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Not The Marriage I Had In Mind - Family (5) - Nairaland

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I Love My Wife & My Kid, But I Want To Leave The Marriage. Help! / The Marriage List Given To A Man In Akwa Ibom State / 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by setobaba: 1:56pm On May 22, 2022
shame shame shame!
Over 50 comments none has been able to provide a working and feasible solution..


@OP
He wasn’t drinking much before, yes same as many married man. His problem is money and nothing much, there are certain responsibilities he wished he carry on his own, but marriage is something difficult on some men.

Note for every addiction, you need another addiction to replace one.
You can’t just make him stop drinking just like that, you have to replace it with another addiction you convenient with till he’s able to come back on his feet. I smell a great man been dragged by so many things.
Another thing to take note is, he could have a guilty conscience about a particular secret he’s hiding. God knows if I ever commit or mistakenly commit murder and I was able to go free with it, I might end up drinking all my life or probably high on something else.
Come close to your husband, drink few bottles with him at home and tell him a secret you’ve never told anyone, you can form one if you need to, just to catch his attention to tell you a lot about what he’s facing. I swear a friend of his might know much than you self.

Replace his addiction with something else for now, probably smoke or coffee, just get him busy on something. I know it’s not easy cos things like this needs money to go by.

3 Likes

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by FERNANDEZISBACK: 1:57pm On May 22, 2022
ebikay:


Yes I'm black Africa man with dignity and appreciate marriage as holy union. Thank God this has been helping my life. You Mr white man with empty brain if the best you can do is to leave your partner because of sudden problem. Go ahead.
That ain't a sudden problem.. undecided
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by connection77: 1:57pm On May 22, 2022
Better call on God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob! The One who can reverse the irreversible but must be done in holiness and righteousness. Victory is guarantee
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by mabea: 1:57pm On May 22, 2022
Op be careful the kind of advice you receive here. Some people are frustrated in life and they would want you to be like them. Your husband case is spiritual and as such must be addressed accordingly.

1 Like

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by gabicon: 1:57pm On May 22, 2022
Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .

I sympathize with you, you need to understand that you are dealing with an addict, getting through addiction is not an event, is a process, you need to get him help as soon as possible. I will suggest you both go see a psychologist, a root cause analysis needs to be done to find out what the problem is after which a therapist will work with him for a while (the while can be more than a year of weekly visits). Pray hard my sister, if your husband is as loving as you claim, it doesn't add up that he puts a strain in the family finances.

2 Likes

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by FERNANDEZISBACK: 1:58pm On May 22, 2022
tollyboy5:

I don't need ur attention.
You're nothing as far as I'm concerned. This is a public forum.
I've heard your opinion, your opinion is ur business. Even if na only faceless forum your opinion majorly exist grin
Ok papi.. grin
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by FERNANDEZISBACK: 1:58pm On May 22, 2022
NewSoul:

You will be a very miserable person in real life with weird outlook and addictions. No be God koba, go fix yourself miss. All this hate for God will kill you sooner or later. If you have no love for God, how can you love your fellow human? And if you don't have love for fellow human, how can you love an husband that will definitely have flaws? Old evening Newspaper. Better get a cat to keep you company

The fact that you are Godless is enough a reason any man should avoid your sorry ass. grin
Should I show you a picture of my cat? wink
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by CUMIN: 1:58pm On May 22, 2022
You don't need divorce neither does he need prayer. You need to visit a counselor you need to dig deep to know his cause of addiction. It could be as a form of escape from trauma he had in his past.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Preferito(m): 1:59pm On May 22, 2022
FERNANDEZISBACK:
You better file a divorce for your sanity..if he's hell bent then dish him in the waste bin before he ruin your life completely..
Do that asap and stop managing yourself cos of some nonsense love you have for him..that guy is gonna wreck you and your future with his addiction..
You are better off single than being with a futureles boozer...

Modified:those saying for better for worse nonsense ain't good... It’s better to divorce after one year of a failed marriage than to hang in miserable for years..
Marriage is not an act of charity...If you're done then you're done..
You have never provided solution in all the threads you comment on. Is this how low your intelligence is or you are plainly stupid?
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by micflo28(m): 1:59pm On May 22, 2022
Did you not notice this while dating. Women stop rendering children fatherless through careless decisions via divorce. Alcohol is not the only thing taking his money. Can he drink 120k worth of drinks in a week? His got a mistress and committee of friends too the help him sink the family’s fortune. It’s time you forget your husband, with maturity, revive the family’s business with discipline and take care of your children. Feed him and cloth him but never release a dime for his habits. Take charge of your family’s finances for your continued happiness. Women think money matters more than character of a man as regards marriage. It is character that gets and keeps money for a man. Always emphasize on character of a man.

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Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Zulu2022: 2:00pm On May 22, 2022
Kobojunkie:
Why do you give ear to the lie that what is happening to your husband has spiritual roots?, undecided
oga some b spiritual matters,de fit giv that man cup of drink fr dream use am swear fr am,tins de happen,not here to mk u believe oooh,abeg
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Kingspower(m): 2:01pm On May 22, 2022
Madam it's obvious that you don't have any problem, the case you mentioned here is as easy as anything, my father has a solution to that problem, my father is a herbalist and am from Rivers State. My father will help you out am �% sure about that.

1 Like

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by tollyboy5(m): 2:02pm On May 22, 2022
FERNANDEZISBACK:

Ok papi.. grin
LoL I'm not a papa as you can see I'm tollyBoy.
EOD
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by bnovative(m): 2:03pm On May 22, 2022
I empathize with you and your family.
Addiction to anything is terrible and the outcome isn't palatable.
Who are his friends? Or does he drink alone?
There are steps you can take to remedy this:
1. Cut off his access to business money.
2. Register the business in your name.
3. Try to discourage anyone from handing him loan. Should they go ahead to give him loan, then you have no obligation to payback .
4. Pray he encounters Jesus Christ. Only He can deliver men from addiction.
5. Continue to see a psychiatrist.
6. You can separate for a while to build on children and business.
May God help you.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by FERNANDEZISBACK: 2:03pm On May 22, 2022
tollyboy5:

LoL I'm not a papa as you can see I'm tollyBoy.
EOD
cry
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Drrr: 2:04pm On May 22, 2022
It's unfortunate that this our indomie generations no nothing than to file a divorce! Biblically it's totally wrong to divorce, that's why you don't just rush into a marriage because marriage is an institution which fulls of positives and Negatives.that is the reason you have to pray very hard before going into the marriage because once you are inside it,you have to take your cross like that. You have to do more of counselling and be more prayerful, if possible take his matter to his Church's pastor for a proper deliverance. [color=#990000][/color]
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by dbestuncle: 2:04pm On May 22, 2022
Visit NDLEA and ask from them about their rehab.

Augustwife:

He has been sent to a specialist that works in aro (Abeokuta) twice but the doctor said he doesn't really need to be admitted he only administered drugs and counselling.

1 Like

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by dec2(m): 2:04pm On May 22, 2022
Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked our business and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .

Let him/her who is without sin (one addiction or another) be the first to cast aspersion.
Woman, your own is relatively better and your problem solvable. Since you mentioned that this man is a wonderful man, the least you can do is to be there for him at this rock-bottom stage of his life. Let him go for deliverance (I suggest MFM version). You can also visit any winners chapel to see the pastor, before long you shall testify.

1 Like

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by PMB007: 2:05pm On May 22, 2022
Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .

Get tadpoles, dry it properly and grind into powder. Mix the powder with alcohol and give it to.him to drink. He will stop drinking after that - it's a traditional way of citing addiction.

2 Likes

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Kingcalls: 2:05pm On May 22, 2022
FERNANDEZISBACK:

Yeah..do you have a problem?

U this lunatic air head... nothing good has ever and can never come out of u ...u are a disaster to the human race
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Joemiex: 2:05pm On May 22, 2022
Hmm take ur marital problem to GOD not to people . if u can see the spiritual aspect then u will know what u are fighting
When u overcome this test then the love in the marriage will grow
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Nobody: 2:05pm On May 22, 2022
PRAY FOR HIM.. EVERY MARRIAGE HAS IT'S TROUBLE TIMES..
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Nauttyprof(m): 2:06pm On May 22, 2022
There might be a root cause of his drinking which a good therapist needs to find out. Until the root cause is addressed, this man will continue to seek alcohol as the solution to it.

He really needs a good therapist to handle his case. You mentioned that he is nice and initially, he drink just occasionally but this changed to something terrible now. There is definitely a root cause which needs to be addressed.

1 Like

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by teemy(m): 2:07pm On May 22, 2022
@Augustwife

Wean him off the alcohol. Check on quora for real-life stories of those chronic dunks who were able to defeat the bottle. That should help in his therapy

Contact his drinking buddies. Don't be tempted to put the blame on them but explain to them what financial situation and social implications it has on their friend. There is a way colleagues can talk it into one another's heads.

Tell him the end result if he fails. You should ask him if he wants his kids to have the current memory of him as they grow up. His shaky-shaky daddy status now probably indicates a health issue. He might lose you, he might lose the kids. He needs to exile himself into rehab and swaps his physical activities for something productive. Maybe even learn a new online business skill during his self-incarceration.

Looking forward to hearing that success story in months to come.

Wishing you well - Teemy

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by FERNANDEZISBACK: 2:07pm On May 22, 2022
Kingcalls:


U this lunatic air head... nothing good has ever and can never come out of u ...u are a disaster to the human race
Thanks for the compliment.. kiss
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Mindlog: 2:07pm On May 22, 2022
BigBashiru:


Women suffer more in divorce.... the guy can quite easily pick another girl na

Another girl to be the nanny of an alcoholic, who is not even financially buoyant?

1 Like

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by colonelwealth(m): 2:08pm On May 22, 2022
Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .


Hello dear, pls disregard anyone suggesting divorce as a solution to you...don't give the devil or home breakers a chance.
Such advice is evil& not with good intentions.
You don't run away from challenges because the problems you solve makes you a winner&elevates you in life.
This is the time your partner needs you, in his time of weakness &trust me this is another test of that love you say you have for him..so prove it and by the time he comes out of this, he will never forget your good deeds in his lowest time.

From your story, your husband seems to be a good person just that he has an addiction with alcoholism..So it means he needs help.
You have to understand that he is not happy with the life he is living, he wants to change and be a better man but lacks the will power to change....so with this understanding approach the situation in a much wiser way.

I understand the challenge is much&seems overwhelming but I can also see that you are a very good wife so continue to do your best and don't allow anyone decieve you or take advantage because of this your situation.

Enroll him for therapy for some longer time, deny him anything that triggers desire for alcohol...(money, alcoholic drinks, cut off his drinking friends, alcoholic adverts, events were alcohol will be served etc) to he becomes sober.

Probably, he needs a rude awakening that will shock him and make him stay away from alcohol but we pray it won't be something sad or his health.

Don't allow yourself to be under pressure for the sake of your health &kids....allow genuine, well meaning people(family &friends) to support you now so you won't get overwhelmed with the situation.

Above all know that this too shall pass, continue in prayers(very important) as well as your human efforts and God will help your family.

Your husband will come out of this and you will surely thank God.

Best wishes.

2 Likes

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Thebadpolitican(m): 2:08pm On May 22, 2022
Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .


Send him to psychiatric hospital for them to lock him up
For months in chains giving him only food then
Torment him with the site of beer from afar he can't reachout to....feeding him with the sight of beer but can't have it let them do that to him for a year he will hate the smell of beer

1 Like

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by GistFullGround: 2:10pm On May 22, 2022
Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .






Someone is using spiritual stuff on your marriage. Go to the Lord in prayers. If you divorce him, you might end up remarrying and remarrying and remarriage. GO ON YOUR KNEELS & PRAY FOR HIM & YOUR FAMILY.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Thebadpolitican(m): 2:11pm On May 22, 2022
Augustwife:

Yes. Currently drunk and that's why I created this thread


When I drink as man just 2bottles my stomach would be so tight like drank to keg of water and d thing is vomiting to relieve my stomach

So how do drankards do this...
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by kazyhm(m): 2:11pm On May 22, 2022
reidkrugger:


You might be right. But the down side is when you don't know if things are going to ever be normal again. Look at what happened to the late Osinachi. And I'm sure there are a ton of women out there managing their marriage. As for me, she should try talking to him and exhaust every possible avenue doing that. And when it fails, abeg pack your things make you run. Nor be your mama wear your shoe o. Your mental health first before anything.

The world is becoming dump....by taking one incident as a fact to jump into conclusion, then mischievously referencing it for solution to all other unrelated issues.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Westernequinox: 2:12pm On May 22, 2022
Know no man after the flesh, he has to have encounter with Jesus to transform, change your prayers to him knowing him

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