer.

StilmaVsBorn2w:
Back then when my mom was warning me not to go that far when our relationship started She kept on insisting I should go for the girls in my tribe, I thought she was just been a tribalist bigot. If only I had listened

She bore me a son, he's 3years now... though her people knows me well from normal visitation..but I haven't been able to pay her bride price yet due to the hardship this regime has on us. life happened, unfortunately she got sick since February, ever since then from one hospital to another..I took several loans from people for hospital bills to the point of me looking sick myself.so sad for us we lost her last night.

I informed her elder brother who knows about all thats happening, he called me back this morning to tell me that his people told me to be prepared to marry her corpse. he went further and said if I don't pay her bride price, my boy will be taken from me and I should be ready to withstand the consequences.
I was surprised, I called for the burial arrangements not for a marriage ceremony


I blantly told him, I won't, why would I get married to her corpse. He was angry and cut the call on me.


Am more concerned about my son, please lawyer's in the house do they have any right to take my son away from me?
Even if they do am ready to give it to them, but spending money to Marry her corpse I will not.

I only brought this here, if had chance for my son whose still in my custody.


Seun
Lalasticlala
Mynd44

You better handle this issue properly and right with them before it starts affecting you

What her family mean to say is that, since you did not do the proper thing while she was alive and you have been living with her and now that she is dead, it has to be done before her burial can be done and before you can be recognized and attend her burial

There is no big deal there after all, your sleeping with her got her pregnant and she gave birth to a child for you

The issue of taking your child is not a problem, even if you go to court, court will still advise you to go and fulfill her marriage rights then come back to court to claim the child, probably through DNA test

Do you have the time and money for all that, if yes then use it and go and settle with her family

Being stubborn over it, will delay her burial and the mortuary cost will still be on you, including the burial cost

But if you feel you can't subject yourself to do what they demand for which is not out of place, you will be hunted by her spirit

If that one will be easy for you to handle then good luck

But don't come back here to complain about spirit disturbing your life and future, you already know the spirit

Sir please talk to her family well,i don't see anything tribalistic about those remarks up there you are the one having this thought and it is wrong...pls accept my sincere condolensce your son needs you now more than ever take an elder from your family to theirs for a peace meeting they would understand cos you never abandoned her.

StilmaVsBorn2w:
Back then when my mom was warning me not to go that far when our relationship started She kept on insisting I should go for the girls in my tribe, I thought she was just been a tribalist bigot. If only I had listened

She bore me a son, he's 3years now... though her people knows me well from normal visitation..but I haven't been able to pay her bride price yet due to the hardship this regime has on us. life happened, unfortunately she got sick since February, ever since then from one hospital to another..I took several loans from people for hospital bills to the point of me looking sick myself.so sad for us we lost her last night.

I informed her elder brother who knows about all thats happening, he called me back this morning to tell me that his people told me to be prepared to marry her corpse. he went further and said if I don't pay her bride price, my boy will be taken from me and I should be ready to withstand the consequences.
I was surprised, I called for the burial arrangements not for a marriage ceremony


I blantly told him, I won't, why would I get married to her corpse. He was angry and cut the call on me.


Am more concerned about my son, please lawyer's in the house do they have any right to take my son away from me?
Even if they do am ready to give it to them, but spending money to Marry her corpse I will not.

I only brought this here, if had chance for my son whose still in my custody.


Seun
Lalasticlala
Mynd44

If you signed as the father in the child's birth certificate, you have no problem, they are just blowing breeze.
Make sure your son is staying with you, if he isn't take legal action.

StilmaVsBorn2w:

I can't borrow money to marry her corpse, never
The debts I borrowed from her treatment up to a millionaire is still in my neck, haven't even paid dine from it.

I just hope it's not the people I think it is cos if it's ...


You are in for a very long spiritual battle which u might or might not survive

StilmaVsBorn2w:
Back then when my mom was warning me not to go that far when our relationship started She kept on insisting I should go for the girls in my tribe, I thought she was just been a tribalist bigot. If only I had listened

She bore me a son, he's 3years now... though her people knows me well from normal visitation..but I haven't been able to pay her bride price yet due to the hardship this regime has on us. life happened, unfortunately she got sick since February, ever since then from one hospital to another..I took several loans from people for hospital bills to the point of me looking sick myself.so sad for us we lost her last night.

I informed her elder brother who knows about all thats happening, he called me back this morning to tell me that his people told me to be prepared to marry her corpse. he went further and said if I don't pay her bride price, my boy will be taken from me and I should be ready to withstand the consequences.
I was surprised, I called for the burial arrangements not for a marriage ceremony


I blantly told him, I won't, why would I get married to her corpse. He was angry and cut the call on me.


Am more concerned about my son, please lawyer's in the house do they have any right to take my son away from me?
Even if they do am ready to give it to them, but spending money to Marry her corpse I will not.

I only brought this here, if had chance for my son whose still in my custody.


Seun
Lalasticlala
Mynd44

na Akwa Ibom girl?
Ma her family people kill her so as to put you for wahala

StilmaVsBorn2w:

I don't believe in curses, A man can not define my fate in life..I was more concerned about my son that's why I brought it here.
I fear no man

I don’t think you really loved her, no emotions in your words… i am a very modern person as well as traditional… the best thing is to do what they asked you to do, it’s just a way of honoring her…. I think practices like this is common amongst the eastern people….. now don’t be stubborn son….

StilmaVsBorn2w:
Back then when my mom was warning me not to go that far when our relationship started She kept on insisting I should go for the girls in my tribe, I thought she was just been a tribalist bigot. If only I had listened

She bore me a son, he's 3years now... though her people knows me well from normal visitation..but I haven't been able to pay her bride price yet due to the hardship this regime has on us. life happened, unfortunately she got sick since February, ever since then from one hospital to another..I took several loans from people for hospital bills to the point of me looking sick myself.so sad for us we lost her last night.

I informed her elder brother who knows about all thats happening, he called me back this morning to tell me that his people told me to be prepared to marry her corpse. he went further and said if I don't pay her bride price, my boy will be taken from me and I should be ready to withstand the consequences.
I was surprised, I called for the burial arrangements not for a marriage ceremony


I blantly told him, I won't, why would I get married to her corpse. He was angry and cut the call on me.


Am more concerned about my son, please lawyer's in the house do they have any right to take my son away from me?
Even if they do am ready to give it to them, but spending money to Marry her corpse I will not.

I only brought this here, if had chance for my son whose still in my custody.


Seun
Lalasticlala
Mynd44

No court can help you in this case...Even the court of law believe in customary laws and they will refer you back to it...In as much as you don't wanna divulge the tribe I already know and most tribes share almost the same ideology in matters like this, but if you want to claim ownership of your son, you just have to do the needful or your son will be taken away from you and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it....!!

A child bore out of wedlock in that tribe automatically becomes the child of the girls family and will bear her surname instead of yours unless you performs her marriage right...!!

It's not by coming here to form gra-gra, unless you follow due process, your son will be taken away from you and there is nothing you can do about it...!!

A wise man once told me "Pikin wey say e wan first e papa get bear-bear, na bald hair go kill am"

When they tell u that every action has its consequences u will not listen
Stop fornication u said no, pls d only advise I can give u is to go do whatever they tell u except if u're are christain pls refuse it, its against every belief I know

dobnina:

OP, pls try and raise some money and pay her bride price. This life is very deep. A lot of thins are happening that we can't even explain. Don't jeopardize your future.
This lady bore you a son. Pls respect her and pay the bride price.
Something like this has happened before and the guy died mysteriously.
This life is very deep.

Hmmmmm wisdom is profitable to direct.

Talk to your mum (where is your dad?), let her talk to some elders in your kindred and hear what they have to say.

I am afraid, this isn't solely your decision to make, although if you fail to do the right thing, the repercussions are solely yours to carry.

You can't stubborn your way out of certain things, especially things like these. She was with you till death, she had a son for you, her family knows you and knew she was with you, and if the economy wasn't bad, you would have probably married her a long time ago.

You were a defacto husband, albeit traditionally unofficial, now the circumstances behind making it official may be absurd to you, but it is the right thing to do.

Do it for her, do it for your son.

Just like you refused to listen to your mom and this has led you here, ordinary question asked by Nairalanders, you're up in arms. Anyway, legally they have no hold on your son but what if they go the way of their deities which I am sure is why NLders asked the tribe question.....

StilmaVsBorn2w:
Back then when my mom was warning me not to go that far when our relationship started She kept on insisting I should go for the girls in my tribe, I thought she was just been a tribalist bigot. If only I had listened

She bore me a son, he's 3years now... though her people knows me well from normal visitation..but I haven't been able to pay her bride price yet due to the hardship this regime has on us. life happened, unfortunately she got sick since February, ever since then from one hospital to another..I took several loans from people for hospital bills to the point of me looking sick myself.so sad for us we lost her last night.

I informed her elder brother who knows about all thats happening, he called me back this morning to tell me that his people told me to be prepared to marry her corpse. he went further and said if I don't pay her bride price, my boy will be taken from me and I should be ready to withstand the consequences.
I was surprised, I called for the burial arrangements not for a marriage ceremony


I blantly told him, I won't, why would I get married to her corpse. He was angry and cut the call on me.


Am more concerned about my son, please lawyer's in the house do they have any right to take my son away from me?
Even if they do am ready to give it to them, but spending money to Marry her corpse I will not.

I only brought this here, if had chance for my son whose still in my custody.


Seun
Lalasticlala
Mynd44

Do not give them that boy, they are very wicked people and will either maltreat the boy or use him to extort you.

Get the police involved. If police can't handle the matter to your taste then go to court. This is the only way because I can see your primitive in laws are out to kill you.

Please no need to get angry or quarrel, maintain your stand without unnecessary emotions.

Stupid people are not exclusive to a certain tribe, they are everywhere so no need making this tribal.

Sorry for the loss my brother.
Being stubborn sometimes is not good. You can only brag or being boastful that you are not afraid of the devil if you have the spirit of God in you. In your case, you have already defiled your body by committing fornication and you never can tell if she died because of your sins. You might have promised God never to involve yourself in any immoral stuff but look at where you find yourself.

My advice for you is, calm down, go back to your mum if she is alive, apologize to her and ask her for direction. She or your elder ones will tell you what to do. Youthful energy will fail you when the time comes.

Keeping her in your house all this while is a grievous offense to you, your mum, herself and her family and then God Almighty.

My brother, if you are not at peace with God, devil will take you for a ride and making you stubborn is the surest tactics devil is using to destroy your destiny and render your boy orphan (God forbid).

Do the burial rite, go back to God and start again. Your future is bright.

God bless you.

The same thought I had when I read his piece.

The fellow sounds depraved.

StilmaVsBorn2w:

You here for the tribe only?
Or to give me reasonable advise?

StilmaVsBorn2w:
Back then when my mom was warning me not to go that far when our relationship started She kept on insisting I should go for the girls in my tribe, I thought she was just been a tribalist bigot. If only I had listened

She bore me a son, he's 3years now... though her people knows me well from normal visitation..but I haven't been able to pay her bride price yet due to the hardship this regime has on us. life happened, unfortunately she got sick since February, ever since then from one hospital to another..I took several loans from people for hospital bills to the point of me looking sick myself.so sad for us we lost her last night.

I informed her elder brother who knows about all thats happening, he called me back this morning to tell me that his people told me to be prepared to marry her corpse. He went further and said if I don't pay her bride price, my boy will be taken from me and I should be ready to withstand the consequences.
I was surprised, I called for the burial arrangements not for a marriage ceremony

I blantly told him, I won't, why would I get married to her corpse. He was angry and cut the call on me.

Am more concerned about my son, please lawyer's in the house do they have any right to take my son away from me?
Even if they do am ready to give it to them, but spending money to Marry her corpse I will not.

I only brought this here, if had chance for my son whose still in my custody.

Oga! 3 straight years you couldn't pay her bride price but was hitting her endlessly, you will marry the corpse SIMPLE!

StilmaVsBorn2w:
Back then when my mom was warning me not to go that far when our relationship started She kept on insisting I should go for the girls in my tribe, I thought she was just been a tribalist bigot. If only I had listened

She bore me a son, he's 3years now... though her people knows me well from normal visitation..but I haven't been able to pay her bride price yet due to the hardship this regime has on us. life happened, unfortunately she got sick since February, ever since then from one hospital to another..I took several loans from people for hospital bills to the point of me looking sick myself.so sad for us we lost her last night.

I informed her elder brother who knows about all thats happening, he called me back this morning to tell me that his people told me to be prepared to marry her corpse. He went further and said if I don't pay her bride price, my boy will be taken from me and I should be ready to withstand the consequences.
I was surprised, I called for the burial arrangements not for a marriage ceremony

I blantly told him, I won't, why would I get married to her corpse. He was angry and cut the call on me.

Am more concerned about my son, please lawyer's in the house do they have any right to take my son away from me?
Even if they do am ready to give it to them, but spending money to Marry her corpse I will not.

I only brought this here, if had chance for my son whose still in my custody.

They have no single chance to take your son unless they play foul.