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Not The Marriage I Had In Mind - Family (8) - Nairaland

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I Love My Wife & My Kid, But I Want To Leave The Marriage. Help! / The Marriage List Given To A Man In Akwa Ibom State / 1 Year After Marriage, I Am Already Tired (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Prettychild(f): 3:36pm On May 22, 2022
You need to pray about it since there’s no domestic violence, this looks more spiritual than physical

1 Like

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by WantsandMore: 3:36pm On May 22, 2022
Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .
Slawomir, what do you say to an alcohol addicts?
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by lorenzmond(m): 3:39pm On May 22, 2022
FERNANDEZISBACK:
You better file a divorce for your sanity..if he's hell bent then dish him in the waste bin before he ruin your life completely..
Do that asap and stop managing yourself cos of some nonsense love you have for him..that guy is gonna wreck you and your future with his addiction..
You are better off single than being with a futureles boozer...

Modified:those saying for better for worse nonsense ain't good... It’s better to divorce after one year of a failed marriage than to hang in miserable for years..
Marriage is not an act of charity...If you're done then you're done..
. This is not a good advise. Do you think op has not thought about it? Someone needs help and the only advise you can give to the only person who can help him is for her to leave him? That's so selfish man. You may one day be in need of help and imagine people asking your wife to leave you.

I would advise op to go back and find out the root cause of the addiction. For every substance abuser, there is a pain they want to get relief from and this pain is what she needs find out the cause. Ask your husband why he drinks and from there you can figure out what next. Research on your own too. If there is any company of friends that he keeps that exposes him to alcohol .... Push them away because how can someone spend up to 160k on a drink. He didn't drink it alone na

Then pray. If you're a catholic say your Rosary if possible with him.

Also try to seek for help concerning your own mental health because you need to be focused as an individual before you help another.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by HazardAwka(m): 3:43pm On May 22, 2022
Tell him that you're tired of this marriage, that he should change else you leave him. If he doesn't care whether you stay or leave, then divorce.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Commenthin: 3:45pm On May 22, 2022
My dear leave and you don't have to consult anyone. This was his parents problem and the successful park it in your garage.

If you continue to stay, him or you might not leave to tell the story because domestic violence is on the way, and the devil will use either of you.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Kennytowel: 3:47pm On May 22, 2022
Get him an amethyst bracelet or necklace, it will help him get rid of the addiction.
Make sure it's always on him.
Gradually he will hate alcohol.
You can read up on uses of amethyst crystal for addiction control
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by bravojohny(m): 3:48pm On May 22, 2022
I have a drug therapy for your husband. Then after, his body will so hate anything alcoholic
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Jossymekoos10: 3:52pm On May 22, 2022
Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .

Please he needs a review by psychological medicine so please take him to a teaching hospital or neuropsychiatric hospital
And be prayerful
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by obinnaxci(m): 3:52pm On May 22, 2022
People do things for a reason. He didn't just wake up to start binge drinking. Ask him if he's traumatized or depressed. He probably drinks to escape from something. Do not be quick to judge.
Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by okoroemeka(m): 3:53pm On May 22, 2022
FERNANDEZISBACK:
You better file a divorce for your sanity..if he's hell bent then dish him in the waste bin before he ruin your life completely..
Do that asap and stop managing yourself cos of some nonsense love you have for him..that guy is gonna wreck you and your future with his addiction..
You are better off single than being with a futureles boozer...

Modified:those saying for better for worse nonsense ain't good... It’s better to divorce after one year of a failed marriage than to hang in miserable for years..
Marriage is not an act of charity...If you're done then you're done..
very bad advice,so she will only remain when the going was good, marriage is a challenge that will test your ability as a human being to the limits of endurance, patience, perseverance,faith,hope,trust and the believe that what tomorrow will bring will be a better day.
What the husband needs most now is his wifes help,she needs to change her mindset of trying to abadon the marriage or excessive nagging and criticism,she may inadvertently be causing the man to drown his anxiety and fears with alcohol,most times an idle mind is the devil's workshop,a good strenuous job for the man will also help in keeping him busy and his mind out from alcohol,but the final will and dare to do resides with the man,it is he and he alone will save himself.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Augustwife: 3:54pm On May 22, 2022
Esales:


Send me a DM, prayer will help
sent
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Augustwife: 3:55pm On May 22, 2022
MALIGNANTGuest:

Sorry about all these!
Deeply unfortunate.
He already suffers ALCOHOL ADDICTION & such starts manifesting d moment he's withdrawn from it for few days, hence d need 4 more!
And the symptoms you have up there are clearly in keeping with such.
I will HELP if both of you are interested!
There are things he can start up to enable him pull through;
He needs to be aware & committed to it, if he's not the stubborn type. However, if he is, such can be commenced with the knowledge of his family.
thank you. I have sent a dm

1 Like

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by REALretep(m): 3:55pm On May 22, 2022
Augustwife:
On several occasions I have asked maybe it's something I am doing wrong or not doing at all but he keeps saying it's not me it is him.

Augustwife:

He has been sent to a specialist that works in aro (Abeokuta) twice but the doctor said he doesn't really need to be admitted he only administered drugs and counselling.
Sorry about your predicament.
Don't give up just yet. Be strong ok.

There's no smoke without fire. You need to look for the smoke...not focus on the fire.
There may be something or maybe a past event that may have come back to haunt your husband, hence his recourse to alcohol for help. And it's likely a serious matter which he can't bring himself to tell you.

From the bolded statements above, your husband obviously has something eating him up which he hasn't been able to tell you. It also seems your husband told the doctor the whole truth which made him to just administer drugs and counseling.

You may need to secretly and calmly go to the doctor to help tell you what is going on and how best you can help your husband. To be able to help your husband through this trying time, you definitely need to be calm and in full control of your emotions. If you are not calm and understanding, it would be difficult for your husband to be able to open up to you.
I just pray your husband hasn't started contemplating suicide yet.
God help you.
Best wishes
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Augustwife: 3:56pm On May 22, 2022
meetme01:


Your location
This might give me out but I just want help. Abeokuta
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Dove18: 3:58pm On May 22, 2022
Supervise and have him switch to weed instead ....

It's cheaper and safer I think....

Ur kids... My mom left my Dad when he got hooked on alcohol, wether it was spiritual or psychological I'm not sure, but that beautiful family of urs, ur kids, are never gonna be same if you split....
My Dad has got dementia now, my siblings who were younger wen all dis shit played, well, I know wen we cracked n broke individually and as a unit...

Weed may sound stupid, but try it, at home... Maybe put d kids to sleep first. Or make a meal with it...

Where's y'all from, I don't trust inside enemies and we get pretty casual with evil folks n dia wiles too ...

Ok, I said too much... It's cos I can relate.

So sorry dear....
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by dochenaj: 4:04pm On May 22, 2022
Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .
Alcohol addiction is real and a very terrible, but some make light of it.

If he has been to a therapist, and I suppose a psychiatric doctor. What kind of treatment programs did he recommend? There are medications that can be used to stave the urge and need to drink, did you guys get to try that out?

Fasting and praying (interceding) for him will help both him and you will be more compassionate about his problem. But he needs Jesus. Jesus is the miraculous cure all ills therapy.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Kobojunkie: 4:08pm On May 22, 2022
LINSAR:
Are you based abroad??
Your advices are usually not commonly applicable in Nigeria.
Stop lying to yourself! undecided

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by saajus: 4:09pm On May 22, 2022
- If this is not who he was before you got married, this is the time he needs you most.
- If there is no domestic violence, stay around
- If there is no verbal abuse, stay around.
- You said he's not womanizing, that means, no risk of STD's from him.

Solution:
- Has he agreed he has a problem. Cos if he has not agreed, we have a long way to go. The first step to recovery his convincing him he has a problem.
- He needs a therapy. Find a better therapy program. Also, continue to pray for him.
- You need a therapy too. You are slowly sliding into depression.

Human system is very dynamic. What you are doing occasionally today, you are just one life event away from getting addicted to it. Therapy will find out some inner troubles ur husband got that slid him into alcohol addiction. Remember, the table may switch tomorrow. All of those drug addicts you see on the streets are not all bad ppl. Some got addicted to drugs that qualified Doctors gave them after a car accident or a major surgery. They are on the streets because everybody gave up on them.

If u leave, his Parents will never leave him. They will continue to find a solution.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by cococandy(f): 4:10pm On May 22, 2022
Hmm. Addiction is the devil. There’s usually little to no remedy. People get better and usually relapse. It’s a long road ahead. I’m so sorry .
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Enumerator(m): 4:12pm On May 22, 2022
I only buy all gift cards at best rates, key word "ALL"

Which means Amazon or Any gift cards inclusive
FERNANDEZISBACK:

You also sell Amazon gift card?
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Mindlog: 4:15pm On May 22, 2022
Dove18 post=113071179:
Supervise and have him switch to weed instead ....

It's cheaper and safer I think....

Ur kids... My mom left my Dad when he got hooked on alcohol, wether it was spiritual or psychological I'm not sure, but that beautiful family of urs, ur kids, are never gonna be same if you split....
My Dad has got dementia now, my siblings who were younger wen all dis shit played, well, I know wen we cracked n broke individually and as a unit...

Weed may sound stupid, but try it, at home... Maybe put d kids to sleep first. Or make a meal with it...

Where's y'all from, I don't trust inside enemies and we get pretty casual with evil folks n dia wiles too ...

Ok, I said too much... It's cos I can relate.

So sorry dear....

Replace a drug with another drug? It is NEVER SAFER! shocked

Alcohol and weed are both classified as drugs, though alcohol is a legal drug within certain limits.

In Rehabs, the first time a new patient introduces him or herself to other patients in the group session, he/she must mention the DOC (drug(s) of choice), alcohol and weed are commonly mentioned.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Mindlog: 4:18pm On May 22, 2022
cococandy:
Hmm. Addiction is the devil. There’s usually little to no remedy. People get better and usually relapse. It’s a long road ahead. I’m so sorry .

Even working in a rehab feels like trying to fill a basket with water. sad
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by zanebaddo(m): 4:20pm On May 22, 2022
Augustwife:

Steals from the shop, takes my ATM, steals from my account, get them on credit from the sellers e.t.c. But he is not violent
I don't always like it when a woman is being supportive and the man is misbehaving. It has now become the norm for men to become useless once a woman decides to meet them halfway in taking care of responsibilities, such men would rather hands off and watch their spouse go through hell alone than continue to play their part.

If you can do your business alone I'd advise you leave the house for a while with your kids. Tell it to his face that you can always return when he's ready to stop taking alcohol period. I promise you he will change once he can no longer have access to money. He knows after drinking he'd eat and still get busy in the other room. Perhaps he has a friend living like that too. So leave for a while!!!!! You have tried!
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Dove18: 4:24pm On May 22, 2022
Mindlog:


Replace a drug with another drug? It is NEVER SAFER! shocked

Alcohol and weed are both classified as drugs, though alcohol is a legal drug within certain limits.

In Rehabs, the first time a new patient introduces him or herself to other patients in the group session, he/she must mention the DOC (drug(s) of choice), alcohol and weed are commonly mentioned.

Don't let the "label" nd legality confuse you, pharmaceutical companies obtain licences to both import n grow cannabis...

All of those shii is nonsense to keep the viability of big pharma, just like govt is doing with oil bunkery....

Well, it's bout measurement and reaction, u can't judge what you haven't experienced...

Some really big names, successful nd all, use all of this stuff nd they ain't got no ish...

Let the man try it and be the judge...

They
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Elewadosky(m): 4:30pm On May 22, 2022
Augustwife:
I had to open a new moniker so I can rant in peace. My head is full, so it's going to be a long post .

I got married to the love of my life 2017 (we started dating 2009) and we have two wonderful children.
He loves me (I know for sure), doesn't cheat too and my in-laws are the most wonderful people on earth ( my mil especially).

We have a joint business but the bad part :he is addicted to alcohol.

He wasn't like this before we got married, he used to drink occasionally so I can't really tell how we got here.

It's so bad that he can't go a day without it. Once he can't lay his hands on alcohol he will begin to shiver like a malaria patient.

This addiction has gotten us into debts that I had to pay with my savings on several occasions.

I'm talking of debts of 120k, 167k, 136k e.t.c. He's takes several loans from loan sharks , drinks like no tomorrow.

He has wrecked ourbbusiness and only with the help of God was I able to rebuild It by taking loans and paying back.

We even decided he gets a job so he can be more responsible but after working for a year he had nothing to show for it.

Twice his parents had to take him to a therapist but it was all in vain as he would go back to drinking.

My head is scattered,I can't think straight, it's making me hate him. I tried leaving a few weeks ago , I went back to my mother's house but trust my mama, she begged me to go back and my mother in-law too.

I don't even know what to do, my mental life is zero, I have withdrawn from everyone, I'm practically in poverty due to this addiction
He is a wonderful man BUT this addiction is a very big problem. We have prayed, fasted, gone to doctors but it's still there.

I don't know what to do .
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Bbbw: 4:30pm On May 22, 2022
Really
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by meetme01: 4:30pm On May 22, 2022
Augustwife:

This might give me out but I just want help. Abeokuta

Good.

Can you come to Oke-Mosan tomorrow or during the week? If yes, Come to Block B, Room 135 (Rehabilitation Department) Women Affairs and Social Development. Quote me on another thread for my name and contact.

We have two Rehab homes into drug abuse. One is free after service user has been certified by medical personnel. The other is not but affordable hence, the meeting is meant discuss which best fit into your budget.
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by okunwaye(m): 4:33pm On May 22, 2022
FERNANDEZISBACK:
You better file a divorce for your sanity..if he's hell bent then dish him in the waste bin before he ruin your life completely..
Do that asap and stop managing yourself cos of some nonsense love you have for him..that guy is gonna wreck you and your future with his addiction..
You are better off single than being with a futureles boozer...

Modified:those saying for better for worse nonsense ain't good... It’s better to divorce after one year of a failed marriage than to hang in miserable for years..
Marriage is not an act of charity...If you're done then you're done..
you are not matured
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by FERNANDEZISBACK: 4:35pm On May 22, 2022
okunwaye:

you are not matured
You wouldn't quote me if you was..
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by cococandy(f): 4:37pm On May 22, 2022
Mindlog:


Even working in a rehab feels like trying to fill a basket with water. sad
it’s depressing. My heart goes out to OP
Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Mindlog: 4:37pm On May 22, 2022
Dove18:


Don't let the "label" nd legality confuse you, pharmaceutical companies obtain licences to both import n grow cannabis...

All of those shii is nonsense to keep the viability of big pharma, just like govt is doing with oil bunkery....

Well, it's bout measurement and reaction, u can't judge what you haven't experienced...

Some really big names, successful nd all, use all of this stuff nd they ain't got no ish...

Let the man try it and be the judge...

They

Whether label or not, it is not the wife's responsibility to swap his addiction, there is so much already on her plate!

I can imagine the compassion fatigue she is going through and when she reaches her limit......... separateing from him would be best for her and the children.

No one becomes an addict by mistake.

1 Like

Re: Not The Marriage I Had In Mind by Olamalay(m): 4:38pm On May 22, 2022
Dear Op, I really hope and pray your husband finds solution to his self made problems and please while he’s doing that don’t forget to make yourself and your kids a priority , because in the long run he’s going to drag you down the drain.
I know someone who’s just like your husband , it’s been over 7 years his wife left and took their 3 kids along , and this Bros is still the same , everyone thought he was going to change after everything , well his new leaf only last few days , when next you see him , he’s back to it . If you meet this bros as early as 7 in the morning, he’s already drunk to stupor , his family is rich (the dad is a retired custom officer ) they’ve helped him in every way possible but yet he always find his way back to it.
He’s the only one I have ever seen with such addiction and I believe (judging based on his own case ) this alcohol addiction is crazy. I hope you take the best decision for yourself and your kids before it gets too late . May God see you thru . Amen .

1 Like

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